"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con


It was about two o clock in the morning, and Jack and Rose were lying on Rose's bed, Jack's head buzzing from a few too many drinks. She had changed from her green dress (now covered in wine, blood and a rip in the sleeve) into her pyjamas, and her hair was loose round her shoulders.

After Rose and Shireen had finally stopped fighting, Shireen had marched out of the flat with Mickey in tow. He'd called to Rose that he would try ringing her, and she'd told him to fuck off.

She had spent the rest of the night sat in a corner with Jack, drinking and telling him how much she'd missed him.

Everyone else had left about one, and Jackie had gone to bed without a word to any of them. They'd spent a while clearing up the kitchen, then Rose and Jack had left the Doctor trying to get blood out of the carpet and gone into Rose's room to talk.

Jack knew he finally had to tell her, that he couldn't keep it all inside anymore.

"I don't know how to say it," he admitted.

"Just start at the beginning," Rose said.

Jack blew out a breath, and tried to remember where the beginning was.

"I had this doctor, in prison. He sort of fell in love with me." He smiled wistfully. "He had the loveliest brown eyes." How did he tell her about Dominic? That Jack had almost felt like he was falling in love with him too, right up to the moment he got his memory back. Then all he had felt was empty, when he realised that that was who he was. He fell in and out of love several times a day. It didn't mean anything. "They killed him," he said instead. "I saw him as they were taking me away."

She touched his arm gently.

"What did they do to you?"

"You know. I know you know. How could you not, after you saw…"

She bit her lip.

"I suspected," she admitted. "But I didn't want to believe…"

Jack licked his lips, suddenly dry.

"There were three of them" he said. "Two of them held me down while the other one-"

He broke off, unable to say it, but could tell Rose understood from her expression.

He took a deep breath, fighting the tightness in his throat.

"They took turns, and then locked me up in a room with some dead people. But one of them came back, on his own. I was too weak, I couldn't fight." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I just lay there and let him-"

"No. This is not your fault, don't even say that." Rose's voice was firm, grounding him, and he felt her arms go around him, holding him close.

"I'm not going to pretend to even imagine what you're going through," she said, her voice warm next to his ear. "But I am going to do everything I can to help you. I promise. We'll get through it together."

He nodded against her neck, her hair soft against his cheek.

"I know," he murmured. "I know we will. We're going to be okay. I'm going to be okay."

She held him a few moments longer, then drew back, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks the way a lover might, soft and careful.

"What about the Doctor?" she asked.

"He doesn't know. I'll tell him when I'm ready, but for now…"

"I get it. Mum's the word." She looked slightly hesitant. "He cares about you, you know."

Jack nodded.

"Yeah I know."

"And?" she prompted.

He sighed.

"I don't exactly think I'm ready to think about sex again yet, Rose." He frowned. "Wow, that sounded weird."

Rose smiled.

"I'm not just talking about sex," she said. "After all, this is the Doctor we're talking about."

"I know. And I know I have…feelings for him. It's just too much. Not now." He glanced at her. "But what about you anyway? Don't you want to…?"

"Well, I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't say I wasn't a teeny bit jealous." She shrugged. "But it's all different now anyway. Just as long as I don't become a third wheel or anything."

Jack hugged him against her.

"Never."

Not that he'd be willing to admit it, but he had been slightly worried about Rose's reaction to the idea of him and the Doctor. And just because he wasn't ready right now, didn't necessarily mean he wouldn't be in the near future. That brief kiss had shown exactly what kind of reaction the Doctor could stir in him, and Jack was rather interested in exploring it in a bit more detail.

He relaxed, Rose's presence soothing beside him. He was safe here. Safe.

"I thought I was hallucinating," he murmured, and Rose tilted her head questioningly. "When he first came," he explained. "I was sick and in so much pain. I know it hadn't been very long, but I'd already resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be getting out of there. I was too weak to do it on my own, and Dominic was dead. He was the only person I thought would care enough, that would even know where I was. I didn't recognise him, but when he said you'd sent him, God Rose. I didn't want to hope. I was afraid I was imagining it all."

Rose sighed and shifted closer to him.

"I'm just so sorry we didn't find you sooner. Then you wouldn't have to be going through all this."

There was a soft knock at the door, and a moment later the Doctor poked his head round.

"Alright in here?" he asked.

Jack stiffened, then forced himself to relax. It was just the Doctor.

Rose yawned.

"Do you need any more help?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Nope. Just about done. I'm going to go to bed."

He looked hesitantly at Jack.

"Are you, uh, sleeping in here?"

Jack felt Rose nudge him in the back.

"Yeah right," she said. "Like I'm sharing my bed with him."

Jack gave a mock sigh and kissed her forehead.

"Night. Try not to throw anymore drink anywhere."

"Haha."

The Doctor waved goodnight, and they went into the living room, where the Doctor had already put out the mattress and quilts.

Too tired to bother undressing, Jack slipped beneath the covers in his clothes, sighing as he made himself comfortable.

"Tired?" the Doctor asked.

Jack nodded into his pillow.

"I feel like I haven't slept properly in weeks." He frowned, thinking of his days at Foreline. "In fact, I haven't."

"Well you can sleep now. It's perfectly safe here, unless you count Jackie walking in in only her nightie. That is a bit of a sight for sore eyes," the Doctor said.

Safe. That word kept coming back. He was safe here.

"Sleep would be nice," Jack murmured, closing his eyes.


"Oh, but do you have to? I've hardly got to see you. And it's New Year's Day."

Rose sighed as she shoved her clothes back into her bag.

"Mum we have to go."

"But why," Jackie protested. "Can't you just stay a little longer?"

"No mum. Besides, if I was here, I'd just be under your feet all day. I'll be back before you know it."

Her mum groused as she helped fold a sweater.

"I worry about you sweetheart."

"Well there's no need. I have two strong men to protect me now."

"Oh yeah? And that Captain Jack. He's reliable, is he?"

Rose fixed her mother with a sharp glare, not liking the tone of her voice.

"You have no idea what Jack's been through. And yeah, he's reliable, okay?"

"Alright, keep your hair on."

Rose zipped up her bag and pulled in onto her shoulder.

"I'm fine, mum. And I'll be fine. Trust me."

"I do trust you," Jackie said, as she followed Rose out of the room. "It's them I'm not sure I trust."

"Stop it," Rose hissed, as the Doctor raised an eyebrow at them.

"All packed?" he asked pleasantly.

Rose grinned.

"Yup. Where's Jack?"

"He's already in the TARDIS."

"Well then, it looks like we're all ready."

They all went outside onto the estate, and Rose smiled to see Jack standing in the TARDIS door, looking more relaxed than he had in a while.

"Oh please wait, Rose," Jackie pleaded. "Mickey said he was going to come round, he wants to fix things between you."

Rose sighed and hugged her mum tight.

"I love you, mum."

She walked to the TARDIS door, stopping on the threshold.

"And when you see Mickey, tell him…goodbye."

"Goodbye?" her mum repeated. "That it?"

Rose smiled.

"Yeah, that's it. Just goodbye."

She closed the door, to see Jack and the Doctor wearing identical smiles.

"Right then. Where we going?"


They were hanging round in space, riding the waves of a recently imploded nebula when the first shock hit them.

The Doctor was at the console, Rose and Jack on the deck, Jack teaching Rose to ride the gentle waves that reverberated round the control room, knees bent, arms out for balance, perched on imaginary surfboards.

The first hit rocked Jack and Rose off their feet, and the Doctor grabbed onto the console for balance.

"What was that?" gasped Rose, as Jack helped her to her feet.

"Not sure," the Doctor was frowning at the screen. "Looks almost like something's attacking us. But that's not pos- oh hold up. Here comes another one."

The TARDIS rocked again, and Jack felt Rose's grip on him tighten.

"Something's attacking us?" she repeated. "What?"

"I said it looks as if something's attacking us," the Doctor replied tersely. "I didn't actually say anyone was. Jack, come here a minute."

Jack quickly went to the console, bending over the screen, his head close to the Doctor's.

"What do they look like to you?"

Jack frowned, sketching the outline of one of the shapes on the screen with his finger.

"I don't know," he said slowly. "Some sort of programming bots? Whatever they are, they shouldn't be out in the time vortex."

"That's what I thought," the Doctor said grimly. "Hold on, we're going to land somewhere."

"Where?" asked Rose.

"Hmm. The Smartian System is round here somewhere. Year 3000467803." He stopped for a minute, eyes faraway. "I had a good friend there once. Wonder if she's still around. Maybe we could look her up."

Another blast shook the control room, and he snapped out of it suddenly.

"Here we go."

He spun the time dial, then yanked the landing lever, and a few moments later the TARDIS became still.

"Now then, let's see what all the fuss is about, shall we?"

They stepped out of the door into a spotlight, surrounded by darkness. The floor beneath their feet was shiny and silver.

"Um, Doctor?" Jack ventured. "I hate to say it, but this doesn't much look like the year 3000467803. Or the Smartian System."

"You're right," the Doctor replied grimly, taking a few steps towards the edge of the spotlight. "Those programming bots weren't programming bots at all. They were control bots. They must have managed to sabotage the system somehow, throw us off course."

"Sabotage the system?" Rose repeated, and Jack could see her alarm. "But that's the TARDIS. How could they sabotage the TARDIS? Don't you have, like, anti vandalism alarms or something?"

"That's precisely the problem," the Doctor said. "Nothing should be able to sabotage the TARDIS."

There was a sudden movement in the dark shadows of the space, and Jack tensed as he saw the glint of metal, all around them.

"Doctor," he murmured, low, warning.

"I see them," the Doctor murmured back.

"Relinquish your weapons," an authoritative, robot like voice called.

Jack saw the Doctor hesitate, and there was the ominous sound of little clicks going off around them like the cocking of an old Earth gun.

"I repeat, relinquish your weapons."

The Doctor glanced first at Rose, then his eyes met Jack's.

"I don't have a weapon," he said.

"Weapons detected. Please relinquish your weapons."

Jack's hand fell on the small blaster tucked into his pants. He'd never given it back to the Doctor after he'd been rescued. He placed it carefully on the floor.

"Sorry. Forgot I had this."

A small, spider like robot scurried out of the shadows, scooping the weapons into an inner compartment inside itself, then pulled back into the shadows.

"Raise your hands above your heads, high where I can see them," the voice commanded.

Jack did as he was told, trying to resist the feeling of panic that was pulling at the edges of his awareness. This situation was a little too reminiscent of Foreline. And the space pirates.

A tall slender figure dressed in a metal which adhered to their form like rubber stepped into the light, revealing the curves of a woman.

"Stay very still," she said, in that hard, robotic voice.

Jack did as she said, watching the Doctor out of the corner of his eye for instruction.

The woman –presuming that's what she was- was running a body scanner over Rose.

"Human. 21st century." She moved on to the Doctor. "Very interesting. Gallifreyan. Very interesting indeed." Lastly she went to Jack. "Ah. And here we have the problem."

He tensed. Problem?

"It's this one. Clean him up. The others can leave."

Clean him up? What was that supposed to mean?

He watched warily as the low grounding of machinery reached his ears, something creeping forward into the light.

Something pointing a death ray at him.

"Now wait just a minute," the Doctor said. "You've got this all wrong." He made to move towards Jack, but that ominous clicking stopped him short.

"Please remain where you are," the woman said and her robotic voice was eerie, unsettling. "The cleaning process will only take a moment, then you are free to continue with your journey."

Jack didn't take his eyes off the death ray, creeping closer and closer.

"Uh, Doctor? When she says cleaning, I don't think she's talking about giving me a shower."

"Standby. Activate the cleanup ray."

There was a humming of energy, then an automatic countdown began. "Cleaning in ten, nine."

"Stop!" the Doctor yelled. "Stop this right now!"

He strode forward, ignoring the warning clicks that echoed round the alley.

"Activate immobilisation beam."

Jack felt a frisson of energy rush through him, and when he tried to move his arms, they were frozen above his head.

"Six, five."

"This is way past a joke," he snapped, struggling desperately against his invisible bonds.

"Four, three, two."

"Stop!" Rose screamed. "He hasn't done anything!"

"One."

The death ray let out a beam of intense red light aimed straight at Jack's heart, and Jack felt the breath knocked out of his lungs, his body spasming under the energy beam.

So this is dying, he thought blankly.

He was vaguely aware of Rose's screams, of the Doctor shouting, spitting such angry words. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see properly.

This is dying.

His body stopped its violent shaking, and it took Jack several long moments to realise the piercing red had gone, that the ray had shut down. He struggled to draw breath, feeling as if someone was sitting on his chest. There were funny spots dancing in front of his eyes.

"Jack?" a frantic voice was shouting. "Jack? Say something!"

Jack tried to talk, but his tongue felt heavy, as if it was made of lead. He didn't think he could even open his mouth.

"Cleansing process malfunction. Repeat procedure."

"NO!"

The ray hit him again, and he didn't even fight it this time. It was going to kill him, his body couldn't withstand the energy.

"Stop it! You're killing him!"

There was a burst of copper in his mouth, blood, he realised dazedly. He was exploding.

The ray stopped again, and his head hung, lolling on his chest, his arms still stuck above him by the immobilisation beam.

The woman was standing in front of him, reaching out to angle his head this way and that, peering into his eyes.

"This is not possible," she said, sounding less steely, and if Jack had even felt semi conscious he would have snapped back a retort. As it was, he just hung there, unable to even produce coherent thought, let alone words.

"He's bleeding!" he dimly heard Rose cry. "What have you done to him? Let us go!"

The woman stepped back.

"Deactivate immobilisation beam," she said.

Jack felt his limbs become soft and pliant, and he would have fallen if the Doctor hadn't caught him, springing towards him the moment the beam was deactivated.

The Doctor wiped his mouth gently with his sleeve, and Jack realised he must have blood dribbling down his chin. How embarrassing.

"It's okay," the Doctor said softly. "I've got you." Jack was amazed at the tenderness he heard there. The old Doctor had never spoken to him like that.

"Jack!" Rose's hands were under his head, supporting it. "What's wrong with him? Why can't he talk? He's bleeding!"

"It's okay," the Doctor said calmly. "The ray fried his brain circuits. He's having trouble with his motor functions, but they'll come back in a little while. He might be able to still hear us, I'm not sure." He leant close to Jack's face. "You probably bit your tongue, that's why you're bleeding. Can you spit? You shouldn't swallow that."

An inappropriate comment surfaced in Jack's mind, but he couldn't even talk let alone make lewd remarks. He made the effort to lean over and spit, the Doctor supporting him so he could lose the blood on the floor, and the sharp, metallic taste registered at the back of his throat. His stomach roiling, he felt the Doctor grip him a bit tighter as he emptied his breakfast onto the nice, shiny floor.

Coughing, he tried to pull himself upright, but swayed dangerously, his limbs still like jelly, and the Doctor pulled him against his chest.

"Its okay," he said again, voice soothing. "Don't try and stand yet."

Jack nodded with what little strength he had, and felt the Doctor lower him to the ground, Rose crouching beside him, helping him to sit against her.

"Now," the Doctor said, drawing himself up to his full height. Jack could see a hard light glinting in his eyes.

"Do you want to tell me what the hell this is about?"

The woman stayed very still for a long moment. Jack wished they could see her face, see if she even was a woman, but her entire head was covered in a glinting silver helmet, with a dark, narrow strip for eyesight.

"He should have been cleansed. I do not understand why the procedure did not work."

"Why are you trying to cleanse him in the first place," the Doctor asked, and Jack could hear the tightness of his voice, like he was struggling to remain in control.

"He is not supposed to be here," the woman said simply.

"Don't give me that!" the Doctor snapped. "Your cleansing process nearly killed him!"

"And it should have," the voice answered calmly. "He is not supposed to be here."

The Doctor closed his eyes suddenly.

"Oh, I see. I understand."

He opened at them, looked at Rose, on the ground.

"Rose, remember what happened when we went back to see your dad?"

"Of course," Rose replied. "How could I forget?"

"Someone was alive then that wasn't supposed to be, and those monsters, the reapers, were sent to cleanse the rift in time." He turned back to the woman. "That's your job, isn't it? To clean breaks in the time line, to stop people taking people who shouldn't be people into other dimensions."

Jack wished his head wasn't hurting quite so much. Then he may actually be able to follow this conversation

"You mean those things, those things that ate everything, they came from here?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"Not exactly. The reapers attack a planet when things have been altered. But generally it's preferred not to get that far. This is a clean up station. There are millions of these, all over the universe, cleaning up things that are alive but shouldn't be."

"Like me," Jack murmured. It seemed his motor functions had come back.

"Ah, but not like you." The Doctor had a light in his eyes. "See, the beam couldn't kill you, at least not straight away. If you weren't supposed to be here, it would have disintegrated you immediately. And you survived two gos!"

The Doctor grinned, looking extremely pleased with himself.

Rose shifted against him.

"So what does that mean? That Jack didn't die?"

"Not necessarily. Maybe he did die. If he remembers that Dalek killing him, it's entirely possible it did. But somehow, he came back to life again."

"But that's impossible," Rose argued. "Unless he's, like, Jesus or something." She pretended to give Jack a hard glare. "Are you Jesus?"

"Don't be silly, Rose." The Doctor replied. "Jesus lived two thousand years before your time. Jack's from the 51st century. That would make no sense at all." He smiled. "Nice bloke though, Jesus. Shame about the whole crucifixion thing, he didn't deserve that. Actually, this reminds me a bit of that one time we were fishing on Lake Galilee and old Peter tried to-"

"Wait, wait a minute," Rose interrupted. "You've met Jesus?"

"Said so, didn't I?"

"Then how comes you're not in the bible?" Rose asked.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Have you ever read the bible?" he asked.

"Well, no…"

"Then how do you now I'm not in it?" the Doctor asked cheerfully. "But that's a bit beside the point, isn't it? As I was saying, if that Dalek did kill Jack, there's a reason he was brought back, he's supposed to be here." He swung round to look at the woman behind him. "And that's why your cleansing ray can't kill him. It's only programmed to kill things that aren't supposed to be here. Jack's supposed to be here."

He went to Jack and bent down, pulling Jack's arm over his shoulders.

"Okay?" he asked.

Jack nodded, his mouth still feeling a bit funny.

"We'll just be going then."

"Stop."

The woman held a hand up, blocking the path back to the TARDIS.

"You may not leave this station. He is not supposed to be here."

"Don't you understand?" Rose snapped angrily. "He is! The Doctor just explained it all. This is a big mistake."

"He is not supposed to be here."

"Is she thick or something?" Rose demanded.

"She's a robot," the Doctor said.

Rose stared and Jack hid a grin.

"But she looks so…womanly."

"He is not supposed to be here."

Rose sighed in annoyance.

"Well how we gunna get past her?"

The Doctor grinned.

"Easy."

He pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket.

"I'll just immobilise her."

Rose looked doubtful.

"Can you do that?"

"Of course I can," he replied, setting the frequency on the screwdriver.

"No, I mean, are you allowed."

The Doctor shot Jack a grin, and Jack found himself smiling back, even though he felt like death warmed up.

"No. Absolutely not. Now, stand back."

"He is not supposed to be here."

"We're getting a bit sick of that," the Doctor said. He aimed the screwdriver at her forehead, and a thin beam of blue light landed between her eyes. Immediately she froze.

"Done."

"But what about them?" Rose asked, indicating nervously to the little clicking robots.

"They can't carry out commands without orders." The Doctor's arm tightened around Jack's waist. "Come on. You need sleep."

Jack nodded tiredly, his head resting against the Doctor's neck.

"Sleep. That would be nice."

They clambered back into the TARDIS, and the Doctor sat Jack against the wall, as he was too weak to move himself, and Rose wouldn't be able to carry him.

"Just give me a minute," the Doctor said. He looked at Rose. "Where do you want to go?"

Jack saw Rose shrug.

"Oh I don't know. Can't we just float around for a bit? We've had a bit too much excitement recently if you ask me."

"Agreed," Jack murmured.

The Doctor gave a mock sigh.

"I don't know. You can go anywhere in time and space and you want to 'float around for a bit'." At Rose's glare he held up both hands. "Alright, alright. Floating it is."

He pulled the flight lever, pressing the stabilising enhancers, and a moment later the soothing sound of the TARDIS engines filled the room.

"Right. Bed for you."

Jack allowed the Doctor to pull him to his feet and half carry him down to his bedroom, Rose trailing behind.

"Are you sure he's going to be alright?"

"I'm going to be fine," Jack said. "I'm just exhausted. Honestly."

The Doctor put Jack on his bed, and Rose pulled the blankets back, fussing over him as if he was her first born.

"The best thing you can get for him right now is a cup of tea." The Doctor said.

"Tea?" Rose repeated sceptically.

"Never underestimate the power of a good cup of tea," he retorted. "Go on."

Rose left, grumbling about the similarities between the Doctor and her mum. The Doctor turned back to him, the grin on his face fading as he met Jack's eyes.

"How are you really?" he asked.

Jack tried to shrug, but couldn't summon the energy.

"I feel a bit like I've been zapped twice by a death ray," he offered.

The Doctor smiled a little and came to sit by him on the bed. He surprised Jack by stroking the longer hairs out of Jack's eyes.

"You're a lot more soppy than the last Doctor," he remarked.

The Doctor's smile widened.

"I am, aren't I?"

Jack closed his eyes, the soothing movement of the Doctor's fingers in his hair lulling him to sleep.

He felt the Doctor bend down and brush a kiss across his forehead, then get up to leave.

"Don't," Jack murmured, eyes still closed. "Stay."

There was a moment's hesitation, then the Doctor's warmth returned, and Jack felt him stretch out on the bed next to him.

"Thanks," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

He felt the Doctor's smooth hand cup his face for a moment.

"Anytime," he replied softly.

Jack slept.


tbc