"Oh Ruby, what do you get when you give a cat a stuffed rabbit sewed into a ball?"
"...I don't know, what?" Ruby sighed as she turned to her sister who was sporting a shit-eating grin.
"A hareball!" Yang cackled as she doubled over, unable to stand straight due to the sheer hilarity of her well-told joke.
"Yeah, good one, sis," Ruby muttered as she turned back to her map in order to look for the nearest grocery store. "Keep telling your jokes, maybe a pack of zombies will overhear it and decide to mercifully put me out of my misery."
"Ouch, that's some harsh criticism, Rubes," Yang said, her voice cracking as she turned away. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood…" she murmured, causing Ruby to sigh. Putting away her map Ruby turned back to Yang, placing her hand on her shoulder.
"Sorry, sis. It's just that it's been so stressful and-and I don't know. I just need-"
"A noogie!" Yang cackled as she pulled Ruby into a hug in one arm and rubbing her fist on Ruby's head.
"Aah! Why?!" Ruby cried as she unsuccessfully tried to pry herself from her sister's grip, causing Yang's laughter to only increase in volume.
"Haha, Rubes! Once again, you've fallen for the oldest trick in the book!" Yang admonished as she ceased the noogie, only to flip Ruby over her shoulder. "By the way, we're being chased by zombies now-"
"WHAT?!" Ruby screamed as she looked over, spotting a horde of undead slowly shuffling towards them. "What are you doing, Yang?! Run!" she yelled as she slapped her sisters back as if she were a horse.
"...Pretty sure I can outrun them by just jogging-No!" Yang shouted out, a smirk on her face as she quickly strolled forward. "Speed walking."
"You can't outrun zombies by speed walking!" Yang was indeed outpacing the undead horde. "You need to run! Quick, lose them in that maze of alleys!" Yang completely missed the alley way, instead walking into a nearby clothing store. "Dammit, Yang!"
"What? I need new aviators," she shrugged, picking through the sunglasses section. "Hey, your skirt's kinda wearing out and your hoodie's color is starting to fade, think we can-"
"Yaaaaang!" Ruby screamed as she tried to struggle off of her sister's grip, watching in horror as another zombie appeared behind the counter, slowly making it's way towards the two sisters.
"Excuse me," Yang muttered an apology as she easily side-stepped the zombie, causing it to trip and impale it's head on a piece of broken glass, killing it instantly. "Man, this is one boring zombie apocalypse," she muttered, looking at the zombie with a mixture of pity and disappointment.
"...We just got lucky-"
"No, you're just overthinking things," Yang shot back as she finally found a pair of aviators that suited her taste. "Seriously, how the hell does someone get killed by these shufflers?" Yang asked rhetorically as she exited the shop, looking over at the group of zombies that were chasing them earlier. They barely made it even five feet from where they started.
"...We're just lucky," Ruby mumbled, unwilling to admit her dreams of living in a post-apocalyptic world and being a badass survivor was nowhere near as thrilling as it should be.
"Vvvrruubyy."
"Uh huh, sure, Rubes." She felt a hand slap her butt.
"Yang!" She screamed in embarrassment.
"Vvvrruubyy."
"What?" Another slap to her posterior caused Ruby to growl, slapping her sister back.
"Stop it!"
"Vvvrruubyy!"
"Stop what?" she asked as another slap landed against Ruby's now sore butt.
"You know what, you perv-"
"VVVRRUUBYY!"
-LineBreak-
"What?!" Ruby shouted, lifting her head from the ground before wincing. "Ah, why does my butt hurt?" she mumbled, rubbing her sore butt. A growl came from her side, causing her to look over at a...probably angry Rice? It was hard to tell, her face was pale and constantly scrunched up so she always looked angry.
"Fnnally," she muttered, shaking her head at the dolt and handing her over a cup.
"Oh, thanks, Rice," Ruby mumbled, looking down at the empty cup. "Mmm, this looks good," she smiled, not wanting to hurt Weiss's feelings.
"...Dolt," Weiss muttered as she pointed to Ruby's right, directing the girl's gaze at a bundle of sticks, a can of instant coffee, three bottles of water, and most importantly-
"Food!" Ruby's smile was a mile wide as she gazed at eight cans of baked beans, two cans of mini sausages, three cans of yams, and a can of green beans. "W-where did you?! When?! How?!" she cried out as she stared happily at Weiss, whose scrunched up face now showed of an air of smugness.
"Scavvnnged," she replied with a smirk, poking Ruby with a bony finger. "Cook, plsss," she...asked? Ordered? Ruby wasn't sure, but she thought that was a please.
"Got it!" she saluted, looking over at what they had. Looking at the expiration dates, the best choice would be to eat the green beans and a can of yams. That should be good enough for the two of them… "What, how much should I-"
"Can," Weiss interrupted, holding up one finger.
"Ah, right," Ruby nodded, a bit disappointed. 'But Rice is right. If this food is to last then we need to make sure to conserve it,' Ruby nodded to herself as she pulled the sticks towards her, ready to rub them together to start a fire.
Weiss nodded at Ruby, grateful for the assistance. Her body was too slow to rub sticks together fast enough to start a fire. This was going to be the first time she had a warm meal in a long time.
'It's too bad I don't have anything to boil the water in. It would be nice to have a hot cup of coffee,' she thought as she grabbed two bottles of water. "Cffee?" she asked, picking up the can of coffee and pointing at it.
"No thanks, unless you got cream and five sugar," Ruby chuckled, her brow furrowed as she quickly twisted a stick against several other ones.
"Hmm," Weiss nodded. Sadly, she did not have any cream nor sugar, so Ruby just had to deal with plain, bland water.
The poor soul.
Deciding to lament over Ruby's misfortune later, Weiss grabbed a pinch or two of coffee and poured it into her bottle, closing the lid, and slowly shook it over and over again. She couldn't stop a groan from escaping her lips. Oh, how she dreamed of a day in which she could drink piping hot coffee and not this disgusting room temperature crap. But when desperate times came one must take to desperate measures. If the only way she could have coffee is to drink it from a bottle and have it at room temperatures then by golly she was going to do it.
At least her food was going to be hot, that was nice.
"...Wait a sec, are you even a real zombie?" Ruby asked out of the blue, causing Weiss to break out of her thoughts. "Cause I thought zombies only eat human flesh…" she wondered, causing Weiss to glare at her.
'Of course I'm a zombie! My skin is pale, my veins are visible for all to see. My body is…' she stared at her immaculate and unblemished body. 'Okay, so my body's completely fine other than the visible veins, but still!' She couldn't voice her thoughts, so all she could do was nod.
"...If you say so," Ruby shrugged, having started a fire with the twigs. "...How am I supposed to cook-" Weiss interrupted by grabbing the can of yams and holding it just barely over the fire, seemingly unfazed by the blazing heat of the fire, before grabbing a knife and jabbing two holes on the top of the can. "...Okay, I guess you are a zombie," she admitted, earning a smirk from Weiss.
"Tld ya," Weiss said with a smirk, earning another curious look from Ruby.
"...Riiiight," she mumbled, still not totally believing Weiss was a zombie. "...So did you spank me in order to wake me up?"
"...Urgh," Weiss devolved into nothing more than grunts and groans, convincing Ruby that she had indeed spanked her.
"Perv," Ruby mumbled, not at all bothered with sharing a room with the pervy zombie.
...She actually kind of liked it.
