"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World
disc: don't own it
warnings: slash, non graphic non con
Jack didn't sleep that night.
He lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, the Doctor curled against his side, breathing light but even. Rose was on his other side, her head resting on his chest, her breath warm against his t-shirt.
They were all different now.
In the last few months they had been through so much, but this night had shifted things between them. Rose had been even more touchy feely as they stumbled to Jack's room, exhausted, clinging to them, as if to reassure herself they were all still there. The Doctor had barely taken his eyes off Jack since they stepped back into the TARDIS, right until the moment he'd fallen asleep. Jack himself was barely holding it together. Part of him wanted to sit in a corner and cry, but more of him knew he couldn't break down like that, because if he did he would never mend again. And he had come too far.
Sometimes those hours of captivity seemed like years away, instead of the scant month or two it had been.
And sometimes they felt like seconds ago, and Jack could still feel their hands on him, still feel the bruises they'd left behind as they forced him onto his knees and-
No. He had to stop reliving it. How could ever get past it if he kept playing it over and over in his mind?
But a month -or was it two?- was hardly any time, really. Not enough time for Jack to feel normal again. Not enough time to stem the automatic flinch that still occurred when the Doctor touched him, no matter how much he welcomed the touch.
And he did welcome the touch. It both terrified and delighted him, because he knew that it was about more than screwing, and that was something he'd never fully experienced before.
Was he in love with the Doctor?
Jack had never been in love. He'd spent most of his life in lust, usually with several people at once, but love? He'd thought, of course, that he'd loved Dominic, before he regained his memory. He could see now the difference between that feeling and this one. With Dominic it had been about desire, almost detached, but with the Doctor…
With the Doctor he was constantly aware of the other man's presence every moment, whether they were standing next to each other or at opposite ends of the TARDIS. He felt that almost sickening little lift every time the Doctor smiled at him, or spoke with that amazing tenderness that was completely alien to Jack, from the Doctor or anyone else.
People had known what Jack was good for, and it wasn't to whisper sweet nothings to. But the Doctor looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in existence, when he thought Jack didn't notice, and that was something new. Something new and desperate and exciting and terrifying.
Was that love?
The Doctor opened his eyes suddenly, and Jack had the suspicion that he hadn't really been sleeping, along with a sudden flash of fear that the Doctor could read minds and knew exactly what he was thinking. Which was ridiculous.
"You're awake," he murmured.
The Doctor nodded, smiling sleepily, without moving.
"So are you," he said, voice hushed.
"Can't sleep," Jack offered.
"Feeling okay?" the Doctor asked.
Jack nodded, and the Doctor trailed a gentle, soothing hand up his arm.
"Is this okay?" he asked, and Jack remembered him asking the same thing that night on Rose's mum's living room floor. That night he'd held him, and Jack had tried to pretend there were no such things as space pirates.
"Yeah, it's okay."
He suddenly, desperately wanted to tell the Doctor everything. He wanted to tell him why he'd shut them out, what had happened to him in the Whitehouse. He wanted the Doctor to know, because he knew, instinctively, that the Doctor wouldn't pity him. He'd hold him, and Jack really, really wanted that right now.
"There's something I have to tell you," he whispered.
"What is it?" the Doctor whispered back.
Jack hesitated, unsure where to begin, and in that moment Rose shifted beside him, moaning softly in her sleep.
The moment passed, and Jack forced himself to smile.
"Just thanks," he said. "For, uh, everything."
"Anytime," the Doctor replied, and Jack could see the slightly puzzled look in his eyes.
"Night," Jack said, and he closed his eyes, lay still and pretended to be asleep.
Rose woke to find herself wrapped around Jack the next morning, and it took her a few moments to remember the events of the previous night, and why they were all sleeping n Jack's bed.
Carefully, she propped herself up on one elbow, looking past Jack to the Doctor, who was pressed up against Jack, his face half buried in Jack's armpit.
She half smiled, looking at them, and then bit her lip.
What was going to happen now?
She'd seen the way they'd kissed each other, last night, after Jack had become un-dead. What did that mean for the three of them, for her?
She didn't want to be the odd one out, the third wheel. But she didn't want to go home either. She belonged here.
Quietly, she slipped out of the bed, noting as she did that she was still wearing her jeans and t-shirt from yesterday, and went down the TARDIS corridor, to the kitchen. She put water on for tea and started up the coffee maker, then set about making some eggs on toast for the three of them.
It wasn't like she was jealous, not really, it was just…well, it had always been her and the Doctor, hadn't it? Before Jack had shown up, it had always been just the two of them, they'd been connected.
It wasn't just because Jack had died. It was the regeneration. It was the Doctor who had changed. Rose still felt the same way she always had. It was the Doctor's feelings that had done a one eighty. And Jack…Rose wasn't sure what it was that Jack was feeling now. He'd always flirted, with both of them, but he'd never tried to kiss her like that. And would the Doctor just be another conquest for him, or was it something different, something deeper?
"Morning."
She was jolted from her thoughts as Jack himself wandered through the door, looking dishevelled and sleepy,
"Morning. I've put the coffee on."
"You angel."
He sauntered over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, and despite herself, Rose couldn't help smiling.
"Is he still asleep?" she asked, nodding back down towards Jack's bedroom.
Jack yawned and nodded.
"Yeah, I guess so. Though who knows if he's ever really asleep, you know?"
Rose nodded distractedly, and busied herself with making a cup of tea.
"So are you two, you know, now?"
Jack was silent for a long moment.
"I don't know," he said finally.
The coffee machine started whistling, and Jack reached for his Simpsons mug on the mug tree.
"How would you feel about it?" he asked eventually.
"Oh I think it's great," said Rose immediately.
"Yeah right." Jack steered her into a seat at the table. "Rose."
She looked away from his frank gaze.
"It'll just be weird, that's all."
He waited, and she fiddled with the handle on her own mug.
"I just…I loved him, you know?"
"Yeah," Jack said softly. "I do."
"Do you?" she asked, suddenly feeling deadly serious. "Do you love him?"
She could see the brief struggle in Jack's eyes: tell her the truth and risk hurting her, lie to her and risk hurting her even more.
"Yes," he said finally. "I think so. I-" He broke off, looking unsure of himself. "I've never…well, you know me. It was always some kind of joke, a thrill, wasn't it? Now it's just…different. Is that love?"
Rose sighed and shrugged despondently.
"I don't know anymore."
"I think it is," Jack continued, more, it seemed, to himself than to her. "I think it must be. I can't imagine feeling this way if it wasn't."
"Feeling what way?" Rose asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. Why couldn't she just leave it alone?
"Alive," Jack murmured. "Even after everything that's happened. I feel alive."
There was the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them, and it didn't escape Rose's notice that Jack jumped slightly at the sound. She didn't think he was doing as well as he pretended.
The Doctor had a bit of a twinkle on his eye, and she wondered how much of their conversation he'd heard. Jack seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he carefully avoided the Doctor's eyes as the Doctor sauntered into the kitchen and over to the kettle.
"Good morning," he said cheerfully.
"Morning," Jack muttered, studying his coffee.
"Sleep well?" Rose asked, and the Doctor nodded as he poured himself some tea.
"Like a baby. You?"
Rose smiled distractedly and watched as he went over to Jack, running a gently hand over one shoulder.
"How are you feeling?"
Jack looked up, and it was like he couldn't stop his smile as he met those warm, brown eyes. Rose tried to ignore the slight curl of jealousy in her stomach.
"I'm good," Jack replied. "Better. Hey, I'm not dead, so it's an improvement on yesterday."
The Doctor smiled, but not before Rose saw a brief, haunted flicker in his eyes.
She guessed Jack saw it too, from the contrite expression that followed.
"Sorry, bad joke."
The Doctor shrugged one shoulder.
"Hey, you either laugh or cry."
His fingers lingered on the back of Jack's neck a moment longer, then he drew his hand away, casting his eyes at the eggs Rose had been in the middle of making.
"We're having a break from the Lucky Charms, then?"
Rose forced herself to nod and smile, getting up from her chair and returning to her task of breakfast.
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the Doctor sitting close to Jack, giving him a sort of secret smile. He was acting like a little girl with a crush, and she felt a sharp irritation flare up inside her.
"Can you put each other down until we've at least eaten please?" she snapped, and then felt guilty when the Doctor immediately dropped his hand, and Jack shifted away from him.
"Sorry," she said. "Sorry." She abandoned the eggs again, coming to sit back down at the table. "I'm just having a hard time adjusting, that's all."
There was a moment of silence, in which Rose avoided both their eyes, and then Jack stood up.
"I'm going to grab a shower. Save me some eggs."
Rose listened as his footsteps echoed away from the kitchen, almost afraid to look up and face the Doctor.
"Rose," he said eventually. "It's okay, you know."
"No it's not," she snapped, unable to help herself. "Because I thought that…well, that you and me…you were mine, Doctor!" she burst out, before she could stop herself.
His expression hardened slightly.
"I'm not anyone's. I'm not a possession." he said, a touch of iciness to his tone.
"I know," she sighed, the outburst passing as soon as it had come. "I know."
They sat in silence for a moment.
"You love him, don't you?"
He hesitated before answering.
"It's been a long time since I bothered with anything like love," he admitted slowly. "This whole thing, Satellite 5, the space pirates, all of it, has made me see Jack differently. It's partly me, my regeneration, but I'm also seeing things in him, learning things about him that I never bothered to look for before. I took him at face value, for a con man and a flirt and a happy go lucky sort of guy. But he's not Rose, he's not at all. And I think one of the things that terrifies him most is that he thinks we'll see him for who he truly is and decide we like the other version better."
She bit her lip, trying to digest the Doctor's words.
"He said something to me before, when we were talking about you. He said 'is that love?', like he didn't know."
"Maybe he doesn't."
She looked at him.
"He does now."
He waited until she'd smiled before letting the grin creep across his face, and she knew she couldn't resent them. She also knew that they would give up any idea of happiness if she only asked them to, they would forget the whole thing.
She wouldn't be that person. Not to them.
"Be happy," she advised softly before standing up and walking to the door. "I think it's your turn to cook breakfast," she called, throwing him a cheeky grin over her shoulder.
She wouldn't be that person, no matter how long it took her to get used to them. She couldn't.
They continued in the same vein over the next week or so; Rose smiling and pretending she was fine with everything, Jack staring constantly at the Doctor and then immediately turning away if he thought anyone was looking, and the Doctor using every excuse to innocently touch Jack, or smile at him, or laugh with him.
It was weird, he realised, as they sat in a pod boat on one of the flooded moons of Hytagon. Jack was the flirty one. Jack couldn't get enough of physical contact. Now he was acting like a virgin on his wedding night, and the Doctor was the one trying to make the advances, something he was more than a little rusty at.
The little, almost circular, boat drifted past a rickety waterfall, built from billions of years of erosion, and the Doctor tilted the rudder, telepathically directing the boat around the edge of the fall.
"Let's get out, shall we? There are some caves under that waterfall."
"I thought this was a flooded moon," Rose groused, as she tried to climb out, the Doctor steadying the boat for her.
"It is. But it wasn't always covered in water. There's land under all this." He glanced down into the clear water, so deep it was almost black. "Somewhere."
"Makes me want to pee,' Jack said with a grin, and the Doctor watched as he ventured along the rocky incline before turning to Rose.
"Do you think he's acting a bit weird?"
"What?" she asked shouting over the noise of the waterfall.
The doctor raised his voice. "I said, do you think Jack's acting a bit strange?"
"Stranger than what?" she asked, frowning in the dim light.
The Doctor shrugged, feeling uncharacteristically awkward.
"I just mean, this whole thing, between, well, us. He's just been a bit odd, that's all."
"Do you really think this is the best place to talk about your love life?" Rose shouted, and Jack turned back to them, from the rim of the caves.
"Come on you guys," he yelled, and the Doctor sighed and nodded as they went to join them. Rose was right. Maybe later.
They spent a while exploring the caves, Rose particularly fascinated by the light paintings they found, deep inside the rock, lighting the small chamber like air pockets with dancing, shimmering colours.
"This moon is the centre of the whole Hytagon system," the Doctor said in a hushed tone, tracing the drawings with his eyes. "A giant ice crystal, called Keytpo, which is rumoured to keep the moons in orbit, is guarded here. Part of why it's such a tourist hotspot."
"I thought the sun kept things in orbit," Rose said with a frown.
The Doctor shrugged.
"Sun, ice crystal. Not much difference really."
Jack laughed.
"So this ice crystal, it's the centre if their world?"
"Literally. It's fused into an ancient chamber deep in the Ice Mountains. There's an ancient legend that says if the crystal in bathed in the blood of an innocent at the exact turning of midnight, then its power will be destroyed, and the planet and moons will tumble through the never ending eternity of space."
Rose stared at him, wide eyed.
"Is that true?"
"Well, you know how it is with these things. People make up stuff just so it'll sound impressive. You said it yourself, ice crystals don't hold up planets. It's just a myth."
As they stopped to admire one particularly vibrant painting, the Doctor felt Jack's hand brush accidentally against his, and automatically curled his fingers through Jack's, who jumped momentarily, before smiling a sweet, sort of shy smile that made the Doctor's stomach do flip flops, while his brain wondered exactly when Jack had started smiling like an introverted schoolgirl.
When Rose saw them, holding hands and grinning at each other like idiots, she only rolled her eyes.
"If I have to watch you two any longer, I'm going to throw up," she threatened, but she was smiling.
They all clambered back through the caves and into the little boat, and the Doctor let Jack take control of the steering. He guided the pod gently through the still waters with a familiar ease, and the Doctor raised an eyebrow.
"You've been here before," he accused.
"Always found this was a good place to take dates," Jack admitted with a smile. "The waters, moonlight, atmosphere." The smile faded suddenly, a shadow crossing his eyes, and the Doctor tensed automatically.
"What is it?"
"Nothing," Jack said, though he was clearly lying. He forced another smile, a brittle echo of the one on his lips only moments before.
The Doctor watched as Rose reached out and gave Jack's hand a little squeeze, trying to ignore the churning jealousy in his stomach. Jack told Rose things he wouldn't share with him, and this was clearly one of them. Maybe Jack had been dumped here or something. Maybe he'd had his heart broken. That thought wasn't exactly any better. He didn't really want to think about Jack's past lovers. For a start, it would take him the better part of a month.
"Maybe we should go home," Rose suggested.
"Oh but we've hardly seen anything yet," the Doctor protested, "There's the statue of Hoolagalaki. And the Ice Mountains. Not actually made of ice, of course. And what about the famous-"
"Doctor," Rose interrupted quietly, jerking her head very slightly at Jack, whose eyes had gone all far away, and seemed to be steering the boat on autopilot.
"Jack?" she asked gently. "Do you want to go back to the TARDIS?"
It seemed to take Jack a great effort to force himself to smile.
"No way. We have to go visit Hoologalaki. She's supposed to bring you good luck. It always worked for me, anyway."
The Doctor shot Rose a triumphant look.
"See Rose. Jack appreciates Hoologalaki."
Rose rolled her eyes.
"Yeah yeah. Come on then, lead the way to this Hoolalarky, or whatever."
"Hoologalaki," the Doctor corrected automatically, and she glared at him.
"Hoo low gah la key," she enunciated, slowly and clearly.
"She's got it," Jack said, swinging the arm that wasn't steering the boat around her shoulders.
"It's as easy as Raxacoricophalapatorius," she grinned and the Doctor laughed whilst Jack let out a whoop.
"All hail the queen of the local lingo," Jack joked, and the Doctor shook his head with a smile.
They spent the rest of the day paying homage to Hoologalaki (Jack insisted they all perform this strange, supposedly luck-bringing dance, which the Doctor suspected was just designed to make them look stupid) and then they toured the snow-white Ice Mountains and the stunningly beautiful crystal Keytpo, and finally went on an exploration of some underwater lakes, which particularly fascinated Rose.
"But how can they be lakes?" she was still saying, an hour later, as they clambered back into the TARDIS. "They were underwater. It's just not possible."
The Doctor smiled.
"That's the miracle of nature," he replied brightly. "Phenomenon and all that. Fascinating really."
"Well yeah, it is. But I still don't see how-" She cut herself off with a jaw cracking yawn, and then grinned sheepishly. "I think I'd better go to bed."
"Don't you want anything to eat?" the Doctor asked, surprised. Rose could usually eat enough to feed an army.
She shook her head.
"Nah. Those fruit thingies filled me up. Night. See you in the morning."
The Doctor watched her go, then turned back to Jack, feeling suddenly, stupidly, nervous.
"Are you hungry?"
Jack shook his head too.
"Just tired. Let's go to bed."
The Doctor wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this, seemingly offhand, comment. It was true he and Jack had been sleeping together over the last week, but that was more out of necessity than due to their new relationship.
Jack had been having horrific nightmares, the kind that woke himself, and everyone else, up with screaming, and the Doctor had found the only way to calm him down was just to hold him, thought not too tightly. And it wasn't just him, Rose would sometimes come and sleep with them too, like that first night, after they'd found out what really happened on Satellite 5.
"I should put the TARDIS in flight," he said, trying to stall for some time.
"Leave her," Jack said with a shrug. "We can stay here tonight. No harm in that."
The Doctor found himself nodding in agreement, even though he would have rather they were airborne. Something about sleeping on a strange planet (or moon) just got to him. He could never really rest unless he knew they were out in the void somewhere.
"Come on," Jack said softly, and the Doctor was powerless to resist, following him obediently down the corridors to his bedroom, allowing Jack to undress him, not even minding that Jack left his suit in a little pile on the floor, because those were Jack's hands and those were Jack's lips, and this was what he'd been thinking about, for weeks now.
Jack pressed him back onto the bed, and the Doctor slid his hands up the smooth skin of Jack's back, enjoying the silken feel over taut muscles as Jack kissed him hungrily, pressing his hips down into the Doctor's, moaning softly into the Doctor's mouth.
This felt so good, so right, and the Doctor found himself wondering why they hadn't done this weeks ago, why they'd been dancing around each other instead of just diving into what he knew they both wanted.
He buried his hands in Jack's too-long hair, relishing the feel of it beneath his finger tips, then trailing one hand down his neck and across his back, bracing himself as he flipped them both over, Jack's body hot and hard beneath him, writhing as the Doctor pressed him further into the mattress.
It took the Doctor longer than it should have to realise that he was no longer writhing in pleasure.
"Stop," Jack gasped desperately, hands that had only moments ago been gripping his shoulders in pleasure now pushing hard at him, trying to push him away.
"Stop, get off!"
As he realised what was happening, he immediately shifted his weight, rolling away to let Jack sit up, gasping as if someone had tried to strangle him.
"What is it?" he asked, reaching a hand out to Jack's shoulder, but Jack jerked suddenly away from him, as if burned by him.
"Don't touch me," he said, and the Doctor found himself flashing back to the day they'd found him, bruised and broken, the way he'd flinched from the Doctor's touch then, too.
"Jack," he said softly, folding his hands into his lap, feeling awkward and unsure of himself. "It's okay. It's just me."
"No." Jack was shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. "No. I can't. I'm sorry, I just…can't."
The Doctor tried to reach for him again, but Jack flinched violently, then stood up, backing against the door, putting as much space between him and the Doctor as possible.
"Don't," he said, and he sounded so tortured, as if every piece of him were hurting. "Please, just don't."
He yanked open the door, and the Doctor heard him go down the corridor, a second later the sound of his own bedroom door slamming shut.
He let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and wondered what the hell had just happened.
Had they moved too fast? Oh please, this was Jack. Too fast wasn't fast enough. And he'd bloody started it! So what hell had gone wrong?
He sighed, got up and dressed, then went towards the kitchen, with the vague notion of making Jack some tea and trying to talk to him, and found Rose sitting at the table, eating ice cream from the tub.
"I thought you'd gone to bed."
"Decided I was hungry after all," she replied round a mouthful of ice cream. "You alright? You look like someone just told you your favourite sea monkey died or something."
The Doctor sat down at the table with her, stealing her spoon and a mouthful of ice cream, ignoring her protests.
"Something really odd just happened," he said finally.
"What, odder than the usual? That must be odd."
He shot her an annoyed glance. Couldn't she tell he was trying to have a serious conversation?
"Jack just went completely bonkers on me. For no reason."
She frowned, putting her spoon down.
"How d'you mean?"
"Well we were, well, you know, and he was suddenly shouting at me to stop and pushing me away. He was the one who started it!"
Rose was staring at him as if he'd grown another head.
"Give him time, Doctor."
The Doctor scoffed.
"He's had time. It's been weeks. You think he'd be prepared by now."
Not only was Rose staring at him like he'd grown another head, but now that look was distinctly tinged with a harsh anger.
"You're unbelievable, you know that? I mean, weeks? For God's sake! It's not something you just get over like that, you know." She snapped her fingers as she spoke, and now it was the Doctor's turn to stare like she'd grown another head. What was she talking about?
"You think you'd show a little compassion, considering the way you feel about him. You're just like any other man, all you can think about is sex!"
She was well into her tirade now. He couldn't have stopped her if he'd tried. It was times like this that she reminded him scarily of her mum.
"He was raped, Doctor. You think you could give him a little bloody bit of time."
The Doctor felt as if someone had doused him in very cold water.
"What did you say?"
"I said you'd think you could afford to give him a bit of time," she snapped, then stopped, something in his expression causing her to frown. "What?"
"Not that bit." His voice sounded eerily quiet, calm. "The bit before."
"What? He was rape-"
She broke off as realisation hit her.
"Oh God. Oh God, you didn't know. He hasn't told you. Oh God."
His legs felt strange, as if they wouldn't support him if he tried to stand. Which was ridiculous, because he was the Doctor, and things didn't hit him like this. They didn't make him feel like his world was suddenly turning the wrong way round, they just didn't.
"He said he was going to tell you, when he was ready," Rose was saying, her eyes bright with guilty tears. "I just assumed, since you two are…God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"It's not true," he denied. "Tell me it's not true. Tell me!"
He was shaking her, holding her arms in a vice like grip, and she was crying in earnest now, shaking her head.
"I can't," she whispered. "I wish I could, but I can't."
He let go of her, lost, dazed, unable to process this.
"When…who…?"
"The space pirates," Rose choked. "That's what they did to him."
"And he told you?"
"I guessed. His injuries, that first night…he told me on New Years."
New Years. The night they'd first kissed. The night the Doctor had thought everything was finally going to be okay. He'd been so happy, in such a good mood he'd told Rose and Jack to let him do the clearing up. He'd told them to go off and chat, and they'd gone to Rose's room and…He'd told her. He'd told her and not him.
Before he knew what he was really doing, he was marching through the corridors, Rose at his heels, begging him tearfully to just leave it, as he stormed to Jack's room, banging loudly on the locked door.
"Jack, let me in!"
"Not now, Doctor," Jack's tired voice came from the other side, and this only infuriated the Doctor more, banging harder.
"Let me in!" he shouted. "You didn't tell me! You didn't tell me and you let me go on thinking everything was fine!"
"Doctor, please, just leave it!" Rose grabbed his arm, but he shook her off, ignoring her pleas.
"You told her, but you couldn't tell me? I would have gone back and killed every last fucking one of them. You should have told me!"
He banged again on the door in frustration, but there was no answer from within.
"You let me erase your memory knowing what would happen. I could have stopped it!"
"Doctor," Rose begged desperately. "Please."
The Doctor looked at her, and he felt a hatred so strong it scared at him. Jack had told her.
"Don't talk to me," he said, then strode past her, towards the control room, barely aware of her trailing behind him.
"Where are you going?" she asked, but he didn't answer, slamming the door open and then closed again behind him, marching out into the warm, moonlight night.
He couldn't be there right now.
He just couldn't.
Rose stared after him, feeling as if her heart was shattering into a million, tiny pieces, the sharp sound of the TARDIS door closing still ringing in her ears.
Half blinded by tears she turned and stumbled back along familiar corridors, back to Jack's room, knocking helplessly on the still locked door.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "Jack, I'm so sorry. I thought he knew. I thought he knew."
She slumped to the floor, crying, gasping sorries out between sobs, but there was still nothing from the other side of the door, and eventually she curled up, right there on the floor, exhausting herself into a restless sleep.
This was where Jack found her, three hours later, when he eventually opened the door. He shook her awake, and she stared up at him, eyes swollen from tears.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, voice hoarse. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," he said softly.
And although she knew it wasn't, she let him pick her and take her into his room, holding her as he slid onto the bed beside her.
"I thought he knew," she said, when they were curled up together. "I swear to you Jack, I thought he knew."
"I know. It's not your fault. I should have told him."
She bit her lip, the silence in the room thick and heavy.
"I thought he would be different," Jack said eventually. "I thought…" His voice trailed uncertainly.
"He is different," Rose tried to assure him. "He just didn't know how to take it, how to react, so he got angry. It isn't anything to do with you."
"You heard what he said. 'You told her not me.' I should have just told him."
"Jack." She pulled him a little closer, trying desperately to convey some sort of comfort. "He has no idea what you went through, neither of us do. He can't tell you how you should have handled it. That's not fair."
"None of it's fair," he whispered. "Not a God damn thing."
"I know."
He buried his face in her hair, and she pretended not to feel him shaking with silent sobs.
Why had everything fallen apart now, just when it was all starting to go right?
tbc
