Hey guys! So I realize that I need to be more consistent so I'm going to try post a chapter a week. Today I'll be posting two to make up for my laziness when it comes to posting. But from now on, it'll be one chapter a week!

I hope that this chapter answers a few questions that I've been asked about Steve. :)

Anyway, enjoy!


Chapter 9

Bucky was tense.

As a matter of fact, everyone was.

They had delayed Bucky's physical examination by three months, knowing that it was near to impossible to do a physical evaluation with him in his initial mindset. Now though, Bucky was a lot more at ease, even throwing out a sassy comment every now and then.

Today though, Bucky hadn't said a single word since he'd woken up. He ate the pancakes Steve had made so quickly, Steve wondered if he even tasted what he was eating. He was silent, staring ahead of himself with that same vacant expression that he had mastered. Steve sat adjacent to him, eating his pancakes quietly, looking at anything but his brooding friend. He wanted to reassure Bucky, tell him that everything was going to be fine but something about the way Bucky was holding himself stopped him. Steve downed the rest of his breakfast in an attempt to keep up with Bucky, mourning the fact that he couldn't enjoy his pancakes. Once the two were done, Steve made quick work of the dishes, trying to ignore the fact that Bucky's fork was dented and bent.

The silence weighed heavily on Steve and he felt more and more uncomfortable the longer the morning went on. He felt jittery and short of breath, unable to enjoy the morning or the company. He was eager to get out of the apartment and get this medical exam over with, to have Bucky back to his relatively normal self again.

"Are you ready to go?" Steve asked once he'd closed the dishwasher and had straightened up to stand.

No response.

He walked over to Bucky slowly, so used to touching Bucky by now that he placed a hand on his shoulder unthinkingly. Bucky's left hand shot up, grabbing Steve's wrist, yanking his arm away from his shoulder and twisting it. Bucky was on his feet and Steve couldn't remember when Bucky had gotten up in the first place. His broad shoulders were heaving up and down heavily, his face bent into a frightening scowl. Steve's shoulder ached slightly in response to the arm being twisted but he was surprised to find that Bucky hadn't actually hurt him. Steve took a deep breath to calm himself before pulling at the arm that Bucky was still holding onto, positively surprised when Bucky let Steve's wrist slip out of his grip. "Are you with me?" Steve asked Bucky quietly, watching the anger drain from Bucky's features at the sound of Steve's deep voice. "I am." Bucky assured him, "I wasn't a moment ago…"

"But you managed to stop yourself." Steve smiled at Bucky who looked down at his metal hand for a moment before nodding slowly as if he couldn't quite believe that he'd actually managed to stop himself from hurting someone. "You asked something." Bucky looked up, his eyes lighting up ever the slightest once he was looking at his best friend, "What did you ask me?"

"Are you ready to go?" Steve repeated his question from earlier gently.

"I am." Steve turned to walk to the door to get his jacket and his shoes but as soon as he took a step, a hand on his upper arm stopped him. Surprised, he turned to find Bucky looking down at the floor as if ashamed. "What's wrong Buck?" Steve asked him worriedly, bowing his head a little to get a better look at Bucky's face. "Don't make me go through this alone." Steve wasn't sure whether Bucky had intended to sound so desperately pleading but it elicited a strong wish to protect Bucky from deep within Steve. "I won't leave your side for a second." Steve promised without knowing whether or not he was really going to be able to keep that promise. He didn't know exactly what would be done during the exam, didn't know whether or not he was going to be able to stay with Bucky the entire time. "And if they want me to leave, I'll fight them." He added jokingly and Bucky grunted, his shoulders relaxing notably. "You mean like ya used to back in Brooklyn?" He asked Steve who laughed, the boisterous sound of it filling up the previously empty silence that had reigned between them.


Twenty minutes later, Rhodey greeted Bucky and Steve at the reception area of the air-conditioned hospital. He was wearing his usual formal military uniform, the badges he had pinned to his blazer glinting in the light cast by the LED lamps overhead. Bucky eyed the entrance area warily, putting tabs on every person in the vicinity as well as emergency exits. Steve was walking ahead of Bucky this time and he was so close at Steve's heels that their feet almost touched while they walked. "It's been a while." Rhodes greeted the two with a light smile. Steve noticed the slight quirk to the Colonel's eyebrows when he eyed Bucky, "Sam has been telling me that you two are making impressive progress?"

"Yeah. Steve's a 'real good babysitter." Bucky muttered sarcastically, earning a glare from Steve. Bucky smirked at him for a moment before going back to his initial task of watching everyone in their immediate surroundings. "Well it looks like Sam wasn't exaggerating." Rhodey said with an amused, if not relieved smile. "Speaking of Sam…" Steve said, looking around for any signs of his friend, "Didn't he say he was coming as well?"

"He's upstairs prepping the lab with Mr. Stark." Rhodey replied.

"Tony's here too?" Steve's blue eyes widened and he looked over his shoulder at Bucky to gorge his reaction. Bucky looked absolutely indifferent. When he saw that Steve was looking at him, his eyes found Steve's blue ones and he arched his eyebrows in a silent question. Without answering Bucky's unspoken enquiry, Steve turned back to Rhodey who was watching the two silently.

"Bucky is a little tense. Please make sure that the staff are informed about the circumstances." Steve stated flatly. Bucky stared at the back of Steve's head, feeling unsettled by the almost military tone of voice Steve had assumed. "I will, Captain." Rhodey nodded, dismissing himself after handing Steve a piece of paper with the room number on it, "Whenever you two are ready." He nodded at Bucky before passing them and walking through the glass sliding doors of the hospital.

Steve looked down at the slip of paper for a moment before making his way across the entrance hall, past the large white reception desk, the small store and the cafeteria. He navigated Bucky towards a door that led to a flight of stairs. He opened the door for Bucky, letting the super-soldier walk through first, a silent promise to watch his six as he did so. Bucky accepted the unspoken gesture gratefully stopping once he was through the door and turning to Steve.

Captain Steven Grant Rogers.

He had never been around Steve and Rhodes long enough to see how the two interacted with one another but Bucky assumed that Steve had his own military protocol burned somewhere into the back of his mind. Steve stood up straighter when talking to the Colonel, squaring his shoulders the way he used to when he tried to enrol in the army, tried to make himself look bigger. His voice was more reserved and his smile dialled down to not show his white teeth. "Steve." He said his name automatically, like an anchor, like a plea for Steve to be that kid from Brooklyn again, not the strong man from the SWAT team, not Captain Rogers. When Bucky turned around to look at Steve, he found him looking at him with puzzled, concerned eyes. Bucky took a hasty step forward, crowding Steve into the corner next to the door, disregarding Steve's startled expression and pressing his body against Steve's. He didn't know why he was doing it but he wanted, no needed, to be close to Steve, he wanted to feel him, convince himself that Steve was there and that he wasn't leaving.

"It's okay Buck." Steve placed his hands on Bucky's back, pulling the slightly shorter man closer and letting him rest his brown-haired head on his shoulder. He could feel the tiniest bit of Bucky's warm breath on his neck and it gave him goosebumps. His hands fisted the crimson red shirt that Bucky was wearing, clinging onto him like he should have the day Bucky had taken that train and hadn't come back for four years. He let out a relieved breath, realizing only then how much he had missed Bucky's body so close to his. For a moment, he forgot why they had come here. He even forgot where they were or that Bucky had been tortured for four years while he had let his guilty conscience take him apart slowly. All that mattered in that moment was Bucky's body against his and Bucky's hands resting on his hips so tightly that the tips of his fingers were digging into his skin. Despite his size, Steve felt small in Bucky's arms the way he always used to. To him, Bucky would always be bigger, feel bigger and stronger than Steve could ever hope to be.

"I'm not leaving you Buck. I'm with you til the end of the line, remember?" Steve whispered and Bucky let out a light laugh, the sound making Steve's stomach jump. "I'm with ya til the end of the line, pal." Bucky echoed, lifting his head from Steve's shoulder and smiling at him. It was the most genuine smile that Steve had seen Bucky smile in over four years. Steve traced Bucky's lips with his eyes, committing the imagine to memory before looking away quickly. "I'm ready." Bucky said, moving to give Steve more space and Steve almost didn't let him move away. At first Steve was confused but once Bucky was farther away from him, Bucky's smell was replaced by the sterile smell of the hospital and reality hit home like a shock of icy water. "Right."

"You'll fight them?" Bucky asked when they had started climbing the stairs slowly.

"I'll fight them." Steve promised with a determined frown, leading Bucky up the stairs and down the hall to room number 237.


The air in the lab was dry and sterile, making Steve's nose tingle. There was a large treadmill standing in the far corner of the room with a machine standing next to it, cables hanging from a hook in its side. A mobile x-ray machine similar to the one Tony Stark had had in his lab stood off to the side. Computers were set up on a desk close to the door with a man with curly dark hair sitting at one of the computers. Tony was leaning against the side of the desk with a tablet in his hand. The two men were talking casually like they've known each other for years. "Hey man." Sam came over to them from one of the machines that looked like it could measure force and pressure, smiling at Steve before taking in what Bucky looked like. Bucky's eyes were wandering around the lab, scrutinizing every bit of equipment there was to glare at. "I kind of figured that he'd be tense about this so I came here to Bucky-proof everything before you came." Sam explained in a casual tone of voice, "Thanks to the reports we got in about Hydra, we managed to avoid any testing equipment that could remind him of anything he had to deal with back there."

"So that means no scary shiny chairs." Tony chipped in, waving his tablet in the air in a greeting, "Hey there Cap. Robocop. How are you doing? He kept you in one piece?" He gestured to Bucky with his eyes. Steve could pretty much feel Bucky tense up behind him. Neither of them wanted to be reminded of what had happened the last time they were in a lab with Tony. "There haven't been any incidents since then. He's actually made amazing progress." Steve defended Bucky politely and Bucky relaxed again, leaning forward so that his chest was brushing against Steve's back with every inhale. It was a comforting gesture that put both Steve and Bucky at ease. "Well that's good then." Tony, completely oblivious to the brief moment of distress he had caused, whirled around and marched over to the desk again, "This is Dr Bruce Banner. He's one of the best doctors out there. He'll be conducting the tests today."

"You know I can introduce myself, right Tony?" Bruce muttered, getting up to shake Steve's hand. Bruce was a very observant man so he quickly realized that Bucky had no desire to touch anyone in the room besides Steve and so he left it, not wanting to put Bucky on the spot. In preparation for the tests, Bruce had read a lot about veterans who suffered from PTSD so he knew how bad things could get and according to Rhodes, who happened to be a good friend of Bruce and Tony, Bucky was the most severe case ever recorded in the United States.

"Why don't you explain what's gonna happen?" Sam suggested and Bruce nodded a little hastily. He seemed nervous, his mind shooting all over the place. It put Bucky on edge. He couldn't predict Banner's actions and that bothered him immensely. He wanted to move to stand between Steve and Bruce to give him a better chance at shielding Steve but he pushed down the instinct, telling himself that it was unnecessary. "Well we're going to start off with checking your endurance on the treadmill. We'll attach electrodes to you to measure your vitals while you run." He was looking everywhere but the people he was talking to and Bucky pressed forward against Steve's back, putting so much force into it that Steve had to lean back to stop himself from falling forward. Had he been that skinny kid from four years ago, he would have buckled under the force immediately. "After that, but only if it's okay with you, we'll take some blood for the computers to analyse while we run tests on the strength of your arm. Then we'll test your reflexes. Combat evaluation isn't necessary so we're going to skip that."

"Are you okay with all of that?" Steve turned to face Bucky who adjusted himself to stand normally again as soon as Steve's back was gone from his chest. He missed the warmth of Steve's back against him immediately, noticing that it had done a great deal to calm him down. Sam was watching the encounter curiously, remembering what Steve had told him about Bucky failing to utter his own opinion or what he wanted or didn't want to do. Bucky let his eyes pan to the treadmill in the back of the room while he thought. Even Tony gave him the time he needed to consider.

A needle in his arm… that was something Bucky wasn't particularly fond of. The memory of a thousand needles piercing his skin made him want to cringe. There was one needle in particular though… it had been a thick needle that had been pushed into the crook of his elbow roughly. A blue liquid had been pumped into his body and shortly after that, he had been writhing, screaming from the pain that spread through his body like a wildfire.

When he looked back at Steve, the memory vanished and he relaxed, relieved that he could still think clearly and that he hadn't hurt anyone by mistake. He wasn't in a Hydra facility, he reminded himself; he was with Steve and Steve was good.

"I'm fine with it." He assured them and was rewarded with a huge smile from Steve.
Sam proceeded to take a seat at the desk to monitor the information relayed back to them from the machines. Tony moved to the treadmill, closely followed by a much calmer Bruce who had picked up a clipboard on his way there. Bucky looked at Steve for reassurance and Steve nodded at him, leading the way to the treadmill. "I see you're already wearing sport shorts." Bruce looked pleased, "I'm going to ask you to take off your shirt for me though. I need to put those electrodes on you." Bucky nodded, pulling his shirt off with one quick movement. The shirt was discarded on the floor but Bucky didn't make a move to get closer to Bruce. Bruce picked up the electrodes hanging from the hook on the machine and Bucky frowned; his eyes were daring Banner to try and touch him. Sure, Bucky was being cooperative, but that didn't mean he was an easy case.

"I'll do it." Steve stepped in quickly before anything could go wrong. Bruce looked relieved, as did Bucky and both readily accepted this alternative to anything that would have happened if Bruce had touched Bucky. Bruce told Steve where to place the round sticky objects and Steve followed his instructions to the tee, his mouth twisting into a concentrated frown while he did. Bucky watched Steve the entire time, concentrating on Steve instead of on the dormant aggression that was stirring, ready to fight off doctors, needles and the pain. Once he was hooked up to the machine that was now buzzing, recording all the information the electrodes picked up, Bucky stepped onto the treadmill. The contraption had looked big to Steve to start with, but he only realized that it was a heavy-duty treadmill when not even Bucky managed to make it look smaller. "I'm controlling the treadmill from here." Tony informed Bucky when he saw the soldier look for buttons to press, "Stay sharp and you shouldn't faceplant." Bucky's eyes narrowed at the sarcastic tone of voice Tony was using but he didn't say anything and soon he was too busy concentrating to think about Tony's audacity. His feet thudded against the treadmill a lot louder than was normal, the sound bouncing off the walls and ringing in Steve's ears. Even when Tony turned up the speed and his footfalls got louder and louder, Bucky didn't falter. He just kept on going and going. It took about an hour for him to start sweating and eventually Tony got bored and stopped the exercise. By then Sam and Steve were exchanging dumbfounded looks and Tony and Bruce didn't look too unimpressed either.

"So, who else is excited to see what his blood tests tell us?" Tony cheered while they made their way over to the desk.

"I definitely am." Bruce agreed, seeming totally immune to Tony's annoyingly hyperactive demeanour. The doctor pulled out one of the chairs for Bucky to sit on, looking at Bucky and then at Steve before saying, "Steve hasn't been taught how to take blood.". Everyone knew what that meant. The air suddenly felt heavier and painfully still. Sam was tense, as was Tony and the two watched Steve, Bruce and Buck carefully. "Will you sit down for me?" Steve asked Bucky gently and Bucky nodded, working his jaw while he took a seat on the chair. Steve crouched down next to him, taking a hold of Bucky's right wrist and holding onto it firmly, his thumb brushing over Bucky's skin soothingly. Bruce pulled over a pair of plastic gloves, the snapping sound they made when Bruce let go of them made Bucky flinch. "You're okay." Steve promised him. Bucky wanted to believe Steve. He wanted his body to believe Steve but it was yelling at him, telling him to get up and fight them off, to get out of there while he still could. This wasn't good. Doctors weren't good. They hurt him. They made him scream.

He clenched his jaw, forcing down the impulse to hit. "It's going to prick a little but that's it." Steve spoke up again soothingly, "I'm here for you Bucky. If it helps you, talk to me." Bucky studied Steve's face again the way he had when Tony had worked on his arm. He let Bruce slide an elastic band up his arm and fasten it around his upper arm. His body tensed, wanting to lash out but Steve, having noticed the shift in Bucky, gripped his wrist even tighter. It almost hurt Bucky but it was a good pain- grounding and firm and made him feel like Steve wasn't going to let him go.
"Why aren't you as small as I remember?" Bucky asked the first question that came to his mind and he heard both Steve and Sam chuckle. Sam was still in his seat right next to them at the desk, watching the encounter with trained eyes. "Well, about half a year after you left for training camp, my asthma started to get better. Some people grow out of it and I guess I was one of them. After the asthma wasn't so bad anymore, I started going to gym to get stronger. Without you around, there was no one to bail me out of the stupid fights I always got myself into. I guess I wanted to be able to defend myself. Around about the time when you were probably done with basic and were shipped off…" Steve hesitated for a moment, the memory of Bucky going off to war unnerving him a little but he pressed on, "Around about that time I was scouted for the SWAT team that worked together with Shield, a security agency. I got even bigger working there, especially when I had a growth-spurt. It was either get stronger or give up and I'm not really the type of guy to give up. But you knew that already." Steve let out a huff of air, bowing his head, studying the lines and creases in the palm of Bucky's right hand. "Eventually, after another year, I was promoted to Captain." Steve didn't go on to the part where he was told about Bucky's death, didn't go on to tell him that he'd almost let himself die during one of his SWAT missions after that. He didn't tell him about how much he had cried, how much he had hated himself. He didn't tell him how much he had hurt.

Bruce Banner held up a glass tube filled with Bucky's red thick blood, smiling triumphantly. Bucky blinked, looking down at his arm where Bruce had taped a small bandage square to Bucky's arm to stop him from bleeding. He hadn't even noticed the prick from the needle. "Well done." Bruce commended him in that gentle voice of his, "So the worst part is over."

"Yeah, let's get back to the fun stuff!" Tony cheered, pointing to the machine that Steve had thought could measure force. There was a handle attached to a thick rubber band that looked a lot weaker than it probably was. On the other side, the machine had a round pad that one could punch and it would measure the velocity with which one struck. Steve would be lying if he said that he wasn't slightly excited to see what Bucky could do with that arm of his despite the incident with the training dummy having given him a good idea.

Bruce once again, patiently and elaborately, explained how the machine worked. Bucky was instructed to first pull at the handle with his right arm which he then did before swapping arms. The metal plates recalibrated as soon as his hand closed around the handle and he pulled. He took a few steps back when the rubber band began stretching. Steve watched in awe as the plates making up the surface of the arm shifted, mimicking muscles that were contracting. Eventually, after he had taken even more steps back, his arm began shaking and he stopped moving. "You done showing off?" Tony asked him with a spiteful smirk.

"Want me to break it Stark?" Bucky shot back edgily and Steve looked down to hide his smile when Tony's smirk fell right off his face.

"Could you do more?" Bruce asked him and Bucky nodded, "Go as much as you can. If you break it, you break it." Steve almost couldn't believe his eyes! Bucky strained his back, his neck and chest muscles, using his normal muscles for the first time during the second run-in of the exercise. Steve tried to watch the way the rubber band continued to stretch but his eyes kept flicking back to Bucky's impressive amount of muscle and the way they were all straining against his skin now. His arm was pulled up to a ninety-degree angle and he twisted himself around, yanking at the handle so hard that the entire thing, including the rubber band, was ripped right out of the machine with a loud snapping noise. The rubber band recoiled, heading straight for Bucky who was still busy turning towards the machine again. Without thinking about what he was doing, Steve stepped forward, lifting his arms to shield his face and chest the moment the dark grey band lashed at him like an angry whip. He made a hissing sound when the rubber connected with his arms, making what felt like fire spread across the skin on his forearms. He cringed, wanting to whimper when the pain got worse, feeling similar and yet a thousand times worse than carpet burn. Bucky turned Steve around immediately, having dropped the handle. He inspected Steve's lower arms, frowning when he saw the red and partially bloody lines on his arms left by the rubber. "Why did you do that?" Bucky asked him sharply, anger lacing every syllable he spoke.

"You know why I did it." Steve replied stubbornly and yet in a much quieter tone, bending forward a little the longer the pain went on and the worse his skin felt. "Damn it Stevie I'm a super-soldier! I heal quicker than you do so it wouldn't have-."
"Mattered?!" Steve matched Bucky's tone now, anger bubbling up in him like a volcano, threatening to erupt, "So you getting hurt doesn't matter?"

"That's not what I-."

"Yes, it is!" Steve interrupted Bucky again, "I know you don't care whether or not you get hurt but I do! Yes, I got hurt and I know that upsets you Buck, but you've suffered enough! I promised you that I'd make sure you never got hurt like that again and I'm intending to keep that promise!"

"Damnit Steve…" Bucky averted his eyes, looking back down at Steve's arms. The red surrounding the wounds was blooming out over the rest of the surrounding skin, making it look even worse. Bucky felt the anger drain out of him the longer he held onto Steve who made no attempt to move. Again, Steve had shown Bucky that he was more than just a weapon and the longer Steve did that, the more Bucky wanted to believe him. "I could have dodged it." Bucky muttered half-heartedly, his mind bringing forth something along the lines of him apparently preferring to have the last word over little Steve. Except, Steve wasn't that little anymore…

"I wasn't about to take a chance." Steve stuck with his opinion stubbornly and it made Bucky want to chuckle. Another feeling welled up in Bucky and it made his face feel warm and his chest burn. His muscles twitched, almost like they wanted to do something out of muscle memory but Bucky's mind was stopping them. He shook it off quickly, noticing that the lack of knowledge about that overwhelming feeling made him edgy. Edgy wasn't good; it got Steve hurt.

"Banner." Bucky looked up at Bruce who looked incredibly stressed by the situation. Evidently the man didn't work well in loud or stressed environments. "Right." Bruce nodded, hurrying over to a set of drawers next to the desk. With Sam's help he got out everything he needed. Bucky made Steve sit down at the desk a little roughly, still angry at Steve for getting himself hurt. Steve didn't say anything to that. Bucky being mad at him for getting himself hurt was so… so familiar… Steve smiled, looking down at his arms to stop Bucky from seeing his smile. Despite the agonizing, searing pain in his arms, especially when Banner doused it with disinfectant, he held onto the fact that Bucky was becoming more and more like Bucky; like Steve's Bucky. It made all of the pain worth it. If things like these brought more of Bucky back to him, then he'd let them do this to him every day for the rest of his damn life.


Once Steve's lower arms were bandaged up and numb from the disinfectant, they continued with the last test. Bucky was instructed to punch the round plate on the back of the machine that he had already half destroyed. His right arm did a remarkable job but his left… well… Bucky pulled his left hand back, balling it into a tight fist before bringing it forward with more force than any of them had ever seen. A cracking noise filled their ears first before the machine, that was bolted to the floor, came loose and skidded across the white tiles with a hair-raising screeching noise. It fell over, revealing the back that had a large crack running through the middle. The metal plate with its boxing bag-similar padding on the front, was completely deformed and proceeded to clatter to the floor. Steve was on his feet, noticing that Bucky's shoulders were heaving up and down. Sam had noticed it too and had gotten up as well, moving to stand next to Steve somewhat protectively. Bucky's eyes stayed on the mess he had made for a moment before he looked up at Steve. He noted the horrified look on Steve's face, feeling forced to take a step back and avert his eyes compliantly. The anger he had initially felt while punching the machine drained right out of him, leaving him feeling vulnerable and exhausted. Steve must have noticed the shift in Bucky because he took a step towards Bucky as if wanting to reach out to him but looked like he was stopping himself. Bucky watched Sam lift a hand to place it on Steve's back, making Steve flinch back to reality. Steve blinked, looking first at the floor and then at Sam who nodded at Steve with pursed lips. With a sigh, Steve let his shoulders drop and turned to Tony and Bruce who were watching the three a little warily. "I need a moment... Would you text me once you've got the results?"

"Sure thing Cap." Tony nodded slowly, "We were still going to do a test for his reflexes but I think we have a pretty good idea judging by what else he can do." He sounded unusually grounded, sober, as if he were talking at a funeral. Steve nodded a quick thank you to Tony and then to Bruce before excusing himself and walking out of the lab without looking at Bucky again. Tony and Bruce busied themselves at the computer, talking in hushed voices, each taking turns at pointing at things on the monitor. Sam was still watching the door through which Steve had left. He let out a silent breath of air, steeling himself for rejection or a snide comment before turning his attention to Bucky. The latter just stood there, staring at the floor looking forlorn. There was no tension in his body and his arms hung at his sides uselessly. "Bucky?" Sam said his name, not surprised when he didn't get a response from him, "Do you know why he left?" That got Bucky's attention and he lifted his head to look at Sam. He looked like he was expecting a slap to the face. Sam was amazed, taken aback by the extreme change to the way Bucky behaved now compared to how he had at the very beginning of his therapy. "You were angry at Steve for getting hurt right?" Bucky nodded, another thing that surprised Sam- Bucky was actually communicating with him without Steve being there, "And you took your anger out on the machine." Again, Bucky nodded in reply. He was being painfully honest but that was because he wasn't worried about giving the wrong answers to Sam. He knew that he outranked Sam, that he was stronger than Sam and on top of that- Sam just wasn't Steve.

Steve…

Bucky wanted to cringe the more he thought about the fact that Steve was no longer with him. He'd promised that he'd stay at Bucky's side the entire time but now he was gone and Bucky couldn't even find it in himself to be angry at Steve for it. "Steve knew that you were letting out the anger he caused." Sam continued after a short, contemplative pause, "My guess is that it kinda freaked him out. It's not every day that you see a guy singlehandedly take apart heavy duty testing equipment."

"I did something wrong." Bucky muttered but was met with a gentle smile and a firm head-shake.

"Just go talk to him." Sam nodded towards the door, "He needs you right now."

"Why me?" The question slipped out of Bucky's mouth and he bit his lip, not sure whether or not he wanted to hear the answer to that question. "C'mon man, Steve's always needed you. You're his best damn friend Bucky! There's no one else he'd rather talk to right now."

Because he was a person, not a weapon…

Bucky nodded, hesitating for a moment before walking out of the lab where Steve, much to Bucky's surprise, was waiting for him. Without looking at him, Steve gestured for Bucky to follow and the two walked down the corridor for quite some time until they came to an abandoned waiting room. Steve didn't say anything, instead took a seat on one of the metal chairs lining the walls. Bucky stayed standing, watching Steve a little anxiously. At first, when he had remembered Steve those few months ago, he hadn't wanted to be the old Bucky again, having been sure that that man was long gone. Now though, he wanted nothing more than to be that Bucky, to know what to say to Steve in a situation like this, to make things better. He dug deep, trying to find some sort of code or instruction as to what to do now. Hydra had given him all these instructions, surely James Barnes had had something similar?

C'mon Steve just talk to me already. You know I'll always listen to ya.

Bucky's eyes widened and he let muscle memory guide his body towards Steve. It was a feint memory, like a smell that he only just remembered from a long time ago. He couldn't place it but it felt right and brought forth feelings and actions. He knelt down in front of Steve who was once again too big to correlate with Bucky's foggy memory. Bucky placed his right hand on Steve's thigh and used his left hand to lift Steve's chin. The blonde's fringe, that was growing a little long, had fallen in his face a little. Bucky wanted to brush it out of his face but he stopped when Steve drew in a breath to speak. "What did they do to you to make you like this?" Steve's almost dead-sounding voice sent chills down Bucky's spine. His mind drew a blank, his body too scared to move and so he let old Hydra protocols tell him how to answer that question, afraid of making his own choices when Steve was like this. "I was strapped to a table and put on a drip. Blue liquid was pumped into me." He dropped his metal hand from Steve's chin and Steve kept his eyes on Bucky's, "At the time I didn't know what it was but after a while, my body began hurting. It felt like my body was rejecting itself, like the serum had lit a fire in my stomach that was burning me from the inside out, spreading through my veins. I begged them to make it stop or to just kill me but they put me in a cell, leaving me strapped to the bed. After two days of constant, searing pain and screaming… It just stopped. Ever since then I've been like this."

"You... you called it a serum?"

"Yeah. I heard Zola call it super-soldier serum." Once no more questions came his way, he came back to reality, watching Steve again with anxious eyes. He was frowning, deep in thought.

"Steve? Were you scared of me?" Steve blinked, looking up at Bucky. The latter's face was in no way as indifferent as it usually was. He looked worried and indecisive. "No way!" Steve exclaimed, getting up quickly and Bucky did the same, now standing directly in front of Steve with hardly any space separating the two. Bucky made no attempt to move away, happy to have as little space between him and Steve as possible.

Steve having left him in the lab had felt like punishment while this- Steve being close to him, Steve touching him, felt like he was being rewarded.

Although initially angry at Steve, Bucky found himself willing to do whatever Steve wanted him to if it meant that Steve would smile at him again. He didn't want to feel like a weapon.

He wanted to be Bucky.

He wanted to be Steve's Bucky from four years ago.

"Why would you ask me something like that Buck?" Steve put a hand on Bucky's right upper arm reassuringly, smiling at Buck crookedly. Bucky leant into the touch of Steve's hand. "It was a little much to handle, that's all." Steve said, trying to erase the lost look in Bucky's eyes.

"I'm sorry." Bucky managed to say, the words feeling awkward on his tongue.

"You didn't scare me Buck. There's nothing for you to apologize for, buddy." Steve corrected him quickly, gently, "What they did to you scared me. There's a difference."
"I understand." Bucky affirmed. There was nothing but fondness in Steve's eyes and Bucky knew that no-one had ever looked at him like that, not even before he left and got turned into the Winter Soldier. He remembered. He remembered that Steve was the only one who had ever looked at him like that, like he was invaluably precious. He still looked at him like that, even after all of the things Bucky had done to Steve in the past months. The look evoked feelings that Bucky didn't understand; feelings that made his body feel jittery, like he was losing control of his well-trained muscles. It was unfamiliar and unsettled him a little. Bucky took a small step forward so that their chests were almost touching, yearning for comfort. Steve looked at him, puzzled, but didn't take a step back. Once again he felt the need to be as close to Steve as possible and once again he didn't understand where the urge was coming from. He didn't let his confusion put him on edge this time though, instead he focused on the way Steve smelt.

He smelt familiar, warm, sweet… like home.

"I want to tell you more." Bucky admitted.

"You can tell me as much as you like okay?" Steve moved back slightly and bent over a little, leaning his forehead against Bucky's chest, letting his exhaustion get the better of him and Bucky welcomed the touch with a relieved sigh. "Everything." Bucky muttered, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around Steve, "I want to tell you everything Steve."

"And I want you to tell me everything."

"Thank you, Steve."


Yay okay there you go! I really hope you liked it!
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