Hey guys! Sorry for the one day delay! Yesterday was crazy so I didn't manage to post the next chapter. BUT here you have it! I'm busy editing chapter 15 at the moment actually and my beta reader gave me some cool ideas which will make the fanfic a little longer but I hope you guys don't mind!
Anywho, I really hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for reading this far! It really means a lot to me!
Chapter 12
"Steve are you sure you don't want to be taken off the case?" Rhodey leant his elbows on his desk, entwining his hands into a ball onto which he rested his chin. "I'm sure we can find someone who can take your place until you've recovered."
"With all due respect, Colonel," Sam spoke up for Steve who was staring at his lap, "but I doubt you're going to find a single person alive who can achieve what Steve has achieved with Bucky. If you take Steve off the case now and replace him with someone new, you'll be reverting any progress Bucky has made in the past six months. You might as well just stick him in a cell and keep him there forever."
"I understand that but have you had a look at Steve?" Rhodey muttered. Sam's jaw clenched. Of course he'd had a look at Steve! He'd been with Steve every day since Bucky had managed to bring Steve back to reality. It had been a week now and still Steve didn't seem quite like his old self again.
"I'll be fine." Steve insisted, raising his head slowly, "I just haven't been sleeping very well, that's all."
"You have nightmares about what happened to Barnes, don't you?" Rhodey asked, looking grave when Steve nodded.
"All it means is that I'm going through what Bucky has been going through ever since the wiping wore off on him." Steve said, "We're in this together and I'm not bailing out on him now- in fact, I wasn't planning on ever bailing out on him so that's not even up for discussion."
Sam smiled, bowing his head to hide it from Rhodey who looked rather unnerved by now. "Steve there's only so much a man can take." He insisted and of course Sam knew this just as well as Steve knew it but both of them knew that as long as Steve had Bucky, he could face the world one day after another. It was what Sam had felt like in the middle of a war zone with his wingman Riley at his side- no matter how many bullets were being fired at them, Sam was strong with Riley at his side. Steve felt the same with Bucky and Sam knew that Bucky felt the same with Steve.
"Steve if you don't look after yourself, who will?" Rhodey tried again.
"Bucky and yours truly of course." Sam chipped in and Steve gave him a thankful smile, "We'll work this out. I'm a trained therapist so Steve can talk to me if he needs to do some venting. We got this."
Rhodey didn't seem very pleased when he dismissed the two of them. Steve on the other hand, looked visibly relieved. He wanted to continue walking once they'd left the office, get as far away from the police station as possible, but Sam took a hold of his wrist, stopping Steve.
"What is it?" Steve asked, turning to face Sam who moved to lean against the wall casually.
"What's your game plan Captain?" He quirked his eyebrow at the end of the sentence in an implied joke and Steve caught himself chuckling at that.
"There was a time where you were telling me what to do, remember that Sam?"
"Yeah and then that big lump of a James Barnes showed up and you were showing up my therapeutic skills like a champ."
"You know it's only because it's Bucky, right?" Steve smiled, feeling his cheeks warm at the compliment he had gotten from Sam.
"Probably. But consider this: Bucky probably would have killed me at the very beginning of his rehabilitation if I had just walked in there like you did." Steve tilted his head, scratching his temple while he thought about that. He had to admit that Sam had a point.
"And I would have refused to use the trigger words on Bucky." Steve countered.
"Fair enough." Sam huffed, straightening up again and putting his hands on his hips, "So we're a good team."
"I guess we are." Steve nodded, looking slightly more upbeat than he had in the past week, "So you wanna know my plan?"
"Like a girl waiting to see the next episode of Vampire Diaries." Steve couldn't help but grin at that, shaking his head at Sam's sense of humour that honestly, had cheered Steve up on more occasions than he cared to count. "Do you think it's too early to meet someone he used to know?"
"Has he remembered the person?"
"He has."
"Then what are we waiting for?!"
Bucky was waiting in the reception area, his eyes panning to the corridor that Steve had walked into every now and then. When Steve emerged with a gentle smile on his face, Bucky was on his feet in no time, standing ready to follow Steve wherever he wanted him to go. Steve looked relieved, walked with more of a spring in his step. Bucky felt some of the nervous tension drain from his body.
Steve was getting better.
"Thanks for waiting." Steve's smile widened when Sam and him came to a standstill in front of a very expectant looking Bucky.
"Sure." Bucky looked at Sam shortly for a hint as to why Steve looked so happy but Sam's face was unreadable.
"Are you in the mood to go for a little trip outside of the city?" Steve asked him and Bucky's eyebrows furrowed. He tried to think of something that was located outside of the city but his mind ran a blank. "I am." If Steve was coming with him and if this was a way to fill in another blank space in his memory, then he would go. "Sam do you think you could drive us?" Steve gave Sam a pleading look that reminded Bucky of a Golden Retriever puppy begging for a treat, "I don't think Bucky's ready to face the subway yet."
"I don't think the subway's ready for Bucky." Sam pointed out and while Bucky didn't understand the joke, Steve laughed, nodding in agreement, "Well then come on you two." He gesutred for them to follow and they did, Steve a lot more eagerly than Bucky.
Steve settled into the seat behind Sam while Bucky sat next to him. The Mustang roared to life and this time Bucky didn't flinch. Sam made a mental note of that.
They drove for quite a while and the longer the drive took, the more uneasy Bucky felt. His left hand clenched and unclenched, the plates recalibrating more than they needed to. He then proceeded to fumble with his hair, undoing the bun before stuffing his hair back into one, groaning when a few strands of hair fought the confinement of the elastic and ended up flopping back into his face. "Here." Steve pulled out a pen he carried with him in his leather jacket which he proceeded to pull off of his shoulders. He presented Bucky with his right arm that lay bare up until just above his elbow.
"Draw." He instructed his friend gently when Bucky looked connfused. Bucky took the pen a little tentatively into his right hand, inspecting it a little while Steve watched him. It was then that it occurred to Steve that that must have been the first time since he'd left for Afghanistan that Bucky had held a pen. He moved his arm so that it was lying across Bucky's lap, making it easier for Bucky to draw on. The former soldier used his left hand to steady Steve's arm. The metal felt cold against Steve's skin. When Bucky began drawing, first very carefully and then a little more firmly when he realized that it wasn't hurting Steve, Steve looked out the window with a gentle smile. He didn't miss the smile Sam was giving him in the rear-view mirror. The gentle strokes of the pen against Steve's arm were almost therapeutic and he realized that the action didn't just seem to help Bucky, but him as well. The repetitive movement calmed his fretting mind and he leaned back, his shoulder pushing against Bucky's upper arm a little. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine what Bucky was drawing, like a game he use to play with Bucky where he would draw patterns onto the other's back and Bucky would have to guess what he was drawing.
"Steve?" Steve opened his eyes, not being able to remember when he'd fallen asleep. The car was still moving so they hadn't arrived and Bucky was still drawing on his arm but Sam was looking at him in the mirror now, "Sorry for waking you."
"No problem." Steve straightened up a little and Bucky waited for Steve to stop moving before continuing his activity, "Where are we?"
"I think we're almost there. You're gonna have to tell me which house to stop in front of." Steve nodded and Sam focused on the road again. Steve risked a glance at Bucky, finding him still completely focused on his drawing. It was the first time Steve had looked at Bucky since the man had started doodling on his arm. There was a light frown of concentration on his face but other than that he seemed at ease. Steve's fond eyes moved to watch the pen Bucky was moving against his skin. There were small renditions of old memories that Bucky had regained all over Steve's skin. A small Ferris wheel like the one at Coney Island. Ice-cream on a stick like the ones they would eat during summer. Rolled up newspaper, a Christmas Tree, the emblem worn by sergeants. Bucky had even drawn a hot dog with amazing detail, making Steve smile. He was busy on something that didn't look much like anything at first but Steve quickly realized that it was a word in Russian. "What's it mean?" Steve asked Bucky whose eyes flicked up to Steve for a short moment before he continued. Steve left it, despite how much he wanted to know what that word meant.
Soon Steve was too busy watching the road to worry about what that word could mean. He'd look it up some other time. He had an astounding photographic memory so he was sure he'd remember what the word looked like.
The Mustang turned a corner and they drove onto the road they had been heading for. "This is it. 'Should be the fifth house on the right." Sam nodded, pulling onto the curb carefully as not damage his tires or startle Bucky who was still drawing.
"Thanks for driving us Sam." Steve thanked him earnestly, "It really helped a lot."
"Sure thing man. I'm happy to help where I can. Just text me when you want me to pick you up."
"I will." Steve undid his seatbelt and the pen was removed from Steve's arm. He took the now warm pen back from Bucky and shoved it into the inside pocket of his leather jacket that he pulled over his shoulders again. He made a mental note to make sure that he always carried a pen with him in the future.
Bucky waited for Steve to get out of the car first before opening his door and getting out himself. Steve still said something to Sam through the driver window and Bucky took the opportunity to take in his surroundings. He considered the garden in front of him idly at first, that is, until flashes of memories came back to him. They whirled around in his mind like foam being stirred into a Cappuccino. He knew this place. The smell of freshly mown grass, the way the sun fell onto the terrace, the white picket fence, the flowers, the quaint house and the stone path that led up to the patio- all of it seemed oddly familiar. The bench on the patio didn't and Bucky figured that it must have been added after he'd left.
"Does any of it ring a bell?" Steve asked once he'd drawn up next to Bucky and Bucky flinched, clenching his metal hand, ready to strike, "Hey." Steve soothed him and Bucky's hand unclenched again and the tension in his body ebbed away, "Sorry for startling you."
"No it's fine." Bucky shook it off quickly, "It does seem familiar." Sometimes remembering made Bucky feel disconcerted and anxious. It was when he remembered only fragments or feelings that were taken completely out of context. This was one of those times. All of it seemed like nothing more than a Déjà vu that Bucky wasn't even sure really existed. He associated the place with positive feelings but that was about it. "I've got your back buddy." Steve pulled an arm across Bucky's shoulders, letting his hand rest on the opposite shoulder to the one he was standing next to. They walked up the porch like that and the closer Bucky got to the front door, the more nervous he felt. It felt like electrical currents running through Bucky's veins, buzzing, making his muscles twitch uncomfortably.
Steve ran his hand through his blond hair again a little nervously and Bucky watched him do it. "Do you remember who lives here?" Steve asked Bucky who averted his eyes as soon as Steve looked at him. Suddenly his hands itched for Steve's pen again so that he could draw on his arm.
"It's alright." Steve spoke up again when it was obvious that Bucky was struggling to find an answer. Steve stretched out his hand and pushed down on the doorbell firmly, taking a step back from the door and Bucky follow his lead.
"Coming!" A woman sang from inside and yet another barrage of images flashed through Bucky's mind. Peggy… Peggy Carter. Right. The woman who always smelt of roses and freshly brewed tea. Her name had popped into Bucky's mind at random about a month ago and he had asked Steve to tell him everything he knew about her. Steve had been able to tell Bucky enough to fill a whole two pages with information about Peggy. She was like a grandmother to them. She loved them dearly and according to Steve, they loved her just as much. Steve watched a wide variety of different emotions project onto Bucky's face all at once, his facial muscles twitching and his mouth pursing into a tight line. "You remember Peggy." It wasn't a question, more of a statement and yet Bucky nodded for the sake of reacting in some way. Peggy Carter lived in this house. A gentle flutter of excitement bubbled up in Bucky and yet dread underlined that feeling like a bitter aftertaste. He didn't remember much about Peggy, didn't remembering feeling anything towards her. He only knew that she meant something to him from what Steve had so vividly described to him. He also didn't know which Bucky Peggy was expecting. Was she going to be disappointed? What if she didn't like what she saw? Was she going to be scared? Before Bucky could sink deeper and deeper into his solicitous about the situation he was in, Steve gripped Bucky's shoulder firmly, grounding him just in time for the door to open.
Peggy opened the door all the way, standing in the entrance in a delicate blue dress with her beautiful eyes trained on Bucky. Bucky shifted, moving a little closer to Steve for support. He felt strangely uncomfortable under her testing gaze which was unusual for him. Usually he wouldn't back down from direct eye-contact, only when told to by his handler. Although she was obviously taking in every detail of him, her gaze was soft and loving and Bucky picked up a hint of sadness in her eyes.
Peggy saw the tormented look in Bucky's eyes and it told her all of the things that Steve had shared with her the last time he had been there. She saw how differently he held himself and the way he was watching her warily with eyes that were simultaneously watching his surroundings. His hair was tied back into a messy bun, showing her his entire face. It was still the same handsome face from five years ago but it had more worry-lines to show for what Bucky had gone through. Peggy took a step towards Bucky, reaching out her hand as if touching him was the only way to convince herself that he was real. Steve felt Bucky tense up beneath his hand and he started rubbing soothing circles against Bucky's shoulder blade, loosening the tension again immediately. Peggy's hand stopped next to Bucky's face as if asking permission and Bucky gave a quick, stiff nod. He knew how important this was to Steve. He wasn't allowed to mess this up! He knew that Steve wanted him to let Peggy touch him so he let her. The fact that she was a lot smaller than him also helped keep his instinct to fight her off, in check. Her hand came to rest against his cheek gently, her thumb brushing over the stubble on his jawline so carefully that Bucky hardly felt it. The touch wasn't forceful or invasive in any way. It brought forth an image of a woman with long brown hair looking down at him with a fond smile and doing exactly what Peggy was doing to him. His chest tightened with sorrow and he forced the image away quickly.
"Oh Bucky." Peggy breathed out his name so delicately that he almost didn't hear it, as if it was nothing more than a whisper on the wind. Something in Bucky's stomach clenched and a lump formed in his throat.
"I'm back." He uttered for lack of anything better to say and Peggy laughed, stroking her fingers along his jaw one last time before letting her hand drop. "Welcome back Bucky."
Steve noticed the tears in Peggy's eyes so he opened his arms to draw her in and she accepted the offer readily, burying her face in his chest, smiling while tears ran down her face. "He's alive Steve." She whispered into his shirt so that only Steve could hear and he let out a slow breath, resting his head on top of hers.
Bucky watched the embrace a little awkwardly. He saw the way Steve's arms were wrapped around her completely, his fingers interlocking on one of her shoulders. He saw the fond smile on Steve's lips and the way his head rested against the top of Peggy's head.
Bucky looked away.
"There's actually something I need your help with!" Peggy spoke up after Bucky and Steve had finished their drinks. Bucky had had coffee while Steve had gratefully accepted a cup of hot Earl Grey tea. Steve's face lit up immediately and he shifted to sit at the edge of the sofa he was sitting on with Bucky close at his side. "How can we help?"
"Do you want to follow me?" She asked with a smile. Steve got up immediately and Bucky followed suit, keeping his left hand in his hoodie pocket the way he had ever since Peggy had laid eyes on him on the front porch. They followed Peggy through the kitchen that still smelt of a delicious mix of aromatic coffee and fresh tea. There was a narrow glass door that opened to an equally as narrow flight of stone stairs that touched down on the lush grass of Peggy's backyard. Steve smiled as he made his way down the steps carefully, thinking back to the many adventures Bucky and him had had in that very garden. Bucky followed Steve with a lot less grace. His size and weight made it a little difficult to manoeuvre himself on the steps. The smell of a variety of flowers filled their noses, making Steve sigh contently. Bucky looked around, waiting for more images to come to him while listening to Peggy explain her dilemma.
"Do you remember how small these used to be?" She asked Steve, pointing to two medium-sized trees she had planted into two huge red pots.
"A lot smaller, that's for sure." Steve chuckled, "You want to plant them, don't you?" She nodded.
"All they do is obstruct the view from the terrace and I think it's time they get put into normal soil so they can grow bigger. I only want to plant them in spring though so I wanted to move them into the greenhouse in the meantime." Steve followed Bucky's gaze to the greenhouse in the far right corner of the garden next to the garden shed. "Steve?" Bucky turned to Steve whose face immediately lit up. This didn't go unnoticed by Peggy. She was watching the exchange curiously, fascinated by the change in dynamic between the two of them compared to the way things used to be. "I can move them. Should I move them?"
"That'd be great Buck, thank you." Bucky nodded, pulling out his metal hand. It caught the sunlight immediately, drawing Peggy's gaze to his hand. Her eyes widened unwillingly before she forced herself to seem nonchalant. Bucky frowned lightly before forcing himself to focus on his task.
"Are you sure he can handle it on his own?" Peggy asked Steve a little worriedly.
"I think asking him if he needed any help might insult him." Steve said, grinning at the astounded look on Peggy's face when Bucky lifted the pot with both hands, hugging it to his chest as if it were nothing more than a slightly large teddy bear. "To the greenhouse, right Steve?"
"That's right." And off Bucky went, walking as if there was absolutely no more strain on his muscles than when he walked without a tree about the size of him in his arms. "That's amazing." Peggy commented and Steve let out a breathy laugh, nodding in agreement.
"It took some time for me to get used to it as well." He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel slightly proud of what Bucky was capable of doing. He might have feared it at first but he quickly realized that Bucky could use his strength and his abilities for good as well. Bucky just had to learn to see it that way; same way as Steve had had to learn to look at Bucky for who he was and not what Hydra wanted him to be.
The two stood in silence for a while, enjoying the gentle breeze and the sun that was blanketing them in a pleasant warm glow. "So this is the way he is now, huh…?" Peggy spoke up after letting out a long sigh. She sounded contemplative so Steve gave her a moment to muse, "You say he's made a lot of progress?"
"Part of me still can't believe how much progress he's made. When he first arrived… he was nothing like the Bucky we knew. Nothing like a normal human being."
"I remember you telling me something like that." She nodded a little stiffly, "Considering that, I must say that you've done a remarkable job at rehabilitating him."
"You really think so?" Just like every other time he spoke to Peggy, part of his mask cracked and he allowed himself to think about his doubts and fears. One of them was that he wasn't helping Bucky as much as he should and Peggy telling him the opposite was like cooling gel on a burn wound.
"I know so. He's still very quiet and I suppose he's still figuring out who he really is but he knows that he is Bucky and he knows who we are."
"He remembered you about a month ago." Steve had a fond smile on his lips as he told the story, watching Bucky tilt the pot so that it was resting solely on his metal hand while he used his right to open the door to the greenhouse. "Well I'll take that as a compliment." The warm glow was back on her face and Steve felt pride bubble up inside of him. She was taking this a lot better than he had thought she would. "And you're sure you're okay Peggy?"
"Seeing him like this, seeing how much he's suffered is painful but I haven't felt this hopeful in a long time. Bucky is back and he's got a second chance at living the life that those Hydro-."
"Hydra." Steve corrected her endearingly and she shot him a playful glare before continuing.
"Hydra… he's got a second chance at living the life Hydra tried to deny him."
"You're right." They paused their conversation when Bucky came back to pick up the second pot before walking off again without a word. "Steve, can I ask you something?"
"Anything Peggy."
"I have a feeling you're about to regret saying that." She warned him and Steve's eyebrows furrowed. He pulled his eyes away from Bucky and looked down at Peggy instead. She was looking at him, a conniving smirk on her face. Oh he hated it when she got like this.
"Do you fancy Bucky?" Steve's eyes widened at the same time as he tried to take in a gulp of air and failed. He bent forward, coughing. Peggy laughed lightly, hitting him on the back until his coughing subsided. His face was coloured a dark red and his eyes were watering. Footsteps drew their attention back to the third person in the garden and Steve saw Bucky approaching them rapidly. He was frowning, watching Steve with a worried gaze.
"I'm fine." Steve held up his hand and Bucky slowed down minutely.
"Well I have my answer anyway." Peggy said softly and Steve had to try not to choke all over again.
Because Peggy needs more screen-time! xD So I really hope you enjoyed this! I had to edit it quickly before leaving for work so I hope there aren't too many mistakes!
Please let me know what you think! It really encourages me to continue with this story! :D
Have an awesome day and thank you for reading!
