WARNING: Graphical description of violence!
Hey guys! So happy New Year! I hope you guys have had a good start to 2017!
Here you guys have Chapter 13! I hope you enjoy!
Lemme know what you think!
Chapter 13
James Buchanan Barnes.
It was the name that Bucky had once forgotten. The name he had forgotten while Steve stayed a name that was ever-present in his broken mind. Sometimes during maintenance after a long mission, the name would pop back into his mind and he would lash out, striking whoever stood the closest to him. Often it was the mechanic working on his arm and the man would be sent flying against the wall. Worst case, Bucky would snap his neck without even thinking about what he was really doing. It was when the Soldier bled over into the state he was in when he was not the Soldier. Before Steve had arrived in that interrogation room, Bucky hadn't even known what that state was. He hadn't been anything but the Soldier for years, not being the Soldier anymore had left him disorientated and violent. Even now, after so many months of rehabilitation, Bucky had relapses every now and then. He would become cold, his mind drifting back into the dark place Hydra had put there and his eyes would become icy and his face vacant. Sam and Steve were careful not to subject him to violence of any sort, afraid that that would trigger the Soldier even without the trigger words or the wiping, like so many other things had at the beginning of Bucky's rehabilitation. Neither Sam nor Steve were ready to see what the Soldier did in action and Steve didn't think he'd ever be ready to see it. The problem with the Soldier though, is that he had become a habit for Bucky and old habits die hard; especially when they were drilled into his mind using violence and pain.
Bucky's eyes were on the officers and the agents rushing in and out of the building in front of them. Their surroundings were chaotic, putting Bucky on edge. He tried to assess all the people around them but it was impossible. Instead, he chose a target- Steve. Focusing on making sure that Steve was safe, mirroring the relaxed line of Steve's shoulders. The large eagle painted over the sliding doors had demanded his attention at first but it soon became just another part of the imposing building with its high, grey walls that stretched up towards the blue, cloudless sky. The noise of the city surrounded them, sirens and car horns enveloping them like a veil. "Are you ready to go inside?" Steve asked Bucky a little nervously, edging closer to his best friend. Bucky was alarmed by the touch at first but his mind told him that it was just Steve, so he leant closer, letting Steve push himself into Bucky's side as much as the other wanted. "This is where you used to work?" Bucky asked quietly, averting his eyes from the many people and back to Steve. Steve's bright blue eyes met Bucky's and he nodded. Bucky had expected a smile but when none came, he felt unease bubble up in him. There was something Steve wasn't telling him…
"I'm ready to go inside." Bucky finally answered Steve's question and Steve nodded. The blond took a deep breath, composing himself before making his way across the large forecourt paved with white slabs of stone. The building towered above them as they made their way into the front doors that parted for them obediently. The air-conditioning hit them like a wall, running over their skin like ice compared to the warm weather outside. The inside was just as extravagantly large as the outside. The hall they entered was made largely out of glass walls. The ceiling above them was made of glass as well, allowing the sun to stream down on them. People were rushing about in a flurry of movement and Steve noticed Bucky tense. He knew what Bucky was doing: he was pinpointing every exit, assessing every threat and trying to put tabs on every person in their vicinity, which, with the large crowd around them, was bound to fail. "It's okay Buck." Steve spoke up over the constant buzz of chatter around them "These are the same type of people that rescued you from Hydra, remember? I promise you that there isn't a single Hydra agent in this building." Bucky's eyes found Steve immediately and he relaxed marginally.
"Okay." Bucky nodded, letting Steve lead him through the crowd, past the information desk and to the security checkpoint.
"Is that… No way!" Dum Dum Dugan left his post at the security checkpoint and hurried over to Steve with a wide grin on his face. His bright blue eyes were wide and sparkled with amusement. For a moment, the ginger hadn't noticed Bucky but when the latter tensed and made a move to stand between Steve and Dum Dum, the other stopped his advance. "It's okay Bucky." Steve assured him quietly, putting his hand on Bucky's back. His fingers glided over the slightly rough green fabric of Bucky's bomber jacket for a moment in comforting strokes. Steve took a deep breath, waiting until he could feel Bucky's muscles uncoil before moving around him again to stand in front of Dum Dum. "So the Captain's got his own bodyguard now?" Dum Dum remarked jokily and Steve chuckled, bowing his head for a moment. "Not quite." Steve corrected him, shooting a quick smile at Bucky before looking at Dum Dum, "Dum Dum this is Bucky Barnes." Dum Dum's eyes widened a little and he lifted his hand to twist his moustache between his index finger and his thumb. "You don't say… gotta be a damn miracle then." He muttered, looking Bucky up and down as if he was trying to convince himself that Bucky was real, "You ain't say the guy's a tank."
"He never used to be." Steve said, "And yeah, it is a miracle." Dum Dum shared a look with Steve and they were on the same page immediately. Dum Dum dropped the subject and instead, gave Bucky a brisk nod. "Good t' meet ya Sergeant." Bucky's frame relaxed completely now and that was the only response Dum Dum needed from Bucky. His smile was back and he clapped Steve on the shoulder firmly. "It's been far t' long Cap! It's good t' see ya though!" Dum Dum exclaimed merrily.
"Likewise. I see you're still wearing that hat of yours." Dum Dum lifted his hand to readjust the melon hat on his head, smirking.
"Of course I do. Ain't nobody allowed t' touch my hat." He paused, looking at the security check over his shoulder, "You here t'show the Sergeant the place?"
"I am."
"Well then come right this way." Dum Dum ushered them to the security check and Bucky was sent through the scanner first. Steve wanted to rush through when the scanner beeped and Bucky was asked to move to the side for inspection. He walked through the scanner briskly, sighing with relief when it stayed silent. He joined Bucky in the small compartment and he saw Bucky visibly relax when he saw Steve. In front of Bucky, a SHIELD Agent was busy moving a scanner over Bucky's body. Of course it sounded alarm as soon as the man got to Bucky's left shoulder. "It's my arm." Bucky pointed out at a gruff mumble but the man asked him to remove his jacket nonetheless. Bucky did as he was told before pulling up the sleeve of his grey Henley. The man's eyes widened and he offered a quick apology before letting Bucky join Steve again. Dum Dum came up to them to hand them their clearance passes that they hung around their necks before offering them an enthusiastic "See you later fellas!"
The SHIELD facility was huge and there was a lot to see. Steve took him from mission control to the living quarters, the break rooms all the way to the training facility.
"This is where we did basic training. Simulations are done one floor up." Steve explained, stepping into a large hall equipped with a shooting range to the right against the wall, a boxing ring and numerous training dummies as well as obstacle courses. The smell of sweat and rubber welcomed Steve like an old, fond memory and he felt himself want to smile. Surprisingly, Steve and Bucky were the only two people in the room.
"Was the training difficult?" It was the first question Bucky had asked since they'd left Dum Dum at the overcrowded security checkpoint and Steve was secretly thrilled that Bucky seemed to be showing interest. "Well when I came here I was still pretty small." Steve admitted, "So yeah, it was difficult."
"I want to try." Steve's eyes widened and Bucky bowed his head a little bashfully.
"What do you want to try Buck?"
"The obstacle course."
"Then let's go." Steve grinned at Bucky who smiled back. The two jogged over to one of the lines of obstacles, both shrugging off their jackets and throwing them on the floor. The air in the gym was a lot cooler than the air in the rest of the facility, making Steve shiver once he'd left the warmth of his lose hoodie behind. "Are you ready?" Steve asked Bucky cheekily.
"I should be asking you that." Bucky smirked, "You sure you can keep up Stevie?" Steve's eyes softened immediately and the smile on his face widened. This kind of thing only happened when the two were alone. It was like parts of the old Bucky broke the surface for short moments and Bucky would talk the way he used to. It was balm on all of the wounds the past few months had caused on Steve's soul and he treasured these moments because they were quick to disappear again. "I ain't that kid from Brooklyn anymore." Steve pointed out with an arched eyebrow.
"To me, you're always gonna be that kid from Brooklyn." Steve straightened up for a moment, letting that sink in. After all those conversations, after Steve telling Bucky all sorts of stories about what they'd been through as kids, Bucky finally remembered him; not just thought that he remembered Steve but he really and truly remembered him. This was proof of that. Something bubbled up in Steve, an urge to take Bucky's face in his hands and-. "You're not thinking of backing out, are you Steve?" Steve was yanked back to reality, finding Bucky looking at him expectantly.
"No Buck. Let's go."
Despite Bucky's weight and his metal arm, he moved with a grace that Steve had never seen on another human being before. It was like all of his muscles knew exactly what to do when and only moved in the narrow margins that Bucky's training allowed them to. He helped lift himself and Steve over high wooden walls with ease, hauling their combined weight with his metal arm. The mechanics in his arm didn't so much as make a sound and Bucky wasn't breaking a sweat at all. Steve watched the way Bucky's muscles moved when Bucky took the lead. He really didn't mind Bucky taking the lead, it was quite the opposite actually- Steve had to begrudgingly admit that he really, really liked the view. When it came to tight squeezes though, Steve had the advantage, only by a litte but he managed to crawl ahead of Bucky who had to squash his broad shoulders between two wooden poles on the floor in one of few the crawling obstacles.
They were standing on a high wooden platform. The sun had disappeared behind a group of clouds, no longer shining through the small square windows in the ceiling. The height made Steve a little dizzy. He'd done this a thousand times and yet doing it with Bucky made him strangely nervous. He wanted to prove himself to Bucky, show his friend that he wasn't frail and weak anymore. He had the advantage in all of this, knowing exactly how the obstacle courses worked and yet Bucky's training to adapt to his circumstances proved invaluable, allowing Bucky to master the course without even having to map it out first or pace himself in any way. So as they stood on that platform, looking at the rope hanging from the ceiling a meter or two away, Steve knew that Bucky already knew what to do. "You wanna take the lead on this one?" Steve asked him breathlessly.
"I'm only a Sergeant." Bucky smirked, "You're the Captain, you go ahead." Part of him was elated by the fact that Bucky was referring to him like that, the other part hated it. He never, never wanted Bucky to think of him as his superior; never wanted Bucky to associate Steve with the army or anything along those lines. Captain was more of a nickname. Sure he'd become a captain in the SHIELD ranks but that, to Steve, was nothing compared to the actual army.
Suddenly, the exhilarated feeling that had been fuelling him, drained out of him and his body felt heavier than usual. Bucky still looked as exhilarated as Steve had felt a moment ago and Steve knew that it was only a matter of time before his best friend would slip away again. Without chancing a jab at Bucky or saying anything else, he leapt forward, grabbing the rope with both hands. His weight forced him down a little and he felt the rope burn against the palms of his hands. He ignored it though, letting his momentum propel him forward before he let go, landing on the mat underneath the rope with a thump. He lay on his back for a moment, looking up at the wood panelling on the ceiling, taking one deep breath after the other, enjoying the feeling of his lungs filling up and emptying out without a hitch or a burn. Eventually, he rolled off the blue mat, crouching down next to it to watch Bucky's landing.
Bucky grabbed the rope with his metal hand and when Steve looked more closely, he could see the plates around his wrist recalibrate to adjust to the strain. Bucky didn't land on his back; instead, he landed in a crouch on the mat, much like a cat, his metal arm placed out in front of him against the mat to stop him from toppling forward. "Nice landing." Steve commented appreciatively and Bucky smirked.
Then, Bucky slipped away again.
"Well done there, Rogers!" Clapping filled the eerie silence in the hall, "I wouldn't have thought you had it in ya after how much you screwed up your last mission!" Chills ran down Steve's spine, not only because of the voice and how much he despised the owner of it, but also because of the look on Bucky's face. It was blank, his eyes darkening and his body went still in a way that got Steve's instincts yelling at him to get away. Before Steve could even get to his feet, Bucky was up, moving past Steve at an astounding speed. Steve struggled to his feet and turned around just in time to see Bucky slam his metal elbow into Brock's throat. The man wanted to bend forward when blood began pouring out of his mouth but Bucky took a hold of his hair and yanked up his head roughly.
"Bucky stop it!" Steve yelled, running up to Bucky and yanking at his shoulders desperately. He didn't respond. Bucky looked furious in a way that Steve had never seen him look. The anger Bucky had directed at him during their first meeting in the interrogation room was nothing compared to what he was showing now. He didn't just look like he wanted to kill Rumlow; he looked like he wanted to do so much worse than just killing him. Was this because of what Rumlow had said to Steve? It was the only reason Steve could think of for why Bucky had gone off like landmine. But this was… this was way over the top. Bucky wouldn't… he wouldn't do that! He'd tell the guy to beat it or prepare for a punch to the face but that was it! Bucky wouldn't wrap his left hand around Rumlow's throat to hold him in place while he dislocated both of the man's shoulders. But he was! He was and Rumlow was crying out, his throat-ripping cry filling the deafening silence in the hall. His scream was cut off by a cough, blood from his mouth splattered all over Bucky's indifferent face and his grey shirt.
"Bucky! Bucky snap out of it!" Steve was beside himself! His body was trembling with fear and adrenalin but no matter how much he clawed at Bucky's back, yanked at his shoulders or his arms, his best friend didn't respond. His body was stiff as a board, the muscles in his back tensing and flexing like a horse chomping at the bit. Suddenly, Bucky let Rumlow drop and for only a short moment Steve thought, hoped, prayed that Bucky had let up.
He hadn't though.
As soon as Rumlow was on his back, Bucky sat down on top of him, pinning him down with his weight. Rumlow was sobbing, muttering incoherent words until something did make sense to Steve.
"Wasn't my idea. Had a job. Payed well."
That was all Bucky let the man say before he shoved his left thumb into Rumlow's left eye-socket and pushed down. The cry that escaped Brock drowned out the squishing noise of the eye as it was crushed but made Steve bend forward and throw up. Steve coughed, panting before wiping his mouth off on the long sleeved blue shirt he was wearing. He had long since lost control over his breathing that was now bordering on hyperventilation. "Bucky!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, tears forming in his eyes. They blurred his vision so Steve wiped them away frantically. There was blood covering Bucky's entire left hand now and Rumlow was clasping a hand over his destroyed left eye as blood ran down the left side of his face. Sobs were rattling the man's trembling frame and his face was so pale that me might as well have been a corpse.
"Bucky please! God please stop this! Bucky I'll do anything! Bucky please! Please! Please!"
No response.
Bucky wrapped his right hand around Rumlow's throat while he placed his left hand over his face and began pushing down. Rumlow started screaming again, his deep voice slipping into higher octaves, making him sound like an animal being tortured. The sound rung in Steve's ears, making his skin crawl so much that he wanted to scratch it raw to make it stop. He quickly realized that Bucky was aiming to crush his skull against the floor slowly and in a painful way that no one deserved.
He was going to kill him. Slowly. Intimately. Painfully.
Steve's breaths began getting stuck in his throat. His body felt cold, frozen on the spot and he could no longer feel his fingers. He knew that he couldn't stop Bucky. He wasn't nearly strong enough. He could throw Bucky off yes, maybe keep him away from Rumlow for a moment but that would just be prolonging the inevitable.
He wanted to kill Rumlow and nothing was going to stop him.
Steve had always been able to snap Bucky out of it though so why not now?! The only time he couldn't was when Bucky had been triggered and that was because in that moment, no matter how much Steve had wanted to deny it-, "You're not Bucky." Steve whispered through his haggard breaths, clenching his hands into tight fists. This was the man he had faced during the therapy session. This was the man who had watched Steve fall apart. This was no-longer anything between Bucky and the Asset- this was the Winter Soldier as he lived and breathed.
His stomach lurched and he was seconds away from throwing up again, pressing his hands against his mouth in an attempt to stop himself. All of Bucky's therapy and rehabilitation and now this? Bucky would be put in jail for murder or worse- he'd be stuck in a psychiatric ward without any connection to the outside world! Just yesterday everything seemed to have been going well! He'd met Peggy, drawn on his arm, written a word on his arm in Russian and-. Something in Steve's mind clicked and he yanked up the sleeve of his shirt. He thanked God for the fact that he'd been hesitant about scrubbing off the doodles, deciding to leave the art there a little longer. He read the word over and over again in a near to hysterical rush of broken Russian, trying to imagine the way it would be pronounced. The only words in Russian that meant anything to Bucky were trigger words. How could Steve not have thought of that sooner? He didn't know what the word would do but anything was better than what he was doing right then and there, right? Rumlow was beginning to scream more and more, flailing against Bucky's sturdy body in a last attempt to preserve his life. Steve had to do something! If he didn't, Rumlow would undoubtedly die and Bucky would be held accountable for doing something he probably wouldn't even remember doing.
"S…" Steve hesitated, pinching his eyes closed when Rumlow's bloodcurdling scream echoed in Steve's ears. "Sputnik!" Steve chocked out in Russian. Without a moment's hesitation, Bucky's eyes rolled back in his head and his body collapsed like a puppet being cut loose of its strings.
He was unconscious.
Steve scrambled over to Rumlow and Bucky, pushing Bucky off of Rumlow carefully, placing Bucky's head down on the floor gently before tending to Rumlow who was a sobbing ball of nerves by now. "I'll call an ambulance." Steve rushed out, "Just take long, slow breaths. Try to calm down Rumlow. I know it's hard. I know it hurts. I'm here though. Bucky's not gonna hurt you anymore" He got his phone out of the pocket of his leather jacket with trembling fingers. He cursed under his breath when his fingers were almost too shaky to dial. One of Rumlow's blood-covered hands clung onto the sleeve of Steve's shirt while he muttered "You saved my life." Over and over again like a broken record.
The medics were there faster than Steve could recount and at first, they had wanted to tend to Bucky who was still lying unconscious on the floor. Steve had managed to shove their two jackets underneath Bucky's head to cushion it a little but that was all he had been able to do before trying to tend to Rumlow as best as he could. Once Steve had told them that Bucky was fine, they had shooed Steve away and had started tending to Brock instead. Steve moved to Bucky's side slowly, kneeling down on the floor and moving Bucky's heavy head onto his lap gently. He brushed strands of brown hair out of Bucky's face, cringing when he found that the blood had clotted up the hair in thick, sticky strands.
"Cap?" Steve cringed when he recognized Dum Dum's voice. He must have been the one who showed the medics to the training hall.
"Hey." Steve muttered hoarsely, nodding at Dum Dum when the other man knelt down next to Bucky. His bright blue eyes studied Steve for a moment before he spoke up in a low voice. "You wanna tell me what happened here?" Dum Dum looked at Rumlow, wincing before looking at Bucky's peaceful face. It was disturbing that Bucky could look that peaceful while having blood splattered all over his face. "I don't know." Steve admitted, trembling voice and all, "One moment he was fine and then he lunged at him."
"How'd you stop him?"
"I used…" Steve hesitated, looking down at Bucky while he continued, "I used a trigger word. I guess it's some sort of shutdown phrase..."
"Trigger word?" Dum Dum's frown deepened, "That sounds like something-."
"Hydra would do." Steve finished for him, nodding, "I didn't wanna say it in front of him earlier but yeah, that's who had him all these years." Dum Dum
"Hydra." Dum Dum muttered, staring down at Bucky's face now too.
"Hydra." Brock Rumlow pushed the medics aside, scrambling over to Steve with bloodied hands. He grabbed a hold of Steve's blue shirt, yanking at him weakly. Bile rose in Steve's mouth when he saw the damage Bucky had done to Brock's eye and he swallowed, averting his eyes as best as he could. "They… I'm sorry." Brock muttered distraughtly. Steve could smell blood on his breath. "They offered me a job."
"What…?" Steve lifted his eyes to look at Brock again, worry clearing from Steve's features immediately. The eye that was left was trembling with fear almost as much as his body still was.
"They offered me a job Steve. I had to take it. I needed the money. It was easy pay. Make sure he don't act out. If he does, teach him a lesson. It was easy. He didn't even fight back when we did. It was so bloody easy Steve."
The next thing Steve knew, Bucky's head hit the ground and Dum Dum was holding Steve back with all the strength he had in him. Rumlow scrambled away, collapsing against one of the medics. "I'm sorry Steve! I didn't know he was yours. I'm sorry Steve!"
"Do you have any idea what they did to him?" Steve yelled at Rumlow, "I should have let him kill you! I should have let him crush your skull! You! You hurt him! You hurt Bucky!"
"Steve-." Dum Dum wanted to speak but Steve thrashed against his hold, shaking his head wildly.
"Get him out!" Steve yelled at the medics while hot tears filled his eyes, making them burn, "Get him out before I kill him myself!"
I'M SO SORRY! :'(
Still, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
I'll see you guys next week!
Also: I adore writing with Bucky and Steve so if you have any prompts or requests for one-shots or fanfictions, inbox me or leave it in the review section!
