Warnings: This chapter contains biased comments towards Russia which Tony picked up from his dad and which do not reflect the actual opinions of the author (nor do his opinions on hippies for that matter). It also contains a bit of violence, as long as I'm sticking in warnings, but certainly nothing worse than what's already been done in the story.

Chapter 5

They are in the future, and Natalia is not a Soviet spy. That is what Tony learns, except not in that order because he learns that Natalia is from Russia first. It comes as a complete shock. Tony knows that Russia is a large, cold country filled with cold people who want to destroy America. Somehow Tony never thought about Russia also having little girls. So Tony may have accidentally said something that made Natalia kick his shin and there may have been some accidental hair pulling in retaliation, and then the others and their current babysitter, who wasn't Mr. Phil or Miss Pepper or Mr. Thor, well, they may have all come over to maybe try and stop a fight.

It wasn't really Tony's fault that their babysitter got knocked unconscious. Or that Clint's nose started bleeding where Steve really accidentally elbowed him or that Steve's eye was all swollen or that Bruce went all large and green and Natalia disappeared somewhere or that Bruce threw a bed across the room. Even if Tony did say, 'Wow, that's awesome! Can you throw the other one?'. It isn't Tony's fault that Bruce actually did.

"Stop it!" Steve says, because Steve doesn't like doing things that might get them in trouble. Only then does Tony really look around the room and see all the destruction. The beds are lying in a broken heap and Clint is shouting not nice words that Natalia had taught them in Russian while his nose is bleeding and Natalia is nowhere to be seen at all. Not to mention how Mr. Booker was lying sprawled across the floor like he's sleeping, only he's not moving, and maybe, just maybe he's dead and they killed him and it's all Tony's fault.

"Mr. Booker?" Tony says then, and tries to see if he's bleeding or dying or dead, and he isn't bleeding but he isn't moving either.

"Stupid agent man," says Bruce, still all big and green.

"Did Natalia kill him?" Clint tries to ask around his nose bleed.

"We have to get help!" says Steve.

"But Nat will get in trouble!" Clint complains, and that's bad, that's really bad and Tony doesn't want Natalia to get in trouble for killing their babysitter, and he doesn't want their babysitter to be dead, and he shouldn't have called her a Soviet spy just because he learned that she was from Russia and they were all speaking Russian so maybe they are all spies now and spies have to stick together.

"He's hurt!" Steve says, "We can't just not help him!" But before they can do anything, the door to the room flies open. Or tries to. That happens to be right where Bruce threw the two beds, so it flies open a couple of inches, hits the splintered remains, and bounces shut again with a loud noise.

"Bad men!" Bruce shouts and throws yet another bed into the pile, and maybe it isn't so awesome anymore, because no one can come in and no one can go out and maybe that means the babysitter will die and maybe that means they're trapped and being trapped is bad and they'll turn out the lights and there won't be any food and…

"Breathe, Tony!" Clint shouts at him, grabbing his arm with a bloody hand.

"Mr. Booker?" says Steve, and then Mr. Booker makes a groaning noise and moves.

"You're not dead!" Tony exclaims happily, ecstatic. He gives Clint a hug because he's closest and then Bruce too, and Bruce makes a hmphing noise but doesn't push him away, which is good, because Bruce is really bigger than Tony now, almost as tall as Steve and much bulkier.

Mr. Booker sits up and stares at them, his eyes going a bit cross-eyed and then he says, "Weren't there five of you?"

"Where did Natalia go?" Steve asks, and they look around the room and see the mess of the beds and some scattered toys and the other beds that Bruce didn't throw but no Natalia. Then Tony feels bad because maybe Natalia is angry at him or maybe she's sad because Tony called her a spy.

"Natalia?" Tony shouts looking around the room, "I'm sorry! Я сожалею!" And then he tries to say, 'You're not a Soviet spy!' in Russian but maybe he doesn't say it perfectly right because Natalia didn't teach them to say exactly that in any of their games. So Natalia doesn't come out of hiding.

"Right, sir," Mr. Booker says into his ear phone, still sitting on the floor and looking cross eyed, "I can try." And then he says, "Mini-Hulk! Want to play a game? It's called 'Let's move the beds over there'. It'll be fun, like stacking blocks. You like stacking blocks, right?"

Bruce does like to stack blocks and he helped Tony to make an awesome castle earlier, but green Bruce looks skeptical about Mr. Booker's game.

"Bad men," Bruce says, pointing at the door.

"You like Mr. Phil, right?" Mr. Booker tells him in a calm gentle voice that isn't worried or shouty at all so maybe it is alright. "It's just Mr. Phil and his friends, and maybe a doctor. Doctors are good people. And we can play our game and the good men can come inside and make sure no one is hurt."

"No Shot Men!" Bruce shouts back, not calm at all.

"Olly olly oxen free!" Clint calls, "Come out, Nat!" Natalia doesn't come out. Tony thinks maybe he should tell Clint the Russian words for 'come out' because sometimes Clint forgets the words that Natalia taught them and maybe Natalia decided to forget English. She does that when she's angry or sad and doesn't want to talk to anyone. He also wonders if he should tell Bruce that stacking beds would be awesome, but maybe Tony doesn't want doctors either, and maybe when Mr. Phil comes then Tony will be in trouble. So maybe he shouldn't.

"Come out, Natalia!" he shouts in Russian instead.

"Do you think…" Steve says, his voice soft and his face all squinched up in worry, "Do you think Natalia might be under the beds?"

Tony is confused at first because Clint had already looked under all the bed and there wasn't anyone hiding there. But Steve isn't looking towards the left standing beds. He was looking towards the mangled pile of metal and mattresses that was lying broken in front of the door. If Natalia was under that, then maybe she was squished flat. Maybe she was dead. And it was all Tony's fault.

"Natalia!" Tony shrieks, "Don't be squished!" He runs over to the beds and tried to look and see if he could see her. He tugs at the nearest bed springs, but he isn't a super hero like Bruce with giant muscles and nothing moves at all. "Bruce!" he shouts instead, "Bruce, come help!" His voice goes all high and a bit wispy because he's working so hard, and his breath feels like a solid weight in his chest, pressing at his flashlight with each breath. The bed still doesn't move, and he can't find Natalia.

"Shorty!" Clint says, "Tony, I don't think she's there, calm down, she's just hiding. Nat, come out!"

Tony doesn't listen, though, because what if Clint's wrong and what if she's lying squished and she needs help? She isn't anywhere else in all the entire room and being squished under the bed pile is the only place they haven't looked. He pulls harder. The bed still doesn't move. Then it does, quite suddenly, and for a moment Tony thinks maybe he is super strong after all. But it's Bruce. Bruce pulls the bed up easily and tosses it, almost gently, to the side where it won't squish anyone. Springs and legs and mattresses and pillows all fly and feathers float gently down around them but there still isn't any Natalia. Mr. Booker has come over to watch, leaning against the wall and looking a bit ill.

"Breathe, Tony," Steve says, and he pulls Tony backwards, away from the bed tossing, and Tony takes great big wheezing breaths while his heart goes thud thud thud and Natalia still isn't there. "See," Steve says, "See, I was wrong. She isn't under there."

Then the door flies open and uniformed people swarm in.

"Bad men!" Bruce shouts, and he shoves Tony and Steve backwards so they fall and Steve goes 'oof' because Tony is on top of him. Then Bruce stands in front of them and blocks the uniform people from coming closer. Doctors with beds on wheels come next and one of them makes Mr. Booker lie down on their bed.

Tony doesn't see what happens to him, though, because the uniform men are surrounding the room, and one of them is pointing a gun straight at Bruce.

"No!" Tony shrieks, and tries to push Bruce to make him move so no one will shoot him.

"Move, kid!" the uniform man shouts at him, still holding up his gun, and Bruce growls and doesn't move no matter how hard Tony pushes. Tony knows he's going to shoot Bruce and maybe he's going to shoot all of them because they were bad and made a big mess and Mr. Phil isn't there to stop them.

Suddenly there's a high pitched war cry and something drops from the ceiling and lands on the uniform man with the gun.

The gun goes off with a thwip noise but Bruce isn't hurt and Tony isn't hurt and the thing that fell from the ceiling turns out to not be a thing but a person.

"Natalia!" Tony exclaims in Russian, "You're here!" The uniform gun man is lying on the floor and he isn't sleeping but he is only moving a tiny bit and making groaning noises. Then he turns around to proclaim the good news to Steve and Clint in case they didn't see her but Clint isn't there and Steve is lying on the floor and there's a dart sticking out of his arm.

"Steve!" Tony gasps, and he runs over and pulls the dart out. Natalia shouts something at the groaning uniform man that Tony thinks means, 'I'm going to boil your intestines' because Natalia liked using phrases like that when they play knights or soldiers, and then she kicks him in the side.

The other uniform people don't just stand and watch, though, and one of them grabs her up and tries to hold her so she can't kick anyone and she screams and Clint finally appears holding a bit of wood that was once a bed leg and swinging it at the back of the uniform woman's knees.

That is all Tony has time to observe before everything becomes jumbled and confused as people try and pull Clint and Natalia away, and Bruce stands over Tony and Steve and growls at anyone who comes close and Tony tries to make Steve wake up. Bruce makes unhappy noises like he wants to go and help Natalia and Clint but he also wants to protect Steve and he doesn't know what to do. Tony tells him that he can protect Steve for him, but Bruce still doesn't leave.

So for a long moment everything is loud and confusing and all happening at once and more uniform people are pulling out guns but not firing them and it's all very exciting and horrible and oddly fun at the same time, and Tony runs back and forth between watching Steve and going to kick the person that is trying to get Natalia's teeth out of his hand and the person trying to hold Clint's arms, and Bruce pulls Tony back with an annoyed sounding growl, and Tony is breathing in heavy gasps until the world turns dizzy and Steve is still sleeping even though Tony threw away the bad dart, and it's too exciting and horrible and loud and terrifying and thrilling and completely wrong and out of control and…

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"

And then everything stops.

It isn't completely quiet because people are still breathing loudly, especially Bruce but maybe also Tony a little bit, but no one is fighting anymore, and the uniform people have dropped Clint and Natalia and they've run back to stand next to Bruce, and everyone is looking at the livid person who had just entered.

It's the large bald man with the eye patch, the person Tony had met the same day he met Thor who probably isn't a pirate. His single eye is glaring all around the room, at grownups and kids alike. No one answers his question. Finally, his eye settles upon the uniform man who's holding his bleeding hand and glaring in Natalia's direction.

"You," says the not-pirate man, "Report."

"We're attempting to contain the Hulk, sir," the man answers, standing at attention all formal and stiff and not looking in anyone's direction at all.

"And you thought the best way to do that was to shoot a Hulk sized dose of tranquilizer towards a bunch of toddlers?" Eye-patch man does not sound impressed.

"They were at risk, sir," the uniform man answers, still staring at the wall across the room, "There were already injuries."

Eye-patch man considers him and then looks at Tony and his friends before turning to address the room at large.

"Right then. You get in brawls with infants, I'll treat you like infants. You're all in time out. Everyone who doesn't need medical attention nose to a wall!"

Tony watches in surprise as every single uniform person except the one lying on the floor shuffles reluctantly to stand stiffly facing a wall. Then the eye-patch man turns to look at them and Tony ducks down, wondering if they were also meant to be in time out, and if they were in trouble now because they didn't move. But eye-patch man just stares at the, and it isn't he who speaks first.

"They're trying to kill Bruce!" Clint says, and then Tony tries to say, "They shot Steve!" but his breathing is still off and it comes out in heavy gasps. Then the eye patch man continues to stare sternly at them and they fall silent and even Bruce doesn't growl at him.

"Alright. You" the man says, pointing at Natalia, "Tell me what happened."

Natalia glares at him and says some words in Russian that make Clint laugh into his sleeve and Tony covers his mouth with his hand. Eye patch man crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"That is not appropriate language for a child," he tells her sternly, "Now, what happened." Natalia says nothing this time. "Alright then. Here's what's going to happen now. You are all going to quietly, and calmly go with Dr. Shaw to get checked out. Then you are all going to sit in time out, facing the wall, until someone tells me what happened here."

"No shots!" Bruce exclaims at the mention of seeing a doctor.

"You will get a shot if you need a shot," eye-patch man answers him, still glaring sternly, and Bruce looks down at the floor, "Now, can you all behave like good little children or does your time out start right now?"

"No shots," Bruce says again, but mumbling this time, still looking at the floor.

"That's alright, Bruce," a new voice says, and Dr. Shaw is there with several nurses and more beds with wheels, "I don't think we need to do any shots today. Now, who wants a ride on a bed?"

They take Steve first, and Dr. Shaw promises that he's alright and he's just sleeping. Clint and Natalia ride in the same bed and Tony gets to ride with Bruce. Bruce seems a lot less reluctant since Dr. Shaw told him there wouldn't be any shots, and riding on a wheeling bed is fun.

Miss Pepper comes while Nurse Rory is listening to Tony's lungs and Bruce is sleeping and being small Bruce again. Mr. Phil and Thor come together after they are all checked out and Tony and Natalia and Clint are sitting in time out but it isn't really time out because they get to sit together whisper to each other and giggle and then eye-patch man whose name is really Fury tells them they better be behaving because he has his eye on them while he listens to Dr. Shaw, sitting between where Steve and Bruce are sleeping.

"WHAT HAS HAPPENED?" Thor asks in his booming voice, and then Tony and Clint and Natalia stop giggling and hang their heads and no one wants to explain that they're all in trouble because maybe Thor and Mr. Phil will be angry even if Miss Pepper wasn't.

But they promise they aren't angry and Mr. Fury says they can be free from time out if they tell their story and they won't be in trouble anymore because this is America and you can't be punished twice for the same crime.

So all in a rush Tony explains about fighting with Natalia and how he's sorry and he didn't mean to be mean, and how it was all his fault. Except Clint says it wasn't all Tony's fault and it was mostly the stupid agents fault with their guns trying to kill Bruce and almost killing Steve. Miss Pepper goes all pale and white when they explain about the man who tried to shoot Bruce. And Natalia says it's not Tony's fault that his dad tells him stupid lies and maybe that' mean because Tony's dad doesn't tell him stupid lies, but maybe his dad was just confused and anyway Natalia says she's sorry for kicking him and Tony's glad that she's still his friend.

Then Steve wakes up and he isn't dead or hurt.

So, after all of this, Tony learns that Natalia isn't a Soviet spy even though she is from Russia. But it's after they have this big fight that they all go to see Dr. Mackerel together and have a big discussion that turns out to be really interesting when Tony says it's 1976 and Steve answers that it's 1927.

Dr. Mackerel explains. The year is 2012. They're all time travelers. That's why Tony's mom and dad and Jarvis never come, because they're all living in the past in 1927 and Tony's living in the way distant future, and it's an adventure but maybe also a bit scary. How are his mom and dad and Jarvis meant to find Tony if they're all trapped in a different time?

So they're all time travelers and Natalia isn't a Soviet spy. And Dr. Mackerel wants to talk about this but none of them know what to think. Mostly they all say it's a fun adventure, but in the quiet times it just feels wrong, being so far away from home.

Author's Note: Still not quite done with this story (definitely more exciting happenings planned) but I suspect the next chapter will be a long while in coming. Sorry. On the plus side, as you can see, my stories are not abandoned! Also, I kind of guessed for years and ages and you'll notice I skipped mentioning anyone else's ages. This is mostly from simply not knowing…though if the comic book histories are accurate for the characters, my research says Tony might actually literally be the youngest Avenger (well, only if you count the years Steve was sleeping, but even so). Except I have no idea if the movies are really drawing that heavily from the comic books so at the moment I'm going with 'I have no idea' for when the others were born. And for a final point, I don't speak Russian and any translations I might include come from Babel. And if I'm honest, I'm not that big on history, and I only at the last second decided to change Russian to Soviet…which I did with a simple find and replace which resulted in them also speaking Soviet which seemed unlikely to be right so I went through and changed that back to Russian but may have missed one or two. Right. So…if anything is really inaccurate, please let me know.

Oh, and in a final final note, though I hate to give information out that isn't given through the story, I'm not sure if/when this will come up and since it's already caused some confusion amongst readers... Bruce did not turn into the Hulk when he was a child the first time around. He refers to himself a being a monster with corrupt DNA not because of the Hulk but because of a horribly abusive father who called him a monster even though he was only a child. And on that thoroughly depressing and horrific note, I leave you until the next chapter, when I'll finally make good on the promise of what is implied to happen in the story summary.