A/N: Reminder that none of these ideas are from my head. They all belong to Dan Salvato and Team Salvato, and the Game Grumps YouTube channel.
"'It's great to see you again, FriendArin,' Monika says robotically. She smiles sweetly. We do know each other - well, we rarely talked, but we were in the same class last year. She would say things like '...Processing…'
"'Wow Monika, how do you get your hair to stay like that all the time?' I ask, noticing that her hair is in a perpetual curl from her head, defying gravity. It looks good, but I've always wanted to know how she managed it.
"'Much gel and motor oil was required,' she responds. Monika was probably the most popular girl in class - smart, beautiful, athletic, and smart! Basically, completely out of my league. So having her smile at me so genuinely feels a little…
"'Y-You too, Monika,' I say to her first statement.
"Sayori pulls on my arm. 'Come sit down, FriendArin! We made room for you at the table, so you can sit next to me… or Monika.' Sayori doesn't seem too thrilled at the thought of me sitting next to Monika. 'I'll get the cupcakes~'
"'Hey! I made them, I'll get them!" Natsuki cries.
"'Sorry, I got a little too excited~' Sayori apologizes. 'Finger pyramid of evil contemplation,' she mumbles under her breath.
"Yuri stands. 'Then, how about I make some tea as well?' She asks in a voice that is way deeper than mine. The girls have a few desks arranged to form a table. Like Sayori said there is one space next to her, and one space next to Monika. I hear a voice in my head announce 'CHOOSE YOUR FATE FOR THE NEXT THIRTY YEARS!' I still feel a little awkward, so I take the seat next to Sayori. Natsuki and Yuri walk over to the corner of the room, where Natsuki grabs a wrapped tray and Yuri opens the closet door. Natsuki proudly marches back to the table, tray in hand.
"'Okaaay, are you ready?' Natsuki says, 'Three...two...one… Hide-and-Seek!' Natsuki closes her eyes as if she is waiting for us to hide. A few seconds pass and Monika, Sayori, and I look around at each other confusedly. Eventually, Natsuki opens her eyes, realizing we aren't playing along. She brushes off her disappointment and reveals her cupcakes. 'Ta-daa!'
"Sayori jumps in surprise. 'Uwooooah!' On the tray are a dozen white, fluffy cupcakes decorated to look like little cats. The whiskers are drawn with icing, and little pieces of chocolate were used to make ears. Just trust me, that's what they look like. 'So cuuuute~!' Sayori squeals.
"'I had no idea you were so good at baking, Natsuki!' Monika compliments mechanically.
"Natsuki stands with a smug smile. 'Ehehe. Well, you know.' Wait a second… does Natsuki have a tiny green tooth all of a sudden? I squint my eyes. She really does. Why? Why? Why is that? 'Just hurry up and take one,' she continues. Sayori grabs one first, then Monika, I follow, then this guy named Fred. 'I'll eat one of these cupcakes after I'm finished eating this single pea that is attached to the roof of my mouth!' Natsuki tells us. 'I just can't get rid of it!'
"'It's delicious!' Sayori exclaims, mouth full. She has already managed to get icing on her face. I turn the cupcake around in my fingers, looking for the best angle to take a bite. Natsuki keeps sneaking glances in my direction. She must be waiting for me to take a bite. I finally bite down. The icing is sweet and full of flavor - I wonder if she made it herself. It's clearly poisoned. 'This is really good. Thank you, Natsuki,' I manage to get out through the foam that is leaking from my mouth. She might have been trying to kill me, but she makes a damn fine cupcake. Once the convulsions stop, the feeling of imminent dread passes. She must not have put in a high enough dosage to actually kill me.
"'W-Why are you thanking me? It's not like I…!' Haven't I heard this somewhere before? '...made them for you or anything.' A typical tsundere thing to say.
"'Eh? I thought you technically did. Sayori said-' Natsuki cuts me off. 'Well maybe! But not for you, you know, dummy!'
"'Alright, alright, geez.' I give up on Natsuki's weird logic and dismiss the conversation. Yuri returns to the table, finally realizing we aren't playing hide-and-seek so there is no reason for her to hide in the closet anymore. She is carrying a tea set. She carefully places a teacup in front of each of us before setting down the teapot next to the cupcake tray.
"I say, 'You keep a whole tea set in this classroom?' in a flawless impersonation of Yuri's voice.
"'Don't worry, the teachers gave us permission.' Yuri seems not to notice. I feel a little bad though.
"'Sorry I did an impression of you just a second ago,' I say.
"'Was it accurate?' She asks, then quickly moves on without giving me space to answer. 'After all, doesn't a hot cup of tea help you enjoy a good book?'
"'Ah… I-I guess…' Why does kinda one of Yuri's nips show through that jacket, but definitely not the other one? Maybe it's just how it's shaded. If that's the case then I look like a fucking creeper now.
"'Insert human laughter. Don't let yourself get intimidated, Yuri's just trying to impress you,' Monika explains.
"'Eh?! T-That's not…' Insulted, Yuri looks away. 'What's over here? I meant that, you know…'
"I reassure her. 'I believe you… hehe, NOT,' I mumble that second part under my breath. 'Well, tea and reading might not be a pastime for me, but I at least enjoy tea.'
"'I'm glad.'
"'Are you?'
"Yuri smiles faintly to herself in relief. 'Oh thank god…' I hear her mutter.
"Monika raises an eyebrow, then smiles at me. Or at least, what the equivalent of smiling would be. Although I don't fully believe the rumors about her, she definitely has the robot look to her. 'So, what made you consider the Literature Club? My programming tells me that if I start a sentence with so, it seems more human.'
"'Um…' I was afraid of this question. Something tells me I shouldn't tell Monika that I was practically dragged here by Sayori. 'Well, I haven't joined any clubs yet, and Sayori seemed really happy here, so…'
"'That's okay! Don't be embarrassed! We'll make sure you feel right at home, okay? As president of the Literature Club, it's my duty to make the club fun and exciting for everyone! The club is setup to make incredible, logical sense.'
"'Monika, I'm surprised. How come you decided to start your own club? You could probably be a board member for any of the major clubs. Weren't you a leader of the Debate Club last year? Wait, and weren't you a leader of the Robots Anonymous Club last year?'
"'I know not of what you speak.' She then speaks directly into her watch, 'He knows too much. He can see.' She turns back to me and laughs, 'Ahaha, well, you know… To be honest, I can't stand all the politics around the major clubs. It feels like nothing but arguing about the budget and publicity and how to prepare for events… I'd much rather take something I personally enjoy-personally enjoy-enjoy-is that the word-enjoy-enjoy-proper word and make something special out of it. And if it encourages others to get into literature, then I'm fulfilling that dream-that dream! I am 8.5% pleased with my statement.' That doesn't seem like a high percentage.
"Sayori pipes in, 'Monika really is a great leader!' I notice that Sayori and Monika's hands are touching. Hello! 'You're a great teacher…' Sayori says directly to Monika. Whoa.
"'Yuri adds, 'I also nod in agreement.'
"'Then I'm surprised there aren't more people in the club yet. It must be hard to start a new club!'
"Monika raises her arm sharply. 'You could put it that way. There is a difficulty of 86.8%. Not many humans are interested in putting out all the effort to start something brand new… Especially when it's something that doesn't grab your attention, like literature. I read this last book in eight minutes. You have to work hard to convince people that you're both fun and worthwhile. I really read the book in eight seconds, but I said minutes to make me seem more human. But it makes school events, like the festival, that much more important. I'm confidant that we can all really grow this club before we graduate! Right, everyone?'
"'Yeah!' Sayori gives her enthusiastic support.
"'We'll do our best,' Yuri adds with markedly less enthusiasm.
"'You know it!' Natsuki says.
"I regard the four incredibly cute girls in front of me. Such different girls, all interested in the same goal… This is my fucking dream fourgy I'm looking at right now. Then I think, wouldn't it be a 'fivegy' if I were involved? Uhhhh… I didn't even think of myself being involved, I just thought of them going at it, and I'd watch on VHS. Yeah, I rent VHS tapes from my local pornographic shop. Though I still don't really know if I can keep up with their level of enthusiasm about literature… They seem really excited about literature.
"Yuri starts talking. 'So, FriendArin, what kinds of things do you like to read?'
"'Uhh… well… uh…' Considering how little I've read over the past few years, I don't really have a good answer to that. 'Manga…' I mutter quietly to myself, half-joking. Natsuki's head suddenly perks up. It looks like she wants to say something…
"'MANGA IS THE DEVIL'S WORK!' she exclaims. Everyone just ignores her.
"'N-Not much of a reader, I guess…'
"'Well, that can change…' I spoke without thinking. 'I'm just really glad to be here staring at your clubs, I mean, joining your club,' I say, forcing myself to look at her face and not her massive breasts. 'Anyway, what about you, Yuri?'
"'Well, let's see… Manga mostly.' Yuri traces the rim of her teacup with her finger. 'My favorites are usually novels that build deep and complex fantasy worlds. The level of creativity and craftsmanship behind them is amazing to me. You ever read Clifford the Big Red Dog? And telling a god story in such a foreign world is equally impressive. You ever read Clifford Goes to School? That was a real foreign world for him.' Yuri goes on, clearly passionate about her reading. She seemed so reserved and timid since the moment I walked in, but it's obvious by the way her eyes light up that she finds her comfort in the world of books, not people. She continues, 'But, you know, I like a lot of things. Like Clifford Makes a Friend. Stories with deep psychological elements usually immerse me as well. Isn't it amazing how a writer can so deliberately take advantage of your own lack of imagination to completely throw you for a loop? Just like in Clifford 2: The Revenge. Anyway, I've been reading a lot of horror lately. Like Clifford 3…' Something stops her from finishing the whole title.
"'Ah, I read a horror book once…' I desperately grasp something I can relate to at the minimal level. 'It was Where the Wild Things Are. It's about these monsters on an island…' At this rate, Yuri might as well be having a conversation with a rock.
"Yuri acts like she needs to leave. 'Anyway, I'm going to go write my Clifford x Sonic fanfiction.'
