We are almost done re-establishing, just one more chapter like this and we can dive into newer material.
A longer chapter here but I mostly copied from the 'Until the day I'm Forgiven story'… again.
A Reaper's breakdown
The sounds of his phone blasting at his ear was too early for the morning, "Please… five more minutes." Gakushu grumbled as he buried himself more underneath the comfort of his warm blanket. But his alarm didn't listened to his pleads.
Gakushu sighed to himself as he groggily reached his arm out to the nightstand and grabbed his phone. "Alright already!" He yelled at his phone, "I'm up! I'm up!" And he turned off the alarm.
He dragged himself up from his blanket cocoon and he let up a stretch with his hand still holding his smartphone. He let out a yawn before covering his mouth. He reached over again for his glasses, and as soon he placed them on, he was confused.
He was met with strawberry themed products around the place, a desk filled with opened textbooks and photos on his billboard plastered. Even his blanket had strawberry prints. It was unlike of the lifeless and bland room adored in rewards, trophies and school books that he was familiar with.
'Why am I in my room at the Department?' He mentally asked himself as he scanned around the area. And then it clicked with the strawberry blonde, 'Oh yeah! I didn't want to stay in that house last night.'
His room at the department was as spacious as the room next door. His room consisted of floor one and floor two upstairs. On ground level when you first enter the room, on the right was a modern kitchen, the long marble counter had barstools on the side. One the left was essentially the living room, with a coffee table and underneath was a Hello Kitty head carpet with a white corner couch that looked that it cost an arm and a leg.
There was a spiral staircase that led upstairs where his bedroom was, if you shifted a bit, you could see there was the balcony. With even more of strawberry themed items around the place. Behind that were bookshelves, books from graphic novels, to dessert books to dictionaries.
And then Gakushu let out a shrug as he dragged himself out of bed, 'He was at school overnight, it was safe for me to stay here.'
And so began his usual morning routine. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and neatened his bed hair. Since today was a school day, he had to wear his violet coloured contacts, back to his human eye colour instead of his glasses. Gakushu dressed himself in his school uniform, a white collar shirt matched with a black tie, his navy-grey blazer, and pants held up by a black belt.
He picked up his school bag and walked out of the bathroom and out of his room. He closed the door behind him, outside of the door, it looked as well spacing was limited inside when you see all the other doors down the hallway. That possibly inside was New York like apartment room.
'You got to love the reaper logic around here.'
"Gakushu-chan." A voice called out to him, he turned around and saw a woman cladded in a black suit with long hazel brown hair walking up to him. I got you a piece." She held out blueberry muffin to the boy.
"Good morning Rilliane." Gakushu chirped and he gladly took the muffin off her hands, "Thank you."
Rilliane smiled widely as Gakushu took a bite of the muffin. "Say… do you have time for breakfast together?"
The strawberry blonde nodded. "It's 7:00, I have time." So now the two were dining at the nearest food court from the numerous countless others. They ate at the cafeteria styled tables, Gakushu holding his tray while Rilliane had another cup of coffee.
Gakushu decided for breakfast to have freshly cooked waffles topped with cream and strawberries, finished with some Earl Grey tea. On some side, he also decided to have a plate of scones.
"I'm sorry to say this but I will have to be gone for China in a week." Rilliane let out a sigh as she sipped her brewage.
Gakushu stopped his eating, his mouth slightly gaped opened with his violet eyes widened. Even his hand holding his fork froze in mid-air. "China? What for."
"A conference, for maybe a week. It's about the education system and what should be done to reduce adolescences suicides." Rilliane then groaned as she slammed her head on the cafeteria table.
As she furthered explained, Gakushu slowly ate while somewhat maintaining eye-contact to his main senior. "And I have the meeting today. I want to spend more time together, but no~ I have to be first-pick for 'the meeting'."
"So, who else got unlucky?" The strawberry blonde asked.
Rilliane lifted her head up. "Ignis, Noct, Gilbert. Ben from the American Branch and Matt from New Zealand." She listed as Gakushu nodded to each name.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh~ Hate to be you right now." A voice that made Gakushu's eye twitched called out.
"Man! I'm glad that I'm not you Rillie." Ikeda exclaimed as he sat right next to Rilliane and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He ignored Gakushu's glare, he wasn't sure if it was because of his awesome presence or this gesture.
'Probably both.' The second part Ikeda understood perfectly well, because he was the same for his main senior. 'I swear if Johnny gets any closer to An. I should go to the café this morning.'
"And good morning to your Ikeda." Rilliane mumbled as she drowned another cup of extra strong black coffee. "Please behave, it's too early in the morning."
"With my newspaper and puns, of course I will behave. Don't I always?" The light haired man sang as he tossed his morning paper on the table. Rilliane let out a sigh and feared of what would happen next the moment she left the food court for her meeting.
'And that's another date with Thomas off.' She mentally groaned. Her reaper eyes looked over to her junior, Gakushu as he glared at Ikeda and the other returning a playful smile. It was well know that Ikeda and Gakushu has the most interesting relationship dynamic, it was best described as a brotherly relationship. One of those 'I hate you but I love you too' brotherly relationships she saw in a lot of media she watched.
A common gag between the two is Ikeda stealing something from the strawberry blond, mainly the boy's sweets and the chasing starts. It usually ends with Ikeda having broken ribs, yesterday's was had a rare ending. It first started when Ikeda ran off with his jelly on their first meeting, Gakushu broke three of the man's ribs that day.
Since then, Gakushu was always suspicious around An's junior and it didn't help that Ikeda would always start the chase to tease the boy's sweet tooth. 'It was cute but the Department want the two to get along.' Rilliane remembered the organisation's wishes from Gakushu's first Christmas here.
"Gakushu-chan, your waffles are going to get cold." She reminded and she took another sip. Gakushu snapped out from his glare and went back to eating. He cautiously looked up to Ikeda and the other smiled at him before going to read his newspaper. Things are going well and Rilliane sighed a moment of relief.
"Rilliane." A boyish voice called for her. She spoke too soon.
"Oh! Gakushu, hi!" A boy with a halo of black soft hair walked up to the group. He was around the same height as Gakushu. His reaper uniform consist of a coat similar to the strawberry blonde, with buttons on both sides and two smaller slits as well. It is shorter, but has longer sleeves that "compensate" for that difference. One side probably has the buttons for a cool look and loose thigh length shorts are accompanied with thigh high stockings. It was a very cute and boyish look for Gakushu's best friend.
"Hey Noct!" Gakushu smiled as he waved to his friend. Rilliane took a picture of this moment, it was too beautifu for words.
"I need Rilliane, the meeting is going to start soon." Noct said as Rilliane slumped a bit.
She slowly rose up from her seat. "… Let me get another espresso."
"Make sure that she doesn't drink cup number 95 like last time." Ikeda yelled over to the pair as they walked away.
"I will try." Noct shouted back.
"And behave yourself Ikeda." Rilliane called out, "I expect that all of your ribs remain unbroken today."
"You got it." Ikeda cheered as he saluted to Rilliane, he turned to Gakushu. "So, alone at last?"
"Spare me." Gakushu scoffed as he now quicken his pace, eating his breakfast before Ikeda snatch a couple of bits. "Don't you have a job waiting for you?"
Ikeda shrugged as he went back to his paper, "Nah~ I'm on a break right now. I had planned my trip to Dubai months beforehand so the Zeus is going easy on me… Hopefully."
"Mama needs a gold-plated Ferrari~" Ikeda said with a sly smirked on his face. Gakushu was praying that he wouldn't get a camel like last time. Yes, Ikeda brought Gakushu a camel once last time and Gakushu's group of reaper friends didn't know what to do with the creature.
Ikeda's spending habits were ridiculous, not only that but it was a double edge sword for Gakushu. If the man took him out to eat at Bottega Louie in Los Angeles, then that same man would buy him a camel.
It provided a source of entertainment for the reapers, mainly from the reactions of also Gakushu's friends, Johnny and Ignis. There was a long history between Johnny and Ikeda that it may or may not relate to girl An. One time he brought Noct a Heintzman Crystal piano, it made Ignis jealous for days although he hide it well from Noct. Everyone else, it was really obvious and Gretel was quite happy.
Gretel by the way was another of Gakushu's friend, a reaper from the English Branch with short blonde hair and the appearance of a 15 year old girl. She has almost 200 years of experience under her belt, Noct was once her junior.
"Don't go buying me gifts like last time." Gakushu sighed as he finished the last of his waffles. Now next to the scones.
"I make no promises."
"Go make Johnny jealous-"
And then a scream cut off Gakushu's words. He, Ikeda and everyone else in that food work snapped in the direction of the voice. A young boy, with short dark purple hair donned in a simple dark suit was slammed to the ground.
"Mama! Mama! Where are you!?" The young boy cried out as he threw the reaper off of him. "Where are you!? I will be good, don't leave me!"
"Riku! You have to calm down!" A reaper came to restrain the boy as more and more others came in to help.
"Mama! Mama!"
"I will be good! I'll be a good boy!"
As soon as Ikeda and Gakushu quickly shot up from their seats, already a team of reapers came to restrain the boy who was crying out for his mother. Over and over again, even after she had been dead for years. "Mother!? Mummy!"
Seeing that already a person donned in a medical lab-coat was on screen, Gakushu and Ikeda as well as some others went back to sit down and continue on their business from earlier. As if it was a normal occurrence.
"What a great way to start the morning." Ikeda sarcastically spoke, going back to reading his stock markets as if it was a regular occurrence. "A mental breakdown." And he flipped to the next page.
Gakushu looked up to Ikeda as he went back to eat, he could see as much Ikeda attempted to play it off, he could see the hurt in the man's face. Gakushu knew what those words the boy screamed reminded Ikeda of someone. Someone he held so dear and looked up to.
"What do you think was the trigger?" Gakushu asked.
"Probably something that reminded him of his mum, maybe it sunk in too much." Ikeda shrugged. "He snapped." And he flipped to the next page.
Gakushu nodded, and the two remained quiet. He continued to eat but at best he was more playing with his food at this point. Until Gakushu took lead of the conversation once more, "Hey Ikeda?"
"Yeah?" Ikeda popped his head out of his paper.
"Do you think I could end up as Riku? Like Lucia?"
Ikeda's eyes widened and he placed his paper down on the table. "That's right the first time you saw when episode was before you went to America with me, first year was it?"
"Yeah, I haven't been a regular in the halls here… I was more around in town. I didn't even knew anything about it before." Gakushu answered.
"It's fine, you had an earlier dispatch and everyone else over there didn't knew that you OD." Ikeda waved the boy off as assurance, then he chuckled lightly. Not the laughter Gakushu would usuall associate with him, but a kinder one that best came from An. "And your main group intended to hide it from you to enjoy at least one year of a good childhood. You had a shitty childhood."
"Understatement." Gakushu snorted with a small smile. And he went down into memory lane.
When Gakushu had only been a reaper for almost a whole year, he discovered one of the many dark secrets of the Grim Reaper. During the school holidays, his father would 100% be out of the country for meetings concerning about his school.
It allowed Gakushu the freedom to stay at the Department than that lifeless nest of what his father called a home. The boy would usually be at the Department's central building that connected to all of the Divisions and Branches. It was the place where reapers could easily go from Japan, to France and to America with a simple teleportation key under a minute. Or like many others, just walk, it wasn't that far of the distance or like many others, use the Department's inbuilt metro system.
He was reading on his reports of his hometown, Kungigaoka town. Underneath that was his collection booklet as he waited to hand it in at front desk. Rilliane usually did this for him, she was his main senior and most often paired up with him in his retrieval shifts but Gakushu liked doing it himself. His usual routine consisted of checking the list first before using his hard-copy booklist.
It was tradition to pair up a junior and their main senior together. And for retrieval's shift, this traditional was quite flexible. So if he wanted to, Gakushu could either do it alone if he was town in his hometown, or with someone else from his main group of friends. He didn't mind if Rilliane was paired up with him and she had said that it was good for him to socialise with the other reapers anyway.
On this day, he had the perfect conditions in hand, no school due to the holidays and his father was out of town for business. The strawberry blonde decided to take on the early shift and wasn't paired up with anyone. There wasn't much work in Kungigaoka town that helped to convince William T. Spears of the Management Division to allow Gakushu do some sole work. He only collected four souls and all being the elderly.
Gretel once said that her little Strawberry was growing up to be a 'big boy' while he was reading his list of souls on his smartphone, claiming that he was doing his alone.
Rilliane had been trying to let Gakushu get a bit more experience now that the holidays were here. She was hoping that a small transfer to the Americas for a period of time would be good for him. She was currently working out the details on when the boy would do it, if he wanted to.
Gakushu said yes with the amount of free time he hand now. It didn't help that Ren was almost out of the country for the United States, he said it was on family matters. Gakushu and his friends had been meaning to go to Disneyland together. What the two didn't know that Ikeda would be the one supervising that transfer when the transfer came around in the near future.
As Gakushu waited in line filled with other reapers of all sorts of backgrounds to hand in their report at front desk. He was about to check his phone for the list for his night shift, then his head was suddenly filled by an ear-piercing scream. He and many others turned to where the scream from.
One of the main doors used by teleportation keys that were within the Department, within the Grim Reaper realm, rather than the Human realm. It was opened to reveal two persons Gakushu knew, a German and a Russian, their names where Lucia and Ivan.
Gakushu could see the struggling on Ivan's face, his curly black hair was even messier and he wore a black military styled uniform.
Lucia's appearance was dishevelled, her long blonde hair tangled in knots as it covered her face. Her chartreuse phosphorescent eyes were red and puff, telling Gakushu that the blonde had been crying and she was still crying here and there. Her glasses were strained from her tears and he watched as Lucia tried to free herself from her friend.
"Let me of me! Let go! I have to find him!" Lucia struggled under Ivan's hold as he could barely kept her constrained under his grip. His arms wrapped around her reaper uniform, a military uniform.
Ivan yelled, "Medic! I need medic! I need the Ward" Ivan yelled in the building, as his pale face held a panic look. As soon as he said the 'keyword', people around Gakushu rushed into the scene. Gakushu looked around, as he saw that those who went were mainly seniors rushing in to help.
"Help me! I need to find my baby!" Lucia continued to yell as more people came in to restrain her.
"Where is my baby!?" She cried out, she thrashed around as people began to surround her and Ivan.
Gakushu stood there, frozen in his place like the many those who had lesser experience than the seniors as they watched the scene unfold in front of them. 'What on Earth is happening?' It was shocking for Gakushu as he knew Lucia personally. She was the type of person who was always cheery, happy and very relaxed with a hint of flirt for her beloved husband, Wolfie now and then.
"My baby! Where is my baby!?" Lucia continued to scream out her words. Gakushu thought she was just like a fanatic person, crying and screaming out her words. Someone who was trying to free herself from the grips of many reapers attempting to calm her down.
Like a mother who was trying to find her lost child.
A team from the Medical Ward quickly came over in pure white lab coats came to the screaming woman and injected a sleeping agent into her. Administering the drug was a man Gakushu knew as Kim-Tae sik. Lucia as she slowly drifted away into unconsciousness, Lucia continued her mumbling as tears rained down from her reaper eyes.
"Let go of me… I have to find my baby…" Lucia's final words before she entered into the world of darkness.
Ivan carried the sleeping and drugged Lucia in his arms and was followed the medical team down the hallways. Many of the senior reapers around him acted as if nothing happened, as if was an everyday occurrence. While the juniors such as Gakushu was confused about the scenario that just played out.
'What just happened?' Gakushu thought to himself after witnessing such a scene, he needed answers and thankfully, one came to him.
Thanks to his enhanced hearing, he overheard a conversation from those who helped to restrain the German woman. "Another one." One reaper said sadly as he talked to his co-worker next him.
"What do you think triggered it?" Another reaper asked to his co-worker. The other only shrugged to indicate that he didn't know.
Gakushu decided it would be best for him to hand in his report first to calm himself down before seeing his friend.
As soon he handed in his report, he hurried his way to the Medical Ward where he went to the counter. "What room is Lucia Mühe in?" He asked, not bothering to give a charming smile to the secretary as he would if he was in the Human realm.
"Oh you must be Rilliane's boy." The secretary quickly rose up from her seat with a key in hand, and she opens the door behind her. Using the key, the door reveals another Ward, "Are you coming as well, Gretel?"
Gakushu turned around to see Gretel and she nodded. "Yes. I will also be guiding Gakushu-kun. Let's go." Gretel went into the door with Gakushu quickly followed behind.
"What just happened Gretel?" Gakushu asked as he quickened his pace to walk side by side with Gretel.
"I was hoping it would be a long time before you witness something like that." Gretel answered with a sad smile. As the two continued to walk down the white halls of the Ward, Gakushu could see the patients in each room through the large glass panels in each one.
One certain patient catches his eye and it was a certain someone from the Australian Branch. "An?"
The 18 year old was sitting in the corner and wearing a hospital gown. Her usual group of friends James, Johnny and Mark stood outside of the glass panel watching her in concern as she mumbles her words. "I'll be good… I'll be good."
Gretel walked past the group and Gakushu followed right beside her while he looked back to what he just saw. A reaper dressed in white went to the group. And before he turned back to Gretel, he saw Ikeda dashing down to the group, out of breathe.
"This is the Mental Ward specifically for reapers experiencing the 'breakdown'." Gretel explained and finally the two finally reached to the room where Lucia is housed at, room 54. Lucia was now conscious, wearing a hospital gown while continued her cries as she sat in her room. Ivan stood outside of her room and was watching his friend continuing her sobs through the glass.
"Breakdown?" Gakushu almost let his fear emitted in his words but he stopped himself in time. He couldn't allow himself to appear at such a moment. He couldn't allow himself to.
"Yes, a reaper's job can be quite depressing after a while. You are force on the job to watch people's regrets and attachments when you're on shifts." Gretel greeted the Russian and he faintly smile to the two, before placing his gaze back on Lucia. "Eventually some just snap…"
Ivan ignored interfering with the conversation of the two, knowing that Gakushu has now learnt one of the darkest aspect of a Grim Reaper. It was best for the strawberry blonde boy to know now. He continued to watch his Lucia's breakdown while waiting for Wolfie to come and help calm down her.
Lucia soon turned to the group, her eyes widening when she saw Gakushu Asano. "My baby!" She ran to the boy and was stopped by the glass wall in front of her. Nevertheless, Lucia smiled as she looked at Gakushu who was deeply confused.
"My baby, my baby." She repeated her words over and over again. It looked like she was trying to touch Gakushu's face behind the glass panel. Wolfie finally arrived at room 54 and went inside alone into the room to comfort his significant other. It looked like a child being comforted by her parent with Lucia resting on Wolfie's lap.
For some reason, Gakushu felt envious of her and he ignored a voice called out to him from the deepest depths of his mind.
Gretel and Gakushu watched the scene, unmoving and Gretel continued her explanation. "Not everyone has a breakdown but anything can trigger it."
"Those with regrets or desires are more prone. Maybe some dark memories can do the trick as well? I'm not too sure myself." Gretel's chartreuse phosphorescent eyes reflected on the glass panel as she looked at Lucia, the same for Gakushu.
"No-one knows when it will come but it goes like clockwork. Some have annually or monthly or something just triggers it. So a partner is the least likely chance to snap is assigned to ensure that if one does in a middle of a shift, that person could drag the other back into the Department." Ivan now joined in the conservation, he glanced at the boy before his reaper eyes reverted back to Lucia again.
"But what was we do know is that once someone has their first breakdown then we expect more to come." Gretel's words rang in Gakushu's head as he could hear it repeat itself over and over, remembering it word for word.
Over the course of the next couple of years, Gakushu learnt that Rilliane was a victim to this as well. He remembered watching her scribbling drawings of faces as he watch her behind the glass panels. "What colour?" She repeated those words, she was trying to find out what colour of her eyes once were when she was human.
You might ask, 'Why not just show her a picture back when she was human?' This couldn't work, for when she saw it, there is only blackness covering her face on the photo. She couldn't see who she once was, for body or her mind just blocked it out.
Eventually, Rilliane's desires built up on each other before making her snap.
Gakushu also learnt why Lucia's breakdown started, as it was her desire to become a mother. However a reaper's body could and will never allow that. It was disturbing for him to hear that it was one of the most common reasons why many other reapers across the Branches have a mental breakdown. For Lucia's case, it can come out of nowhere so Ivan must be by her side, especially when she adventured outside of the Department.
After someone is calmed from their 'burst', it was acted like if it never happened. At first, Gakushu thought it was strange. But at the same time, he was relieved as it wouldn't make the conversations or interactions with said one awkward. After a bit of deduction, Gakushu had realised that this sort of thing was now a normal occurrence to the Department and would always be. It is just accepted as a part of life since the first reaper came to their door.
Some reapers are able to break out from their breakdown, but only after many, many years. That was why it has been said that the first 50 years of a reaper is one of the most dangerous times. As the percentages of breakdowns are much higher. That was what Gretel told him.
Gakushu soon learned to accept this as a part of life as a Grim Reaper, for nothing can be done to stop such a thing. All that he can do was to help calm them from their breakdown, restrain them if one snapped or just watch.
For Lucia's case where they learnt that Lucia in her unbalanced mental state views Gakushu as her 'lost' son. So he would act as her's. If it calmed her, if it helped her cope then he will do it.
Gakushu just hoped that he wouldn't be the next victim. He remembered that Gretel has desires, and hasn't experienced one single breakdown in her 200 years of experience. She possibly might never will have one now that she passed the 50 year mark.
Gakushu hopes that he was the same as her.
"Gakushu-kun!" A familiar voice called out to him out of nowhere, and out of his flashblack as she hugged him.
"Gretel!" Gakushu voiced in surprise. He turned around to see a girl with short blonde hair and her signature ribbon on top.
"Isn't it 8:20 right now?" She asked. Gretel and Ikeda stared at the boy who grew quiet as he stared to the girl.
A couple of minutes passed. "… Fuck! I'm going to be late!"
Gakushu ignored the sounds of Ikeda's booming laughter as he ran down the halls of the Department.
