Hey guys! You have my sincerest apologies for the extreme delay! I had 23 done last Tuesday and then realized, together with my beta-reader, that it just wasn't… right; you know? So I ended up rewriting it during the course of this week and am happy to say that I finally think it's good enough to post.

Anyway so thank you for your patience and please do let me know what you think!
And thank you so, so much for your reviews on the last chapter!


Chapter 23

Steve opened his eyes, blinking against the late morning sun. His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes narrowing at the ceiling he was staring up at. It wasn't his ceiling. Yes, it was painted in the exact same shade of white as his, but he was almost certain that he was not lying under his own ceiling. He continued to glare at the ceiling confusedly, waiting for sleep to say its final goodbyes and let him think straight again. In the back of his mind, he registered that his back ached slightly, something that was unusual for him nowadays. It was only once he had buried his grudge against the ceiling and had chosen to look to his right, that the memories of the night before came crashing down on him like a vicious wave, its water clearing his mind of any grogginess. His body went rigid and he drew in a startled breath. To his right, halfway squashed against the wall, albeit looking comfortable, lay a sleeping Bucky Barnes.

The nightmare! Right! Steve wanted to kick himself for forgetting about that for even just a moment. That's why he wasn't lying in his own room! He was lying in Bucky's room, under Bucky's ceiling, in Bucky's bed, with… Steve felt his face heat up uncomfortably and he bit his bottom lip, wishing that this didn't fluster him as much as it did.

He tried to think back to the night before, tried to remember how he had felt then. He concluded that it was very possible that his worry about Bucky had somehow made him more resistant to turning embarrassingly red but apparently, that was no more. He felt like a furnace. His eyes, by the way, were staring up at the ceiling again, wide and blue and slightly terrified. Their midnight chat was playing back in his mind like a gag-reel and he cringed inwardly, remembering every thought, every feeling, but most of all- he remembered what Bucky's hand on his face had felt like. He remembered the endeared look on Bucky's face when he'd said Steve's name.

Steve clenched his jaw and shut his eyes as tightly as he could. He had to get a grip! Yes, he'd put himself in an awkward situation but he could handle this! He was a grown man and this was just Bucky! Bucky his best friend! Bucky who used to take baths with him in their underwear when they were still kids and had gotten caked in mud playing in Bucky's backyard. Bucky who used to snuggle up to Steve in winter to keep him as warm as possible when the heating in Steve's cheap apartment had failed again. They had done this before! Numerous times!

Yet not once before had Steve realized how absolutely wonderful it felt to wake up next to Bucky Barnes. And that, Steve quickly realized, was a blatant lie. It had always felt wonderful, always felt right. Waking up next to Sharon, the only person Steve had dated during Bucky's absence, hadn't felt half as good as it did waking up next to Bucky. So how was Steve ever going to be happy waking up next to anyone but Bucky? Bucky was home for Steve and Steve knew with every fibre in his body that that wasn't going to change- ever. Steve groaned, stiffening again when he realized that he could have woken Bucky up with that. His head fell to the side painstakingly slowly, bringing Bucky into view in a dramatic sweep of Steve's wide eyes. The brunet was lying on his stomach, metal shoulder pressed right up against the wall, arm buried somewhere under the blanket that the two of them shared. His right arm, Steve's eyes trailed from Bucky's shoulder all the way to his wrist, was lying across Steve's chest, hand draped down the side of Steve's torso lazily. Steve concentrated on his own breathing for a moment, watching Bucky's arm rise with his chest before falling just as his chest did. Steve's eyes flicked from Bucky's muscular arm to his face. Steve's face softening immediately when he took a moment to just look. Bucky looked blissfully content. His face completely relaxed and soft, the hard line of his eyebrows non-existent in his sleeping state. The peaceful look on Bucky's face made him look a lot younger, carrying that cheeky, childlike charm the way it always used to before trauma had hardened his features. Steve looked down at Bucky's parted lips that were letting air flow in and out between them while he breathed slowly and evenly. His brown hair was sticking up in all directions, his fringe falling in his face.

Bucky looked just like he had all those years ago, before the army, before Hydra, before the Winter Soldier. And yet, on closer inspection, Steve noticed small differences, creases around his mouth that hadn't been there before, the absence of laughter lines that he should have by now.

A warm feeling spread through Steve's body, starting from his chest and ending right at the tips of his toes and fingers. He let out a content sigh, smiling at the sleeping form of his best friend. If Steve was ever allowed to make this his reality, he would jump at the chance.

His smile faded.

But Bucky didn't love Steve the same way Steve loved him. Sure, Bucky loved him, there was no doubt about that but Bucky loved him like a brother, not as a boyfriend. In fact, Steve couldn't recall Bucky ever showing any interest in men before. He was always chasing skirts, trying to convince Steve to do the same. And this Bucky? What was this Bucky like? He was only starting to regain his old personality, to remember who he was before all of that. Somehow Steve doubted that Bucky was even remotely close to considering a relationship with anyone at that point in time.

It was a selfish thought… but Steve was glad for that, hoping that it would give him some more time with Bucky, some more time to dream of what ifs and cooking breakfast for Bucky; just the two of them, like it always had been.

Steve decided to shatter the content atmosphere, to dispel the magical feeling of warmth within himself before he could dare to believe that any of this could ever be his. He sat up slowly as not to startle Bucky, holding onto Bucky's right arm to stop it from dropping too abruptly. He let the arm down slowly, watching Bucky's face carefully.

Should he leave? Should he go back to his room? Shower? Make breakfast? Surely Bucky would still be tired after the night he had?

As if sensing Steve's thoughts, Bucky shifted, grumbling to himself in his sleep. Steve's face softened and a smile spread across his face again without his permission. Bucky nuzzled the pillow that he had taken full custody of sometime during the night, muttering more nothings to himself. Steve decided to wait it out. Once Bucky had settled down again, he would get up and shower before making some breakfast. Just that…

"Steve."

Steve's eyes widened and his mouth fell open in surprise. He leant towards Bucky a little, watching his friend's face critically to figure out whether he was still sleeping or not.

He was.

"Are you dreaming buddy?" Steve asked him at a whisper, smile widening helplessly. It felt like Steve couldn't breathe. The warmth that he had tried to dispel came back full force, stronger than ever, spreading itself throughout Steve's body stubbornly, letting him know that it wasn't about to go anywhere. He knew that he was either about to cry or laugh but the battle between the two was pretty even at that point so he was left no other choice but to wait out the result. Again, Bucky shifted, nuzzling his pillow and smiling that smile that Steve hated to admit that he loved.
"What're you dreaming about, huh?" Steve turned to face Bucky completely now, pushing his legs underneath Bucky's right arm slowly, letting it rest on his thighs.

Any thoughts of leaving had disappeared from his mind completely.

Steve tilted his head, watching Bucky's smile twitch but never falter.

He reached out a hand slowly. He let it hover above Bucky's head for a moment before letting his fingers glide through Bucky's impossibly soft hair, combing Bucky's messy fringe out of his face gently. Bucky hummed, his smile growing into a dopey grin that had Steve's heart skipping a beat. "Stevie?" Bucky asked in a voice rough with sleep. As if more of a reflex, Bucky's right hand held onto Steve's thigh gently, his thumb brushing over Steve's bare skin right below where his boxers ended. The gesture had Steve spluttering but he managed to pull himself together enough to reply, albeit a little higher in octave as was normal for him. "You awake Buck?"

"Think so." Bucky muttered, leaning his head closer to Steve's hand to encourage Steve to continue playing with his hair, "You wanna wake me like this every day from now on Stevie?" Bucky asked sleepily. When Steve laughed lightly, Bucky opened his eyes slowly, his smile growing impossibly wider when he saw Steve sitting on his bed with a light blush on his face.
The sun was shining into Bucky's room, lighting everything, including Bucky's eyes up, making them seem more grey than blue.

"I'm serious though." Bucky insisted half-heartedly, still very much in the process of fully waking up, "This is the best thing ever."

"I'm sure when you get yourself a girl she'd be happy to do this for you." Steve smiled, feeling proud of himself for playing it off cool and managing to hide how much it hurt to say something like that. Bucky on the other hand, frowned, pushing against Steve's hand as if trying to prove a point.

"I don't want some gal to do this." Bucky mumbled, closing his eyes, more tired than he was letting on.

"Then what Buck?" Steve asked him, secretly hoping for a very specific answer. He knew he shouldn't be feeding his flame of hope but he couldn't really help it.

"Kinda want you to do this for me." Bucky mumbled, opening his eyes again to blink up at Steve. Steve's face had gone a darker shade of red and he was biting down on his tongue in an attempt to keep it together. Finding himself incapable of speaking properly, he offered Bucky a flustered smile that painted a similar smile onto Bucky's slightly tanned face.

"So uh…" After a moment of silence, Bucky sat up slowly, wrapping the blanket around his lower torso in the process before resting his arms on his lap, "What're you doing here?"

Right. Steve almost sighed It was normal for Bucky not to remember his nightmares the morning after. The worse the nightmare had been, the less likely Bucky was to remember anything about it. Sam had said that it was a mechanism his brain had developed to protect him.

"You had a nightmare." As soon as Steve had said that, Bucky's eyes were studying Steve worriedly, looking out for any cuts or bruises. "Hey." Steve reached out his hand, resting it on Bucky's right one comfortingly, "You didn't do anything."

"Don't just be saying that to make me feel-."

"You know I don't lie to you Buck." Steve interrupted him sternly, glaring him down until Bucky relented, lifting his left hand in surrender.

"Well I'm glad." Bucky decided, smiling up at Steve in that same broken way that Steve had gotten used to him smiling. Gone was the cat-like smile from a moment ago, gone was the carefreeness, the childlike expression on his face. There were shadows underneath Bucky's eyes now and his eyes themselves looked slightly hollow, haunted. His jaw was set and his lips were pursed in a tense line. In a gesture of helplessness, Steve released Bucky's right hand, trying to ignore how Bucky's fingers twitched as if he wanted to chase Steve's hand with his own. Bucky's storm-grey eyes followed the movement of Steve's hand until it came to rest on the top of Bucky's head where Steve's fingers started to card through Bucky's hair again.

"Thank you, Steve."

"For what?"

"For saving me."

Steve's fingers stalled…

"Any…. Anytime Buck."


Steve felt less flustered, less shaken as soon as he was standing in front of the oven with a spatula in his hand. He had pulled over a pair of jogging pants and a white t-shirt that stretched obscenely across his broad chest and shoulders. He'd left Bucky in his room as soon as the brunet was fully awake, giving him the time he needed to get ready.

Steve's hair was still tousled but he decided to tend to that when he went to shower in the evening.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear Bucky walk into the living area on bare feet that tapped against the floorboards gently. The sizzling of the eggs in the pan filled Steve's mind with white noise while the conversation he had just had with Bucky played back in his mind while he analysed and analysed and-.

"You'd be the perfect husband, you know that?" Inwardly, Steve was jumping out of his skin and screaming, probably dropping the spatula and catapulting the scrambled eggs across the kitchen by mistake. On the outside, he managed to supress his fright to a mere twitch.

"Must you sneak up on me like that?" Steve muttered reproachfully, smiling when Bucky snorted. Steve felt a weight settle on his shoulder right before a few strands of hair tickled his ear. Bucky was leaning his chin on Steve's shoulder, peering down at his soon-to-be breakfast hungrily.

"Sorry."

"You should only apologize when you mean it, jerk." Steve chastised him playfully and Bucky gave him another snort.

"Well I am kind of sorry." Bucky offered cheekily, "I mean I wouldn't want ya to hurt yourself with that frying pan."

"I'm a trained agent Buck, I'm sure I can handle a frying pan."

"You sure?"

"Buzz off." Steve muttered moodily, "Or do you not want breakfast after all?"

"I'd die without breakfast Stevie! Didn't you get the memo? My metabolism-."

"I know!" Steve interrupted him with a laugh, "And here I thought you used to eat a lot before you went off to the army. I have never been more wrong."

"If you weren't making me breakfast, I might even consider pretending to be offended." Bucky mused. Steve's heart jumped into his throat when he felt Bucky wrap his arms around Steve's waist, right hand taking a hold of his left to interlock his hands and rest them on Steve's stomach. Yet despite Steve's fluster and despite how nervous their position made him, he revelled in it, smiling to himself while he continued to prepare their breakfast, Bucky watching Steve's hands lazily.

This, was by far the most perfect morning Steve had ever had in his life.


Later that day, Steve and Bucky were watching TV, shoulders leant against one another when Bucky suddenly straightened up, looking over at Steve confusedly. Knowing what that look meant, Steve muted the TV quickly before turning his full attention to Bucky.

"What did you remember?" Steve asked him quietly, ready to give him the time he needed to decipher the sometimes confusing and jumbled memory. "Who's Sharon?" Bucky was sure that he hadn't known a Sharon before, knew that she hadn't played a role in his life before. The memory was comprised of nothing but a name; not a face, not an emotion.

"Sharon?" Steve's voice shook a little and Bucky's focus shifted from himself to Steve immediately.

"Who is she?" Bucky pressed.

"I told you about her once. The day I took you out of the interrogation room the first time?" Realization spread across Bucky's face and he nodded for Steve to continue his explanation, "Well I was together with her three years ago, for about a month. It didn't take long for us to realize that things were going to work out between the two of us."

"Why's that?" Bucky asked, edging a little closer to Steve curiously. Steve didn't quite know how to answer that question. He wanted to be honest with Bucky because lying to him was impossible for Steve and yet he didn't want to tell Bucky what he had realized through the relationship with Sharon. "She was really sweet and all," Steve started, speaking slowly enough to double-check every word before uttering it, "She was really smart, caring and incredibly ambitious."

"Sounds kinda like you." Bucky commented.

"Yeah well, besides that, we had nothing in common. She was always busy with work and I was-." Steve's word-filter sounded alarm and his mouth snapped shut automatically with a loud clack of his teeth.

"You were…?" Of course Bucky would want to know how that sentence finished, especially because Steve's face was going from pale to rosy in record time.

"I just… wasn't ready for a serious relationship. At least… not with Sharon." Steve struggled for words, looking down at his lap where his fingers were interlocking awkwardly.

"What were you waiting for?" Bucky inquired, eyes shimmering with the feintest hint of worry for his best friend.

"I didn't realize this at the time when we broke up, but after a while, I realized that I was waiting for the right partner. And Sharon? She just wasn't it." Steve made the mistake of looking up at Bucky, his clear blue eyes finding Bucky's stormy ones.

Under any other circumstances, Steve would have noticed it. He would have noticed the way Bucky's eyes that were searching Steve's own, found what they were looking for. He would have noticed the way Bucky's eyes widened even the slightest. He would have noticed the way Bucky's face straightened out, the way his eyebrows twitched.

In hindsight, Steve would kick himself for it.

He would kick himself for not noticing that Bucky had just realized something.

Something important.


There you have it! This chapter made me happy to write xD

Well, please let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading this far!

See you again next week!