Hey guys! It's a little later than usual I know, that's because I've been running like crazy all day to finish things off. You see, I'm going on vacation as of tomorrow and I'm only going to be back on the 30th of June. (Two and a half months! I'm freaking out here!) But I'll still try to be good and keep to our weekly dates!
Here you have chapter 26! I really hope you enjoy it!
Also, thank you SO much for your reviews on the previous chapter! They made me so happy! :D
Chapter 26
"You're beautiful, do you know that?" Bucky asked him quietly.
Steve's blue eyes widened and his mouth fell open.
"Buck… what?"
Bucky zoned back in, realizing, much to his mortification, that he had just said that out loud. As if of its own accord, his mind locked down, his body becoming stubbornly stiff, his face closing off, hiding any hint of emotion from Steve who was searching Bucky's eyes.
"Sorry Stevie. It's nothing." Bucky tried to shrug it off, tried to do some damage control before Steve could kick him out of their apartment. Yes, Bucky was fully aware that Steve was open-minded when it came to sexuality but he didn't know how Steve would feel about living in the same apartment as his best friend who was in love with him. He was too afraid to even consider the possible outcomes to telling Steve about his feelings, deciding that keeping it to himself was probably his best option. What Bucky had let slip though, seemed to have lit a spark of curiosity in Steve that was threatening to burst into an inferno at any moment. There was a sense of urgency to the way Steve was searching Bucky's eyes and it made the brunet's skin crawl in an unfamiliar and yet enticing way. He wanted to chase that feeling, see where it came from and what would happen if he poked at it a little, thinking of the different ways that feeling could change depending on the signals Steve was sending out.
He stopped himself though, knowing that indulging in any of his own feelings at this point would only lead to him spilling more than was good for their friendship.
Steve licked his lips nervously. Bucky had gone cold and it scared Steve. The closed-off expression on Bucky's face made Steve feel unsure, like he was walking on ice. It made him want to back away and avert his eyes, but he couldn't; not after what Bucky had just said.
Steve wanted to reprimand Bucky, tell him again not to treat Steve like one of his girls but Steve had to begrudgingly admit that he wanted Bucky to treat him the way he used to treat his dates. He wanted Bucky to smile at him coyly, to hold his hand, to tell everyone how gorgeous he was. Bucky had had so many girls though and Steve didn't want to be just a number, he wanted to be the only one that mattered anymore. It was a silly thought spun out of his farfetched dreams about the possibility that his best friend could see more than just a friend in Steve.
And yet… Bucky had called him beautiful. It had made Steve's insides light up with electricity, made his cheeks feel like hot coals. Still, Steve was acutely aware that Bucky used to be an incorrigible flirt before he left with the 107th. He'd flirt with a number of girls every day and when he got home to Steve, the flirting wouldn't stop at the doorstep. Flirting used to be as natural as breathing for Bucky and although Bucky might not remember how to actually flirt, calling Steve beautiful might just have been the first step towards falling back into the habit.
"It's fine Buck…" Steve muttered, conjuring up the most convincing smile he could, "It isn't the first time you've called me that."
Bucky winced. He wanted to tell Steve that nothing had changed, that he still believed that Steve was the most beautiful person he had ever encountered, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. He was like a beacon of light in a dull world for Bucky, even during his time in the military, even during his time with Hydra.
He'd just never told Steve as much.
"Can I ask you a favour though?" Bucky perked up at Steve's request, nodding his head readily. The look on Steve's face saddened then, becoming a little darker, his eyes a slightly duller again.
"Can you not?"
"What?" Bucky asked, frowning at the strange request.
"Could you not call me beautiful? I told you before that I don't want you treating me like one of your girls. I know I'm not and I know I won't ever be, I just… it'd be easier if you stopped." Steve offered him another forced smile before turning to leave while Bucky processed what Steve had just asked of him.
The meaning behind Steve's words hit Bucky like a rock to a window, smashing through his fears and reservations, echoing throughout his body in form of a buzz that made his heart do a double-take. The barricade he had built up around his mind crumbled away like dried pastry and the stiffness in his body drained out of him instantly.
He knew what he wanted to do. He knew what he had to do.
"But you are beautiful Stevie."
Steve froze in the motion of pushing down on the door handle, lingering like that for a moment before turning around to face Bucky again, back pressed against the door. His face was harder than usual, eyebrows pulled together in a frown.
"Buck stop."
"Can't."
"Why not?" Steve retorted, crossing his arms across his chest defensively. Was Bucky joking with him? Would Bucky really joke about something like this? Surely he wouldn`t after what Steve had just asked of him?
"Because I ain't a good actor." Bucky admitted, "Never have been actually."
"And what does that have to do with any of this?"
"I can't pretend like you ain't beautiful." Bucky explained, wavering unsurely when Steve stiffened defensively.
Bucky used to be good with words, a lot better than he was now. Nowadays, he was much better with actions than words, trusting his body more than he trusted his mind.
He moved to stand directly in front of Steve, surprised when Steve didn't make a move to stop him or to flee. He advanced until the tips of his socked toes were brushing against Steve's and he could feel Steve's warm breath on his face. Steve's eyes were a beautiful mixture of anticipation, scepticism and nervousness and Bucky couldn't help but take a moment to admire the way the emotions blended together in the azure blue of his best friend's eyes.
"What're you doing Bucky?" Steve asked him breathlessly, jumping when Bucky put his hands on Steve's hips, pulling him a little closer. Bucky was bracing himself for the imminent rejection, for the moment that Steve would lift his hands to push against Bucky's chest and tell him to stop but until Steve did that, Bucky was going to press on. He was already knee-deep so why not dive the rest of the way in?
Steve's eyes didn't seem to be able to decide on a point on Bucky's face to focus on, flicking from one spot to the next, lingering on Bucky's grey-blue eyes every few seconds.
Steve mouthed Bucky's name in a silent plea for him to snap out of it. Bucky didn't notice though. He was too busy thinking back to the girls he had dated, remembering what it had felt like to hold them, to kiss them- Steve was so different and Bucky loved it. Steve was right, he wasn't like any of the girls that Bucky had previously dated and all at once, Bucky realized why it had never worked out with any of them: because holding them wasn't like holding Steve. Because kissing them was probably very unlike kissing Steve. Because talking to them was nowhere near as enrapturing as talking to Steve and because waking up next to them wasn't as wonderful as waking up next to Steve.
Bucky tensed when Steve stirred, finally able to snap himself out of his initial stupor. The blond lifted his strong arms and Bucky was sure that he was about to push him away.
He didn't though.
Instead, Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's waist tentatively, fingers pushing against the small of Bucky's back experimentally. Bucky relaxed into the contact, focusing on the feeling of Steve's fingers examining the strong strings of muscle covering his lower back. Every time Steve's fingers pushed between two muscles, it made Bucky want to arch his back to escape the pressure but he managed to stop himself.
"I'm really sorry Stevie." Bucky mumbled regretfully after a long pause.
"What're you apologizing for buddy?" Steve asked him quietly, knowing that even at a whisper, Bucky could hear him clearly.
"I don't want you to hate me." Bucky replied dolefully.
"Buck." Steve tightened his arms around Bucky, giving him a reproachful look that made Bucky want to bow his head sheepishly. "I could never hate you. You know that!"
"Even if I can't stop thinking 'bout ya?" Steve's eyes widened and he spluttered for a moment before forcing himself to keep it together, identifying the vulnerability in Bucky's eyes as soon as it appeared.
"Even then."
"Even if I wanna be with you all the time?"
"Of course Bucky." Steve smiled nervously.
"Even if I don't wanna be with any girls ever again?"
"Yeah. Even then Buck." Steve felt light-headed, his mind struggling to process what Bucky was saying. This had to be some sort of dream. Had Steve fallen asleep in the park while people-watching after leaving Sam that morning? Surely he wasn't leaning against Bucky with him only inches away, telling Steve that he… no… Steve was sure he was misunderstanding! There was no way that Bucky returned the feelings Steve had for him! He was certain that Bucky would snap out of it at any moment before doing something he could end up regretting. Bucky wasn't interested in men, never had been and he definitely wasn't interested in Steve! Steve would have noticed if his best friend was bisexual or gay, right? He would definitely have noticed if Bucky had feelings for him!
Steve wanted to speak up, tell Bucky to stop before he could do anything he didn't really want to do but his brain had spontaneously decided to cut any connections it had with his mouth, leaving him with no other choice but to stare at Bucky like a deer caught in headlights.
"Well what about if I sometimes wonder what it feels like to kiss you?"
Steve's brain short-circuited and he gaped at Bucky for a solid ten seconds before bowing his head when his brain caught up to what Bucky had said and sent a whole lot of blood rushing into Steve's cheeks in response. Knowing that Bucky needed some sort of reaction, he pushed his fingers into Bucky's back firmly, urging him a little closer. Bucky obliged, moving so that Steve's forehead was leaning against Bucky's chest.
"I…" Steve bit down on his tongue, going over the words that had come to him over and over and over again before daring to speak them out loud, fear punctuating every letter, every syllable, "I can't hate you for wondering the thing about me that I've been wondering about you for years." He whispered, wishing that Bucky would miss it but knowing that he wouldn't. This was confirmed when Bucky let out a slow breath to compose himself, leaning his weight against Steve so that Steve's back came into contact with the bathroom door again.
"Are you serious?" Bucky asked him breathlessly and Steve smiled almost automatically, lifting his head to look up at his best friend. His smile widened into a goofy grin when he saw that Bucky of all people was blushing too, his eyes shimmering with more happiness than Steve had ever seen.
"I wouldn't joke about something like this Buck." Steve promised him, biting his lip when Bucky's beautiful lips pulled into an equally as beautiful grin that made Steve's knees feel weak.
"So…" Bucky paused, eyes flicking down to Steve's smiling lips before looking Steve in the eye again, "Is it okay if I…?"
"Really Buck?" Steve asked him with a laugh and an eye-roll. He removed his hands from Bucky's back, lifting them to Bucky's chest to pull him forward by his shirt. Bucky let out a surprised laugh that was quickly silenced when their lips met in a firm, determined and slightly urgent kiss that was long overdue. Steve didn't even have to coax Bucky's lips to move because Bucky was kissing back before he had even really registered what was happening.
Steve knew that Bucky was probably a good kisser but he had no idea that Bucky was going to be that good. He stumbled forward, against Bucky, clinging onto the other man to prevent himself from sinking to the ground. His legs were positively weak and his heart was doing summersaults in his chest. It felt like his lungs were tightening the way they would when he was having an asthma attack but Steve didn't care. Bucky was there with him so even if he did have an asthma attack, Bucky would take care of him. He always did.
Steve was so overwhelmed by emotion that he almost broke the kiss to bury his face in Bucky's chest to stop himself from crying. Everything from the day that he had thought Bucky had died to finding Bucky again and then going through therapy with him came rushing back, all of it coming to a halt at the very moment that Steve had realized that Bucky, for whatever reason, cared about Steve in the same way that Steve cared about him.
"Where the hell did you learn to kiss like this Stevie?" Bucky asked him, smiling when Steve chased his lips to resume the kiss. Bucky returned the kiss readily, deepening the kiss until Steve opened up his mouth for him. Steve's hands trailed from Bucky chest, past his strong shoulders before coming to rest at the back of Bucky's neck, his arms draped over Bucky's shoulders loosely. His long fingers started carding through the hair on the back of Bucky's head and the brunet groaned, the sound resonating in his chest and reverberating all the way into Steve's chest.
This was, by far, the best kiss Steve had ever had in his entire life. He couldn't quite describe the way Bucky tasted but he committed it to memory, every detail of it like he would memorize things he wanted to draw.
It didn't take long before Bucky's hands started wandering, moving from Steve's hips, up along the front of Steve's torso until they were cupping Steve's face. Bucky's right hand twitched minutely with every new sensation he felt but his left one stayed completely still, the cold metal a strong contrast to Steve's flaming face.
Steve could do this all day, wanted to do this all day but he knew that it was probably better to take things slow. He used his hands on the back of Bucky's neck to guide him away from his own lips, smiling like an idiot when Bucky made an unhappy noise in the back of his throat at the loss of contact.
"C'mon Stevie just a little longer. It feels so good." Bucky's pupils were dilated, taking over most of the blue of Bucky's eyes. Steve wondered if he looked just as wrecked as Bucky did.
"I'm feeling kinda lightheaded actually." Steve admitted embarrassedly, biting his lip when Bucky frowned at him worriedly.
"When was the last time you had something to eat?" He asked Steve, frowning even more when Steve averted his eyes sheepishly, "Steve?"
"Well… when I met Sam."
"You haven't eaten all day?!" Steve's eyes found Bucky's and he was shocked to see that Bucky was angry. "Doll you gotta look after yourself more!" The nickname slipped again and Bucky cringed, giving Steve an apologetic look. This time though, Steve smiled up at him with a flattered blush that made Bucky want to kiss him all over again. He supressed the urge though, knowing that he had far more important things to deal with right then. He took a hold of Steve's hand with his flesh one, pulling him away from the door to open it. He guided Steve into the living room where Flake had settled down at the foot of the couch on the small grey rug they had lain out for her. Steve followed Bucky readily, eyes trained on their hands that were entwined firmly.
Was all of this really happening?
Bucky sat him down at the island in the kitchen before getting to work on some sandwiches while Steve watched him with adoring eyes. Every time Bucky looked in Steve's direction and saw that Steve was watching him, he smiled at Steve warmly. It was nice to be able to look at Bucky now without thinking that he was doing something unheard of. He watched the way Bucky's muscles moved beneath the shirt he was wearing, appreciating the fact that he had chosen to wear a short-sleeved shirt. That warm feeling started blooming in Steve's chest and he let it, enjoying the way it made him feel like he had finally made it home, that he was right there where he was meant to be.
"I meant it by the way." Steve blinked, finding Bucky looking at him over his shoulder, "You need to look after yourself better Steve."
"It was just this one time." Steve defend himself gently, too content to put much conviction behind his words. Bucky huffed, finishing off the sandwiches before joining Steve at the island. They started eating in silence and Steve quickly realized that something wasn't quite right with Bucky. His shoulders were tense and he chewed a little more forcefully than was necessary, his flesh fingers leaving clear indents in the white bread.
"Is something wrong?" Steve asked Bucky worriedly, instinctively reaching out his free hand to grasp onto Bucky's metal one tightly. The touch made Bucky relax a little but didn't wipe the frown from Bucky's face.
"I should have told you that I went to Peggy's." Bucky grumbled, "If I had, you wouldn't have been too upset to eat."
"I think you made up for that Buck." Steve smiled at him, thankful when Bucky smiled back, "Did you have a good time at Peggy's?" He added, hoping to divert Bucky's attention away from chastising himself for doing something behind Steve's back.
"I did, yeah. She was surprised."
"At how much you've changed?" Steve chimed in and Bucky nodded with a light laugh.
"I went to talk to her about you…" Bucky admitted, "about my feelings for you."
"And that's why you didn't want to tell me?" Steve guessed, nodding his head in understanding when Bucky nodded, "Well that makes sense."
"I'm glad." Bucky stated dryly, making Steve laugh.
"It's fine Buck. Really! That's behind us alright? I'm not angry at you for it anymore. It was a misunderstanding, that's all."
"I guess." Bucky relented, the annoyed look giving way to a smirk, "Well the next time you go out somewhere, I guess I'll just have to come along." Steve smiled a little confusedly, studying the smirk on Bucky's face and the mischievous twinkle in his storm-grey eyes.
"Is that your way of asking me on a date Barnes?" He asked a little nervously, hoping he wasn't misreading the look on Bucky's face.
"And what if it is, punk?"
"Then I'd probably say yes. Definitely, jerk."
There you go! Short and sweet and fluffy!
Let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading!
