Hey guys! So are you ready for some more feelings?
Also: I need your imput for chapter 29 so please, once you've read this chapter, don't forget to read the note I write at the end! Thank you so much!
Enjoy!
Chapter 28
"This was a bad idea." Steve was going to be sick; or die- maybe both!
"This was the best idea you've ever had!" Bucky, on the other hand, looked like he was having the time of his life. Usually that would make Steve feel better, were it not for the ominous sound of rollercoaster wheels running over rails as the snake of carts rose higher and higher.
"Buck I'm gonna be sick!" Steve whined, pushing into Bucky's side instinctively. Bucky snaked his arm around Steve's waist, pulling him closer comfortingly. Steve's hands were both clasping onto the black rail that had been secured across their lower chests, knuckles going white under the strain.
"You'll be fine, doll." Bucky mumbled, placing a kiss against Steve's temple, "Just hold onto me."
Steve didn't have to be told twice. His hands darted from the black bar to Bucky's chest and leg, fingers finding fabric to cling onto while they neared the top of the first hill. The view was absolutely breath-taking: the ocean stretched out in front of them, glistening in oranges and reds, a reflection of the setting sun. Below them, the fare was still very much alive, people directing their eyes skywards to watch the Cyclone descend. The ocean breeze was a lot stronger at their altitude and it whipped through Steve's hair, tickling Bucky's neck.
"Hey Steve?"
"What the hell do you want Bucky?" Steve gasped unhappily.
Bucky sighed, giving Steve's temple another adoring kiss before moving to whisper in Steve's ear, a smile playing on his lips while he did so. "I just remembered something."
"Oh yeah?"
"The last time we were on here… I loved you back then already."
Steve's head shot up from where it had been pressed against Bucky's shoulder. His blue eyes were wide, full of emotion and astonishment. His lips were moving, opening and closing as if wanting to form words but having forgotten how to.
"I love you Steve."
Steve's stomach was the first to know about their sudden decent, lurching as soon as the rollercoaster dove down. Steve yelped, ducking his head and burying it in the crook of Bucky's neck while the brunet laughed and laughed and laughed without a care in the world. Bucky wrapped both his arms around Steve, holding onto him firmly while the rollercoaster dipped and rose, screeching over the rails at breakneck speed, the turns and curves the rails took pushing their bodies together.
Much like most other rollercoasters, the ride was over fairly quickly. The carts evened out, slowing down like a train pulling into the station. It was only once Steve was certain that it was over, that he lifted his head to look at Bucky.
Steve looked absolutely beautiful to Bucky.
His eyes shone with a mixture of relief and exhilaration. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was dishevelled, sticking up in all directions.
"I…" Steve paused, having to swallow in order to moisten his throat again before speaking, "I love you too." He gasped breathlessly, his lips parting into a dazzling grin that was nothing short of dazzling.
"Say that again." Bucky asked, begged.
Steve ducked his head, fingers fiddling with a loose strand on Bucky's jeans. "I love you Buck."
Steve didn't have to be looking at him to sense the relief that washed over Bucky in that moment. Steve didn't have to ask him to know that in that moment, something had settled deep inside of the former assassin.
"Thank you." The words were whispered, not because Bucky didn't want anyone to hear them, but because they were so laden with raw emotion that he found it impossible to say them loudly. Every single different emotion was received by Steve, painted onto a blank canvas in Steve's mind in big, expressive brush strokes, painting a picture of a broken man who thought that Hydra had taken everything good about him and destroyed it, leaving him worthless and undeserving of love.
Steve's painting of Bucky was a different one though. It was full of yellows and oranges, of warm colours and happiness. It was sunflowers in spring and magical wonderlands in winter. It was warm chicken soup in the midst of a flu and cheap ice-cream from the vendor down the road. It was plasters and strong fists that protected him with a ferocity the likes of which Steve had never seen before. It was corny jokes and nights spent on the fire escape talking; dancing lessons that would end up in tickling matches. It was baseball games in the midst of summer and sunburns after the beach.
Steve's painting of Bucky was that of a beautiful soul and a big, warm heart that just gave and gave and never faltered.
Then, Steve kissed him.
He didn't care that they were still in the rollercoaster, waiting for the assistant to undo the black bars across their laps. He didn't care that the people behind them were forced to watch. All he cared about in that moment was painting that picture for Bucky, to show him all the beautiful colours and the warmth, the love. The kiss was passionate and messy and probably the best kiss either of them had ever had. Bucky's hands lifted to frame Steve's face, holding him like a precious thing, like a porcelain vase beautifully crafted by Asian craftsmen who have learnt the craft all their lives.
The sound of a metal bar clicking into place yanked them out of it and they pulled apart just in time for the assistant to lift the bar over their heads. With a smile and a wink, the young man moved on to the cart behind them.
Steve and Bucky walked in silence for a while, holding each other's hands tightly as they walked. They made their way along the boardwalk, carefully dodging running children and dogs. The sun had almost set completely now and the boardwalk was lit up with strings of lights along the right side and lanterns along the left side next to the railing separating the wooden boardwalk and the beach. The evening was warm and crisp, despite the ocean breeze whipping about around them, picking up napkins from unsuspecting tourists and whipping the small white squares up into the air, chased by uncoordinated and often ketchup-covered hands trying to catch them again.
They continued on straight, the strange red tower in the distance drawing closer and closer the longer they walked. Neither of them seemed to have a destination in mind, both lost in their own thoughts as they wandered. Behind them, the large Ferris Wheel was turning with children staring out over Brooklyn with wondering eyes and large smiles.
"You didn't throw up."
Steve stopped in his tracks. He had gotten so accustomed to the silence between them, that it took him a few seconds to even register what Bucky had said.
"I didn't throw up." Steve agreed with a small smile, "But then again I had a compelling reason not to."
"Oh yeah?" Bucky smirked, giving Steve's hand a gentle pull to coax him into walking next to him again, "It was that girl sitting in the cart in front of us, wasn't it? You thought she was cute!"
Steve burst out into a fit of laughter, laughing so hard that he had to lean into Bucky to be able to keep moving forward.
"Damnit Buck!" Steve cackled, his free hand resting against the flat of his aching stomach while Bucky Bear, as Steve had dubbed his teddy, was wedged between Steve's upper arm and his waist.
"Hey you ain't denying it'ere Rogers!" Bucky pointed out jokily and it had Steve giggling all over again.
"Listen," Steve held up a hand, trying to catch his breath between short bursts of laughter, "You know fully well that you've gone and ruined me for anyone else Buck."
"God, I hope so." Bucky blurted out and it was probably one of the first times Steve had seen Bucky full-on blush before. Bucky bit his lip, averting his eyes once he realized that he had accidentally worded his thoughts.
With a goofy smile, Steve led Bucky to the edge of the boardwalk to one of the wooden benches that was still unoccupied. The two settled down there and Steve's hand found Bucky's leg immediately, resting there gently. The look on Bucky's face was familiar: Steve knew that he needed to give Bucky a moment to gather his thoughts. It was one of the post-Winter-Soldier things that Steve had had to get accustomed to but now that he had, it was just another part of Bucky and that meant that Steve didn't mind it in the slightest.
Bucky's right hand settled down on top of Steve's gently, Bucky's slightly larger hand covering Steve's completely.
"I haven't had this much fun since before I enlisted. In fact, I haven't had this much fun on any of the dates I've been on before." Bucky admitted, lifting his head to look at Steve whose smile was a mixture of surprise and happiness.
"Same here, Buck." Steve assured him, moving their hand until their fingers were entwined tightly.
"You never had any fun on those dates anyway Stevie." Bucky mumbled.
Shocked, Steve averted his eyes, wondering when Bucky had figured that out. In his mind, Steve had always been very good at hiding the fact that he had only gone on all those double-dates for Bucky's sake.
"Steve."
When Steve didn't look at him, Bucky turned Steve's head in his direction with his left hand, gentle as ever even with the prosthetic. "Back then, I thought that you didn't have fun 'cause you were nervous or something. I didn't have a clue that it was 'cause it was hurtin' you."
"Buck." Steve's face softened, "It's okay. It's in the past."
"What I'm tryin'a say is that I'm sorry for hurting you. You know that I don't ever wanna hurt you Stevie."
"I know."
"So here's me trying to make sure that you never gotta watch me go on a date with another gal or fella."
Before Steve could quite grasp the weight of what Bucky meant by that, Bucky's lips were on Steve's, moving almost urgently against his. Steve returned the kiss willingly, his fingers tightening around Bucky's hand. If Bucky chose not to ask Steve the question; if he chose to leave it at just the kiss with which to ask Steve permission, that would have been perfectly fine with Steve because Bucky's intentions and his feelings translated beautifully into the way he was kissing Steve. It made Steve dizzy, forced him to lean into Bucky even more just to keep himself from losing his balance.
"I wanna be selfish." Bucky whispered against Steve's lips, "Lemme be selfish Stevie. Don't want you to love someone else ever again. Not like this. Not like you love me."
"Don't want you loving someone else either Buck." Steve admitted, pulling away from Bucky's lips in favour of seeing Bucky's face. Bucky looked dizzy himself, his eyes searching Steve's face almost as if he was trying to convince himself that Steve was really sitting in front of him.
"Then… will you? Will you be my boyfriend Stevie?"
"What do you think, jerk?" Steve rolled his eyes, much like he used to when they were still teenagers in school. And just like Steve had so often wanted to back then, he pulled Bucky in by the hem of his leather jacket and kissed him hard.
Bucky looked out the window, watching the streetlamp below. Truthfully, he wasn't really doing much watching, more daydreaming really. Steve and Bucky had gotten home way after sunset, both exhausted and ridiculously happy. He'd gone for a shower first before settling down in his queen-sized bed with Flake at his feet, rolled into a surprisingly compact ball of white fur. He let the day play back in his mind over and over again, a silly sort of smile on his face while he did so.
He hadn't been this happy in absolute years. In fact, the only times he had ever felt this happy, from what he could remember, was when he was with Steve. The man Bucky had been before Hydra still seemed unfamiliar to him in some ways and he caught himself wondering why that Bucky hadn't tried to hold onto Steve more. He wondered why he had been too scared to tell Steve the truth about how he felt before leaving with the 107th.
Maybe it had been the fact that losing Steve before going off with the military had been the most terrifying thing he could have ever imagine back then. Now, the most terrifying thing he could imagine was forget Steve again. Steve was a part of him and if he forgot Steve, he'd lose a part of himself. If he forgot Steve, he could no longer be there for Steve, he couldn't give Steve what he wanted, he couldn't make sure that Steve was happy. And Steve not being happy? Well that was just about the worst thing Bucky could imagine- worse than what Hydra did to him, worse than any of his nightmares.
Bucky was yanked out of his thoughts by a gentle knock on the door. Flake perked up, her wagging tail signalling that it was Steve at the door.
"Come in Stevie." Bucky called out. His stomach did an excited little flip when Steve walked in. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top. That man looked far too good for his own good- for Bucky's good.
"Had a good shower?" Bucky forced out, noting that Steve's hair was still damp and that his cheeks were still coloured an inviting rosy red.
"Yeah!" Steve grinned, "It's exactly what I needed after today."
"Yeah. Felt the same." Bucky agreed.
Steve was lingering in the doorway rather awkwardly, not sure whether he should come in or not. For what it was worth, Bucky definitely seemed to want him around judging by the smile on his handsome face. It was just, the dynamic between the two of them had changed and Steve wasn't quite sure how to act now.
"I uh, came to say thank you for today. I had a really great time." Steve explained, rocking back and forth from heel to toe nervously, watching the way Bucky's eyes kept sweeping across his body before returning to his face.
"Thank you for saying yes to coming with me, doll."
"Sure." Steve spluttered, feeling heat rise into his cheeks and nose.
"Hey, doll?"
Steve felt more and more heat rise into his cheeks and he had to bite down on his lip to compose himself when he looked up at Bucky.
"What's up?" He asked, trying his hardest to sound casual.
"C'mere a second."
Hesitating for only a moment, Steve obliged, bowing his head again while he made his way over to Bucky's bed in large strides.
As soon as Steve was within reach, Bucky's now bare metal hand took a hold of the back of Steve's head, pulling him down so that Bucky could crash his lips against Steve's.
Short chapter but I had to divide the date chapter into two; I hope that didn't make it awkward or anything.
So here's where I need your guys' help.
What would you like to see happening going forward from the last scene in this chapter? I was thinking that the next chapter starts off shortly after the end of this one. I'm going to write the next chapter solley based on what you guys wanna read so... don't be shy, let me know what kind of chapter the next should be.
Well, thank you guys for reading! And I'll see you again next week!
