Hey everyone! Okay so I adored this chapter! I had so much fun writing it! I've wanted to put in this specific scene for a while now and I finally found a good point in the story to do it!
So I really, really hope you enjoy it!


Chapter 29

Steve's head was spinning.

At his back, the soft mattress embraced him while his front was pressed against Bucky who was leaning over him like a warm blanket. Steve's hands were roaming greedily, taking in the dips and bumps of Bucky's abdomen appreciatively. Bucky's taught muscles felt good against Steve's fingertips- a feeling the blond wanted to indulge in for as long as Bucky let him.

Their kisses were desperate; a mixture of adoration and an almost anxious want to convey what either of the two was feeling inside. Despite their messy kisses, their lips slotted together seamlessly, their bodies working perfectly together, like two opposite pieces fitting together perfectly.

The dull lamp on Bucky's nightstand was casting a golden glow over the two men while the moon shone like a lantern in the night sky outside Bucky's bedroom window.

Beneath Steve's calloused hand, Bucky's stomach rose and fell with the shallow breaths that he tried to take between kisses. Steve's other hand was curving around the bend of Bucky's ribcage, the tips of his fingers pushing into Bucky's skin, begging him to come closer, to stay. In response to the pressure against his back, Bucky scooped one arm beneath Steve, using it to lift Steve up towards him, pushing their torsos together. Steve smiled against Bucky's lips, giddy from the absolute joy of being able to do this with the man he loved.

It felt to Steve as though he was in a warm cocoon filled with Bucky's scent, with the feel of Bucky and the taste of Bucky. It was like Bucky was surrounding him, enrapturing him like a soft blanket in winter. All the new impressions and feelings rushing through him were almost intoxicating, making his throat dry and his head fuzzy.

Steve felt like a puzzle that had been incomplete for all this time, finally completed by that one puzzle piece named James Buchanan Barnes.

Everything made sense. Everything felt right.

Every touch, every sensation and every sound was committed to memory as though Steve wanted to paint this. And maybe he did. Maybe he wanted to get the largest canvas he could find and paint the emotions he was feeling in bright oil paint of which the smell would stick to Steve's skin for days to come like a hickey.

Steve was so lost in the feeling of Bucky's warm lips against his that he almost didn't feel Bucky lift him a little higher to work on Steve's tank top, lifting it higher and higher until he could slip it over the blonde's head with one quick movement. Steve whined, annoyed by the loss of contact and demanding more. Bucky chuckled, shaking his head adoringly at his boyfriend's impatience.

With a mischievous smirk, he leant down again, letting his lips ghost across Steve's teasingly before moving along Steve's strong jawline, down to his neck. Steve gasped as soon as Bucky's warm, wet lips touched his neck. His hands froze before twisting away from Bucky's skin in favour of clutching onto Bucky's shirt, trying to make the obstructive piece of clothing disappear.

It didn't take a lot of effort to coax Bucky into letting Steve slip the shirt over his head but once the cool air against his back snapped Bucky back to reality, the brunette froze. He bowed his head, pushing his face into the crook of Steve's neck as if he wanted to hide.

All in one go, the giddiness Steve had been feeling, vanished, leaving a cold emptiness behind. His racing heart almost seemed to slow down dreadingly as his mind cleared. He became suddenly self-conscious of his body, hyper-aware of what he had been doing and what Bucky was now doing. Fear tried to grip at Steve's mind but he fought it off, hellbent on looking after Bucky and making things better again.

"Bucky?" Steve whispered in a trembling voice, "Are you okay?"

Bucky didn't respond. With the way Bucky was leaning over him, it was impossible for Steve to see his face and Steve didn't want to rush Bucky.

Steve's eyes widened.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Steve's question seemed to bring Bucky back to reality because the large man stirred, lifting his head slowly. Bucky averted his eyes, looking ashamed and self-conscious, biting down on his lower lip like a scolded child.

With a gentle push against Bucky's chest, Steve got the former assassin to sit up, allowing Steve to sit down next to him.

On instinct, Steve's hand moved to reach out for Bucky but he managed to stop himself, letting his hand drop into his own lap. With troubled azure eyes, Steve watched Bucky's downcast face, trying to find any clue as to what had gone wrong.

Was their perfect day really going to end like this? After all the wonderful things that had happened…? Had he messed up after all?

Pinching his eyes closed as tightly as he could, Steve pushed those doubts aside, painfully aware that they would only make things worse if he concentrated on them too much. Instead, Steve continued to study Bucky's face, his posture, his hands that were fiddling with his discarded t-shirt that lay between them like an unofficial barrier.

After an almost unbearably long moment of heavy silence, Steve decided to speak up, carefully and quietly, saying, "Buck… you know you can talk to me." Steve paused, swallowing heavily before adding, "Please… please talk to me."

Bucky raised his eyes for nothing more than a moment to assess Steve's facial expression before averting them again, staring down at his black shirt.

"It's just…" Bucky trailed off, working his jaw while he thought of a way to end his sentence. When he failed to find an explanation that didn't sound stupid, he simply gestured to his left shoulder with his right arm. Bucky cringed notably when he heard Steve take in a sharp breath as realization began settling on Steve's mind like a snowball melting down the back of his winter jacket.

"Oh my gosh." Steve exclaimed, scooting closer to Bucky until their legs were a messy tangle of limbs. "Bucky, I… you… How…?" He paused, shaking his head dumbfoundedly, struggling to find the right words to say. "I've seen it before. I know what it looks like." He added after a short moment.

"That time was different to… this." Bucky looked up at Steve now, ready to argue his point were he not met with nothing but compassion and adoration written all of Steve's softened features. Relenting, Bucky let his shoulders drop, his face softening into a sad vulnerable-sort of frown.

"Buck." Steve lifted a hand, brushing Bucky's messy fringe back while a loving smile formed on Steve's lips, "I love you. I love all of you."

"This-." Bucky paused to slap his hand against the metal arm contemptuously, "Isn't a part of me Stevie."

"It is now." Steve corrected him gently, "And I love it. I love all of it."

With careful hands, Steve guided Bucky onto his back where Steve had been lying only moments prior. Bucky was pliant under Steve's hands, following Steve's gentle prompts trustingly, yearning for every touch of reassurance from his boyfriend.

Once Bucky had lain down, his body began to relax slowly, the tightness in his muscles giving way to a heavy sigh that escaped the broad man.
With a small smile, Steve placed one hand on each side of Bucky's face, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips when he noticed Bucky shift due to the sudden constriction of his movements. Bucky chased Steve's lips when he pulled away and Steve gave in, letting Bucky take as much as he wanted. Their kisses were different now. Bucky felt hesitant, unsure. His kisses were shaky, his lips clumsy as they tried to follow Steve's movements.

After giving Bucky one last, deep kiss, Steve pulled away with a finality that had Bucky waiting expectantly. He shifted to align his head with Bucky's left shoulder. Once he had done this, he felt Bucky stiffen beneath him and he paused, waiting for Bucky to relax a little before proceeding. It wasn't difficult to find the angry white scars running along the edges of Bucky's metal arm, even in the dim light, and once Steve's lips were on his skin, he could very clearly feel the difference between Bucky's smooth skin and the lumpy scars. Bucky gasped and his metal arm jerked, almost knocking Steve in the stomach. "Sorry I-."

"It's okay." Steve hushed Bucky reassuringly, taking Bucky's left hand with his own and intertwining his flesh fingers with Bucky's metal ones. It was the first time Bucky had let Steve hold his metal hand and Steve took a moment to process the way the metal felt between his fingers. He quite liked it actually. Distracted by his thoughts about Bucky's hand, Steve placed another soft kiss on Bucky's scar, making Bucky stir uncomfortably.

"Steve, you don't have to-."

"I want to." Steve cut him off. He breathed out slowly, letting his warm breath caress Bucky's scar and the surrounding skin, making the former soldier shiver.

Steve waited for any more protest from Bucky, letting his lips rest against the scar tissue. When Bucky didn't say anything or try to move, Steve continued to pepper the scarred tissue with long kissing, focusing his undivided attention and adoration on the part of his boyfriend's body that Bucky hated the most.

"I love this." Steve insisted, brushing his nose along the skin to the left of the scar where he knew Bucky could feel it. "I love you. Everything about you- all your demons, all the things about you that you hate- I love it all."

The twitch in Bucky's left hand was all the warning Steve got before Bucky moved. He pushed Steve off of him just long enough to sit up before he grasped onto Steve's torso to pull him closer again with near to crushing force. The air was pressed right out of Steve's lungs and he had to gasp for air while Bucky buried his face in Steve's bare shoulder.

He was crying.

Steve sucked in a sharp breath, surprised by Bucky's reaction and for a long moment, the world stood still for Steve. He wrapped his arms around the love of his life, resting one hand at the back of Bucky's head where his fingers began to card through his hair comfortingly. A sob escaped Bucky and he clung onto Steve even tighter, metal fingers digging into the skin between Steve's shoulder blades with bruising force. The metal didn't have a good grip on the flat surface of Steve's skin, slipping slightly every few seconds.

"God Bucky." Steve whispered, his voice burdened with so much emotion that he almost sounded like someone else entirely, "Of course I'd love everything about you. Did you honestly think I'd find your arm repulsive?"

"I find it repulsive." Bucky replied in a trembling voice, "I just want to be the way I used to be. I want to be your Bucky, not some sick-minded, broken ex-assassin."

A hot flash of anger surged through Steve, driving his arms to push Bucky away forcibly until he could frame Bucky's face with his hands, pulling him back in. He frowned at Bucky, staring into his stormy, troubled eyes for a very long moment before saying, "You are my Bucky. Yes, you're different compared to the way you used to be before you left with the 107th but so am I! People change Bucky and I don't want you thinking that I love you any less for it you big ol' idiot!" Steve paused, pushing down his angry, frustrated tears before adding, "Because I adore you! I'm with you till the end of the line- remember?"

"Stevie…" Bucky was struck by how raw and earnest Steve's voice was. It soaked through him like ice water, sending chills down his spine. In Steve's eyes, Bucky found that same fiery determination that he had fallen in love with when he had first met Steve and just like that, Bucky felt like that sixteen-year old teenager again, holding his Stevie in his arms.

"Fuck I love you." Bucky gasped.
Just as Steve opened his mouth to reprimand him, Bucky kissed him with all he had in him because he knew what Steve had been about to say and he loved it. He loved it so, so much! He loved his Stevie. He loved how Steve hated it when people swore. He loved how Steve's lips tasted, how Steve felt. He loved the way Steve got fiercely protective over his friends. He loved how Steve would try to help as many people as possible, going so far as to give an old lady his coat in the middle of winter even if it meant that he would get sick because c'mon Buck! What was I supposed to do? Just leave her out in the cold? She was shivering Buck! Shivering!

And suddenly Bucky was no-longer worried about his scarring or his metal arm. If Steve loved his arm, if Steve didn't mind the scarring, then maybe it wasn't that bad.

Maybe he could learn to love it too.

"Steve… I…" He pulled away, pressed to say something to express how undyingly grateful he was to Steve for finding the good in him when he himself had given up on himself.

"It's okay Buck." Steve grinned at him, caressing Bucky's cheek lovingly, "I love you too."

And Bucky would be absolutely damned if he didn't do whatever he could to show Steve just how much he loved that feisty blond of his.


Gosh this chapters makes me so happy! Happy and in love Stucky is good for my heart.

Anyway! I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think guys!
Also, thank you so so much for reading this far! It means so much to me! You guys are absolutely amazing!