Thank you all so much for the kind reviews! They mean a lot to me.

Also I wanted to answer some guest review: Yes, we'll know more about what happened with Thatcher eventually, but I don't feel like Lexie's ready yet.

xxxBlessxxx


Lexie was in that place, between sleep and wakefulness. A light smile spread across her face as she gripped the soft material she was wrapped in.

Self-consciousness didn't seize her yet. The sweetness of silence was occupying her soul and it felt so good not to be trapped inside herself for a while. That's what eternity must feel like.

Unfortunately, her first thought traced the end of eternity. Her mind was awake, and suddenly everything felt wrong. Where was she? Her eyes flew open and her heart began to race. "Crap!" Not only was she at Meredith's but she was in her room, in her bed.

She grabbed her hair in discouragement as she realised she probably overslept as well. "Ok, you can do this!" She didn't know when exactly she picked up talking to herself, but it helped. It filled the loneliness.


Lexie grabbed the door handle, as silently as she could.

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked curiously.

Lexie's attempt to escape had gloriously failed.

"Lexie?" Meredith called once again, a little amused by the situation. Her sister was in fact in her pajamas, with unbrushed hair and no shoes on.

"I'm late for work!" Lexie declared, still facing the door. For some reason, she thought maybe her sister wouldn't try to stop her, and her initial plan: getting out of that house as quickly as she could, would still succeed.

Meredith let out a mocking laugh. "And what were you going to do? Running barefoot in your pajamas or hitch a ride?"

Realising she was trapped, the brunette turned around. "I couldn't find my clothes or my shoes or... it's late and Cristina's gonna kill me! ... That's not funny!"

"Yeah, it is!" Meredith added, laughing even more now that she took a glimpse of Lexie's awfully neglected face.

Lexie let out a sigh. Once again she had made a fool of herself. It could have been funny, if she'd been able to relax, or enjoy anything, but nothing was fun anymore. Her somber eyes were trying so hard not to show how lost she felt, but once Meredith stare at them, she remembered. Lexie wasn't only trying to get to work, she was also trying to hide the pain she was in.

"There's breakfast in the kitchen" Meredith gently informed.

"I... I just need my clothes back"

"Come on, when's the last time you ate?" Meredith was trying hard not to show her worry even though she wondered if Lexie even had the presence of mind to stay hydrated.

Lexie rolled her eyes, trying to think about it and shrugged, ignoring Meredith's provoking eyes.

"I can't do that." Meredith complained. It came out a little too harsh and Lexie felt her heart jump.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I..." The younger woman didn't know what she was apologizing for but yet here she was, feeling sorry every time she didn't understand Meredith's tone.

"Lex' just hear me out!" Meredith came closer and kindly grabbed Lexie's hand. "I don't know how to do that!" She finally admitted with sincerity, staring the sad eyes. "I can't pry you to eat, I'm not that person. I want to be, but that's not me."

She cared, of course she cared, but Lexie needed to care as well.

"If I have breakfast will you give me my clothes back?" Lexie finally asked with indifference. The only thing she heard about Meredith's declaration was that she didn't want her there. She felt like a burden anyway so it didn't surprise her that much.

"Sure. I'll even give you a ride to... wherever you need to be" The disappointment in her voice was obvious. But there was nothing more she could do. If Lexie didn't want to stay, then she was free to go.

Lexie awkwardly took place around the kitchen table and help herself to a french toast.

Meredith filled a cup of coffee and placed it in front of her sister. "You don't have to worry about work. I called in this morning and explained we were taking a personal day off." Even if she wouldn't admit it, Meredith was sad, this wasn't supposed to end that way. Somehow she pushed Lexie away, again. Maybe, it was just for the best. The two women were so different that there was no way they would finally get along. "As for your clothes, there were on the bathroom floor last night, so I put them in the washer. You can borrow something from my closet. I'll go and see what I can get you"


That's when she was alone in that kitchen that she realised. Meredith took the day off for her, she washed her clothes, and gave up her own bed for her to get a good night sleep. Meredith did all that for her. This was more than she could take. Torn between gratefulness and shame, Lexie didn't even realise she was crying until it was too late. All of a sudden, air refused to feel her lungs. Her surrounding seemed to devour her and she felt so little. She was trapped in her own mind and nothing could ground her to reality anymore. She grabbed the table in front of her, just to make sure she wouldn't fall. She couldn't fall.

Time has passed but she was unable to say how long.

"Lexie"

Quickly, Meredith placed herself behind the distressed brunette and put a hand on her upper back. The young woman was violently shaking, and kept clinging on to the table as if it were her only salvation.

Looping an arm around her sister, Meredith rested her head on her sister's shoulder. "Just let go" she whispered, arranging her free hand over Lexie's trembling one. "I've got you. You can let go now. I've got you"

It seemed impossible to let go. What if she never made it? What if she was lost forever? What if she would never find her way back on the bright side?

"You can trust me, I'm right here" Meredith kept whispering.

It seemed impossible, but it wasn't. Lexie's grip eventually loosened, even though she couldn't stop the tears from soaking up her face.

"That's right, just breathe" Meredith encouraged, without letting go of Lexie.

"Here" Meredith placed a glass of water mixed with sugar between the still shaky hands. "Drink it"

Lexie had calmed down, except from the occasional tears that kept running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry" she whispered, not daring to face Meredith.

"It's ok" Meredith assured.

"I'm sorry to have caused you so much trouble" Lexie insisted though.

"Lexie, do you think you're bothering me?" Meredith asked incredulously

"You gave me your bed and.. you... I can't be here.. I"

Meredith interrupted before Lexie would get worked up again "Oh Lex, you don't get me, do you? I want you here, I do!"

The brunette's apologetic tone was a confirmation that Lexie didn't hear a word Meredith just said. "You don't have to worry, I can take care of myself" Could she though?

"Lexie, did you hear me at all? You're welcome to stay here for as long as you like"

At that moment, Lexie couldn't believe her sister. After all, she did nothing but push her away since the day she appeared in her life. What changed? Did she pity her now? "I don't know" Lexie admitted.

"I want you here, and I care. But you gotta care for yourself as well. That's what I meant earlier."

The brunette let out a sigh. "I don't need you to feed me. I just.. forgot I guess."

It seemed hard to believe, but that's exactly the story she could read through Lexie's eyes. The young woman forgot. She forgot she existed. She forgot her pain and her needs, she simply pushed through the days, and forgot.

" I think I get it." Meredith nodded "But that stops now. What you feel matters. You matter!"

"What if..." Lexie paused for a second. What if it was easier, to pretend she couldn't feel, what if she wasn't ready to face the pain she was in?

"Yes, you will hurt." Meredith confirmed even though Lexie hadn't spoken her mind yet. "I know what you're thinking. I'm not the sister of the year, but I know pain.

Lexie offered a sad smile. Meredith never had it easy and her presence would make things worse.

"Oh, and don't do that" Meredith pleaded. "Don't look at me like I'm broken. I don't look at you like you are!"

For the first time, Lexie didn't feel hurt by Meredith's crude tone. The brunette finally began to get it. Meredith was offering to Lexie something she never had herself. Meredith was desperately trying to hold out her hand, and to provide security.

Lexie studied her face for a few seconds. Meredith was ready to let down her guard to help her and somehow, it made her feel special. "How do you do that? How do you even know how to make me feel better?"

"Because I know what I missed" Meredith's simple answer was the perfect example of how a weakness could become a strength. "And you, will find your own strength back. And it will be yours forever then."