Obligatory disclaimer: The Mouse owns all, save my own original characters.
"And what do you have in mind?" Unable to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice, James was more than a little taken aback at Julia's question, but was eager to hear her response.
Julia sighed in mock exasperation, but was unable to suppress a smile. "Nothing salacious, so get that tone out of your voice. But I want to cut the small talk out and get to the heart of the matter. James, I have been asked by three different men tonight for my hand." Unable to make eye contact any longer, Julia wrapped her arms around herself and pressed against the bench back. A cool breeze pulled a tendril of hair loose and it danced along her cheek, but Julia was too preoccupied to notice.
But James did. And it took every ounce of energy not to close the distance between them and tuck the stray strand of hair behind Julia's ear. To sink onto the bench and wrap his arms around her, holding onto her forever. To tilt her head back and drink a kiss from her lips. Instead, he forced himself to focus on what Julia just said, despite the fear her words caused. James could feel his heart accelerating as his stomach rose to his throat. He wanted to punch his fist through the nearest object, but the sadness in Julia's voice kept his response in check. "Oh? And how did you reply?"
Julia wanted to rise from the bench and close the distance between them, to take James in her arms and smooth the concern from his furrowed brow. Instead, she clasped her hands before her and bestowed James with a sad smile as she carefully chose her words. "I told them each no." Her blue eyes were pools of compassion.
James hated himself for acting like some moon-eyed schoolboy around Julia. He had told himself repeatedly in the days preceding this reunion that he had to remain stoic, even aloof, when they would be able to have private conversation. But what he had been anticipating in his mind paled in comparison to having Julia within finger's reach. Not caring if she saw the relief washing over him, James let out a deep sigh. "May I inquire as to why? At the very least, I would have expected you to tell them that you would take their offer under consideration." He had to bite his bottom lip to keep from beaming.
The sad smile turned into a laugh, sounding like bells ringing through the night. "My, you do not mince words. Something I must admit I forgot during the passage of these past few months. James, are you that big of a fool? I told them all no." At the arching of his brow, Julia clarified, "Because they were not you." Julia emphasized her words by shaking her head gently.
Grateful that he was leaning against the tree trunk when his knees buckled, James struggled to keep his voice from wavering. "I suppose I am a fool, for I need you to explain to me what that means when you say that they are not me." While not as neutral as he had liked, James was pleased that his voice did not crackle with emotion.
Julia dropped her head in resignation. Closing her eyes and pressing her lips together, Julia wished she could change the course of the conversation. This was not how she had envisioned their reunion. She wanted to spy him across a crowded dancefloor, have the whole room melt away and meet the captain in the middle while the orchestra played on, happily ensconced in his arms. Instead, they were in the dark, hiding away from prying eyes, with over ten feet of space between them. "Oh James! I wish I knew. I do not know if I love you, but I know that I do not love them. Nor could I ever feel for them, the way I feel for you. If that is love, then I suppose you could say that I love you. At the very last, I feel a strong affinity for you. But… we barely know each other." Julia threw her hands up in the air in frustration and pressed her lips together until a white line formed.
James took a step closer, wanting to sink on the bench next to Julia and bury himself in her neck, his words a velvet whisper against her cheek. "Do you not know me better than you knew your husband prior to your marriage?" But if he closed the distance between them, Julia might bolt like a terrified jackrabbit, so he stilled his feet.
The words skated across her skin, raising goose bumps along her arms. Julia closed her eyes and bit the inside of her upper lip. With a sigh, she whispered, "Yes."
Unable to help himself, James closed the distance between them and kneeled before Julia, grasping her shoulders, forcing her to look into his emerald eyes. "Julia, no other words ever spoken to me have ever made me happier, but I refuse to goosestep around you any longer. If you have not figured it out by now, I shall be completely forthright with you – I am here for completely selfish reasons. I want to know what I can do to place myself at the top of your selection list."
Wanting nothing more than to press herself against the full length of James, Julia stepped back so that her lower back bumped against the porch railing. "Oh James! I told you that I would not marry anyone whose livelihood may be ended due to pirates."
James stood to his full height, peering at Julia down the length of his nose. "Then I shall give up the ocean."
Her draw dropping in awe, Julia tried to reel in her racing thoughts. Is there the possibility that I misheard? "Repeat yourself, James Norrington, for I know I did not hear you correctly."
James sighed heavily, his chest rising and falling like the tides that were the source of his income. "I know that you do not wish to marry anyone associated with the sea. And I respect that. And after I left your home, I realized several things. First, that I like the idea of having a house to come home to; I never thought that I would want to be tethered to one spot. Secondly, that the wanderlust that has driven my life has dissipated; I have been lonely, yes, but not to the point of actively wooing anyone prior to this moment. And lastly, after all this time away, I miss you. I have made several inquiries into other vocations and have several offers, so please do not let that be a barrier. But before we discuss a new career path for myself, there is… information about me that you should know."
Overwhelmed by the amount of information James was presenting to her, Julia launched herself off the bench and grabbed James' arm, forcing him to turn and look her in the eyes. "What on earth are you talking about?"
James swallowed hard and looked over Julia's head, pretending to find something of interest in the distance. "I… I have a history that you need to know about."
Why would he not look at her? And what was with the hushed tone of confession? "James, I do not need to know about life before me. I find it irrelevant. I just think we need to discuss the fact that you are setting aside the livelihood you know and love. And I refuse to be the cause." Her hand rested on his upper arm in an attempt to calm her escort.
James snorted, but the chuckle was without mirth. "You might find it irrelevant, but I do not. I have thought about this since before I left your bedroom, so please, let me do this. I… I owe you several explanations, none of which I'm looking forward to…" He raked his fingers through his hair in a futile attempt to slow the thoughts speeding through his mind. A growl of frustration followed on the heels of the gesture.
Julia's brow knitted together in confusion. The man before her looked so familiar, but his actions were that of a stranger. Rather than being the engaging man he had developed into during the voyage, it was as if James had regressed into the aloof captain she had retained on the Caribbean wharf. True, he could be very cryptic if he chose to be, but James was acting very unlike the man Julia had become accustomed to, causing her to worry. "What? What are you talking about?"
Bowing his head, as if the weight of keeping it upright were too much to bear, James sighed. He had spent all day rehearsing what he wished to say, but standing before Julia, all the practiced words had dissipated like the morning fog. "I… I was once a Commodore in the British Royal Navy–."
The world started to spin and Julia absently reached behind her, searching for the bench to sink into. Her hand brushed against the smooth wood of the bench back at the exact moment her knees buckled out from under her. An officer? Here she had presumed that he was a common sailor, married to the waters from the time he was in short pants. But to know that he… "You – you were what?"
James looked at the woman before him, wishing to smooth the concern marring her features. The proverbial cat was out of the bag and there was nowhere to go but the end of the story. He held his hand up to silence Julia. "Let me finish my tale. If you still want to speak to me after I finish, ask anything you like. I just cannot stop once I start. Please do not think I am being rude, but if you stop me I shall not be able to continue." When Julia silently nodded her head, James began. "So, once upon a long time ago, I was once a Commodore in the British Navy, stationed in Port Royal. I… was known for my abilities to… squash pirate activity in British controlled waters.
"One pirate in particular vexed me to the very being of my core. Plaguing my dreams and filling my days with planning. I chased Jack Sparrow across the seven seas and nearly caught him off the coast of Tripoli. I had him in my sights. But a hurricane caught my men and I by surprise. Coming out of nowhere and seemingly boring down right on us. It then became a fight for survival – one that we did not win. I lost too many men that day… and the survivors and I had to be rescued. I was humiliated at being caught so unprepared that I immediately resigned my commission."
Jack Sparrow? He chased the Captain Jack Sparrow? Of… what was it? The… Black… Gads, what was it? Pearl, was it not? That was it – The Black Pearl.
"I then became a drunken shell of myself. The whole town of Tortuga became my watering hole. I sank so low and cared so little that I ended up joining the crew of the same Jack Sparrow I tried to capture. I suppose that one could call it a suicide mission; I had nothing left to lose so I thought that I might as well join the crew of the one pirate who bested me. By sheer fortune – or misfortune, if you will – I happened to join his crew when Sparrow was attempting to find the heart of Davy Jones." When Julia cocked her head in confusion, James clarified. "Yes. The Davy Jones. And while I can claim no credit for helping Sparrow procure the infamous organ, I was with him when the heart was found. I stole it from Sparrow and delivered it into the hands of the East India Trading Company."
Julia could not help herself. The tale was well known of how the infamous Davy Jones was tamed once his disembodied heart was found and delivered into the hands of the East India Trading Company. "That was you?"
A wry laugh barked past his lips. "Ah, I see that you have heard the story. I just do not know if you realize the outcome now impacts you, as it was I who gave the heart of Davy Jones to Lord Cutler Beckett in exchange for a Letter of Marque. For Beckett had traveled to Port Royal with an arrest warrant for myself and two others – my ex-fiancée and her new fiancé – for abetting Sparrow's escape. If convicted, the sentence would have been execution.
"I knew not at the time that I was binding myself to him to carry out his evil intentions. I just thought it an honest trade, but then he offered to not only reinstate my commission but to promote me to Admiral. How could I refuse such generosity? Such naïveté on my part did not go unpunished. As a drunk, I was fueled by revenge. As a pawn in Beckett's drive for power, I had no free will of my own. I had sunk even lower."
It was suddenly very hard for Julia to breathe. The world suddenly began to spin. He knew… he knew Cutler? When she revealed what she had… with Cutler… James had not said anything. "You… you made a deal with the devil?"
James could not look Julia in the eyes. Could not look at the heartbreak that shone in their depths. Could not look at the confusion and accusation that twisted her features. Instead he pressed his cheek against the rough bark of the tree bearing his weight, the pain against his skin a physical reminder of the anguish Julia wore so openly. "In hindsight, I am not proud of such manipulation, but I would have sold my soul to Lucifer himself in order to get some of my respect back. And like all good intentions, it led me straight to Hell. I became worse off than when I started."
Julia was dumbstruck. Everyone in the known world had heard of the downfall of Davy Jones at the hands of the… Royal Navy. Bloody Hell, that was James. And the showdown with the pirates from all the seven seas… Bloody Hell, that was James, too. The Admiral sacrificing himself… Was that James, too? The very idea of it all made Julia's head pound in an instantaneous headache.
Wait! He said he had a fiancée…
Rubbing her hand over her face in an attempt to wipe away some of the confusion, Julia squeezed her eyes shut. "Your former fiancée… What was your fiancée's name?"
James looked at Julia for several long moments before answering, his voice low and hushed. "Elizabeth. Elizabeth Swann."
Julia nodded her head dumbly, her pink tongue darting out and wetting her lips. When she finally spoke, it was more to herself than to James. "Governor Weatherby Swann's daughter." …who had become known world-wide for aiding Captain Jack Sparrow in his piracy, giving up the life of a pampered society debutante in order to sail under his command. Although there were rumors that she had tried to kill Sparrow, also.
"Yes." The word was barely even a whisper.
So my fiancé and his fiancée did end up crossing paths…
"I… I thought that you… I had heard that you… died… in the pirate showdown."
The muscles in his throat rippled as James swallowed hard. He glanced down at Julia and his heart melted at the anguish painting her features. "The rumors of my death are just that – rumors. I have no idea where they started, but I did hear about my demise also and was happy to have a cloak of… passing surrounding me. It made starting over that much easier. I resigned my commission a second time, for although I left initially with an honorable discharge and pension, my return to the Navy was always suspect due to Cutler's fingerprints all over my promotion." A wry smiled tugged at the corner of his lips.
Julia had to clench her fingers into a fist lest she smooth the hair at his temples, then pull him down into a kiss. Her fingernails cut half-moons into her skin and she welcomed the pain as a diversion from the headache swimming inside her head. "James Norrington, what has the world done to you?"
James closed his eyes in exhaustion and frustration. Those words had been uttered before, verbatim, with pity lacing the question. But the same words, spoken by Julia, were not spoken with pity, but wonderment… confusion. He was not sure if it hurt more or less when Julia expressed the sentiment.
Grabbing her hands in his, James half-lead, half-dragged Julia back to the bench, then sat next to her. "There is no proper response to your question, I know. And I am not telling you as a request for forgiveness. Nor I am not telling you as a form of catharsis." James struggled to articulate himself. "My sweet Julie… while I know that one good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness... meeting you… has provided me... with the promise of redemption. I am not the same person I was at the time of my appointment. But meeting you has made me want to be a better person. Made me strive to be a better person."
Not wanting to hurt him any more than her words would, Julia gently disentangled her hand from James'. She then picked at imaginary lint on her skirt as she formulated her words. She was not angry. And she was not even truly confused by the information she was trying to absorb. But she wanted some physical space between them to get some much-needed perspective. "James, I need some time alone right now. To absorb all that you have just told me."
Her words made him want to shatter into a million pieces. He knew that Julia was right, that she needed some time alone. But James had waited so long to see her that he was loathe to leave her side. "Julie…"
Sighing, Julia shook her head in an attempt to still his words. She then bestowed him with a tight, albeit gentle, smile. "James, I am not mad. I… I am just overwhelmed. I just want to sit here and take some air. I shall return to the party shortly. Besides, it would not look well if we left the party together and returned together after so long an absence."
James slid off the bench and squatted before Julia, grasping her shoulders. "Jewel…"
Julia turned her head away, unable to see the anguish swimming in his green eyes. "James, please. Just go back into the party. I shall join you in a moment. I just need… a little time to think."
As if considering her words, James hesitated a long moment before giving a short nod and then standing, making his way back to the house.
A/N: Evil cliffie, I know. But there has to be SOME angst between them! Thanks for all your kind words and support!
