Jiraiya smirked a glorious smirk. It had trace elements of the megalomaniacal madman's crooked smile and a prankster's satisfied grin. He was preparing Naruto to learn Senjutsu. Most ninjas would be confused as to why someone learning such a vaunted skill would warrant such a vile turn of his lips.
Naruto was going to become a Super-Pervert.
The toad sage let out a deep belly laugh at the thought. The tenacious knucklehead and hater of perverts was going to become one far greater than even him. That was because the brat was already a closet pervert, so when he finally became uncloseted the result would be glorious.
"Alright brat. Sit still." He might as well have asked the kid to make a rasengan with his ass (-The part of Jiraiya that was a legendary shinobi noted that it would probably be easy considering the Seventh Chakra Gate was located behind the tailbone).
His student sat on the forest floor; Naruto did not sit still. Time for more extreme methods. "Alright, we'll start off easy. If a part of your body moves too much I'm going to strike it."
"How's that supposed to help?" Naruto asked, mostly because the brat liked grousing at him.
Jiraiya's bamboo shoot shot off and thwacked the brat across his mouth. It immediately returned to his crossed legs where he was assuming an appropriately sage-like pose. "Pain therapy, twerp. Don't they teach anything in the academy these days?"
"No, I, uh, kinda dutched class. A lot."
Naruto kissed the bamboo pole at high velocity once more. The stick balanced laterally across Jiraiya's knees, unperturbed
"Hey! This is probably just some big excuse to-"
Naruto was cut off mid-rant with a hollow blow. It nicked his lip just right as to draw blood; they both ignored the injury.
Naruto's eyes rolled down to glare balefully at the shoot of bamboo, but had learned not to shoot his mouth off. Wow, Jiraiya marvelled, psychology really does work. He had wondered considering most shinobi were insane even with professional help.
And so they sat in a picturesque forest with legs crossed and minds unbound. Jiraiya was improving his own Senjutsu abilities while Naruto was impatiently sitting.
"Alright! That was some good training but I'm gonna go practice-*thwack*-Damn it Pervy-sage!"
The following blow was stronger than strictly necessary, and Naruto heard the words "Don't call me that!" flash through his mind. He tried standing up to escape but the back of his knee was struck and he crumpled back into the proper posture.
The damnable lump of bamboo still appeared to not have moved from Jiraiya's lap.
Internally grumbling, Naruto moved back and practiced meditating. Whenever he fidgeted too much he was struck lightly, yet it still hurt more than it had any right to. Naruto was not terribly optimistic toward learning a powerful new shinobi skill.
Although for the first time since his birth, he was conscious and quiet for more than an hour. In fact, Jiraiya was such a slave driver that he had sat for twelve hours despite hunger and boredom. It was a shame that most of his thoughts were of petty revenge against his master instead of reflective.
He wasn't really learning Senjutsu yet, but he was preparing to learn. Jiraiya was willing to bet that Naruto, with his desperate acceptance of anyone or anything that wanted him, would master Senjutsu in record time.
Nah, on second thought he couldn't see Naruto mastering sage-energies.
Because he died.
End.
Sorry...
