Chapter 4 - The Last


Naruto scratched his cheek, puzzled. He was so confused.

"Kurama? Am I seeing this right?"

There was a pause. "Yes."

"So, I'm not just imagining that Sasuke got destroyed like a bitch?"

It was one of his more frequent dreams over the years. Just seeing the smugness on that face was enough to set him into a rage.

"The Uchiha got destroyed," the kyuubi slowly replied, cautiously.

There was another pause. "How?"

Kurama waited for Naruto to answer his own question. No need to be the one to instigate his rage.

"Sasuke was just with us kicking Kaguya's sexy ass, and he was pulling his own weight. And then now, with all of Indra's powers topples over like some academy student?"

Naruto knew he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but something was obviously missing. Some disconnect that should have been there.

"There should have been entire mountain ranges reduced to rubble in this fight!" Naruto complained mournfully. "And then the bastard just rolls over and takes it up his ass!"

"I need a new best friend."

"You've figured that out… just now?"

"Hey! Say what you will about Sasuke, but he was the only one to take me seriously, when I-uh, probably shouldn't have been taken serious. And now, years later, the bastard doesn't even try."

"It's enough to make a guy disappointed…"

Kurama scoffed. "Uchiha are destined for disappointment." There was a pause. "Except for Itachi."

Naruto caught his scoff before it manifested; he didn't really want to take social cues from Kurama. "You just like Itachi because he killed all the other Uchiha."

An almost lovelorn sigh rung through Naruto's head. Yeah…"

"That's kind of creepy."

He was promptly ignored. "I'm so jealous. All the screaming, pleading Uchiha he ran through. And then, he left one of them alive as testament to his greatness. A man after my own heart."

"If that's your heart, I don't want it." Naruto had a cringe that deepened the longer Kurama spoke.

"Suit yourself."

Naruto looked at Sasuke's prone form with disdain. "But really."

"He's an Uchiha," Kurama enunciated clearly.

"But…"

"Uchiha."

"Damn. Maybe you're right."

"You've figured that out… just now?" Her voice dripped with mockery. "I'm always right."

"What about with-"

"-Always."

"Really? Then that time when you-"

"-Always!"

Naruto decided to concede the point. "Alright. If you're always right, then why do you think Sasuke lost so easily?"

There was another pause, longer. It lingered like Kiba, who didn't shower. "Do you really want to know?"

Did she even need to ask? "Yes."

"...Sure sure? There isn't anything you'd rather know?"

Naruto was beginning to grow suspicious. "Yes." He glared at nothing and hoped it reached Kurama.

"Really, really sure? I'm willing to answer any question in place of this one. Anything," she promised.

"Yes, I'm really, really sure," Naruto replied, equal parts curious and exasperated.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I won't," Naruto sarcastically promised. Would she just get on with it?

There was another pause, like Kiba had learned a clone jutsu. "If you're sure… Then… Just. Just look down."

Naruto did so.

He screamed.

"Why do I have boobs?!" he shouted for the heavens to hear.

They glowed orange, were completely bare, and also huge.

Vaguely familiar as well.

"You didn't question the nine tails you gained, but are surprised by the breasts?" Kurama replied, all smiles. Clearly all that warning was just cover for herself.

Damn it all, she was right as well. That hurt the worst.

"How," he choked as an idea came to him. "How many people saw… this."

This meaning, his naked chakra boobs.

"Oh, no one really. Just the entire allied shinobi forces," he could hear the sadistic smile in her voice. The only thing true to Kurama before and after their magical friendship session was the delight in his suffering.

And he was suffering. His reputation, something he had worked hard to cultivate as positive was completely shot.

He had flashed the entire world! Well, with Kurama's boobs (technically), but she was utterly shameless.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"I tried. But you said 'Great Kurama, there's a war' and 'My Divine Goddess, there's a time and place for everything, but that is not for here and now'."

Naruto, upon reminder, did remember a number of times when Kurama had tried to tell him something only for him to blow her off.

Of course she'd be all passive aggressive about it now.

Naruto accepted all the blame he'd rightfully earned, and all the damage to his reputation and aspirations as well. He'd had practice.

"Sorry." He meant it.

"Hmph."

Looking at Sasuke, Naruto gained a disgusted expression. "Did he really lose to boobs?"

"What did I tell you? He's an Uchiha. And I'm always right."

Naruto raised his hands in surrender. "Yes, yes. Mistress Kurama is always right."

"... If you say things like that, you might be lead places you don't wish to be," she promised, voice low.

If Naruto had more experience with women, he'd have called that tone sultry.

But, he didn't. And so, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kurama's slow laughter was not reassuring.

End.


The Actual End this time. No more chapters. I don't think I can top this one.