Hi, guys. Betabomber56 posted a review asking for more, which got notified on my email, which reminded me that I started this fic. I know I am probably the worst at posting regularly, but if you find any of my works funny or interesting, including
Camp White Rose
The Cure of Roman Torchwick
Jaune McLovin
then be sure to do the following things.
1. Set up an account with FanFiction. You don't have to start writing or anything. All you have to do is go to the words "Sign Up" at the top right hand of the screen right above the [[Story \/ ] Search_] box. You just need an email address. They don't send you shit.
2. Once you have a cool, edgy, chunnibyou name like SasukeKiritoGodOfDeathBasicKillerInstinctDragonSlayerNatsu666, you can follow and/or favorite your favorite authors and stories. What this means is you get an email sent to you whenever an author you follow posts an update.
3. Make sure you don't forget your password.
In any case, if you find any of my stuff remotely interesting, follow me or my stories. If you have something you want to see, post a review or a private message. Like I said, getting reminded is actually really motivating. So, here is Camp White Rose. Enjoy.
"Doesn't any of this strike you as bizarre, Ruby?" Weiss Schnee skeptically eyed the dubious, ill kept campsite. "How so?" chirped her crimson cape clad co-counselor's cookie crumble covered cheeks.
"Well," continued Weiss, "since we arrived there has been no indication of any actual authority figures for a formal transfer of power. The setup of the camp itself leaves it abysmally vulnerable in the event of a Grimm attack. For some reason, it was necessary for us to arrive by hot-air balloon, and due to that twister we passed through, I'm not even sure this is the correct camp!" As Weiss became more and more agitated, tiny glyphs appeared at her feet, frosting the dusty path.
"Aww, Weiss. Don't be like that! Professor Ozpin said that we wouldn't have to worry about Grimm. And it is an exchange program, remember? I'm sure that the counselors are back at Beacon, where Blake and Yang are welcoming them with open arms! In the meantime, we get to have so much fun play- I mean mentoring a group of younger campers and I finally get to be older than them and camping is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funIrememberwhenmydadandYangbroughtmecampingforthefirsttimeandIkilledmyfirstbeowolfandOOOHthatwasthefirsttimeItestedoutCrescentRoseandMMMfmfmfmfmfmmffhhh-"
Weiss covered Ruby's excited rant with a gloved hand, stifling any further progression of Ruby's first time with her so-called "sweetheart." Weiss' expression softened. Ruby's positive outlook tended to rub off on her. "You're right," sighed Weiss. With a smile, she lowered her hand from Ruby's mouth, taking a moment to shake the crumbs off her glove. "This...is an opportunity. Ozpin would only send us here with a purpose in mind. We can develop leadership skills while becoming more patient with those less mature and refined than us."
"Urhg...you two the exchange counselors?" grunted a suspicious, barely comprehensible voice from behind them.
"Wha-ah...Yes!" exclaimed Weiss as she and Ruby spun around to face the... man? He was clearly male, but for some reason, the way his eye twitched, the way his mustache moved independently like hairy tentacles, the complete indifference he seemed to have for his fundamentally absolute lack of hygiene, the cloying scent of rotting flesh and poison that permeated his vicinity in a semi-viscous cloud of repugnance...
He seemed more like a flake of dandruff from some ancient deity had been granted sentience and a vaguely humanoid form.
Think Weiss. Remember your training. Corners of your mouth raised...Not that raised! Now. Breathe in, and- "Yes that is exactly who we are!" blurted out Ruby, as Weiss mentally tripped and set fire to her train of thought, derailing her brain for a minute. "And we came from Beacon and we were kind of lost because of a twister but that was actually not our fault you see we just were wondering if-" The male (human?) swung his arm up and jangled a ring with keys on it in front of Ruby's face.
"Keys to cabin. Sknrrtrt snfffffft. Muughm." A green trail of mucus slowly oozed down his nose.
"Oh. Heh. Ah. You want me to take these keys ha ha. They seem to still be attached to you though..." Ruby started to trail off as she stood there uncomfortably. Weiss, still trying to get back her train of thought, noted in the back of her mind how inhumanly still the thing in front of them could be while at the same time exuding waves of miasma and...oh. He was trying to give them the keys. She had better take them.
"Oh, thank you sir," Weiss leaned forward and took the key ring, making a loud POP sound as it came off the...goblin creature's wrist, leaving him with only one hand. Ruby blanched, and Weiss realized what she had done. "I-I mean I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." sputtered Weiss, her face as red as her partner's hood. The (presumably) male thing in front of them paused, staring at his stump, then reached behind him, pulling out an attached conch shell hand.
"Oh, I mean well, at least you have that!" chattered Ruby nervously, fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves. "Now you can...do...stuff with..." her voice faltered as the creature raised the shell to his hidden lips underneath the mop of a mustache and blew a note that resounded throughout the forest.
A dead silence fell. The curious, disturbing absence of sound was broken almost immediately by an abrupt tirade. "NOW YOU MINONS AND BEASTS OF THE FOREST! RISE UP AND SERVE YOUR MASTER! AS RIGHTFUL KING, I COMMAND YOU TO BEAR ME UNTO MY CHAMBERS THAT I MAY HAVE MY REST!"
An ominous rumbling came deep from within the forest. "Go'n on break! Good luck." A litter of squirrels spilled from the trees carrying a litter with a wooden throne upon it. As the...person reclined, he began to bark at the animals once more. "NOW AWAY, YE BEASTS OF BURDEN! BEND YOUR WILL UNTO MY OWN!"
Ruby and Weiss watched as the animals and the...other animal disappeared in the distance. Laughing nervously, Ruby said "Well Weiss, I guess we ought to check out our cabins. Maybe we'll have bunk beds?" The wind jangled the key ring in Weiss' hand.
"Oh...yeah. Maybe there will be instructions in the cabin! Yes. Yes, that has to be it. Come Ruby! Let us see our new quarters, and you already went ahead didn't you." Weiss realized that she was speaking to a gust of rose petals. Sighing and shaking her head, Weiss called "I still have the keys, remember?" With a fwoosh, Ruby appeared in front of Weiss. "Thanks, bestie!" she chirped, snatching the keys and zipping away again.
"Come on, Weiss!" Ruby called as she unlocked the cabin door.
"Ruby, wait up!" protested Weiss.
"Hey Weiss, you were right, they did leave us letters. One from somebody named David, and one from somebody named Gwen!"
"Give me that!" an out of breath Weiss snatched Gwen's letter. "You need to calm down, Ruby. Leading a team of mature huntresses is one thing. Blake, Yang and I follow your lead despite your...quirks," Weiss eyed with skepticism Ruby's attempts to use Crescent Rose as a letter opener for David's note, "and you have done a fine job as team leader, even I'll admit." Weiss paused for effect so that the privilege of a compliment from herself could be fully appreciated. "But," Weiss continued, "we are going to be dealing with young children. Lawless creatures, natural anarchists, savage beasts not yet molded into respectable members of civilized society."
"Guh, what's your point...GOTCHA!" Ruby successfully opened David's envelope. "Aww, he wrote it macaroni art! That's so neat!"
Shifting her weight, Weiss cleared her throat. "My Point, Ruby," Weiss paused until Ruby gave her full attention to Weiss. "My point is that I want this to be a good experience for you." Weiss' voice suddenly softened as she turned away from Ruby and stared at the ground. "I want them to feel about-to respect you the way I do now, and not how I used...to treat..." Weiss' voice trailed off as she flushed with embarrassment.
"Aww!" Ruby leaped onto Weiss' back, locking her legs around Weiss' stomach while hugging Weiss' shoulders, effectively immobilizing her. "My bestie loves me!"
"Ruby! What? No! Let go of me!" As Weiss struggled to open Ruby's legs in order to get her off, she tripped and fell on her side. "Ruby, I can't move, let me go!" Weiss wriggled against Ruby's body.
"Nope!" chirped Ruby happily.
"I'm serious Ruby, I'm going to get mad!" Weiss struggled more against her partner's small frame, her skirt riding up her thighs. "Nop-pah! Fuah! Weiss, your hair got in my face! Fwhoo-hwoof!"
"Stop-aahhh...Sto-Stop blowing in my ear!" shivered Weiss as she went limp in her partner's arms.
Both of them lay together on the floor, panting heavily, each a disheveled mess. After a minute, Ruby spoke first. "I'm sorry for grabbing you from behind, Weiss."
Weiss sighed. "No, I'm sorry." After a moment, she continued, "I acted like I was trying to help you out, when in reality I was falling back into my own controlling habits again." Ruby's warm breath on the back of Weiss' neck relaxed her normally tense shoulders. "The truth is, you've never let me down before Ruby. You've always had a plan."
"And you've always had my back," Ruby gently squeezed Weiss before rolling back over to David's macaroni art letter. "Seriously though, if the counselors sent us notes in macaroni, the campers can't be too bad. Wow! Nikki sounds so fun!" Ruby continued to read while rolling on the floor.
Weiss got up unsteadily, unable to walk straight from lying with her partner. As she opened Gwen's letter, she noted the distinct lack of macaroni.
"Ok, so we have a basic multi-discipline camp, with each camper assigned to their respective study... sounds simple enough. Wait, what's this about a 'Max?'" As Weiss continued through Gwen's letter, she grew from apprehensive to downright terrified.
Max thrives on breaking down the psyche of his superiors. He especially delights in destroying the innocence and optimism of anybody who does not share his worldview. In my expert assessment as a Psychology major from Evergreen College, he is a compulsive...well anyways, I have a degree and that makes my assessment official! Just whatever you do, don't let him know you care about anything. He is so cynical that if he sees anybody take enjoyment out of helping or any other unselfish act, he will target that person and BREAK THEM DOWN!
Good luck!
Sincerely, Gwen
P.S. Nurf needs to be periodically disarmed. Even if you take them away, somehow he still finds another, but it is best if he is weaponless as much as possible.
"Oh no." whispered Weiss
"OH WOW!" Shouted Ruby. "Look at everything they do here! They've got archery, hiking, search and rescue, biking, horseback riding, training that'll save you from a heart attack, scuba diving, miming, keeping up with rhyming, football, limbo, science, stunting, pre-calc, spaceships, treasure hunting, bomb defusal, no refusal, fantasies, circus trapeze, and fights, and ghosts, and paints, and snakes, and knives, and chess, and dance, and weights, and-"
"HEY!" A voice shouted from the doorway. A short, angry boy in a blue hoodie glared at them while flanked by a nervous, pasty boy with ginger hair and comedic noodle-shaped arms and a girl in red suspenders with resting face nearly cheerful enough to balance out the scowl of the boy in the center. "Three questions: who the fuck are you, where the fuck is David, and why the fuck don't we have breakfast yet?! Ouch!" Max winced as Weiss flicked him in the forehead. "Watch your mouth, young man. In answer to your questions, we are Weiss Schnee and Ruby Rose of Beacon Academy. Your counselors David and Gwen are participating in an exchange program with our school, while we will be acting Camp Counselors in their absence. As for breakfast," Weiss paused, "we will prepare it when we arrive at the cafeteria. If I am correct, the three of you are Max, Neil, and Nikki?"
"Yes, but what do you mean by 'cafeteria?'" asked Nikki as she crossed her arms and tilted her head. "I think that she is being generous. Either that, or she hasn't seen it yet," whined Neil in high nasal timbre.
"Wai-wait wait, wait, wait a minute." Max's scowling face in the center seemed to light up. "So you're telling me that until further notice, David will be off at some place far, far from here where we won't see him and he won't be able to interact with us at all-WAUGH Where did you come from!?" Ruby zoomed in front of Max so that she was on one knee with her arms on his shoulders, a manic smile on her face. "That's right, but don't worry Max! David wrote all about how much potential you have to love camping and activities!"
"Oh no." Max's face fell.
"Oh yes. Don't worry Max, you are going to have so much fun, and I promise, I will be just as great of a counselor as David, so you won't miss any fun at all!"
"Oh no, no no no no..." Horror, panic, fear began to shape Max's features.
"Oh yes, yes yes yes yes! It'll be great Max! Ruby and Max! Max and Ruby! Counselor and camper! I have tons of activity plans already!" Ruby's silver eyes shone as she went on.
"Wait, we do?" asked Weiss.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Max ran screaming out of the cabin, hood flapping in the wind.
"Wait, don't go!" Ruby called. As Max's screams died down in the distance, a heavy, awkward silence hung over the cabin, until Nikki broke it.
"So, do we get breakfast or no..."
I noticed that somebody followed this story, and somebody reviewed this story, so I decided to continue it. I'll probably go back to The Cure of Roman Torchwick, and finally do some more on that, but with this it will probably continue with Ruby's unorthadox plans for camp activities, while Weiss tries to stay on track and follow what they are "contractually obligated to provide."
In case anybody hasn't noticed, I find it hilarious to write things that absolutely aren't erotic but then write them in a manner that would normally be reserved for erotica. As such, I feel obligated to mention that I don't intend to write any sex scenes, but I do plan on making more scenes with highly suggestive subtext like when Ruby tackled Weiss above.
Here is an omake. I normally don't think this sort of thing is funny, but I couldn't help myself. Enjoy.
Omake: Max and Ruby, Season 3, Episode 1
"Wai-wait wait, wait, wait a minute." Max's scowling face in the center seemed to light up. "So you're telling me that until further notice, David will be off at some place far, far from here where we won't see him and he won't be able to interact with us at all-WAUGH Where did you come from!?" Ruby zoomed in front of Max so that she was on one knee with her arms on his shoulders, a manic smile on her face.
"That's right Max, you heard Weiss, we've got camping to do Max. Just you ️and me and sometimes Nikki and sometimes Neil but NEVER David! ️You wanna know why Max? Because he CALLED ME SHORT! ️ Oh it gets even better Max. Welcome to the bestest crossover of our adventures! First thing that's different⁉️
"No more David, Max. He called me short and was going to take away my cookies and give them to Gwen because he secretly loves her, I know because it said so in Blake's FanFiction, so I made him and Gwen go away I replaced them both as the defacto matriarch of your camp and your universe. Weiss wouldn't have accepted me as a lover if I brought her to lead a camp without campers so now you know the real reason I kept you. I JUST TOOK OVER YOUR SUMMER MAX!
"And if you tell Weiss or Neil or Nikki I said any of this I'll deny it. And they'll take my side because I'm a hero Max. And now you're gonna have to do ️whatever I say Max! Forever!
"And I'll go out and find some more of that Cameron Campbell Cocaine Cookie Cache, Max. Because that's what this is all about Max. That's my one-armed Yang. I'm not driven by avenging my dead mother Summer Rose, Max. That was FAKE! I'm driven by finding that Cocaine Cookie.
"I want that Cameron Campbell Cocaine Cookie Cache, Max! That's my series arc Max. If it takes 99 chapters, I WANT MY CAMERON CAMPBELL COCAINE COOKIES MAX! IT'S GONNA ️TAKE US ALL THE WAY TO THE END MAX! 99 MORE CHAPTERS MAX! 99 MORE CHAPTERS UNTIL I GET THAT COCAINE COOKIE CACHE FOR 997 MORE YEARS MAX I WANT THAT COCAINE COOKIE MAX!"
