Jane asked the social worker, the constable, and the staff at the orphanage about her mother. She either got «don't worry, everything will be right as rain» or «I don't know», and just like that Anna was swallowed by Melbourne psychiatric facilities as Jane, with all the Rosses and the Clarkes missing or dead, was swallowed by the welfare system, apparently lost to each other forever.
Those two years at the boarding house stealing for Gay and Merton were feeling like a decade. She had been through much before but the memories of those times were almost comforting in the middle of the night, as she tried to fall asleep under the ratty old blanket next to Ruth, another girl chewed out by a hard life but who clung to the hope of living with her grandmother again someday.
Jane missed her mother, wondered about where she might be, she missed school, the chores, Mrs O'Connor and her friendly face and her butter biscuits. She had wished she could have taken the girl in but she already had five grandchildren in her care and a very tight purse. Jane had felt small and afraid and unwanted but she understood her reasons and couldn't fault her, even if she had to work hard at the boarding house and steal to eat and earn her keep now. Even if another piece of love had been snatched away.
Jane was persistent and smart, tried and tried and picked up skills she wished she had never had to learn but she would hang on, sooner or later she would leave that house and go back to hers. She meant to keep asking the social workers about any clues regarding her mother, but no one ever came to check on the girls. One day, she had dared to ask Gay and it had gotten her was a slap in the face so hard her cheek seemed to be on fire and no meagre portion for dinner at all, in spite of the seven coins she had brought home that night. Ruth told her that when the social workers did come and asked about the girls, they were told they were «at school, where else should children be at those hours» and tired, overworked or simply bored, no one bothered to come at another time.
Those hardships chipped away at her but her thirst for knowledge didn't subside. Jane avidly read discarded newspapers and magazines and lost books she found on the trams or the stations or the gardens, keeping these treasures in an empty tree trunk in an abandoned backyard a couple of streets down, preciously wrapped in an old sheet that had flown away from a clothesline somewhere during a burst of Melbourne's unstable weather. Jane liked Ruth, but she couldn't help but conceal these from her, relishing in the delight of having at least one last thing that was truly hers. She wasn't proud of it, but she had stolen a pencil once from an artist's case in Alexandra Gardens and she used it to copy what she was reading onto the empty margins of her newspapers, magazines, and books. She didn't want to lose practice and while the broken pencil trembled in her hand sometimes at the beginning, she soon found her back to writing.
Jane liked to travel on the trams that came and went from the schools and from the university, picking up snippets of information like soap bubbles floating in the air. Later, she would have to catch up and make up for the lost time so she would have enough coins to give her a shot at dinner, but she didn't mind the extra hassle. As she rode these, she could pretend, at least for an instant, that she was the one on her way to school, a student like all the other girls and boys with satchels and a handful of books under their arms.
But it wasn't enough. It could never be enough and after having enquired after an Anna Ross at every hospital she could think of but always being kicked out of the receptions like an unwanted request, Jane gave up. As far as she knew, her mother could be dead by now, considering her situation and what she knew about the terrible conditions of the asylums in the city – the names might have been changed, but the processes not so much.
The increasing frustration and despair had probably been why she had stabbed Merton in the hand when he had accused Ruth of robbing him. Jane had been looking for a reason to run away and the fear that fuelled her from that moment on was as good as any other motive. There were fancy people on that train to Ballarat. Perhaps she could get some money and try to make a life for herself there, for a while at least until it was safe to go back to Melbourne (Ruth would never want to come, fearing it could mean parting with her grandmother for good). It wasn't as if Jane would be any less protected in another city. If something were to happen to her, it wouldn't be Merton or Gay that would come to her help. She didn't have anything to lose.
For a moment, it had seemed that the jewels thrown onto the field would be the ticket to that new life. Jane was no expert, but they didn't look like trinkets, jewellery was valuable and she thought she was smart enough to not be (too) fooled. But instead of a way out they turned into more complications. Jane wasn't very keen on the Police, not only because they had been the ones who had taken her mother away but also because if they were to return her somewhere, it would be to Gay and Merton's hands. The fancy lady seemed a little bit nicer but she was trying to extract information from her after all, her concern was probably just a façade to earn her trust. She would never care if a thieving orphan ended up in jail or not. Yet, Jane's defence instincts had come before her thoughts and she cracked the silence she had been trying to build up. She wouldn't go to jail, she hadn't killed anyone. It might be another side of the fancy lady's plan, but Jane caved a little when her voice had grown smoother and she had told her she believed her. Jane was so used to not being believed, it came as a surprise. Jane, she offered, finally replying to the fancy lady's question about her name. It seemed to have hit some unseen wound in her, and while Jane didn't want to trust her just because of it, she hadn't refused going back to Melbourne with her. It was definitely a better option than going with the Police and it might guarantee her a hot meal and somewhere to sleep for that day at least.
When Mr Butler had told her that her aunt was in the parlour, Jane's mind had first gone to Aunt Helen until she was hit once again with the cold realisation that it was impossible. It was late, but afterwards, she hoped it might perhaps be Mrs O'Connor, believing that blood could weigh more than a concerned neighbour. She had kept her head down, humbly. She was so ashamed and frightened. Would Mrs O'Connor still like her after being told she had been caught with stolen things? Gay's voice sent a shiver down her. In that moment, Jane would have traded that for Mrs O'Connor disappointment in a heartbeat. She was terrified. Everything she had tried to escape had followed her to that house. Jane pleaded for Miss Fisher's help, forgetting her reserves about how she might be being used in order to further the investigation into the old lady's death or how Miss Fisher would probably throw her in the street once she had served her purpose.
Miss Fisher's stern opposition to Gay came as a small relief. She could have handed Jane right away yet she hadn't but while the interest in her voice and the care in her hand seemed as genuine as Jane could ascertain, she still couldn't tell Miss Fisher everything. She would never be able to tell anyone about everything. But Miss Fisher didn't give up and without making her feel under pressure, Jane had finally felt safe enough to confide in her about the horrid conditions at the boarding house at least, a feeling strengthened by how she had dismissed 'state care' in front of the Inspector and how she quietly conveyed her trust in Jane as she told what she had seen to the policeman.
Yet, Jane didn't feel she was completely secure. Her senses were attuned to any change and she knew enough of life to prepare for ahead. It could all be taken away in a wink and it was with no hesitation that she had gotten Ruth in and they had ransacked Miss Fisher's jewellery box. Gay knew where she was and she would come after her anytime now. Jane planned on being as far away as possible when that time came. She had never counted on Miss Fisher being back so soon though. When she saw her in the threshold, it felt like everything had come into focus and Jane realised what she was doing, stealing and planning on conning someone who had been of such help. Embarrassment and fear crashed onto her like a falling rock off a cliff. It was all too much. She was way over her head and the story of how the girls were forced to steal spilled out of her without any resistance but she was snapped awake by Merton's appearance at Miss Fisher's doorstep. Terror took hold of her once again. He would kill her. Miss Fisher assured her she was safe, but it wasn't enough. She didn't know what Merton was capable of. He would hurt Miss Fisher too. Jane couldn't let him do that. She wasn't proud of having locked Dot in, but she had to do what she had to do and in that moment it meant protecting Miss Fisher.
Jane couldn't find suitable words to explain the relief and exhilaration she felt when the Inspector had told them that Gay and Merton had been arrested. She doubted she would ever be able to do so, but it came in second to the joy she felt for Ruth when he told them that they had been able to contact her Grandmother. It took some seconds before Jane came to realise that she hadn't been that lucky. Not even the Police had been able to find her mother.
That night, as Miss Fisher sat on her bed, Jane asked the dreaded question. Without any family, she would certainly be sent to welfare. Miss Fisher might not be able to do it, but she wasn't a nice girl and while it might mean going back to the orphanage, Jane couldn't lie to her. Hearing it wasn't a hindrance at all, enveloped Jane in such a sense of comfort it felt as if she had been wrapped in a warm blanket after spending hours in the cold.
A/n: Thank you for reading this chapter.
There are bits from the show that I obviously had to incorporate here. I hope I didn't make them a disservice. Those parts you recognise aren't obviously mine, I just expanded upon them.
I hope you enjoyed it. I'd love to hear from you.
