Ruby beamed as she finished setting everybody's plate in the mess hall. Decorating the tables were empty canned food cans being used as vases for white lily flowers. Everybody looked dubiously at their plates, with the exception of Max, who was glowering silently at the new counselors while he sipped his coffee menacingly. It wasn't that breakfast was comprised solely of chocolate chip cookies, strawberries, and milk. It wasn't the fact that it was already 11:00 AM and this was the first they were getting fed that day. That was actually the normal part.
It was more the aesthetic rather than the ingredients.
"Uumm, ma'am?" Nurf raised his hand.
"Yes, Nurf?" Ruby leaned over his shoulder, causing Nurf to flinch and look straight down at his plate, blushing.
"Look, I get that whoever you two are new here, but you see, this," he indicated with both hands the cookie shaped like a 6-shot revolver on his plate, "this is the sort of thing that I got in trouble for. The kind of thing my mom sent me here for. Only that time it was with pop tarts."
"Oh, I know," smiled Ruby. Nurf looked extraordinarily confused. "You know?" he asked.
"I was actually wondering that myself." Weiss said as she idly lifted a lily from the makeshift vase on the table, twirling it between her fingers. "What do you have planned here, Ruby?"
Ruby's grin widened as she picked up Nurf's cookie revolver and started loading it with miniature strawberries. "It's simple!" she chirped. "Camp is all about sharing what we love!"
"GBgnmnwhat we loveth?" sputtered Nerris dubiously through her braces as she lifted a cookie staff with a cup of strawberries at the end of it.
"EEEXACTLY!" exclaimed an elatedly ecstatic extracurricular co-counselor. "And since Nurf here was sent to learn about guns..."
"Actually Ruby-" Weiss was cut off.
"We are all going to learn about how cookies, which everybody loves, are also guns that we can use!" If pride and self-satisfaction could be harnessed as a source of sustainable energy, the look on Ruby's face could have run a moderate power grid for the entire country of Thailand for about six weeks.
"So," Dolf said slowly loading his cookie Luger with strawberries, "Vhat you are saying is, ve are allowed, nein, encouraged to take out our fellow campers until the strongest, die übermensch, rises above and purifies this camp in a sanctioned lagerkrieg?"
"Sorry Dolf, I can't understand a word you said through your Atlesian accent. Weiss, a bit of help?"
Weiss rolled her eyes. "He said he wants to know if you are encouraging a food fight. No, Dolf, that is-"
Ruby's eyes lit up. "ABSOLUTELY!" she squealed. Weiss' eyes widened. "Oh no, Ruby, this is a-"
"GREAT ACTIVITY PLAN!" Ruby interrupted again. "Together with Nurf, we are going to learn about how everything is also a gun, and how cool and fun it is to make and use guns, and oh, weapons are so...AWESOME! Now who volunteers to go first?" The campers by this point were either scooting away apprehensively, cautiously loading their cookies, or a combination of the two while Weiss stared in horror at her team leader.
"Ruby, I-" Weiss started again, but was interrupted when Ruby pulled out a Cookie Crescent Rose. "Co-counselor Schnee, thank you for volunteering! Okay everybody, first you make sure that you treat every gun as if it were loaded..."
"Eehhh, I'm not sure I feel safe with this thing!" Neil wobbled like a wacky wavy inflatable tube man underneath his comically oversized chocolate chip IMI Negev light machine gun. "Nikki, help! Nikki?" Nikki was cackling deviously as she loaded strawberry arrowheads to the end of Pocky sticks.
"Then you make sure you keep your gun pointed in a safe direction..." continued Ruby as she set the sugar scope on Weiss.
"RUBY! That is not a safe direction! Are you even listening to me?!" Weiss stomped her foot, her right hand holding the lily dropped to around her navel.
"Pretty sure she's not," called Max from the cracked doorway. "I haven't seen anybody so delightedly distracted since Nikki asked David to sing his fucking stupid song." It was true; Ruby was hyperventilating as she stared at her glorious creation. Her left eyelid was twitching, her breath was coming out shallow, and sweat was forming on her face. As a bead slid down to the corner of her mouth, her tongue shot out like a clefted snake, encircling Ruby's lips with the speed of her semblance, the resulting wind chilling the mess hall five degrees. Weiss shivered as Ruby's expression grew more sultry and...predatory?
"Next," gasped Ruby, her usually normal knees knocking noisily under her thin, damp thighs, "you keep your trigger finger off the trigger and outside the trigger guard until," she gulped, her silver eyes gleaming as she brought her quivering digit towards the trigger. "Until you are ready to discharge your payload," Ruby finished hoarsely.
"Max, get back in here!" called Weiss. Max shrugged and flipped her off, taking Space Kid's Mjolnir Powered Assault Armor cookie to the coffee maker back by his bed.
"And then," shivered Ruby, a manic glint taking over her features as she sensuously stroked the sweet weaponized warfare wafer as one would an intimate lover, "then you make sure you are sure of your target and beyond." Unbidden, all the children began to part out of the way, leaving Ruby a clear shot at Weiss.
"...Ruby. If you take that shot, there are going to be consequences. I will punish you," Weiss glared severely.
Ruby hesitated, and looked up from the scope. "But Weiss," she said in a remarkably rational tone, "don't you think these weapons will feel lonely if we don't use them before they are eaten?" Weiss stood flabbergasted at the nonsensical rationalizing her partner presented her with.
"...You just want to shoot a cookie that is also a gun," Weiss asserted dryly.
"YES!" shouted Ruby as she squeezed the trigger. Pulsating and red, a strawberry ejected from Ruby's thick, hard cannon dripping a trail of juices and moist ovaries.
Weiss brought her hand up in an attempt to keep the load from penetrating her clothes, but she wasn't fast enough. The juicy fruit tore through Weiss' flower, even as she held it in her hand. The petals spread as Ruby's thick launch colored them with her own hue, showing that Ruby had been first to take Weiss' flower, and now nobody else could.
The damage was irreparable, and it was still continuing even further up to the point where it collided with Weiss' stomach, knocking her off her feet and momentarily causing her to draw short of breath and curl her toes. As Weiss was pushed onto her back, Ruby's berry rolled down Weiss' skirt and slid in between her legs, staining her upper thighs with the wet, sticky color of her partner.
Moaning, and unsteady on her legs, Weiss wobbled unsteadily to her feet. "Okay," she said, pulling out a cookie sword. "You got me. Now, I'm going to tan your backside so hard, you're going to feel it until it is time to go back to Beacon." Ruby shook in anticipation for what she had unleashed.
The mess hall was silent for a moment. Then, Nikki broke it with an Indian war cry as she jumped on the table with her bow and Pocky. "Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop!" she crowed, flapping her hand over her mouth. "Injun Jane is gonna scalp you white devils until you run to the hills! Whahahaha! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" she cried gleefully as she shot Preston Goodplay in the pouf of his shoulder.
"Alas! I am hurt! Oh woe is me, in my sweet merrytide of salacious death, for a bitter end to this adulterant jackanapery hast I been. Lo and behold, it pools about me like precious gold, red from the sun and sundries. Wails and prophecy, damnation of scoundrels, revelry and-hey, Nikki, let go of my hair! OUCH! STOP THAT!" Nikki was biting Preston's forehead while attempting to pull of his scalp by the hair.
With Nikki's instigation, the rest of the campers quickly followed suit. Neil accidentally shot Dolf in the side of the face, and knocked himself out with the recoil. The rest of the campers all joined in the raucously rowdy row in a clash of strawberries smashing. All with the exception of Nurf.
"Wow," he grunted next to Ruby as she gradually regained her faculties and realized what she had done. "I see now. I have always had all these inappropriate fantasies about violence and blood and murder, but now that I have a clear picture of what that would look like in real life," he paused as Space Kid fell in front of him, two Pocky arrows penetrating his helmet while Nikki swung from the ceiling fan shouting I'm queen of the cabin!
"I see that my violent fantasies don't feel anywhere the same as the gruesome reality that lies here before me. I'm glad that I have this point of reference to keep me from doing something I would regret in the future. Thank you for showing me this, Ruby," Nurf sincerely took Ruby's hand and shook it.
"Hoeeh?" Ruby's glazed eyes suddenly focused. "What? What did I just do? Oohhh, I had cookies and weapons, and-"
"I'm really glad you came up and orchestrated this to help me realize the difference between fantasy and reality," Nurf continued. "It shows how much you care, and I want you to know, I really appreciate your insight into my personal issues."
Ruby hesitated. "Yeah..." she said. "Totally...that is definitely what I meant to do! Yep, totally meant to do this, and was not simply getting carried away abusing my authority as a camp leader to indulge in my...my selfish desires...heh heh..." she trailed off as Weiss loomed over her with her cookie rapier.
"I'm not getting out of this one, am I?" asked Ruby as she turned to run away.
"Nope," said Weiss, cracking along Ruby's backside and knocking her through the wall of the mess hall so that she was stuck half in, half out. The smack resounded throughout the hall, and all the campers went quiet.
Weiss sighed. "Everybody go back to your cabins. Now." Slowly, like drunken ants, everybody marched out, leaving only Weiss and Ruby's wriggling rear end.
"Now then," Weiss hissed vindictively. "How are we going to get you out," she wondered aloud as she flexed her fingers by her friend's frantic bottom.
How will Weiss get Ruby out of this situation? I'm going to save that for next time, so if you want to find out, you might want to follow. Remzal Von Enili wanted to see Nora meet Nikki. I had to set it up first, so I plan to continue this omake next chapter. Ren might act a bit out of character here, but here it is. If any of you have an event or a meet-up you want to see in an omake, post it in a review like Remzal did. I can't guarantee I will do it, but I can guarantee that I will read it and respond to it. So go nuts. Or don't. It is not like I care or anything, baka.
Omake: Ren and Nora, Episode 2: Lawnmower Zwei Part 1
"Ren wake up. C'mon Ren git'up. We got a-got a thing to do Ren, gonna do something hic! Get up!" Nora grabbed Ren's ankle and started dragging him out of bed
"Ow! Geez, Nora, have you been drinking syrup again? Where are you taking me? It's 1:00 am, go back to bed" Ren groaned as Nora dragged him down the dorm hallway.
"No can buurrp no can do, Renny Penny. It's import-burp-important that we do this or else we might not be together next year but not together-together."
Ren got up and sighed. "Nora, why are we right outside of Professor Port's room, and why are you breaking in?"
Nora cracked Port's door, revealing the sleeping professor on his bed. "You know that Anaranjado DiCaprio movie that had the dreams?"
Ren shook his head. "Well, it doesn't matter," continued Nora. "The important thing to know is that we are going in this guy-in his dreams, to tell him to give me an A so that we don't get separated next year."
"And why don't you just do the work?" asked Ren.
"Pfft, Don't be silly, Ren. Now here, put this in your ear." "Wait wha-" Ren slumped to the ground while Nora curled up next to him.
Opening his eyes, Ren saw himself in a nightclub with flashing lights. "Nora?" he asked disoriented. Spying a ginger head of hair in front of him, he asked "Nora, is that you?" A cheerful face turned and met Ren's eyes, as a girl with green eyes, a silver slingshot bikini lined with glowing green, and thigh-high black boots with green trim leaned in toward his face.
"Sensational to meet you! My name is Penny! Will you be my friend of benefits? I'm cum-bot ready!" Ren backed away, stumbling nervously. "Um, ah, Nora? Nora, where are you?!"
"Hiyah!" Nora clotheslined the dreamy droid before she could approach Ren any further. "I-brapp-saved you Ren. You see, you-you-you almost were defiled Ren. You see, when you lose your chast-burp-when you lose your virginity in the dream world-hic-it means that you no longer have your cherry in the-the-the...it means you wouldn't be a virgin anymore!" Nora finished with satisfied finality. "Quick, we have to go into the dream of this robo-temptress to get me an A in Port's class."
"I don't see how this is going to work Nora-" Ren slumped as Nora jammed the device in his ear.
Again, Ren opened his eyes disoriented. Nora was gazing around, pupils dilated. "Look Ren," she whispered. "We-we-we're gonna be rich, Ren. See all those Ursai? We're gonna skin them and-and-and make a b-burp-oatload of lien selling Ursa skin rugs!"
Ren looked at what appeared to be a little girl with green hair and suspenders in deep conversation with two Beowolves. "Nora," he said, "Those are Beowolves. What is that little girl doing with them..."
Even as Ren said this the little girl straightened up, grinned, and pointed to him and Nora. With a twinkle in her eye, she gave the twin Grimm a cheerful order.
"Kill!"
To be continued.
