Adapting to life at Wardlow had felt like breaking in a pair of new shoes. It had taken her some time to feel like she truly belonged there, to the school she was going to, that she fitted into that aleatory but close-knit family. Jane was happy she was living there and felt immensely thankful for it and for the people around her but in the beginning, the lurking feeling that it might go up in smoke at any second hit her unexpectedly many times a day.
She hadn't been feeling secure for long when her mother had returned. From afar, she wasn't even sure it was her at first, but just the thought had been enough to rattle her. Maybe if she didn't show herself, her mother wouldn't know she was there and nothing would change.
But things changed nevertheless. For a while, the self-defence class at the Flower Maiden rehearsal had been distraction enough but hearing Dot say the visitor claimed to be her mother erased that easiness in less than a breath. The fear Jane thought she had been able to dominate jumped out of her again and got mixed up with the possibility that her mother might not recognise her and she became sad instead.
It didn't happen, as promised by Miss Fisher, her mother did know who she was, but she still felt skittish and apprehensive. Something started to rise in her chest, a nagging and alarming feeling which end she couldn't even start to imagine. It loomed over her as a cloud and no matter how terrible and unworthy it made her feel, sending her mother on her way had seemed the only thing to do until she could devise a better plan.
Learning that the adoption papers had never been signed pushed Jane over the edge. The threat of being taken away from Miss Fisher, Dot, Mr Butler, Cec, Burt, Doctor Mac, Inspector Robinson, Hugh, Aunt Prudence, her friends and her books and what she finally thought of as her life had felt so terrifying, Jane had panicked and that's why she had come to her mother with the adoption documents.
That didn't mean that she didn't love her. Jane did, hadn't forgotten her and she prayed for her every night, not exactly like Dot had taught her but still. I pray that my mother is safe if she's alive and if she's not I pray that she has her much needed repose at last. But after so many tries and failures, a part of Jane had accepted she had to let go of her mother. Seeing her come back had made all those feelings bubble up and confuse her. Jane didn't compare them as such but could she still love her mother and Miss Fisher at the same time? Could she still be happy with her own life knowing that it might make her mother feel left out? Would she be able to go back to taking care of her mother knowing now what life could hold? Did having those doubts make her a bad person?
Nevertheless, the old pangs of guilt followed her too and that's why she had tried to atone for her action with things her mother might need and her company.
Sitting with her as she read Lawson's poem aloud had been nice for a bit, agreeable, and almost like the old days when her mother felt better, but Jane couldn't give up what had brought her there.
Her mother's escalating energy didn't bode well. That also felt like the old days and Jane's stomach clenched. Jane felt trapped. This time, she wasn't the one with a hold on things, trying to keep everything in one piece. She tried to soldier on, get back on her feet, but the bite of cake and what it unleashed was more than a setback she could handle. Jane was scared obviously, a rush of the moments when she had felt similarly around her mother starting to flash in her mind and in her limbs. It didn't happen often, but when those episodes took place, her mother's reactions were unpredictable because Anna was deeply scared herself. Jane had to get out of there and get help, but her mother wouldn't relent, deep in her hallucination. A man's voice on the other side of the door startled them both. Anna held on to her. That was her husband, he had certainly come to avenge the fact that she hadn't stopped him from going to war and dying so far away from home, that was the time, all the other instances had been just warnings.
«We must escape now. He's at the door, we can't go that way, but maybe we can stall him with gas and exit through the window», her mother said, her voice quick. She repeated her plan continuously like a prayer as she rotated the buttons on the stove, holding Jane's wrist tightly in her hand.
«We must go, we have to go now or he will get to us.»
«Mother, no one will get to us», Jane tried to plead but to no avail. She didn't know how to get to her, and the screaming landlord wasn't helping at all. «It's just the landlord. He's angry, but I'll talk to him. Everything will be alright».
«We must go, we have to go now or he will get to us.»
«Mother».
«We must go, we have to go now or he will get to us.», Anna started to take off her clothes with one hand. «We must go, we have to go now or he will get to us. The dresses are going to get stuck in the roof tiles, we have to leave them. We must go, we have to go now or he will get to us».
«Mother, stop», Jane hated herself for it, but she was crying now. This was nothing like what they had ever been through.
«If you don't want to come, I will. We must go, we have to go now or he will get to us», Anna was in her underclothes and out the window, letting go of Jane's wrist before she had noticed it.
Jane yelped and followed her. She wouldn't be able to recall how she had done it afterwards, but through the sheer panic that enveloped her, Jane was able to manage getting a hold of her mother with one arm and around a chimney with the other.
Anna had stopped talking and the hurried alertness in her eyes had been replaced by a void expression but she kept reaching out to the empty space ahead of them.
Seeing Miss Fisher and Inspector Robinson at the window was like a vision, her deepest wishes coming true, but her fear wasn't enough to let Jane feel any relief until she was safe and sound in Miss Fisher's arms after the inspector had come to help them, himself holding a rather quiet Anna now.
In spite of the ordeal she had just been through and how frightened she had felt, an overwhelming wave of love had seized her and Jane wanted nothing else but to help her mother.
«I'm sorry I didn't tell you», she apologised to Miss Fisher, the range of emotions felt in that such period of time catching up with her and Jane couldn't do anything else but cry.
A/n: Thank you for reading this chapter too.
As it happened in the previous part, I incorporated some scenes from the actual episode in this one and expanded from there.
I hope once again that it still feels in line with the show and the rest of the fic.
