Luke,
Forgive me if this turns out to be long. I can only say that there have been far too many years between us and far too many things left unsaid when we parted ways.
You were wrong about Ben. You told Han and me that he had fallen so far under Snoke's influence that Kylo Ren had merely emerged as a creature of consequence. You told us that there was no getting him back, but like a fool, I held on to hope. You gave up. Han gave up. Eventually, I gave up, too.
It turns out that there was someone among us who never did. You may or may not remember Poe Dameron – Shara and Kes' son. You met him probably a total of two times, once when you took Ben away with you, and once when you came to tell us he was gone.
I loved Poe like a second son, and he treated us like a second family. He and Ben had an unusual sort of friendship – the kind where everyone in the room could tell how much they cared for each other except themselves. Maybe they talked more whenever I wasn't around. I guess I'll never know.
Poe had such a bright future ahead of him. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true. He had Shara's instincts and Kes' spirit, and he saw the good in everyone he met. When there was a problem, he didn't stop until it was solved. He could be impulsive and a little hotheaded at times, but he made up for it with his open heart. When Poe cared about something, he cared deeply and permanently, almost like a Wookiee.
I'm only telling you all this because Poe is dead now. He slipped away on the shuttle only a few hours ago. It still feels too soon, but you need to know what happened between him and Ben.
I promoted Poe to Commander last year. Out of everyone in the Resistance, he deserves it the most. I would have made him a Vice Admiral, but he refused that. I think he felt that being one would have kept him too far from his X-Wing. Maybe there was more to it. I didn't ask what his reasons were, but something just seemed off about the way he simply said no. Actually, he'd been a little different ever since we'd lost Ben. He tried not to show it, Luke, he really tried, but I could feel this sort of quiet sadness about him whenever he'd let his guard down.
I felt terrible about not doing anything for Poe, especially knowing that he'd basically given his whole life to the Resistance and to me. He had a right to know what had really happened to his friend.
He didn't take it well. He was so quiet when I told him. His silence almost terrified me. He didn't get angry or act surprised or do anything that I might have expected. Instead, he just seemed to fold in on himself, as though he'd been expecting it but didn't want to believe it. I could feel something inside of him die, but all he said was, "Thanks for telling me."
After that, the change got more noticeable. Poe acted more brash, more impulsive. It was as though he was determined to make himself a different person now that he'd seen what Ben had become. His skill grew exponentially. Where he had been brilliant, he was now unbelievable. Some might have called his tactics ruthless. He left no survivors, no witnesses. Underneath it all, though, I think he was scared. He seemed so desperate for any opportunity to fight that I wasn't sure whether he wanted to end the war or keep it going. I sent him to Jakku both to cool down and to find you, but now I realize that I made a terrible mistake that cost me both my sons.
Wherever you are, you couldn't have missed it. Poe's execution was broadcast galaxy-wide. It had just been so long since we'd last heard from him that we couldn't tell if the feed was live or not. I was about to send a recon team to the casting signal to verify, but a transmission saved me the trouble.
It was Ben. He contacted me. seeking my help in saving Poe. Nearly the whole of the Resistance was watching his execution – few of them missed Ben's message. There were several mixed responses. Some believed it was a trick, while others wanted to believe that Ben meant well. I wasn't sure what to think, and I reached out into the Force, looking for him. The contact was brief, but it was concrete. I saw my son running down the black halls of a Star Destroyer, his lightsaber in his hand, determined to save his friend. Our eyes met, and I could feel this new warmth flooding from him. He said only two words: "Help him."
Then we all saw Ben storm the execution hall, one man against legions of the First Order's troops. I wasted no time. I mobilized an extraction team and boarded the shuttle. Hyperspace couldn't bring us to Ben and Poe quickly enough.
We managed to board the Star Destroyer. The hangar was surprisingly empty; Ben must have cleared it out before we arrived. Few stormtroopers came to stop us. From what I'd seen on the broadcast before it cut out, they had plenty else to worry about.
Then Ben arrived, carrying Poe in his arms. I sensed his presence long before I saw him. The Force swirled madly around him like a Kaminoan hurricane, lashing out at anything that tried to impede him. Troopers rushed at him from all sides, but they were powerless to stop him. I couldn't tell where Ben's energy was coming from – it didn't feel dark, but there was no light to it, either.
Whatever it was, Ben managed to get Poe safely on board, and I could feel the pain and death hanging over Poe's fragile life like it was my own. I could feel some sort of connection between Ben and Poe, like Ben's volatile energies were the only thing keeping Poe breathing. Ben laid Poe down and let our medics do what they could, and he gave me Poe's jacket and a small, leather-bound journal. He told me to give them to Poe when he woke up. I remember that so clearly. Ben had said when, not if, as though there weren't even the slightest possibility that Poe wouldn't make it.
I asked Ben to stay, to come home. Ben's answer was simple: No. I realize only now that Poe had told me the same thing when I'd offered him a higher rank. I think they both feared being unable to protect their loved ones had they said yes to me. Poe had wanted to fly. Now, Ben wanted to fight. He needed to stay behind and make sure no one followed us, he said. He was just about to leave when Poe called his name.
The moment was brief, but it was something truly powerful. Poe had regained consciousness just enough to call Ben back, and Ben went. He gently wrapped Poe up in his flight jacket, and he held Poe's hand for a few seconds before turning and running out of the shuttle without another word. Before anyone could do anything, he slammed the door shut behind him with the Force, and I did the only thing I could think to do: I gave our pilot the order to launch.
The farther from the Star Destroyer we got, the worse Poe's condition became. The life support system we put him on could do little else but tell us our best pilot was dying. We launched into hyperspace, and then I felt it. Ben was gone. It was as though someone had sliced me open and pulled out all my organs, leaving me empty inside. I hadn't felt this way since Alderaan had been destroyed. It's a difficult feeling to describe; perhaps you felt it.
Somehow, I think Poe sensed Ben's passing as well. He seemed to relax. There was a light in his eyes. He looked like he was at peace, like he wasn't in pain anymore. I held his hand – the one that Ben hadn't touched – and he almost smiled at me. Then his head fell to one side, and the machine gave us a flatline. The medics tried to shock him back to life, but after three tries, I stopped them. Poe had passed into the Force only seconds after Ben had. In spite of my own grief, I had this unshakable feeling that they would find each other and be okay.
I took out the journal that Ben had given me, the one that I had been been supposed to give Poe had he survived. For the longest time, I wrestled with myself on whether or not I ought to read what my son had written. In the end, I decided not to. Instead, I just held onto Poe's hand for the rest of the journey home.
I've still not read anything in the journal. I'm almost afraid of what I might find there if I do. Ben had meant the journal for Poe, not me, just like his last letter all those years ago. Poe never told me about what was in that letter, but I think he had been reciting it at his execution. From what I heard of it, I think I understand why he kept it to himself for so long. It had been the only thing Poe had left of Ben. Han and I each had our own keepsakes and memories of our son, but Poe had little other than that letter. I think that by letting go of that on the Star Destroyer, spreading Ben's last words to him to an uncaring, unknowing galaxy, Poe was letting a large part of himself go as well. Poe really cared about Ben – it was hard to miss the look in his eyes whenever they met. I don't think I've ever realized exactly what Poe must have gone through when we lost Ben. I can only imagine he felt the way I felt when we lost Han to carbonite in Jabba's palace.
I think Ben cared about Poe, too. After all, Poe had the influence that none of us – you, me, or Han – ever did. For Poe, Ben came back to the light. He gave his life to give Poe a chance. I just wish that that chance could have come to fruition. At the same time, though, I feel a sense of peace, as though I know that somewhere, they're both happy. They deserve that.
You told me once that there was no hope left for Kylo Ren, that there was no hope left for the Jedi. I almost believed that, but then I saw what Poe did, what he was able to do because he still had hope and love for someone we all believed to be too far gone. Because of Ben and Poe, I'm willing to believe again. I'm going to honor their sacrifice by choosing to believe in hope for our future, stability for our Republic, and peace for our galaxy.
I believe in you, Luke. I believe in Han, wherever he may be. I believe that we can come back together and fight this darkness that took Ben and Poe from us. Will you believe that, too?
All my love,
Leia
