AN: In case you don't remember the quarian Admiralty board, here's the quick overview:
Admiral Daro'Xen vas Moreh – amoral, mad scientist
Admiral Han'Gerrel vas Neema – war! blarg! Was friends with Tali's dad
Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib – wants to coexist with geth, nice guy
Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay – Tali's auntie Raan. A nice politician(!)
Admiral Rael'Zorah – Tali's dad. Dead. (Tali is his replacement)


Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.
Genesis 4:14, Christian Bible


6 months ago, at the end of Mass Effect 2/start of Mass Effect 3

Tali stood watching the Normandy fly away, taking Shepard to earth… and incarceration. Trials and public derision. A very similar fate to what Shepard saved Tali from, back in the flotilla. Now, Tali would be heading home to fame and praise. To take her father's place on the Admiralty board, leading the quarian people in glory, while Shepard would languish.

Tali pondered her situation. "What would Shepard do?" She murmured to herself. Well, obviously Shepard would burst into the legal proceedings and proceed to rescue her friend from durance vile. Either legally, or illegally.

However, Tali couldn't come to Shepard's rescue in the same way Shepard rescued her. Instead, she would have to go with the idea of what Shepard would do, in Tali's place, as an Admiral of the quarian people.

As her transport to the migrant fleet approached, she murmured to herself again. "What would Shepard want me to do?"

Well, obviously Shepard would find a way to give the quarians what they needed so they would help Shepard save the galaxy. She would also shoot someone. OK, that was easy. Now, how could Tali give the quarians what they needed and get into a firefight at the same time? Well, she could attack Rannoch and free it from the geth.

Tali paused. Shepard never killed anything that didn't threaten her first. Also, while Shepard had no qualms mowing down everyone in her path, she didn't go out of her way to directly attack enemies just for the sake of killing them. There was always an objective. So what was her objective here? Killing all the geth or getting quarians living on Rannoch? Both were problems, but which one to focus on? Also, killing all the geth didn't seem quite right. Getting into a slow, grinding, slug-fest wasn't Shepard's style. Quick. In and out. Specific objectives.

Tali had killed numerous geth while following Shepard on their adventures, but in the past few months, Shepard had forced her to work closely with the geth platform Legion. They did work well together… hmmm.

Shepard had the amazing ability to make normal enemies work together to build amazing results. Could Tali somehow do the same thing? With the geth? But on the other hand, even if Tali somehow could kill them all, she wasn't sure she could stand in front of Shepard and justify how she killed off all the geth without feeling guilty. Dammit, this was harder than she thought. What was she going to do?

She sighed. Well, she could start small; work her way up to the big decisions Shepard was forced to make left and right. Tali nodded in determination. Time to wander aimlessly, talk to everyone, and fix every little issue she came across.


Citadel Presidium, Councilor Tevos's office. 24 hours after D-Day

Tevos groaned and dropped into her chair. She closed her eyes and put her head on her desk.

"Avina, is Councilor Udina available yet?"

The Citadel VI appeared. "Apologies, Councilor. Councilor Udina's status is still listed as 'Unavailable: Out to Lunch'"

Tevos didn't bother to lift her head. "How? Where could he be? No one's seen him in months! Are you sure he's still on the Citadel?"

"The Councilor has his privacy filter still enabled; his present location is unavailable."

She rolled her head and glanced at the VI. "But is he still on the Citadel?"

"Affirmative."

Tevos sighed and rubbed her temples. This was giving her a headache. The other Councilors were increasingly unavailable and that left all the burdens of gathering the various other races on her shoulders. This was fine; the asari were the face of the Council, and after the inevitable Council triumph over this Reaper threat, the asari would uncontestably be the greatest race of the Council. And at the forefront of that greatness would be Tevos herself. As it should be.

She nodded. Time for something bold and daring to show everyone how important it was that she was in charge.

Plans were already in motion for assembling the Crucible, but it would be an amazing display of her diplomatic finesse and skill if she was able to get the quarians to aid the Council's victory. It was high time the quarians joined the rest of civilization. Under the careful guidance of the asari, of course. She smiled to herself. Time to use her centuries of diplomatic experience and show everyone how it's done.

She fired up her communications suite. She leaned back in her luxurious chair. An imperious wave of her hand summoned her VI assistant program.

"Connect me to the Admiralty board of the quarian migrant fleet."

The VI bobbed in agreement. The air in front of her opened into a vid sceen and… "-nable to complete your call as dialed. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."

Tevos frowned. She ran the dialer again.

"We're sorry; we are unable to complete your call as dialed. If you feel you have…"

She impatiently closed the connection. "What is this?"

Her VI assistant spoke. "Councilor, the quarian fleet is not within range of any available vid or audio communication networks. If you wish to make a long distance, roaming call, you will need to construct additional comm pylons."

Tevos sighed. This meant she was left with her last resort for communications; MRC - Mass Relay Chat. With the communication networks limited as they were, she would be once again forced to rely on short bursts of written data. No video. No audio. Just words, limited to 140 characters per message. Nevertheless! She was still a virtuoso with words. A small hurdle like this would make her coming diplomatic success all the more delicious.

-Joining MRC-
-theBigT has connected-
-Voice-to-Text enabled-
-Creating private room… Private room created-

-pinging AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor-
-pinging AdmiralMinesBiggest-
-pinging AdmiralQuib^2-
-pinging AdmiralMamaBear-
-pinging AdmiralRebelWithACause-
-AdmiralRebelWithACause is not responding to ping attempt. Abort/Retry/Fail?-

-AdmiralMamaBear had joined the room-

AdmiralMamaBear: Councilor Tevos. What's this all about?

theBigT: Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay. I've got an important proposition for the Admiralty board.

-AdmiralQuib^2 has joined the room-
-AdmiralMinesBiggest has joined the room-
-AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor has joined the room-
-pinging AdmiralRebelWithACause-
-AdmiralRebelWithACause is not responding to ping attempt. Abort/Retry/Fail?-

AdmiralMamaBear: Why isn't Tali invited?

theBigT: Who?

-AdmiralMamaBear pings AdmiralTZfish-

AdmiralMamaBear: the 5th member of the Admiralty board.

theBigT: Isn't that Rael'Zorah?

AdmiralMinesBiggest: …he died.

theBigT: Our condolences. We've had very little proper communications since the Reapers…

AdmiralMamaBear: He died over 6 months ago.

theBigT: …

AdmiralMamaBear: Councilor, its been over six months since Rael'Zorah died. I'd think by now you'd know. Or do quarians mean so little to you?

AdmiralQuib^2: Awkward.

theBigT: Ahem. We're here because I have a bold offer. One that could change the relationship between the quarians and the galaxy forever.

AdmiralQuib^2: Interesting. Please speak your mind.

theBigT: Synthetics threaten all sapient life.

AdmiralMinesBiggest: Yes

theBigT: We must work together to stop the synthetic plague and save all organic life.

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor: Yes!

theBigT: let us join together and put a stop to the synthetic threat once and for all! Are you with me?

AdmiralMinesBiggest: We agree, and accept your assistance.

theBigT: Wait. What?

AdmiralMinesBiggest: You just pledged Citadel assistance in our fight against the geth, right?

theBigT: No. We need your help against the Reaper threat.

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor: When we fought an army of killer robots, you couldn't be bothered. But now that you face an army of killer robots, now you want our help?!

theBigT: …yes.

-AdmiralQuib^2 changes name to AdmiralQQmore-

AdmiralQQmore: Yeah, no. Hello no. Hold on, let me dig up my archives of what you yourself told us when we asked for help.

theBigT: …

AdmiralQQmore: "we deeply regret the calamity befalling your species, but cannot assist at this point in time."

AdmiralMinesBiggest: How's them apples?

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor: Burn!

AdmiralMamaBear: Admiral Zaal'Koris may not be interested, but I want to hear more. So what exactly are you asking us for?

theBigT: We need your help in building a giant anti-Reaper weapon.

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor: Orly? If you've got the blueprints for an anti-Reaper weapon, why haven't you already built it? The humans are tanking all the Reapers atm!

theBigT: we actually got the plans for this weapon from humanity

AdmiralMamaBear: So why do you need us? Why haven't you built it already?

theBigT: Q. engineering is renowned across the galaxy. Don't you want to say you were part of this? Made the call to build the weapon that won the wa

-AdmiralTZfish has joined the room-

AdmiralTZfish: hey guys. Sorry I'm late.

theBigT: And after we all unite to defeat the Reapers, we can easily find a solution to the geth, together.

AdmiralMinesBiggest: You mean, after we do all the work for you.

AdmiralTZfish: Oh hey, are we talking about building the Crucible?

theBigT: Yes; a Prothean super-weapon that can defeat the Reapers, if we all work together to build it. Join us! Cement your role as the greatest en

AdmiralTZfish: Uhh, we've already started building one. Almost halfway done.

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor whispers to Admiral_group: WHAT

AdmiralTZfish whispers to Admiral_group: It's not really a working device. Its really only a backup to keep the Council working hard on theirs. Slackers.

AdmiralQQmore whispers to Admiral_group: kek

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor whispers to Admiral_group: lol

theBigT: What

AdmiralTZfish: Shepard sent me a copy of the blueprints. Figured the quarians could build it faster than the whole Citadel Council combined.

theBigT: Now that's not fair.

AdmiralTZfish: Well, what's your progress like? How far have you gotten?

theBigT: These things take time. We have to coordinate between separate work forces, and bring in dedicated logistical routes.

AdmiralTZfish: Well be done in a month. 6 weeks, tops.

theBigT: …that thing is designed to dock with the Citadel. It's huge. How are you building it so fast?

AdmiralMinesBiggest: We are the greatest engineers in the galaxy.

AdmiralTZfish: IDK about the rest of the board, but I'm also not interested in your tenuous offer of a solution tot he geth. You see, I've already got one.

theBigT: What

AdmiralMamaBear whispers to Admiral_group: Do you really have a solution to the geth?

AdmiralTZfish whispers to Admiral_group: Yes. Its going super well in testing! Hopefully I'll be able to announce it publicly soon!

AdmiralMamaBear: Admiral Tali'Zorah said we've already got a solution to the geth. Find someone else to build your shit. We're not interested in your 'help'.

theBigT: You have a solution to the geth? Are…are you sure its going to work? You don't need any help from the Council?

AdmiralTZfish: Oh yes. It's very nice, if I say so myself. Very poetic.

AdmiralMinesBiggest whispers to Admiral_group: Why didn't you tell us about this? Any of this? Solution to the geth? Building a Crucible?

AdmiralTZfish whispers to Admiral_group: Isn't it Admiralty Board de facto policy to let each member do whatever in their area of focus, and treat it as board policy after the fact?

AdmiralMinesBiggest whispers to Admiral_group: ….

AdmiralQQmore whispers to Admiral_group: She's got you there, Han

AdmiralTZfish whispers to Admiral_group: It's still in live trials. Don't want to give false hope yet.

AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor whispers to Admiral_group: spoken like a true scientist.

theBigT: Tell me what it is! Maybe we can use it against the Reapers!

AdmiralTZfish: No way! I'm still testing. Besides, it doesn't matter - it's not going to work for you b/c you're not quarian. Quarians only.

theBigT: Are you sure it won't work for us? The Citadel fleet has the greatest focus of firepower in the galaxy. We can pull off any comparable attac

AdmiralMinesBiggest: Who's got the greatest fleet? I do believe it's me. Not you. The migrant fleet is the biggest concentration of firepower in the galaxy.

theBigT: Wait, that's not what I meant.

AdmiralQQmore: We're done here. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

-AdmiralQQmore has left the room-
-AdmiralMinesBiggest has left the room-
-AdmiralTZfish has left the room-
-AdmiralBringMeMyDeathLazor has left the room-
-AdmiralMamaBear has left the room-

theBigT: Shits.

-Alert: TheBigT has received a warning for language. One more infractions will result in being banned-


Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay wanted to pound her head against a wall.

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, her niece, was giving her a headache. She amended that thought. Tali'Zorah nar Rannoch was giving her a headache.

First, Tali's name of choice. All quarians start with their child name, signifying where they were born. Tali was originally Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. When she completed her pilgrimage, she joined the Neema's crew and became Tali'Zorah vas Neema. Six months ago Tali was charged with treason, and the Admiralty board changed her name to Tali vas Normandy since she was at the time part of Shepard's crew on the Normandy. That also had allowed Shepard to represent Tali, as Tali's captain. That was a nice bit of trickery Shala'Raan was proud of.

Shala had quietly hoped that when Tali re-joined the migrant fleet, Tali would have chosen to rejoin the Neema, or even join her on the Tonbay.

But now Tali was calling herself nar Rannoch. A child, again. No one held the name Rannoch – their homeworld was lost to them hundreds of years ago. It was socially unacceptable! Taboo! But Tali learned some amazing diplomatic skills from someone. Somewhere. When Tali took on her father's place as Admiral, during her inauguration address she declared that she would make her father's dream come true; of finding a way for the quarian people back to Rannoch. She changed her name as a symbol of commitment; until all quarians were reunited back with their home world. Keelah se'lai. Political grandstanding of course, but well played grandstanding. The quarians of the migrant fleet ate it up. They all loved Tali and her excited, upbeat, attitude.

That wasn't even the most annoying part. Since Tali didn't sign with any ship, she instead spent her time flitting about from one vessel to another, fixing problems, making friends, and doing things differently.

Tali would often murmur to herself under her breath, nod, and then do something ridiculous and audacious.

But the worst part of it all was Shala'Raan was getting the heebie-jeebies. Something was wrong. Something Tali was directly involved in. She just couldn't put her finger on it. An unprovable gut feeling.

There just… weren't enough problems. Things were going too smoothly.

Ships weren't breaking down like they should. Old parts have an expected length of life, and while the hard data looked to be within tolerances, her lifetime of flotilla knowledge was telling her things were acting wonky.

These twinges were directly related to something Tali was doing. Whenever she visited a new ship in the flotilla, efficiencies would increase. That was to be expected; Tali was an amazing engineer, after all. But things stayed fixed long after she left, parts that should have to be replaced kept functioning. It was Not Quite Right.

She just couldn't prove it. Yet.

Quarians on those ships were acting weird, too. It was like there was a time lag; odd pauses and small gestures seemed off. Not all of them. Just enough to make it observable.

And now, casually dropping the conversational bomb that she had a solution to the geth? And it was almost fully tested?

On that note, where was Tali building the quarian version of the Crucible? Was it all a lie?

Shala'Raan was determined to get to the bottom of this.

Hence her current position, stalking her niece.

It wasn't hard to find Tali – Tali hadn't changed some of her mail passwords since she was a child, and Shala'Raan just looked at her itinerary for the next few weeks, and preemptively waited for her to arrive on the Defrahnz. She had arrived incognito; sneaking aboard during a refueling. She was also wearing a cunning disguise; dressed in a common encounter suit with no ornamentation or tailoring to give her away as an Admiral.

Dressed entirely in black, she continued to spy on Tali.

So far, Tali had done surprisingly little; some talking, some tinkering. But no big projects or deep overhaul of any systems – things that would be necessary to get the kind of abnormal longevity Shala was finding. So what was she doing to get those results? And where were these anti-geth tests Tali was supposed to be in the middle of? Or the Crucible? She didn't see Tali do anything that would count as a test. There were no giant space weapons nearby, either.

Tali was definitely up to something. Shala just had to follow her close enough until she found out what.

Shala'Raan peered around the corner. Crouched beside a Jeffries tube, she watched Tali quietly talk to a passing quarian. She slithered into the engineering tunnel and fast crawled down to the other end of the corridor. Extending a probe, she watched Tali chat with the passerby. Neither of them nodded or waved at each other as they finished their conversation. They just turned apart and the other quarian walked away.

Suspicious.

Tali kept going, heading down to the hold.

Shala'Raan followed behind; a smooth shadow sliding along the ceiling. Behind a recycler. Hidden on a hatch lintel. An untouchable ghost.

Tali slowly went to the back of the hold, and opened a shipping container. She started digging through the contents. Shala'Raan couldn't see inside it from her position. This looked important. She tiptoed closer. Closer.

She couldn't quite see; she was too short.

She stretched up, peering down to look into the box. Almost. Almost… she inched too close, and accidentally nudged a stack of omnigel containers. They teetered, and thundered down on Tali, banging against her helmet.

Shala'Raan gasped and was about to grab Tali and ask if she was ok. But as she reached out, she noticed something.

Tali didn't make a sound. She didn't shake her head in pain. Instead, Tali straightened slowly, and started to turn around.

A cold shiver swept through Shala'Raan. She dove into an empty container, barely avoiding Tali's sweeping gaze. The clanking of the canisters obscured the sound of her rapid jump, and she crouched low, listening.

The only sound she heard was the slow, steady clink as omnigel containers were placed on the shelf.

This… this was not normal behavior.

With shaking hands, she carefully edged her probe over the container lip. Oh no, Tali's mask had a crack! She needed to move to a clean environment immediately! What was she doing, cleaning up? How was she so calm?

She watched in horror as Tali carefully placed everything back. Then finally, finally! Tali reached for a suit repair kit. Grabbing the kit, Tali stood still for a moment, then turned and left the hold. At a steady walk.

Shala'Raan lay in the empty box for a few minutes, gathering her breath, and her courage. Her pulse was loud in her ears. Her mouth was dry. This went far beyond strange. She felt like she was in a nightmare. Nothing was making sense. She had to confront her niece. She had to find out what was happening.

With a deep breath, she squared her shoulders, and stealthed after Tali.

Tali walked through the ship, heading directly for her room. Shala followed. A terrible feeling of dread crept along with her.


Shala'Raan stood outside of Tali'Zorah's door. She lifted her hand to knock, then paused. What would she find behind this door? What was going on?

She licked her dry lips, took a deep breath, and knocked firmly on the door.

"Tali, it's me, your aunt Raan."

There was a silence. Then Shala heard Tali's voice from inside.

"Auntie Raan. What are you doing here on the Defrahnz?"

Tali's voice was too calm.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course, auntie Raan. You can come in. Let me open the door for you."

Steady steps came to the door, and opened it.

Shala blinked. Tali's mask wasn't cracked. Did it really happen? Was it all in her imagination?

Tali stepped back. Eyes steadily gazed at Shala, she stood unmoving.

Shala looked at Tali. Now that she was face to face, there was something off… Swallowing, she stepped into Tali's room, and the door closed firmly behind her.

Tali turned, and led Shala into the room.

On the table lay a cracked mask. Tools lay on the table in straight lines.

How had Tali changed her faceplate so quickly?

Tali stopped, stilled. She was still looking into the room, facing away from Shala'Raan.

"Auntie Raan. Would you like something to drink?"

"Tali! What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, auntie."

She couldn't take it anymore. "Tali! What's happening here? How did you change your mask so quickly? You should be in medbay! What if you got an infection?"

Tali didn't turn around.

"Auntie Raan. Would you like something to drink?"

Shala'Raan stepped forward, grabbed Tali's arm, and spun her around.

What.

This close, they were almost faceplate-to faceplate. Tali's new visor had less tinting than her normal one. From here, Shala could see past the lighter tinting of Tali's mask, and could see her face.

But.

There was no face underneath the mask.

It was a simple panel with two lights pretending to be a quarian face.

It had no face.

There was no -

Where was its face?

The faceless horror twitched forwards, hands grasping at Raan.

"Auntie. Stay calm. Calm-Calm-Calm"

The voice came from within the helmet but oh god there was no mouth no face how could it speak it was walking forwards coming at her

"Suitzombie! Eeieieieieieiieieieieiiiiiii!"

Shala'Raan leapt away. She scrabbled for the door controls, but in her panic, all she could do was flail at the panel.

Fear clenched her stomach. Her pulse pounded so hard she could barely see. Abandoning the door, she fled along the wall towards the bathroom. She couldn't breathe. She was still screaming, an unending wail. The suitzombie slowly stepped in the way, arms outstretched towards her.

Blindly searching for a weapon, any weapon, Shala'Raan started throwing toiletries at the zombie.

Across the room, the door whooshed open, and another quarian walked in. This one was dressed in a non-descript suit. Shala tried to yell for help, but she couldn't catch her breath. Choking on her panic, she gestured wildly for the other quarian to run, to help, to flee, to fight but the other quarian didn't even seem to notice her.

"Hey Envoy, I'm back. Everything went fine." It was Tali's voice. Was it really her? Was it another suitzombie? A Talizombie?

The thing noticed the maybe-Tali. Would it devour her and make her into a suitzombie too?

It turned to face the new quarian.

"Creator Tali'Zorah. There has been a complication." Hearing both of them speaking in her niece's voice drove new spikes of horror down Shala'Raan's spine. Did all suitzombies sound like Tali? Or do they all just sound like family to make

The new Tali kept speaking, not responding to the suitzombie.

"The new quarians were great once they got over their shock. So far everything's going super smooth! There's only been a few problems overall, and I think we can accelerate the timetable! This is great!" The new Tali glanced at Shala'Raan in the corner. "Oh hey, Auntie Raan." She turned back to the suitzombie. "Anyways, things went great, and we've already started to work on-" Tali paused as a bottle of mouthwash bounced off the suitzombie. She turned back to Shala'Raan. "Uhhh." Turned back to the suitzombie. "Uhhhh."

The Talisuit stepped closer to the second Tali.

"Creator Tali'Zorah, we are trying to calm your aunt down. She is panicking and not operating rationally."

A toothbrush bounced off the Talisuit.

The second Tali sighed. Groaned. "This isn't how I wanted this meeting to go! What can I do? Ugh." She tapped the center of her mask with one finger. "Think. Think. How would Shep handle this?" She took a deep breath, and nodded once. Filled with new determination, she turned back to her aunt.

"Auntie Raan, this is Envoy. A platform of the geth." Tali said calmly. "Envoy, this is my aunt Shala'Raan, a member of the Admiralty board."

The Talisuit tilted its head. "Creator Tali, we can query public service records ourselves. We are aware of her identity. What is the purpose of vocalizing such data?"

Tali brought her hand to her faceplate and sighed. "Envoy, it is a social norm to not talk to strangers. By declaring who you are to each other, I am signaling that you are no longer strangers, and can communicate with each other freely."

"Creator Tali'Zorah, I already know her, since I was pretending to be you while you were gone. Wouldn't it be redundant to require introductions? Not interacting with her falls under existing parameters for suspicious behavior."

"But Envoy, I'm introducing you now as yourself, not just a stand-in for me. As such, you haven't officially met her yet."

"Ah."

There was an awkward pause as Shala'Raan ran out of things to throw, and curled into a quivering ball. Screaming. A barely audible whining keen.

There was another awkward pause.

Tali finally snapped. "Keelah! They're just geth, not suitzombies! Quit panicking!"

Shala'Raan kept screaming.

"There's no such thing as suitzombies! They're just geth! You're a grown woman! You still can't be afraid of zombies. You were 6. You told me you were over it!"

The non-suitzombie tilted its head as it looked at the Admiral curled up on the bathroom floor. "It appears Admiral Shala'Raan has experienced an OS malfunction. A hard reset is the suggested troubleshooting solution. Shall I proceed?"

Tali shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

"Administering hard reset via cranial impact."

"Wait, what?" Tali barely squawked as the non-suitzombie knelt down, and firmly whacked Shala on the back of her head, knocking her out.


Shala slowly climbed back to consciousness.

She was lying in a bed. She turned her head. Tali was curled up in a chair, reading on her omnitool.

What happened?

She must have made a noise, because Tali glanced at her, then leapt to her feet. "Auntie Raan! You're awake!" Tali snatched a drink from the table and offered it to Shala. "Water?"

Shala took the water and slowly drank.

"I had a nightmare. You were a suitzombie."

Tali sighed. "This isn't how I wanted to tell you. It wasn't a nightmare." She saw Shala start to stiffen. "But there's no such thing as suitzombies! It wasn't a suitzombie."

"Then what was it? What's happening? Please tell me what's going on."

Tali slouched in the chair. "It's a long story."

"What's the short version?"

Tali shrugged. "I made a deal with the geth and got Rannoch back. I've been secretly moving quarians back to Rannoch where they've been working with the geth to build superweapons against the Reapers. At the same time I've had their presence here in the fleet swapped out with geth platforms. This not only helps me hide what's happening, but also helps acclimate quarians and geth to working with each other. I'm getting double benefits with the geth having to deal with quarians on Rannoch, and also having them here. Trust me, they need the double experience. Since I'm running back and forth to Rannoch all the time, I've also gotten myself a body double. Her name is Envoy."

Another Tali poked her head through the doorway from the other room. "Hello Auntie Raan." It spoke in Tali's voice.

Tali waved at it, and it waved back, then left.

"So yeah. That's about it." Tali turned back to her aunt.

Shala sat frozen on the bed. The water bottle lay in front of her, dropped from limp fingers.

Tali waved a hand in front of her aunt's face. "Auntie Raan? Are you ok?"

Envoy poked its head back into the room. "It seems Admiral Shala'Raan has experienced another OS malfunction. A hard reset is the suggested troubleshooting solution. Shall I proceed?"

Tali whirled around. "No! That is not the appropriate troubleshooting action! Change the recommended action in the database!"

Envoy tilted its head. "Rejected. One user experience does not offset the plethora of experience and datapoints supporting this solution." Envoy slowly stepped back out of the room.

Tali put her head in her hands and groaned. "See what I have to deal with?" She stood, then walked over to her aunt. Studying her, she poked her in the forehead.

"Hey!" Shala slapped Tali's hand away.

Smiling, Tali sat back down. "So I'm sure you have questions. What do you want to know more about?"

Shala studied Tali closely. "How… how did you do all of this? Why did the geth agree to let all this happen?"

Tali shrugged. "It was easier than I expected. When I was serving on the Normandy under Commander Shepard, we picked up a geth platform, and he was a big help. Shepard called him Legion. I hated him at first, but Shepard put us together often enough to make us realize how good a team we could be. So once I became an Admiral, I reached out to Legion, and we made a deal." Tali opened her omnitool and shared a file with Shala. "Here's the agreement I signed with the geth."

It was a simple text file:

The geth will allow quarians to settle onto Rannoch without conflict as long as Tali is in charge.
-Tali'Zorah vas Normandy
-1010000000000

Shala blinked. "What's up with the 1's and 0's?"

Tali shrugged. "That's Legion's signature. It could be a joke. It's 5120 in binary."

Shala shook her head. "I don't understand."

"There's 5120 soldiers in a legion."

"Ah."

There was silence for a minute.

"So your secret quarians and the geth are building the Crucible at Rannoch?"

Tali nodded. "No way are we going to rely on the asari to build it; if we rely on them to get it done it'll be built in a decade if we're lucky. A century if we're not. But forget about the Crucible. It's probably garbage."

"What do you mean?"

Tali shrugged. "Let's see. A superweapon the Protheans supposedly had plans to, but could never build. And we don't know where they got it from? Sounds like a Reaper trick to me."

Shala picked up the water bottle and took another sip. "So why are you building it then?"

"What makes you think that's the only superweapon we're building with the geth?" Tali leaned back and crossed her ankles.

Shala dropped the bottle. "What? Are you saying you're building other weapons? Better ones?"

"Well, I told you in MRC how I got the plans for the Crucible from Shepard weeks ago, right?"

Shala nodded.

"It wasn't the only plans she sent. You've seen the footage from the siege of earth? Why bother with some shady weapon from 50,000 years ago that's supposed to connect with the Citadel, which we now know the Protheans didn't build, when earth's mages are already building on a scale hundreds of times bigger?" Tali leaned forward. "Shepard gave me plans for seven better superweapons. Magic superweapons." She lit up her omnitool and pulled out a design. "I like this one. I like to call it 'Foe Ruiner'. Design notes say it's based on something called Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, whatever that is."

Tali stroked the blueprints and cackled.

Shala's lips were dry again. She took another sip of water. "How are you building it so quickly? Even with the asari slowing things down, how are you building the Crucible so quickly? Especially if you're also building seven additional weapons. It takes a year to build a battlecruiser. How have you built so much in weeks?"

Tali looked at Shala. "Auntie Raan. There's trillions of geth. They're building a Dyson sphere. Of course they have the workforce and resources."

"But that just it! Why are they diverting so much time and investment into something a quarian just asked them to do? Why are the geth doing what you ask? I can understand you made a deal with their ambassador for resettlement onto Rannoch, but joint superweapon construction? That takes months of logistical work to even set up!"

Tali rubbed the back of her head. "Well. When I made the deal with Legion, I went and checked out Rannoch myself. I mean, who wouldn't? Since I was the first quarian back, apparently I'm the de facto leader of the quarian government. See, since they never left Rannoch they still consider themselves citizens, but the rules for parliament clearly state the head of state must be a quarian male or female of eligible age and rank. So they had some kind of electronic poll, now I'm apparently the head of state. Oh, but it's not just the geth who's helping; I've got the rest of the Normandy crew helping out as well."

Shala's eyes went blank. "The… Normandy crew is also helping?" She tried to think of who else was crew of the Normandy. There was an asari archeologist, right? And a turian ex-cop? "What good can a few humans, an asari and a turian do?"

Tali laughed. "Nothing can beat the Normandy crew. Liara's the Shadow Broker. Garrus built his own anti-Reaper taskforce, and is now in charge of all turian fleet coordination and logistics. Wrex rules the krogan. I govern both the quarians and geth. And the others? Miranda, Kasumi, Thane and the rest? Well. I'd better not say. But we got this. Labor, resources, logistics; we have everything covered. I know Shepard and humanity can beat the Reapers, but even if they all die, Shepard is still setting us up to be victorious. Who else is going to save us all? The Citadel Council? Of course Shepard is trusting us to be cavalry."

Shala thought for a moment. "Wait. You know the Shadow Broker?"

Tali massaged her temples. "Of all things I've said, that's what surprises you the most?"


AN: the typos in MRC are intentional

Omake:
(you wanted more Monty Python? Well, even if you didn't, this was the original inspiration for the chapter)

AdmiralQQmore: Hello? Who is it?

theBigT: It is I, Councilor Tevos! Go tell the rest of the Admiralty board we have been charged with a sacred quest. If you agree to do the work for us, you can join us in our quest to build the Crucible.

AdmiralTZfish: Well, I'll ask them, but I don't think they'll be very keen – we've already built one, you see.

theBigT: What?

AdmiralQQmore: She said we've already got one.

theBigT: Are you sure you've already got one?

AdmiralTZfish: Oh yes, it's very nice.

AdmiralTZfish whispers to AdmiralQQmore: I told him we've already got one!

AdmiralQQmore whispers to AdmiralTZfish: kek

theBigT: Well

theBigT: Ah

theBigT: Um. Can we come over and take a look?

AdmiralTZfish: Of course not! You are Citadel types.

theBigT: If you will not show us the Crucible, we shall take your migrant fleet by force!

AdmiralQQmore: You don't frighten us, asari pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Citadel Counceel"! You and all your silly asari juuustcariars!

theBigT: Now look here, my good ma-

AdmiralQQmore: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

theBigT: Is there someone else I can talk to?

AdmiralQQmore: No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

Double Omake:

-theBigT has left the channel-

AdmiralMamaBear: How did you build it? Who made it?

AdmiralTZfish: The geth. They built it for me.

AdmiralQQmore: Hah, that's a pretty good joke. Good way to send Tevos back with her blue tail between her legs.

AdmiralTZfish: No, seriously! I subcontracted it out to the geth. It took them like, 4 days.

AdmiralMamaBear: If this is no joke, how could the geth build it so fast? The Citadel has months of construction left!

AdmiralTZfish: There's trillions of them. They're building a Dyson sphere! It was super easy.

AdmiralQQmore: Why would they just give it to you?

AdmiralTZfish: Apparently I've somehow become a geth princess. Or they made it for my birthday. It showed up with a big ribbon, and a card.