PART X

I squirm and my grip on Carlisle's shoulder tightens. If it is hurting him, he doesn't show it. The hum of a dying soul beckons, but I need answers. I push away the beacon to the recesses of my mind and focus on Carlisle.

"Are you okay?" His grip now the one tightening.

I shake my head vigorously in response and again, shake away the beckoning soul. "I've been given a soul to carry through to the other side, but I'm not going. Not until I get answers."

"It doesn't sound like it's something that is easy to resist."

"No… it's worse because they're close."

"Do you need to go?" I nod, but don't verbally answer. "You're still here," he points out.

"Yes, sorry… do you need me to go?"

"No, I just thought you'd, you know… disappear. If you meet me at my car, I'll drive you away from here."

I nod, that definitely sounds better than trying to pop up somewhere else; I'll just keep ending up here.

"I won't be long."

I release his shoulder and he releases his grip on my hand, so I waste no time in running through the walls to his car. I can't believe I didn't think of this before! How many times have I cycled through my life? Is this actually the first? The seventeenth? And if it isn't the first, then I guess I know whether or not I get to keep my memories or not. I slam my head against the head rest and expel the dying tremors of the yearning soul. Someone else will just have to guide them home, because I am not doing any more until I get answers.

Carlisle unlocks the car and seats himself in the driver's seat. "You look better," he notes.

I chuckle, "I'm sure that will only be a temporary status, I'll be punished soon enough."

"Where do you want me to drive you?"

I try to think of a place where I may be free of death, but it is everywhere. "Just someplace we won't be seen together… you'd have fun explaining that to your family."

"From what I understand, Bella, they're our family."

I smile solemnly, "I miss them all so much. But…"

"But…" he prompts.

"When I start over –if I start over- if I still have my memories, then there is no way I can enter a relationship with Edward again. We are now different people… opposite people."

"Yes, you are quite different from human Bella, but, are you saying you and Edward aren't mates."

I shake my head. "Sorry Carlisle, but 'mates' is just horse-shit fed to us. We just find someone we can tolerate being around… until we can't." I'd never admit I just quoted James, but the truth is the truth. "I will still be turned though, and I'll definitely still seek you guys out if it is by someone else's hand, but it won't be to pursue a life with Edward."

"Then, I am sorry for him. He has never been happier, than he is now."

I recall the date in my head, "give it a month."

He shoots me a side-long glance. "I'm not sure I want to know."

I half shrug, "nothing but drama with those two."

"You do realise you're speaking about yourself as a third person, don't you?"

I chuckle, "as I said, I'm a different person now and I find it hard to associate myself with her."

He nods, "so will you be punished?"

I bark a harsh laugh, "I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. I can't think of anything they could possibly do to me." The faint tremors start to reverberate in my chest, signalling my next soul. They are far away this time, so the uncomfortable beaconing is easier to manage.

"I'm not going until I get answers!" I spit through gritted teeth.

"So… just to state the obvious," Carlisle ponders, "you're the grim reaper."

A smile lifts the side of my mouth, "there are far too many deaths in the world for just one person to collect that many souls. There are a few of us, just playing tag until our debt is paid up."

"So, when I die, I'll be doing what you are now."

I nod,"yep."

"And…" he silently gulps, "and, have I died, in your lifetime?"

I couldn't picture the living plane without Dr. Cullen in it and I hope I never have to. "You have not. I'm certain you are destined for far greater things than I… it would be a travesty for you to be taken."

If he were human, I'm sure he would've flushed a bright red. "I'm sure you're exaggerating, but thank you."

"No… I'm not."

I silently ask for answers, knowing my thoughts are my own, but hope for an answer nonetheless.

"So you have a baseball game in a few days, that will be great fun." For a while, but I keep that to myself. "I hope to be able to come watch." Maybe even James will be watching on… he might even try to change his former self's mind.

"Yes, Alice said the storm will be very loud, and it has been quite some time since I've played last, I'm really looking forward to it."

I nod, they were all looking forward to it. "I won't get the chance on the day, but good luck and I… I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

I nod, "you will see why soon enough. Just know that I regret everything." I pause at the heaviness that I have caused, and I'm sure my ominous message has been interpreted in an incorrect manner, but I don't wish to clarify. There is no point. "I'll see you when I have the chance."

I remove myself from his car and appear in the other plane. It's easier to communicate here. I conjure a chair and await some answers.