PART XI
It takes three days, four hours and three seconds for my questions to be answered. As I had hoped, this is indeed my first cycle through, and as I had also hoped, I get to keep my memories. I have never felt such relief in all my three lives. I can have a do-over and right all of my wrongs. My deaths will of course still happen at the same times, but… I can spare much suffering for the ones I love.
As promised, I went to watch the baseball game from afar, James was there to. I thought it was a little strange for him to want to witness the events leading up to his death, but I suppose I will do the same. 'Even if I wasn't here, I'd still die, just somewhere else.' I can see his reasoning.
And so James was killed, and this James disappeared to start over… for the final time. This time around for him, he dies for good.
As expected, I spent a lot more time around Forks where my former failures continue to tease and haunt me. I watch as I burn and piss on my family and friends and they continue to put up with my shit. If I were able to flush from embarrassment, I'd be permanently red.
The door closes behind me, the new occupant of the room letting out a gasp in surprise. "It has been a long time, I trust you are well?"
He, like last time I was here, opts to take the seat beside me. "As well as one can be, how do you fare, Carlisle?"
A small chuckle escapes his lips, "you already know the answer to that."
I nod, because I do know. The time since my last visit has been trying for him, and his family. "Indeed." I offer a small smile, unsure of his opinion of my former self or I. "I know it means little to what's going on, but I am sorry for everything that has happened."
He sighs and slouches back into his chair, the stress of recent events somehow taking its toll on his appearance. While his features are exactly the same, he seems more tired and dishevelled. "It's not your fault, Bella. You shouldn't lay so much blame on your shoulder's, or human Bella's. Though, I suspect she won't be human for much longer."
I half shrug, "she still has ten months."
His brow furrows, "I'm not sure if I want to know." He rubs his forehead much like a human with a stress headache would. I wonder if he actually has a headache.
"I can tell you if you want… it may even relieve the stress of the oncoming months."
"I… I don't know."
I can't contemplate how he has handled the stress his family has caused him, I remember the others crumbling under the pressure of it while he stood tall through it all. Their pillar of strength.
"Well then, let me just say that your skillset will be put to the test."
He barks a laugh, "great, medical problems with -who I can only guess- human Bella. Alright, what am I in for, if it's something venom can't cure.?"
I smile widely, "pregnancy."
He laughs for a bit, then the realisation that I'm not joking sinks in. "Err…how?"
I beam, "well Carlisle, when a man and a woman love each other very much—"
Laughing, "that's not what I mean."
"I know, I know. The baby is Edward's, and half vampire."
"Huh. And… I'm guessing the 'drama' doesn't end there?"
My mind flashes to the scene where the Volturi come to kill the 'immortal child.' I play the scene over and over, but my mind just keeps conjuring images of Jane and Alec, where my attention was focused. "Do me a favour, Carlisle… don't let Aro touch you. While there's nothing he can do with the knowledge I've shared with you, I'd hate for him to see you as an asset to keep."
He nods solemnly, "then… the Volturi come for the baby. Is it an immortal child?"
Warmth fills my heart, thinking about my beautiful girl. "No. She grows, has a heartbeat, she's warm, she's… perfect."
"Oh, good. And, is that when you die?"
I shake my head. "No, everyone walks away that day." I don't mention that they track Edward, Ness and I down twelve years later and kill us, no need to depress him.
"That's good." He is silent and contemplative for a beat, "did you get your answers?"
I nod, "I have been assured that I will get to keep my memories when I start over. I can fix my mistakes." I bore my gaze into his, hopefully conveying my feelings. "I promise Carlisle, I will not make you, and your family suffer so much. I will change the journey."
"There is just one thing that is bothering me, Bella." I nod for him to continue. "Am I right to presume you have witnessed another in your situation, finish their sentence?" I nod again. "And time did not reset for you, or me. My point, is, are we all stuck in a never-ending loop of time? Or are you sent back in time?"
I shrug, "I don't know how it works, I'm not that high up on the chain."
He nods, "okay, just curious."
"Well, I'm going to go, someone needs me. I don't know when I'll be back." Or if I ever will be.
And so the next thirteen years both drags and flies as I witness my life unravel. I take notes of how I can change my journey for the better, and yearn to hold Ness in my arms again.
I watch in horror as my baby girl is brutally murdered. Jane and Alec are the only casualties on their part. Then, in both sorrow and relief, I watch Felix toss my dismembered body into the same pyre Edward was thrown into.
Peace floods through my body, then… nothing.
