A/N: Phew. I don't know how long it has been since my last time writing in this fandom. I want to try writing comedy this time, seeing my fic always about angst while gintama means comedy lol. This'll be my first try, so sorry if its not funny enough (at least I'll try for it to be funny lol).

And sorry for any misspelling, grammar mistake, and character OOC, seeing I don't own gintama and English is not my mother language.

Disclaimer: haven't I said that I don't own gintama? Read the A/N carefully.

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Never Party Because You're Not Old Enough Even If You're 20++

Chapter 1: the guest is 68% of the importance of a party

They said that there's an 8 special days from 30 days a month when that day will be a really good day, really really good day.

Okay. It's actually Gintoki who said it, when he got a lucky win in pachinko, totally not looking the tomorrow day when he had to listen to that old bat yelling about rent while he suffered in toilet because of the expired strawberry milk that he drink night before. You asked where the money that he win before go? Duh. Of course he spent it for drinks, did you really had to asked that?

But if it were true, maybe today is one of that 8 days.

The weather was really nice, there's no yelling from the old hag asking for rent (thank you very much for the annual trip to onsen for the neighborhood (yorozuya didn't come, of course because they didn't have the money for it)), strawberry milk were plenty in the refrigerator, and the newest jump edition were really good.

Yup. The Shiroyasha really sure that today will be a great day, that's why he decided to go to the pachinko later.

At least that's the plan, you know, before the do-s prince from the bakufu dog came.

Ugh. Everyone know that shinsengumi and problem were really close, as close as con*n and corpse, or nar*to and rashengan.

Especially when shinsengumi meet with yorozuya.

"Whatever you said, we won't accepted it. Can't you see, we're busy!"

Crimson eyes looking around with its deadpan eyes. "Hmm… if what you mean by busy are megane watching idol show, china pig eating junk, and old man sleeping while reading jump, yeah, you guys seems busy enough."

"Hey! Who do you called china pig?!"

"And who do you called old man?! Just so you know, I'm still 18 years old at heart!"

"Sorry Okita-san, but we're really planning to go later evening. I don't know Gin-san, but me and Kagura-chan are planning to go to my house." Said the glasses who were to tired to correct his mispronounced name from everyone, even the author. He gave the guest a cup of tea.

"Just so you know, I'm planning to go this evening. There's adult business that children like you guys won't understand." Gintoki continued to read his jump, not looking at his client at all.

"Hmm… is that so. If you're busy then so be it." The prince from planet sadist then walked to the exit. "Too bad. Just so you know, you guys will also receive an invitation to a small party which will be held tonight. The sake that we're prepared are of good quality, you know- "

"Sake?"

"-and the food that I saw earlier were all delicious, and of course, plentiful-"

"Food?"

"-and of course…free."

"FREE?"

Kagura immediately blocking the door while Gintoki lead the sadist to sit on the sofa with business smile on his face. "Ah… welcome, dear honored guest. We're the yorozuya. We're ready to hear and do whatever request you give, no matter how hard it is."

Patsuan could only sweat dropped looking at the sadist of shinsengumi slurping his tea while the shameless human being who sadly were his co-workers slashed family both looking at the client with sparkling eyes and looks full of hope.

"Ah… so thirsty. Outside were really hot. How could I talk if my voice are this hoarse?"

"Shinpachi! Quick! Refill the tea!"

"Ah. If you could, can you also give me some cake? I'm hungry."

"You heard it, Patsuan! Take that cake from yesterday!"

Megane could only sighed and went to the kitchen. He could swore he saw some sadist look from the client (even if he is like that every other day anyway).

"So here's the thing, danna." The shinsengumi talked very slowly, painfully slow, making all the resident of the room cranky. "Hmm.. this cake are really delicious…"

"Oi! Just said whatever your request is, baka sadist!"

Okita stare at our main heroine with unimpressed stare. "Oh. Is that how you treat your honored guest here?"

Gintoki immediately smacked his foster daughter's head. "Baka! We still need him! Just be patient!"

"Yah, I don't expect much from this shop anyway." Okita then continue too bite his cake. "Besides, the cake were to sweet and the tea were to hot."

Looking at his boss who started to looked furious, megane as the only one normal enough immediately stir the conversation. "So, Okita-san, why do you came here? And what do you mean with the small party?"

"Ah. Thanks for reminding me, Shimura-san. I nearly forgot why I came here." He then put the cup on the table. "Here's the thing. We want to held a small party for Kondo-san tonight, and because he said that you guys are one of our good friend, with a heavy heart we had to invite you guys."

'Ugh. Then why do you still invite us.' Angry tick showed in the megane's forehead. 'But we do need them.' "We'll gratefully take your invitation, Okita-san. But if I may ask, what is this party about?"

"But don't you guys said you're really busy this afternoon?"

'Patient, patient Shimura Shinpachi. You're better than this.' Fake smile shown in the youngest Shimura's face. "Ah. I guess we're all agree that this party are more important then our previous schedule."

"Yah, I don't really care what you guys were planning anyway." Okita smirked seeing his rival and her foster dad fighting each other, probably to decided who can launched the first blow to his face. "Long story short, the party was held to celebrate the 1.683 times Kondo-san was rejected."

Shinpachi then cracked. Straight-man activated.

"HAH? JUST FOR THAT KIND OF THING WE HAD TO PASSED 967 WORD? BESIDES, WHAT KIND OF SURBORDINATE YOU GUYS, CELEBRATING YOUR BOSS'S FAILURE? AND WHAT KIND OF NUMBER IS THAT? SO RANDOM!?"

"Chill, Patsuan." Even if his boss's word were not convincing enough, seeing the bruise he had, but at least he was already calmed enough to said those kind of word. "You heard what he said, we will come. I promise this. You just provide us that plentiful food and good sake you promised earlier."

Okita just stare with his innocent looked which was obviously fake. "Ah. Did I said that? Oops. I forgot."

"OI!"

"Huh. It's okay, Gin-chan. We just don't need to come then."

"Yah, what can I say, it's not like you guys recorded it earlier." Okita showed his infamous smirk. "Not like how I recorded your sentences. Hmm… what'll happened if this were shown, yorozuya didn't keep his promises just because we don't have the food and sake?"

Gintoki getting cold sweats. "Yo… you're just bluffing!"

Okita sighed. "Well, I'll gladly replay the recorder, but don't you feel sorry for the author if she had to rewrite every conversations we had? Besides, our conversations were long enough, don't you feel sorry for her hand?"

"It's okay. She can copy paste it. Her hand won't be that tired."

"Well, if you insist…" Okita took his recorder that he kept under his hakama and put it on the table. His hand were on top of the play button when…

"Stop! Stop!" The glasses wearing human stop the sadist. "We believed you. Besides, it's already 1.000++ words, and we haven't even in the main story, haven't even in half of the story!"

The sadist just stare indifferently at the glasses in front of him. "You're right." He then put the recorder back. "Well, besides, I believe you guys will come. After all, your favorite word were free food." He then grab his tea which had already turned cold. "But yah, nothing is really free in this world. Finish our request, and you guys will be welcomed at our party. It's not that hard, just took it as a regular client's request."

Gintoki who had already tired from the sadist's long enough presence in his house, plus the author who had already bored writing this scene decided to not care about the sadist's behavior. "Just say what you need to say."

Okita who seems to not understand about how the weary atmosphere around him (more like pretend to not understand) just slurped his tea and continued. "Please prepare a cabaret girl for Kondo-san."

Dead fish eyes meet crimson eyes. "Care to repeat that again?"

"Yah, seeing this is a bachelor party, plus it's to comfort a broken hearted man, we think it's nice to give him a cabaret girl to tone up the party, don't you think so?"

"Err…"

"Not that hard, isn't it? I think it's worth the free food that we'll provide."

"Ano.."

"Isn't yorozuya will finish the request, no matter how hard that is?"

"But…"

"Don't you guys have many female acquaintance? Just use them and tell them to pretend to be a cabaret girl for just one night."

Megane sweat dropped, remembering how all the gintama ladies act which don't need to be explained anymore to the reader.

Kagura stood excitedly. "Oh. Seems interesting. Let me be that cabaret girl!"

Gintoki immediately spurred his tea. "Wha-"

"China, you're kidding right?" Okita stared with his deadpan look. "Who in their right mind would interested with a brat like you?"

Kagura just talked like she didn't heard her rival's word. "I always want to try it, just like anego or Tsukky!" Shinpachi swore the glare he received from the first division captain were not his imagination. "Besides, I'm already 16, so they don't need to be afraid to be called lolicon."

"They'll still be called lolicon if they approached you, you idiot." Okita scoff. "Besides, have you ever looked at the mirror? Or is this house even have mirror?"

Kagura smirked at her rival. "Oh, I looked at my self, sadist. I looked every day to stare at my godly beautiful body. Why? You jealous that I could grow like this just in the 2 year span?"

Okita couldn't hold it anymore. His knuckle on his side had whitened. 'How could she be this dense! Her body did looked like adult but her brain are still that of a child!' With a glare he said, "Listen, China-"

Unfortunately his words were cut by slap from the Shiroyasha to his foster daughter's head. "Baka. You're still not old enough to do that kind of thing!"

Kagura pouted. "But, Gin-cha-"

"No but! No is a no!" Gintoki stood. "We'll take it. Just make sure you guys provide the food, and we'll provide the woman."

Okita stood following the silver haired old man (Hey!) "Glad we could make a deal." He then walked to the exit. "Oh. The party started at 7 pm tonight. Just bring the woman on that time around."

Gintoki exhale his unconsciously held breath seeing the closed door. "Finally."

"We don't have much time, Gin-san! Now is already 1 pm, and we need to hurry to find a woman for tonight!"

Gintoki just stared at the megane lazily. "This is what makes you still stay a virgin, Patsuan. Our female friends are many, just pick one of them."

Patsuan just jaw drop. "You're kidding right, Gin-san? You do know how our friends act."

"Me! Me! I can be the cabaret girl!"

"The quality didn't matter, as long as there's oppai and don't have a stick. What'll happen at that party are not our business." Said Gintoki while he picked his nose, behind him Kagura grumble.

"But-"

"Just relax, Patsuan. How about this. We start looking at 3 pm. I want to sleep for a while, my energy were depleted by that sadist."

"YOU JUST WANT TO SLEEP, GODDAMMIT!" But even if he said that, he did tired for dealing with the prince of planet sadist earlier. And looking at his co-workers who don't have any intention to start searching, he just sighed and watched tv for a while. Not bad, 2 hours to looked at Otsu-chan. Please someone tell him why did he sacrificed his time dealing with a sadist rather than watching Otsu-chan. 'Ah. Because we don't have a client for a while.' Sad, yes. But hey, if you think about it, they just need to find a woman (forget the 4 hours time limit) and they could eat as much as they want. Maybe today really is a good day.

"Besides, looking at a woman is easy. We could get it in 5 minute, yah, 30 minute at least." Said the silver haired man before he went to sleep.

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5 minute had passed, and they still haven't find a woman

30 minute had passed, and they still haven't success

By 2 hour, the megane started to panic, while the strawberry milk lover seems to started feeling a bit of panic.

After 3 hour finding and still didn't get a woman, Shinpachi cracked.

"NOO! SHINPACHII!"

"IT'S JUST MY GLASSES, GUYS!" a tick of anger shown on the glasses's forehead. "Besides, the most important thing right now are not that, but our fate! It's already 6 pm and we still haven't find a woman!"

"Why do you looked at me like that, Patsuan?" Gintoki gasp. "Don't tell me… no.. sorry, but I don't swing that way…"

"WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND, YOU DIRTY OLD MAN?"

"Gin-chan, Gin-chan…" Kagura pulled Gintoki's kimono sleeves. "if it's like this, don't you think it's better for me to be the cabaret girl?"

Gintoki looked at his foster daughter. His precious daughter. It did hurt trying to imagine his daughter serve stinky men and dirty gorilla like that bakufu dog, but the problem is his pride (and his stomach) were at stake here.

Gintoki then put his hands on the Yato's shoulder, with a solemn look he said, "I'm sorry, my beloved daughter. I've been trying as hard as I can, but there's no other way besides sacrificing you to be the caba-"

"BELOVED MY ASS! YOU JUST SACRIFICE HER FOR YOUR PRIDE (plus stomach)!" Shinpachi took a deep breath. "BESIDES, IT IS YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE! IF WE STARTED EARLIER MAYBE WE WOULD FIND SOMONE. BUT NO! YOU WITH A CONFIDENT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT COMING FROM SAID THAT IN 5 MINUTE WE WOULD FIND SOMEONE AND DECIDED TO SLEEP!"

Gintoki frown while Kagura glared at the megane, either because he could thwart her plans or because of his saliva spurted toward her porcelain white face, making it drenched.

"Ah…where did I make my mistake?"

"IT'S BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDERED THEIR ANSWER!"

"Yah, it's not my fault. Besides, have you looked at our friends? They're not cabaret girl material (beside Otae and Tsukuyo)!" Gintoki try to remember the last hours ago. "Kyubei is from a distinguished family, so it's impossible. Tama went with the old hag. The stalker… don't even asked. Just imagine go with her make me want to hurl. Besides, it is not a M stalker meeting party-"

"Yes, because there's also a sadist in there."

"-seriously, the only girl we could ask is Tsukuyo, but she reject it because she's unwilling to be with that gorilla!"

"Yah, I guess it's a good thing, Gin-chan. I mean, Tsukky is weak with alcohol. The party would be ruined."

"And the hakka and yoshiwara are busy. Even the cabaret girl in Tae's job also busy. Seriously? I know the author has already tired writing this obnoxious fic, but at least give us a good reason, not just a lazy classic brainless reason like busy!"

"Our adventure to find the woman also time skipped to 3 hours latter just because of that lazy author!"

"There, there. Regret is of no use. Besides that's why we're here, right? To find a woman…" Shinpachi looked at the shop name, Okama bar clearly printed there. "Err..or a man faking to be a woman…"

"If it like this, we'll lower our standard. We don't need to find a woman with oppai and no stick. Woman with a stick and no oppai is also okay." Gintoki nod amazed with his own idea. "Besides, if you think about it, isn't that gorilla fancied something like this? No oppai? I mean, that gorilla was crazy with your sister which, mind you, clearly didn't have any oppai."

"Hey! Don't insult my sister! Besides our standard from the first place are already minimal, so that new standard can't be called-"

"Gintoki?"

Every eyes stared at a beautiful woman…or man… with a long black haired tied on the side, showing an elegant and soft woman even if she is a he.

"Zura…"

"Zura janai, Zurako desu." Zurako immediately pulled Gintoki to the shop. "I don't know your reason to come here, but we haven't seen each other for long, so come in, I'll buy you a cup of sake."

The glasses fix his Shinpachi. "Katsura-san. If we could, we would like to meet with Saigo-san. We need his help right now."

Zurako stop and raised his brow. "Help?"

The glasses started to told him from the meeting with sadist until their predicament with finding a woman. Wonderful isn't it? Just with 18 word the author could explained 2.837 words she previously wrote. Really practical.

"So you want to borrow someone from here?" Katsura using his thinking pose. "But I'm sorry. As long as I remember, everyone is busy. Even Saigo-san was not here at this moment."

Seeing the sad expression from his friends (except leader who strangely looked happy), Zurako as a good friend couldn't ignore that tight feeling on his chest. "Hey. I'm currently available right now. Why don't I come?"

Yorozuya immediately looked at the leader of terrorist with a stare like they saw baka ouji suddenly become a bishounen. Patsuan is the first who recover. "I'm sorry, Katsura-san. But don't you think it's dangerous if a leader of joui like you go to the police headquarter which, may I remind you, born just to apprehend you?"

"Don't worry, Shinpachi-kun. Besides, I could use this opportunity to get some important information from shinsengumi."

"Shinpachi's right, Zura." The Yato laugh with panic. "Besides, you're a man. No matter how clever you hide it it will be discovered. I think it's best if we find a true woman, right Gin-san?"

Zura was touched with a fact that his leader really care about his well being that he didn't care about how his leader called him. "Don't worry, leader. I'm the ace of this Okama bar. And nearly every man who saw me as Zurako are all said that I was really beautiful, even more beautiful than most of the other woman. I'm really confident with my own appearance as Zurako. I bet I'll passed being a woman!"

Gintoki looked deep at his best friend. If you think about it, Zura as Zurako really is beautiful. He looked really elegant. If he walked on the street everyone would looked at him as a beautiful lady. Plus, he didn't have oppai. He's not that close with the gorilla, so he don't know his preference, but if you looked at Tae as the model maybe he did like a woman who don't have oppai?

Besides, he didn't have any choice here. If he had to pick who will become the cabaret girl between Kagura and Zura, obviously he'll chose Zura. He could become Paako, but he's unwilling, thank you very much.

Gintoki immediately twine his childhood best friend's shoulder. "Then, what are we waiting for? The party will be started soon, and the walk from here to shinsengumi headquarter are quite far!"

"Err…maybe I need to change my clothes?"

Gintoki looked at Zurako. "You're already beautiful enough. Your make up are quite natural, and your kimono also beautiful. Quick, we need to hurry!"

"Eh… at least let me take my make up kit! You know it's the most important thing for a lady!"

"You're not a lady, baka! But whatever, hurry up!"

They were ran along the street, making them looked like that old ad when the youngster chase the sunset called youth, even if the youngster in the group were just 2 people. Being slightly behind, Kagura could only looked at Zurako like that evening drama about a mother and her daughter in law.

Cue evil sound tract. 'Huh. Just you see, Zurako. In the end, I'll be the number one queen of the party. Ahahahaha!'

I do think Zurako is really beautiful, what do you guys think?