Sorry this isn't an actual chapter (I'm working on it right now), but this is something I guess I just had an urge to do. Let me know what you think!
WAYS TO GET A BULLY OFF YOUR CASE!
Surprisingly, I've never gotten bullied. I keep waiting for it to happen, since most other people I know have gotten bullied, but it just never does. I guess no one really wants to pick on the quiet girl reading in a corner. But I have a million comebacks just in case it
does happen. Since I never get to use them, I thought I'd post them here. And just in case you don't really know what I'm saying, I'll put examples there, too. I have no idea if they'd actually work, since I never get to test them, but they're still funny!
Here you go!
-LAUGHING
Bully: You're ugly!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bully: What…?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bully: …
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bully: *Walks away very confused*
-MIMICKING THEM
Bully: Hey, doofus!
Me: *in same voice* Hey, doofus!
Bully: Wait, what?
Me: Wait, what?
Bully: *angrily* Stop that!
Me: *angrily* Stop that!
Bully: YOU'RE TOO ANNOYING!
Me: YOU'RE TOO ANNOYING!
Bully: Gah! *runs away*
Me: *Grins happily*
-PRETENDING TO BE SICK
Bully: Hey, u-
Me: *Sneezes in bully's face*
Bully: Hey!
Me: *Coughs and sneezes again*
Bully: *Runs away*
-DOING WHAT THEY SAY YOU ARE
Bully: Hey, ugly!
Me: *Scrunches up my face so I look weird* Who, me?
Bully: Uh...You're an idiot!
Me: *scratches head and makes confused face* What does idiot mean?
Bully: Weirdo!
Me: *Sniffs bully's hair*
-SPEAK GIBBERISH
Bully: You're a nerd!
Me: Fkdsiusobc sdouhso kuagic?
Bully: What?
Me: Hkdhusovbnap sihofc kbsoepcbo akjblbao.
Bully: What are you saying?
Me: Io shlflco sjkhfio kjadbkdgi cusgisewhjgav akb iwudvdicv!
Bully: I'm so confused!
-ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
Bully: Hey, doofus!
Me: Um...huh?
Bully: I said hey doofus!
Me: What does that mean?
Bully: It means you're an idiot!
Me: *Acts all confused*
Bully: That means you're not smart!
Me: Uh, what is noot tart?
Bully: Are you mimicking me?
Me: ...Are you even speaking English? What are you saying?
-FALLING
Bully: Hey, weirdo!
Me: *Falls dramatically*
Me: Sorry, I'm so clumsy. What did you say?
Bully: I said you-
Me: *Falls again* Ahh! Sorry, can you repeat that?
-THANKING THEM
Bully: You're a freak!
Me: *Gasps as if someone did something very nice* Thank you so much!
Bully: What?
Me: *Hugs them* That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!
-PRETENDING TO BE AN ANIMAL
Bully: Hey, d-
Me: *Barks*
Me: *Meows*
Me: *Chases nonexistent squirrel*
Bully: Well, I'm weirded out.
-WEIRD THEM OUT (this one can really be anything. I just put some examples)
a) SNIFFING
Bully: Hey, loser!
Me: *Sniffs his hair* Mmmmmm…
b) LICKING
Bully: Hey, Fatso!
Me: *Licks his arm*
c) FANGIRLING
Bully: You're a-
Me: Oh my god! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
Bully: Huh?
Me: PLEASE SIGN MY FOREHEAD!
-ACTING LIKE YOU'RE WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THEM
Bully: Freak!
Me: ExcUSE me? I happen to work for the Queen of England, who is way more important then you will EVER be! So next time, think carefully about who you're insulting here!
-TAKE IT WAY TOO SERIOUSLY
Bully: You're an idiot!
Me: Oh no! *Cries* WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Bully: …
Me: THE WORLD IS ENDING! AHHHH! *Sobs on floor*
-STARING AT THEM CREEPILY
Bully: Hey, loser!
Me: *Stares at them unnervingly*
Bully: ...uh…
Me: *continues staring*
Bully: *eventually leaves*
-ACTING LIKE YOU SEE A BUTTERFLY
Uh, I don't think you need an example for this one…
-TRY TO RESCHEDULE
Bully: You want a knuckle sandwich?
Me: Oh, I would, but I need to go to my karate class right now. We're trying to earn our double black-belts, see. Maybe on Tuesday? Oh wait, I have a kung-fu class that day. Wednesday? Argh, no, I'm doing Judo. Man, and Thursday is Taekwondo, so I can't do it that day. Does Friday sound-ugh, that day I'm taking jujitsu. Sorry, no can do.
-ACT LIKE YOU HAVE MAGIC POWERS
Bully: You're a loser!
Me: Ohh, I so want to fireball you right now, but my trainer said not to waste it on mortals.
-ACTING LIKE YOU CAN'T HEAR/SEE THEM
Bully: Weirdo!
Me: *Calmly talks to friend*
Bully: I said weirdo!
Friend: Did you hear something?
Me: Eh, it's probably just a mosquito or something.
-DANCING
Bully: You're a freak!
Me: *Does the disco*
Bully: Wha…
-PRETEND TO BE A SECRET AGENT
Bully: You're a loser!
Me: *talks into fake earpiece in british accent* Yes, James, it seems like this 'bully' is...how do you say... Asking for it. May you come over and sort things out?
-WRITING DOWN EVERYTHING THEY SAY
Bully: Hey, ugly!
Me: *Writing on a notepad* Is that ugly with six g's or seven?
-BE REALLY SARCASTIC
Bully: Do what I say!
Me: *Bowing* Yes, your majesty, whatever shall I do for you? *Laughs behind fingers*
-AGREEING WITH THEM
Bully: You're a loser!
Me: Loser is my middle name. It's a family name, from my father's uncle.
-SCREAMING
Bully: Hey, nerd!
Me: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
-SCARING THEM
Bully: Hey, id-oh…
Me: *Cleans fingernails with knife* You were saying something?
-REFLECT
Bully: You're a jerk!
Me: Yes, you certainly are.
-BE PARANOID
Bully: Hey, fatso!
Me: He's insulting me! THE ILLUMINATI IS REAL!
-BE SECRETIVE
Bully: You're ugly!
Me: *looks around nervously* Don't tell anyone.
-SUGGESTION BY EMOTIONAL PEEP
Bully: You're ugly
Me: * flips hair in his face * Fierce!
Bully: What?
And that's all for now! If I come up with any more, I'll add them to the list. And if you guys have any more ideas, just PM me and I'll add them too. Like that last one. Yes, I AM CALEO4EVAH FROM THE FUTURE!
Past me: How did you get here?
Future me: Nobody cares what you think, past me.
Past me: *cleans fingernails with knife*
Future me: Uh, I mean you are a wonderful person who everybody loves.
Past me: Better.
Thanks,
-Caleo4evah
