Truth is I'm back at it again with another one. So without further ado kick back, relax and enjoy.

Announcer: Apples don't fall far from a tree but if the tree is on a hill then they can roll. Hello everybody I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for the next show Sky Garden with the calmest woman you'll ever meet, Gym Leader Erika broadcasting live from her vibrant garden high in the sky above Celadon City

*Intro Plays*

Erika: Mmm...good day to all that is listening. It's so lovely this morning wouldn't you agree? The sun was high in the sky smiling down upon me and I just had to come out today. Ahh...days like this come once maybe twice in a lifetime and you should cherish- oh my pardon me I tend to doze off. I would like to welcome all my listeners to the Sky Garden, and I am your host Erika. For as long as I can remember if I wasn't in my gym I'd be in my garden breathing new life into every plant see. Why I believe every question life throws at us can be answered by gardening. The mysteries of life can finally be found in something as simple as a flower-it's allergy triggering pollen, it's long stem and, most wonderful of all its petals. They're all so beautiful, just like me and you. I think you might betired of my rambling so it time for some calls, you're on Erika's Sky Garden. Go ahead caller.

Tali: Uh, yes, thanks for having me on, I'm a big fan of your show. Um, I recently have settled upon a home on Earth and run into a problem that I was hoping you could help me with.

Erika: It's always nice to have diversity on my show especially with extra terrestrial beings. May I ask what your species is?

Tali: I am a Quarian.

Erika: Wow I've heard about you before. Your people are very intelligent. Do you still require those bodysuits to breathe?

Tali: Not anymore we finally have the biotics needed so now our immune system is strong enough for us to no longer need use of our suits.

Erika: Well that's wonderful just marvelous! I love hearing good news, now back to your question.

Tali: Right now here's the thing I think my melons aren't big enough. I thought their growth cycle wasn't finished so I did what was needed to help it continue, but they have suddenly ceased all growth. I find this to be unfair because I have a next door neighbor right? Some red headed woman with long pigtails and I think she might be a ninja.

Erika: A ninja you say? How can you tell?

Tali: Well for one thing she tends to wear a mysterious fox mask all the time and she disappears and reappears in her garden in the blink of an eye.

Erika: Amazing! You know I've seen some ninjas in my time like this one guy, pretty mysterious in his own right and didn't talk much he also ran a gym like me but he had his daughter inherit it he after was accepted into the Elite Four.

Tali: That's very nice but-

Erika: Speaking of his daughter she is the sweetest and a true master disguise. Why one time she disguised herself into a tree and I never knew it!

Tali: Excuse me but can I get back to my problem?

Erika: Oh, I apologize go ahead miss. Let's hear it.

Tali: Ok so like I was saying my melons aren't that big, especially compared to my neighbor's. And her melons are so huge! Anyone and everyone that just so happens to pass by just go gaga over them. All the time around the clock people swarm over her melons and I hear, ' Oh, they taste so sweet! Oh, I just want to squeeze those! Oh look how firm they are!' What do I do?

Erika: Quite the dilemma you have. I would definitely love to see your melons for myself. Just relax, take a deep breath and keep an open mind knowing l that gardening is an uplifting, light journey where you create your own world and shape it to your liking. However, sometimes nature needs a bit of an assist, a bit of a push, a bit of help you know to kinda, kick things into action. You understand what I'm saying?

Tali: I comprehend it. So what do you suggest?

Erika: Try looking for this amazing fertilizer I stumbled upon called, 'Crecimiento Mamario' a close friend of mine introduced me to it and I'm glad they showed me it. This however needs to be injected with a needle, so be extra careful, and inject that right into your melons, and be starstruck at the rapid speed of the growth.

Tali: I am grateful for you assistance Erika, you're incredible!

Erika: Yes, I am, I know that. But then again, why wouldn't be? I mean I've kept myself so commited with nature to the point where I find difficult to remember what it's like to sleep inside. The nature is so peaceful to a fault. Wait a sec excuse me producer, why are you waving your arms? Oh sorry, we have to take a short commercial break and we'll be right back after this!


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Erika: And we are back. Wasn't that commercial great? Now let's not waste another second and take another caller.

Sindel: Elder Gods, I thought I was never gonna get off hold! Life really comes at you fast and if anyone knows this it's me. People constantly tell me how good my body looks but say my face has a lot to be desired. I just give them a banshee scream straight out of their skin and send them on their way but even so it's still annoying to hear it.

Erika: Well there's nothing I couldn't tell you that you probably heard already. But hey, life turns out in an endless variety of different ways for everyone depending on how you treat it. The best I recommend is to find ways to enjoy or better yet find a way to improve your looks. You ever try something like that?

Sindel: Now that you mention it, no not really. In my line of work I have a difficult time getting a moments peace. But some of my sources from around the world have informed me that facials are do wonders for your skin and really make you look younger.

Erika: Oh yes listen honey more than anything I should know first hand. Especially when God forbid at the worst time you're looking like a train wreck I mean pure trailer park trash, you might need a little make-up or something to that effect. I'm not one to make assumptions but you sound like a lonely drunk with one old pussy ...cat.

SIndel: It isn't anything too serious just a slight menopause Erika, ok? I'm having some hot flashes here and there, so cut me a break, huh?

Erika: Hmm taking a pause from men, eh? No shame in your game, I think should consider trying that one of these days. But as far as your face goes, try going for nature's cosmetic camouflage. I hear Sophitia takes baths with milk, cereal, and her sister every morning.

Sindel: That's sounds intriguing. Did they every eat the cereal?

Erika: God I hope not, but then again I've heard they are into some of the freakiest stuff, however what they do behind closed doors is their business. Back to your skin it also wouldn't hurt to use some pecha berries on your face, too. The berry itself is quite delicious and the juice from it is great too, it really opens your pores on contact, and it literally makes the age on your face just peel right off.

SIndel: I sincerely thank you Erika. The Elder Gods are forever indebted to you and may they forever watch over you.

Erika: You're too kind, I'm very flattered. After all I'm your average person fertilizing the minds of millions with helpful advice. Of you won't hear from me then you'll hear bunch of lies from people trying to take your money. Now at this point enough is enough of you amateurs filling what should be your garden with fire and poison, enough of filling your gardens with misery and disappointment. I want every single one of you to have a great time and join in on the fun! When you drive your hands deep in life and bury them in the soil of nature, and you pull out a Weedle or a bodybuilder... God I love bodybuilders, so plump and juicy... Hello Blake, from Silphe Co in Saffron City!"

Butch: Hey Erika, first time caller long time listener, by the way my name is Butch. I been really been interested in landscaping depite my line of work so when I'm free I tend to work on my lawn and gardening while making enough crops to give to the needy. Aside from that I like to drinking beer and riding around on the lawnmower while enjoying a nice brew, too because you know, the vibrations are pretty sweet especially when you're getting wasted. But even with new found happiness I still have one pain nagging me to death-

Erika: Really Bret, Is it Cassidy?

Butch: Please Erika, it's Butch. And After I took her back to my place one night and gave her the best experience she'll ever have I have never seen her so calm. Now what is really getting under my skin is I just can't seem to get these damn weeds out of my driveway. And I've exhausted every effort I could think of of. I mean I tried napalm, I tried tear gas, I tried gasoline of course-

Erika: Ok stop for a sec please, just lend an ear, I need you to listen to me, are you listening to me, Bo?

Butch: It's Butch.

Erika: That was only a test I know what your name is, I know it's Bill. Now listen up and listen closely. You need to pave over your entire driveway, OK?

Butch: All of it?

Erika: Every last bit. Now I want you to just pave it over with cement, gravel or ass...phalt, or whatever you feel is necessary.

Butch: Will do, but are you sure about this? I mean this won't backfire, will it?

Erika: Not in the slightest. Listen, I have the entire inside of my mansion, completely covered in astroturf. Also might I mention by the way, is particularly handy when I let Misty come over and being the master of ceremonies that she is ends up thowing a party. Then she first invites Lt. Surge, Chuck, and Brawly then they invite their friends and we have a little midnight match of football, tackle only. Now when given the proper love and attention your lawn will be beautiful and green, all year long so then you can focus on the important matters, if you catch my drift.

Butch: Thank you that sounds great. You're the best Erika.

Erika: Of course I am. Erika's Sky Garden is sponsored by Uchiha Farming Incorporated If you're afraid someone will steal your crops then why not grow them indoors like me? You can find them right down the Farms right downtown, next door to Laura's Power Plant, guaranteed to shock your wallet dry. This has been the Sky Garden and I'm Erika, until next time.

Announcer: That was the show that gets more callers than any other. On Big Talk Radio, Erika's Sky Garden!