Truth is work has been a killer on me and it seems I'm always tired because of it. However I finally found some free time to put up the next show.

Announcer: I once had a promising career in basketball back in college. Then I broke my back and never picked another ball again. Hello folks I'm Don Poier and welcome back to Big Talk Radio for a new segment The Dirt Sheet!

Asuka: It seems to me that all these reporters are nothing but a bunch of wusses. I mean everytime you turn the tv on or you're driving and you listen to the radio it's nothing but the same losers droning on and on about the same bullshit that no one in the right mind gives a flying fuck about! But that ends today with the latest and greatest show to hit Big Talk Radio, I give you The Dirt Sheet! Welcome to the inaugural episode everyone I am your hostess with the mostess Asuka Kazama. On this episode we are joined by a very special guest please welcome to the show the CEO and founder of DOATEC, Miss Helena Douglas!

Helena: Bonjor! Such a pleasure to be your first guest.

Asuka: Pleasure is all mine now you have built your empire all your own taking no prisoners en route to your goal of making it to the top. Within a year you gained a monopoly, stomping the competition out one by one until the present day where you have a stranglehold on the entire corporate market. Man what a journey.

Helena: Oui, it has been a long road to get where I am today. After all I've had to endure doing everything you could imagine to make it. Why I went from gambling, to drug trafficking which almost got me killed multiple times over. Hell I even made a career out of prizefighting but one too many concussions and I had to call it quits. Then I used my fight money to pay for college and here we are today where I am the corporate market!

Asuka: Very interesting, since you mentioned the prizefighting I understand that along with being in it you also run the DOA tournament. Now I must admit with all of the wide diversity among it's participants it has really given The King of Iron Fist Tournament a run for their money.

Helena: But of course we have only the best in the world. You'd be hard pressed to find anybody better than them.

Asuka: That may very well be true however we want to know what goes on behind the scenes. You know the backstage politics that no one gets to see. So what I have here is a list of fighters that either compete or have competed in the tournament and what's gonna happen is we want you're opinion on them. So you know if you're cool with them or not here is chance to let it be known. Also if you any stories about them then if you want share them with us here and now.

Helena: Ooh sounds fun!

Asuka: Well let's start with the first on the list *chuckles* Zack.

Helena: Oh my, for starters he's definitely an interesting guy to be around and without a doubt the realest guy in the room but more importantly his own biggest fan. But that really is a good thing for him.

Asuka: Really now? How so?

Helena: It all began the night after a tournament where Zack, Lei Fang, and myself had been invited to a party at Barclays Center. I was just about to call an uber for us but instead this guy insisted we take his MurciƩlago despite the fact that we all know the guy drives like he's playing Crazy Taxi.

Asuka: Really, so how was the party?

Helena: I couldn't tell you because we never made it. The car itself only had two seats so Lei Fang was in my lap the whole time and kept warning Zack everytime he was fucking up. Zack himself was to hyped about being the designated driver that he ignored everything she said, also it didn't help that he was blasting the radio too. Next thing you know I damn near break my neck because he's speeding over potholes left and right completely obliterating the tires tearing them to shreds!

Asuka: Sounds like a never ending ride to hell.

Helena: Oh believe me it felt like it. I thought my ears were gonna fall off because Zack's reckless driving had Lei Fang screaming the whole time. I was thanking God once he finally ran out of gas, however we were in the middle of the street at an intersection.

Asuka: Did people get mad at you guys?

Helena: Surprisingly no. Despite not having gas Zack wanted to make the most out of the situation. So he kept the music blasting and opened the windows and started dancing in front of the car behind us. Then some weird looking guy with an afro and light up overalls decides to have a dance off against Zack. Then tons of other cars stopped in the roads near us and the whole place turned into a block party. Later on I slowly got into it and started dancing too while Lei Fang was grinding on me.

Asuka: What a stunning turn of events. Zack is a little something with a little something else.

Helena: Indeed, truly the best person to be around if you're bored. No matter how much he screws up he always makes the most of any bad situation. Also for some strange reason he love getting his ass kicked because he clings to Tina like an old gum wrapper. Meanwhile she abuses him to no end it's honestly very baffling.

Asuka: I don't know whether to call that hilarious or just sad. But moving on to the next name. How about Marie Rose?

Helena: The most trustworthy person I've had the pleasure to know. No question she is as sweet as can be unless of course you piss her off.

Asuka: Oh believe me I've seen the damage she can do. Now I'm never one to underestimate an opponent but her small stature had me thinking she'd be as much of a threat as Dan Hibiki. But I saw what she did against Alpha 152 and their attack patterns were almost identical.

Helena: What the- How the- That footage is top secret DOATEC business and held under the highest sercurity! How did you get ahold of it?!

Asuka: I have my sources which are 110% confidential, but back to Rose I think she just might be a match for me.

Helena: I really must surpress my amusement and laughter. You must be completely out of your mind if you think that you would have any kind of chance against her.

Asuka: *scoffs* Please! That half pint has as much of a chance beating me as the Philadelphia Eagles do winning the Super Bowl!

Helena: Did I hit a nerve? Your 'sources' get anything and everything about someone, am I correct?

Asuka: Yeah, so what?

Helena: Then you might want to update those sources of a certain x-rated fight.

Asuka: Cut the shit already! What are you getting at?

Helena: Calmez-vous. Now are you familiar with a woman named Jennifer Walters?

Asuka: Of course that's She Hulk. Doesn't she run an underground fight club?

Helena: The very same. A glorified torture chamber designed to mentally scar you and physically destroy you.

Asuka: Wow now that's terrifying, but what does that have to do with Marie Rose?

Helena: It was a slow night at DOATEC and I came across a flyer advertising it so she decided to take it upon herself and accept the challenge.

Asuka: No way! Ha ha! She got her ass kicked didn't she?

Helena: Au contraire not it the slightest. She Hulk was defeated without getting a single hit in.

Asuka was annoyed and got directly in Helena's face*

Asuka: Now I know your lying! She Hulk is capable of tanking a nuclear bomb without breaking so much as a single sweat! So explain to me how that half pint did anything to her!

Helena: Why do that when I can just show you? I had Marie put a hidden camera clothes so when she took them off it would be in a spot where I'd see everything perfectly. Now check this out. *pulls out her phone*

Asuka: Took them off?

Helena: Did I stutter?

Asuka: No but why do you keep your phone in your boobs?

Helena: Well the dress I'm wearing doesn't have any pockets so what do you want me to do?

Asuka: Good point.

Asuka watches the fight*

Asuka: Damn she must have went through some of the craziest most insanity causing training to do all of that. I would have shattered my hand to pieces trying to hurt She Hulk. I bet Marie was punching iron walls just getting her fighting in order. But enough about that we're on to the next name.

Helena: Oh?

Asuka: Here's a nice one. Mila.

Helena: The MMA fighter?

Asuka: She the only one I know. Well except for a chick I met Cleveland that still owes $5. I'm gonna kick your ass when I find you!

Helena: Five dollars? Are you honestly beat someone up over five dollars?

Asuka: It's not so much about the money it's more about the principle. If someone owes you money then they're supposed to pay upfront.

Helena: Understandable, but can we get back to the interview? You know you seem to enjoy turning this into the Asuka show.

Asuka: Sorry about that sometimes I just like hearing myself talk. But anyways back to Mila.

Helena: Oh yes, I got a good tale to tell about her! See while I was prizefighting we did a super show with UFC and WWE over in Houston a few years ago. I wanted to share a room with one person from each promotion just so if an opportunity presented itself then we could share some wild stories like I'm doing here, right?

Asuka: Yeah I hear that.

Helena: So anyway it was myself, Mila, and this wrestler her name was Mika, I think sharing a room. We just came back from doing a show and we hit the showers later on. Then Mila went to sleep almost immediately so the wrestler and I were sitting in our bed and it was a huge one at that. We were up playing blackjack until Mika wanted to mess with Mila while she was still knocked out.

Asuka: That's messed up.

Helena: I know and I was ready to oppose but it was a boring night so I just went with it. So I got things started and pulled out marker from my bosom.

Asuka: What else do you keep in there? Huh?

Helena: Nevemind that. Now I decided to take the marker and draw all over her face. It wasn't easy though the girl couldn't stop moving every 5 seconds and damn if that girl ain't the heaviest sleeper I've seen. But anyway after I turned her into a painters smock I got real close to her ear and I got her to stick her tongue out. Then after I started French kissing her and it wasn't your typical garden variety kiss our tongues were having a full on wrestling match of our own.

Asuka: Surely that woke the girl didn't it?

Helena: Believe it or not,no she was still fast asleep. That's when Mika wanted to mess with her a little more so she went over to her duffle bag and pulled out a tiny bag of coke and poured it on her hand. Now keep in mind that Mila still had her tongue hanging out after we were sucking face. So Mika slapped the coke on her tongue and Mila was smacking her lips unconsciously tasting it then she was back to snoring.

Helena laughs*

Asuka: Ha ha ha! It clearly wasn't enough, was it?

Helena: Nope or else she would have been bouncing off the walls.

Asuka: Ok now nex-

Helena: Braquage! I got one, I know she isn't on your list. Who was japanese chick from NJPW?

Asuka: I'm drawing a blank.

Helena: I'm telling you people never forgot her because Heihachi Mishima was challenging people to try german suplex him and anyone who failed got the shit beat out of them. Then she stepped up after what seemed like at least 100 fighters and Mishima hadn't even broken a sweat and the second he saw her and he couldn't stop laughing then she caught him with a dead lift german suplex.

Asuka: What's the difference between that and a regular german suplex?

Helena: A dead lift one is done without popping your hips and relys solely on your strength alone.

Asuka: I think I might know who you're talking about now but I still can't make up a face.

Helena: Come on now! She beat him up and called you up afterward.

Asuka: Wait, you mean Eileen?

Helena: That's it! Let me tell you about her! Is she on there? If not you need to write her name on there.

Asuka: Defin- wait she's already on the list! So let's hear it.

Helena: Certainly. Now Eileen was fucking Sheeva, afterwards much later on Sheeva passed her down to Tina. Next I don't how it happened but somehow one thing led to another and Tina falls in love with her. But when I mean falls in love I don't mean you're average puppy love were talking about full on head over heels in love. I mean good grief Tina loving the hell out of Eileen! Everywhere we went in public she was holding hands with her, kissing on her, saying out loud all the dirty, smutty things she was gonna do to Eileen. The stuff she said was freaky and believe me I've heard the freakiest and then some.

Asuka: Sounds like a match made in heaven to me.

Helena: Ha! You'd think that wouldn't you? I mean things were going good until a little something called karma showed up.

Asuka: What happened?

Helena: Well Eileen was in Japan meanwhile Tina was on tour with us and we had just finished up doing a show in Allentown. It was late at night and everyone was hanging out in my room when Chun Li showed up with a tape claiming that this was must see footage that we couldn't ignore. So Juri humors her and put the tape in and let me tell you Chun wasn't lying at all because everyone's eyes were glued to the screen especially Tina. So what was on the video was Eileen and Kokoro getting fucked by Poison. The whole thing looked intense to say the least but Poison's stamina is a force to be reckoned with I know that first hand. So anyway once Poison hit her climax and the two of them were trying to get as much cum on their tongue as they could.

Asuka: So how does the karma play a factor?

Helena: Easy. Tina had her mouth agape in complete shock the whole time but eventually snapped out of it saying, "What the hell!". Then everyone had the same idea as Juri said "Hey, cowgirl your hoe is on TV as the star of 'Swallow The Leader'. The whole room bursted into laughter minus Tina of course. Then Juri decided to rub some more salt in the wound and told her, "It's a shame really. I mean you were gonna leave your wife for her and everything, then this comes out."

Asuka: Damn Juri is cold blooded and wait, did you say leave her wife?

Helena: Yes I did during all of the fun she had with Eileen the whole kicker was that Tina was married. Then a little thing called karma pulled up and said, "Sorry I'm late!" and this is what you have. But Juri wanted to take one more jab and told Tina to smack her teeth then lick her lips.

Asuka: Why would Tina do that?

Helena: Tina asked that same question and Juri said, "So now you how Poison's cock tastes."

Asuka and Helena start to laugh hysterically*

Asuka: Man that sure put the clamp down on that affair!

Helena: I doubt it did, in public yes but behind closed doors I extremely doubt it. Tina's wife eventually caught wind about the affair and instead of being mad about the infidelity she was mad Tina didn't share her. Next thing I know we were back in Japan and I inadvertently walk in on Tina and her wife having a threesome with Eileen.

Asuka: Man some people are truly nymphomaniacs. Ok one last name.

Helena: Bring it.

Asuka: Sonya Blade.

Helena's eyes go wide before she laughs out loud.*

Helena: You nasty cum gargling bitch! You know that for love of me I hate your guts you sick disgusting whore! You were a tramp then and still a tramp now! I swear on my life after all the stuff I've seen and heard you do I'd be able to make a weekly series depicting all the nasty stuff you do you dirty slut! I swear you're ten times worse than Eileen! You are without a doubt the sickest fuck I've ever had the displeasure of seeing.

Asuka: Um...well that about does it. Thank you folks for joining us here on the Dirt Sheet. I want to thank Helena Douglas once again for being a wonderful guest and until next time this is Asuka Kazama signing off.

Announcer: That was The Dirt Sheet exclusively on Big Talk Radio. Thanks for joining us.