All or Nothing

Chapter Seven

Thanks again for all the feedback I've been getting for this fic, and could I ask you to please keep it coming if you don't mind. A review can brighten my whole day and makes me want to keep writing, and as I'm currently working three jobs finding the time, energy and motivation to write is difficult.

Notes on this chapter, and a few following. Some people might think I'm writing Elsa OOC. From my perspective, Elsa is very sheltered and awkward around people as a result of her upbringing. She's had all the requisite schooling of someone who was due to take the crown but given none of the interpersonal skills beyond political scheming. So she's reacting to what should be a pretty standard crush on a girl with all the finesse of a hypochondriac with the sniffles.

Also, yes I am aware that IV medicine wasn't really a thing until the 1800's. Artistic licence, a wizard did it.

…..

Recovery from the drugging was slow, and throughout Elsa was hyper-aware that Merida was probably languishing in the dungeon and she was helpless to order her release. The doctor was called and he tried to flush the drugs from her system with intravenous therapy and salt water, which did nothing but make her cranky and sore.

Anna refused to leave her side, even when the doctor ordered her to wash and get some sleep. She curled up beside her sister and cuddled in, clutching her arm and sleeping fitfully. With nothing else to do but look around her, Elsa had to note the dark circles under her little sister's eyes and red blotches on her cheeks, and mentally added another cartload of guilt to the mountain she'd built up in her mind.

Eventually, after what was two days in reality but what felt like at least a month, she regained the feeling in her extremities and struggled to sit up. Anna woke beside her with a start, and immediately tried to help her sit up and peppered her with frantic questions.

"Do you feel okay? Should I call the doctor? I can get you some water or…."

Elsa held up her arm, shaking hard, to silence her. Her first attempts to speak came out as a grating croak, but she managed to get the words out.

"Tell them….to release Merida….this instant."

Anna sighed with relief, and smiled shakily.

"They let her go yesterday; her tutor helped her make a statement. And they found the bodies."

After mentioning the bodies, Anna's lip began to quiver and her eyes filled.

"I can't believe…. I nearly lost you. Again!"

Elsa drew her sister into her arms and stroked her head as she sobbed it out. She was too worn out to shed tears herself, and her mind was full of the implications of what had happened.

As soon as she was up and walking, her chamber was flooded by her council asking questions, the staff pushing water and blankets at her, the captain of the guard making a borderline hysterical apology for his men's' incompetence. Anna was hustled away to rest. Elsa let the clamour wash over her until one of her advisors mentioned that an envoy from Sangonelle had arrived at the castle that morning.

"I'll see him in my office," she said.

"My queen, he can wait. You need to build up your strength," Chancellor Holm cautioned with what he probably thought was a fatherly air, but just came off as patronising.

"Thank you for your concern, I have more than enough strength to deal with this one man," she waved him away. "I'd like him to be gone sooner rather than later."

The room emptied and she hurriedly undressed and redressed into full queenly attire. Sangonelle hadn't wasted any time, and they were making a ploy for her understanding by sending just one envoy to talk with her. One envoy could be executed, making him a martyr and providing a good excuse for open war. She couldn't afford to let that happen, but equally she couldn't let this man believe that Arendelle was weak.

He was already waiting in her office when she swept in. He was a dignified-looking man in his fifties, slightly built and genial.

"Your highness," he greeted her warmly, even as she frowned at him. "I am pleased to see you're looking well."

"Some of your countrymen would have been less pleased to see me looking so," she couldn't resist stabbing at him. She wasn't here to play nice with this man. She sat across from him and tinged the air with a hint of ice.

"On behalf of my country, I would like to offer my most sincere apologies for that unpleasantness."

"Unpleasantness? Your king ordered a spy to infiltrate this castle, poison me with an unknown substance and kidnap me to force my hand in marriage. Unpleasant doesn't exactly cover it."

To the envoy's credit, he didn't deny it.

"My king, to be quite frank, is an idiot boy," he began, shaking his head. "His parents died when he was a child and he's been left to run quite feral, I'm afraid. We've tried to take a firm hand with him where we can, but there's only so much you can chastise a crown prince."

"Childish larks are one thing, this goes far beyond…."

"My king is not a malicious man," he interjected. "He's a fool. I think it was not meant as an act of malevolence. He is very aware of your beauty, and your great power, and he had notions of making a grand romantic gesture. He trusted the wrong people to carry it out, because he is a fool."

"You must take me for a fool too, if you expect me to buy your story. That man worked in the castle as a servant for a year."

"And was subsequently killed, along with five other Sangonellian citizens, by a refugee you are giving sanctuary to in your state."

"She killed six criminals who were abducting the queen of Arendelle to unknown ends. Had they been caught by my guards they would have been killed on the spot. I see no real difference."

The envoy raised his hands in a placating gesture.

"I am not debating that theirs was a criminal act, it was. I would like to assure you that no real harm would have come to you upon reaching Sangonelle, and the king has been chastised. I only ask that you do not punish the people of Sangonelle for their king's idiocy. We would like to keep trading with you, and stay your trusted allies."

Elsa sighed, rubbed her forehead and sat back.

"Allies, I cannot agree to. Not right away, in any case. I can promise we will make no aggressive moves on Sangonelle unless there are any made on us, in which case we will retaliate. As for trade, I don't know."

"We have great need of Arendellian wool. This has been a hard winter. And I believe you have need of several of our flowers to produce your medicine. It would be best for both our peoples to continue as we are."

Damn. He had a point. They could probably import wool from somewhere else, at a much higher cost, but they grew plants that were invaluable to Arendelle's apothecaries.

"We can negotiate to sell our plants at a lower price, for two years," the envoy offered. "As a gesture of our regret."

"Five years," Elsa retorted. She wanted this man gone. "And we will lower the price of our wool, no sense in both of our economies suffering. I would also like minimal contact with the crown during those years."

"It shall be done. And I thank you for your understanding."

With that, he was sent away, and Elsa sat in contemplation for quite some time. This incident had exposed several chinks in Arendelle's armour, and it would take a lot of work to patch them up. So much for her restful winter.

…..

Elsa worked hard, from dawn to dusk she was in her office tightening the security of her realm. She was grateful for it, if she was honest, because working so hard that she fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow kept her mind away from another pressing issue.

She had yet to formally thank Merida for rescuing her. She'd been avoiding her, citing her busy schedule as the reason why she didn't join her and Anna at meals anymore and ducking into empty rooms when she heard her coming down the hall. At night she still saw the flash of red from her office window but studiously, fanatically avoided it.

Because now that she was aware of her growing attraction, she was plagued by it. It was as though a wall had been breached and all of this liquid longing was flowing out. When she closed her eyes the image of Merida half-undressed was engraved in her mind's eye. Just glimpsing her from down the hall, or sitting on the ledge from the window, every movement seemed uncommonly graceful and sensual. The slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed sent a shudder of yearning down Elsa's spine.

Even in dreams, Elsa wasn't safe. She dreamed of the cave every night but her brain helpfully filled in the scene with things that had definitely not happened. Merida turned and looked right at her as she shed her clothes in her dreams, smiled at her, approached her, laid a small white hand on her cheek that felt like burning.

"Elsa…." she whispered, slow and seductive and nothing at all like reality.

Elsa woke in a fluster of self-loathing and intense desire. There was a dull throb between her legs that she studiously ignored, her skin was wet and cold with perspiration.

Two weeks after her rescue, Anna barged into her office and flopped down in the chair across from her.

"Can I help you?" Elsa asked.

"Why are you being weird?" Anna blurted out.

"What? I'm not….am I?" she stammered.

"Merida thinks you're mad at her for killing those kidnappers. You haven't even thanked her for rescuing you, and that's just bad manners."

"I'm not mad at her," Elsa sputtered. "I've….been busy."

"Well, you can't blame her for thinking that. You keep doing that air thing when she's around."

"What? What air thing?"

"You know… that thing you do when you don't like someone so you make it all cold. You do it whenever she's around."

"I do not!"

"You do too! Why do you think I've been wearing so many shawls?"

Elsa had to stop and think for a moment. Anna had been wearing a lot of shawls, she'd just assumed it was a fashion choice. And Merida did seem distinctly uncomfortable in Elsa's presence….just how long had she been doing that?

"What have you got against her anyway?" Anna continued, as Elsa's mind retraced the last few months. "She's super nice, and she's lots of fun and her Dellian isn't that bad…"

"I have nothing against her, don't be dramatic," Elsa sighed. "I didn't realise I was being…cold. It's not easy for me, you know. I'm not used to talking to people I don't give orders to."

"I know that," Anna said, her tone softening. "It's a learning curve for me too. Kristoff's so busy at work and Olaf's been gone for who knows how long and you're always delegating…"

"All right, all right," Elsa stopped her. She didn't need any more guilt for the pile. "I'll be friendlier, I promise. I'll try, at least."

"Good," Anna said as she rose to her feet. She stood for a moment, swinging her hands.

"Did you need anything else?" Elsa asked.

"Uh, no," Anna mumbled. Then she gave her sister an awkward thumbs up.

"Good talk!" she said, and sauntered out. Elsa sighed, long-suffering.

Sometimes it was up for debate which sister was the oddest.

…..

She practiced her friendly, relaxed smile in the mirror until it looked somewhat natural before she called Merida to the office. But evidently it had devolved back into a grimace when Merida actually arrived, because as soon as she was through the door she was glancing around nervously. Elsa dropped it to her usual, neutral face.

Don't make it cold, don't make it cold, don't make it cold….

Elsa was so caught in trying to keep a neutral face and trying to keep the room temperature at a comfortable level that after three whole minutes of silence, Merida cleared her throat to get her attention.

"You wanted to talk to me, your highness?" Merida asked her tentatively.

"Oh, uh, yes," Elsa sputtered. Damn. She'd wanted to keep the awkwardness to a minimum and failed in the first few moments. But how was she supposed to concentrate when Merida's bodice was so tight? She'd need to have a word with the dressmaker…

Merida was beginning to look worried.

"I….um, I realize this is coming very late…." Elsa began, keeping her eyes firmly trained on Merida's face, "and I'm sorry for that. As you can imagine, my affairs have been very chaotic since the…incident…."

Now Merida just looked bewildered. And her eyes were very blue, which was distracting and quite unfair, really.

"….thank you for rescuing me," Elsa blurted out finally. "If you hadn't, I dread to think what might have happened."

"Oh," Merida replied, with a casual shrug. "S'alright."

"I'm serious," Elsa stressed. "You may have saved the realm from disaster. And I am also sorry they arrested you afterwards."

"S'alright," Merida shrugged again. "I know how it looks, I marched up to their gates with their queen trussed up like a chicken, and I couldn't tell them why. Your dungeons are quite nice, actually. Probably doesn't help deter crime much."

"I'm glad you understand," Elsa said, as she felt sweat beading along her brow. "You deserve a… reward for your actions. Tell me how I can reward you."

Merida frowned.

"I'm okay, thanks. I don't need anything."

Now Elsa frowned.

"You can have anything. Just name it. You risked your life…"

"Honestly, I'm fine. I have everything I need."

"Anything. Anything at all."

"You don't have anything I want."

The air was starting to get cold and damp again, Elsa noted with frustration.

"You could have anything you wish for, and you won't take it," she growled, and instantly regretted it when Merida's eyes clouded over.

"I have many wishes. I wish I wasn't married to a monster. I wish my brothers weren't in exile. I wish I could see them without risking their lives or mine," she said, in a flat monotone devoid of emotion. "While I'm at it, I wish my parents weren't dead, or at least that they didn't die the way they did."

Add another generous dollop to the guilt pile.

"I'm sorry," Elsa sighed. "I'm not very good at this."

Merida said nothing, just looked away.

"I am grateful to you," she continued. "I don't know how to express it. I want you to be happy here. I want us to be friends."

At this admission, which just slipped out, Merida looked shocked.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked.

"Of course," Elsa said. With it out in the open, she actually felt more comfortable. "If you can forgive my … ineptness. I think you've noticed I don't really have any friends."

"Well, yes, but I thought everyone here was like that," Merida quipped.

"Anna's not like that," Elsa said, frowned.

"I thought she was the exception."

Elsa couldn't help it, a laugh bubbled in her throat and trying to suppress it only lead to it coming out through her nose in an inelegant snort. She held her hand over her mouth as her shoulders shook with laughter. Merida smiled, looking infinitely more at ease.

When the laughing subsided, Elsa wiped her eyes and held out her hand to Merida.

"Do you think we could start fresh?" she asked.

"Sure, why not?" Merida took her hand with a grin. "Hello, I'm Princess Merida of Dunbroch."

Merida's hand in hers sent a wave of warmth through her arm throughout her entire body. She gulped.

"Queen Elsa of Arendelle. Pleased to meet you."

…..

The winter snows gradually cleared to fresh spring breezes with a hint of ice in the air. Elsa was as busy as she ever had been, their agreement with Sangonelle having had a knock-on effect with two of their allies that kept her working late and kept her advisors scheduling meetings on an almost daily basis.

Her relationship with Merida was considerably warmer now, which delighted Anna, but it was understood that she had limited time to spend with either of them. She was somewhat bitterly pleased about this, because for all that they were friends now some things were still hard to see, hard to take.

Anna had always been tactile, a very touchy-feely person. Out of a very thin sense of propriety she contained her affection for Kristoff until they were married (and that paperwork was a headache and a half) but she was unrestrained around Merida. She hugged her constantly, held her hand, patted her head, linked arms with her, and kissed her cheeks and forehead often. Merida took it all stoically, like a person tolerating the affections of an enthusiastic dog. The fact that Anna was a solid five inches taller made it all look very comical.

Elsa's desire hadn't waned since their fresh start, as hard as she tried she couldn't see Merida in a light that was entirely friendly. Anna got to experience everything she wanted, although it was entirely chaste, and it galled her. But she managed to bury it, reason it away to herself, at least for a while.

And then one evening in February, Elsa heard a lot of noise coming from the foyer. Anna was babbling excitedly about something. They'd been out sailing in the fjord and something had obviously happened. Elsa left the office to investigate.

Merida was soaking wet and turning blue. Kristoff was white as a sheet and trembling. Anna, by contrast, was vibrating with excitement. She lit up when she saw Elsa.

"OhmyGodElsayou'llneverguessitwassocool…."

Elsa ignored her and addressed Kristoff and Merida.

"What happened? Please tell me you didn't go swimming in the middle of…"

"She punched out Old Toby!" Anna practically screamed.

Elsa stared at Merida, aghast. Merida looked sheepish.

"Big fish, many teeth, try to eat face," she mumbled in Dellian. "I beat with fist."

"She got him right in the eye," Anna squealed. "It was the best! Oh, and he knocked her out of the boat."

Kristoff found his voice, and gave her a more measured account of what happened, although he sounded like he was going to be sick.

"Old Toby popped up and tried to knock over the boat, Merida saw him and panicked. She punched him in the eye and he knocked her into the water with his tail. We managed to get her back in before he came back."

Elsa swallowed hard. Old Toby was supposedly over fifty years old and eighteen feet long. He often popped up beside boats but the prevailing logic said to leave him alone and he'd eventually go away. That could have gone a hell of a lot worse.

"Well, I'm glad everyone made it back safely. Anna, I think you should get Kristoff a glass of brandy. Merida, there's hot water in my personal bathroom, I'll run you a hot bath."

Merida only really understood the words 'hot' and 'bath' and nodded eagerly, shivering. Elsa lead her away as Anna lead Kristoff to the kitchens.

"You've done it now," she intoned grimly in Angolsi. "Old Toby will be out for revenge. I'll put a guard on your bedroom door tonight."

"I c-couldn't help it, all I s-saw was this w-w-wall of teeth coming at me," Merida grumbled shakily. "I w-was always t-told to go f-for the eyes."

Elsa's personal bathroom, attached to her bedchamber, was one of the few in the castle that had hot water pipes connected to a geyser running under the foundations. She laid a robe out on the bed for Merida to change into and left her to get undressed while she ran the bath. Only when she was stuck in the bathroom, with only the door separating the two of them, did she realize she'd gotten herself into a cagey situation.

She heard the first thump of wet wool hitting the carpet of her bedroom, and a few muffled curses as Merida peeled off the soaked layers. Elsa supressed a groan; it almost seemed deliberate, to end up in a situation so similar to the one that had began her fascination.

And yet….

When would she get a chance like this again?

Fleetingly, she had a moment of remorse as she kneeled at the keyhole and peered through, but it lasted just a moment before all coherent thought fled from her mind.

It was just like the cave, except that Merida didn't stop after she removed her shift, but pulled down her vest past her torso to drop it on the floor. Her back was to the door and most of her upper torso was blocked by hair, but Elsa caught a tantalizing sweeping curve of breast from the side. She gasped, and suppressed it by clamping her hand over her mouth.

She bit her lip to keep quiet as Merida pulled at the drawstring holding up her bloomers, and unconsciously her hand strayed under her skirt to her crotch as the girl in the next room rolled her underwear down over her hips and kicked them away.

Oh.

Elsa pressed her knuckles between her thighs. It wasn't much, but just that perfectly round, perfectly heart-shaped bottom in her line of sight was inflaming. She wanted to press her face to that plump white flesh, test the weight with her hands. It was firm, she had muscle, but it bounced slightly as Merida bent forward to peel off her stockings.

She looked smaller, more vulnerable without clothes. It made Elsa want her more, made her want to steal her away and hide her against her own body.

But as Merida bent over further, her hair tumbled to the side, and Elsa got a sharp reminder of just how vulnerable she was. Crisscrossed over her spine, unnaturally vivid against her pale unmarked skin, the scar tissue from the whipping she'd endured was dark pink and painful-looking long after it healed.

Elsa felt a rush of cold that killed her desire in that moment with a heavy dose of guilt. She turned back to the bath, noting sheepishly that it was close to overflowing.

Merida came in after a while wrapped in the robe and oblivious to how she had been spied on. If she noticed that Elsa's face was red and her gaze directed at the floor, it didn't show.

…..

Old Toby is a Greenland Shark, btw.