INT. WOLFRAM AND HART CELLAR
MELODY hesitantly approaches the cage with ANGEL in it. She wrings her hands nervously. The vampire doesn't move.MELODY
Uh, boss? Alexa's… on the phone for you.
(a beat)
She sounds really mad… and there's this really loud laughing in the
background… I think it's Wesley. I keep hearing a British guy try to
talk, and then he just kinda… dissolves into laughter again.
(a beat)
She says it's really serious. She's got her commanding voice going
on… I've never really heard her like this before. She must be
impersonating someone really important.
(a beat)
Look, they went off to, to go find the invisible guys, and then we
didn't hear from them for hours, and now Alexa's really mad and
Wesley's really insane and I don't know, but I think they're in a
basement or something. It's really echoey. I think they're in trouble.
Angel stands abruptly and runs at the bars of the cage. Melody shrieks and recoils. He's not looking any better. His eyes are vamped out and so are his teeth, but his face is more or less human. If possible, he looks way more threatening than normal.
ANGEL
They're in trouble because I brought them here. They'll do better without me.
MELODY
B-but… you didn't bring Alexa and Anya here. They were here first,
remember? They're innocents in this, and they deserve saving. So do
Wesley, and Gunn. If you leave them there, they're more likely to die.
ANGEL
Maybe they should. Be better than this.
MELODY
Then you will be responsible for their deaths twice. Think about it for a minute, boss… is that what you want?
ANGEL
What I want got them killed the first time.
MELODY
Well, what about Connor?
ANGEL
(launching himself at the bars)
Don't you talk about my son.
MELODY
Okay, okay. Sorry.
Angel suddenly stopped looking so angry and reverted to sad. He backed into the corner of the cell and sunk down into the position he'd been in when Melody had walked in.
ANGEL
Just… go tell them I'm not coming. They don't want me anyway.
Melody turns and walks disjointedly out of the room. She widens her eyes in weirded-out-ness as she walks slowly up the stairs.
MELODY
You're right, they don't want you. Even though they called you.
Specifically. And, you know, it's not like people are going insane or
anything. No, no. I'm sure they're just fine without you.
Hard cut to
INT. DARK CELLAR
ALEXA holds a phone to her ear with her shoulder. WESLEY and GUNN are tied to the metal post, just as she is, beside her on either side; ANYA sits behind her. Alexa has the look of utmost annoyance on her face, as she's been on hold for several minutes and the Wolfram and Hart elevator music was getting exceedingly annoying. Even more annoying is the hysterical laughter from Gunn and Wesley that just hasn't stopped for at least five minutes.GUNN
Aren't… hahahahahahahahahaha… aren't you… hahahahahahaaaa…
WESLEY
I don't know what made me say it! I just don't knooooow, Charles!
GUNN
Aren't you glad… aren't you…
WESLEY
It just seemed… hahahaha… like the obvious joke! I just couldn't let it pass!
GUNN
Aren't you glad I didn't say BANANA! Haaaaahahahahahahahahahaha….
Alexa looks absolutely fed up. She blinks hard in exasperation as we black out.
END OF TEASER
---
ACT ONE
INT. DARK CELLAR
Alexa hangs up the phone angrily. The laughter is just starting to subside.ALEXA
He's not coming.
ANYA
What? He isn't? Why not? He has to come.
ALEXA
Nope. Apparently he says we're better off without him.
ANYA
Oh, but we're not. Did you explain that? Did you tell them the part about us being dead if he doesn't come?
ALEXA
Yep. Still nothing.
(quietly)
He never used to be like this.
ANYA
What's that supposed to mean? You've known him for less than a day.
ALEXA
…Nevermind.
ANYA
No. No more nevermind. This morning you were acting like someone Wesley
knows, and now you're acting just like Buffy. You made that crazy guy
sane again, you can see in the dark, and yet I've known you for a month
and none of this has come up before.
ALEXA
(quietly)
Also I escaped any effect from the loopy anesthetic.
ANYA
Yeah! That's right! What's your story, lady?
ALEXA
(sighing)
Fine. I guess this is as good a time as any. I am… I don't know
what I am, but I do know that I can see in the dark, read minds, and
live forever unless there's an outside influence involved. I do not
have strength of any kind.
ANYA
And what does reading minds entail, exactly?
ALEXA
I can't see memories or anything. In the case of the mental patient, I
saw what was clouding up his brain function and cleared it. I don't
know how; I just did. And I can only do anything of the sort if
someone's started to panic a little bit. This morning, when Wesley
appeared in the lab, he freaked out when he saw me. I read his mind,
completely by accident, and started acting like the person more
prominent in his mind. It's really not my fault; I didn't intend to act
like Fred. It just happened. As he calmed, I started to act less and
less like her. Now I don't think I could do it if I tried.
ANYA
But we're in a panic situation.
ALEXA
Yeah, and he's relaxed to the point of hysterical laughter. It's almost
as though Joe Invisible knew I could do this and tried to drug all of
us so none of us would freak out, and I wouldn't be able to take the
role of initiative.
ANYA
But it didn't work on either of us…
ALEXA
So when you started freaking out a little, I read your wish for someone
like Buffy to be here. I guess I became her for a while; you calmed for
a while during this conversation but your panic is rising again. Really
steadily, actually. Why?
ANYA
Listen.
She did. They all did.
ALEXA
I don't hear anything.
ANYA
I do. Birds.
WESLEY
…That's GREAT! If we can examine the particular tweetings, we can call
Wolfram and Hart back and tell them to look for a basement in an area
with that kind of bird!
ANYA
No, Mister Loopato. If the birds are chirping…
ALEXA
…the sun's rising.
GUNN
Wait, wait… didn't that invisible lady say we'd be killed if Angel wasn't here by sunrise?
ANYA
Yep. Didn't give us much of a time berth, did she?
GUNN
Oh. That's bad. …Hey, hey Wesley.
WESLEY
Yes? What is it, Gunn?
GUNN
Tell another joke.
WESLEY
Oh. Oh, okay. Ready?
GUNN
Ready.
WESLEY
Okay. So, hey… why did the chicken cross the road?
Cut to
INT. WOLFRAM AND HART LOBBY
Melody sits at her desk, leaning on one elbow and watching the Inter-dimensional dully. The same demonic newscaster's voice floats through the lobby.NEWSCASTER
News now from dimension 5074, where an attempted mutiny took place
only hours ago. The Senior Partners have decided to end the search for
the only survivor of the large battle wherein the CEO of the L. A.
branch and several of his employees were eliminated by a team earlier
today. It's said that the Old One Illyria is still wandering the
streets; it apparently left the battle after a second vampire with a
soul sacrificed himself for its safety. The Senior Partners have
indicated that one warrior will remain on the plain in search for the
Old One, but they refused further comment. Restructuring of the Wolfram
and Hart branch in question is scheduled to begin in a few days.
Coming up after the break: Steak or stake? We'll talk to some
local vampires and discuss advantages and disadvantages for the new
vampire diet of cow's blood. Also, Bill's here with highlights of the
latest inter-dimensional hockey tournament between dimensions 19976 and
45908. Stay tuned.
SOME GUY
Not a single thing about the hostage situation in this dimension, hey?
Melody looks up in surprise to regard the EXCEEDINGLY HANDSOME GENTLEMAN leaning against her desk. His ears are barely visible under his dark hair. He smiles jovially at her and she has to shake her head a little but to come to her senses.
MELODY
Backdrop dimensions so rarely get on the news. Too many digits in our dimension number, I think. What can I do for you?
SOME GUY
I'm looking for Angel.
MELODY
I'm sorry, he's crazy right now. Can I take a memo?
SOME GUY
He and I just have some issues we need to address.
MELODY
Yeah, see, Angel's got enough issues he needs to address as it is.
There's this whole thing with his son… it's complicated. Why don't you
leave your papers with me and I'll get them to him as soon as he's done
breaking necks, okay?
SOME GUY
I'm afraid that's not possible, miss. I really must discuss these
issues with him, and now, please, so if you could just direct me to
where he's locked up…
MELODY
…I'm sorry, sir, but that area is for Wolfram and Hart employees only.
I can get those papers to him, but other than that I'm afraid there's
nothing I can do.
Suddenly Melody finds herself pinned against the wall by her neck. She doesn't even see it happen; apparently there's more to this guy than meets the eye.
SOME GUY
You're not like Angel's last secretary. She was immortal to some
extent. Well, not anymore… I sort of stabbed the remains of a doorway
through her heart as she walked through it… but you, my dear, are
completely, entirely and 100 human, and that makes you ever so
vulnerable. So, this can work one of two ways: either you can show me
where Angel is and live for another many possible years, or you can die
right here and now with nothing more than a flick of my wrist. Are we
understood?
Melody nods slightly. Suddenly she's sitting back at her desk in the same position she'd been in before she'd been pinned against the wall; the guy was in the same position he'd been beforehand, too. Something seriously hinky is going on here. Melody clears her throat and steps around her desk.
MELODY
If you'll just follow me, I'll bring you down to where Angel is.
SOME GUY
Thank you, miss. Much appreciated.
An elevator opens of its own accord as Melody steps toward it. She strongly suspects that was again the work of the man following her.
INT. ELEVATOR
The doors close and Melody crouches down to knock on the hatch in the floor three times. Slowly, the elevator begins its descent. She straightens. They both stare straight ahead; no sound is heard aside from the ever-so-pleasant Wolfram and Hart special elevator music.MELODY
You can threaten me all you want, but I know you didn't kill his other secretary.
SOME GUY
Oh really.
MELODY
If you knew anything at all about backdrop dimensions, you'd know that
her being staked would mean my evisceration, and since that didn't
happen, you probably didn't stake her.
SOME GUY
Is that so.
MELODY
Yes, that's so. And you know what else? You can't travel to backdrop
dimensions unless you've died and signed a contract with Wolfram and
Hart at some point, and since you don't have authorization to go down
to see Angel, I can only assume that you were born here, which only
backs up my "you didn't stake Angel's old secretary, whatever her name
is" theory.
SOME GUY
Harmony.
MELODY
Oh my God! I get that so much, you don't even know. I'm Melody.
Meeeelody. Much more important than Harmony. I mean seriously, the
melody in a song is way out there, while the harmony is just the
background. You can't even have a harmony without a melody.
SOME GUY
I mean her name was Harmony.
MELODY
…Oh. Oh wow! What a coincidence! Did we look anything alike?
SOME GUY
No. She was blonde.
MELODY
Pff. I doubt it was natural.
(a beat)
…Oh. I guess… you did stake her, then.
SOME GUY
No, you're right. She's still undead and kicking somewhere. But I used to know her.
MELODY
But then… how did you get to this dimension?
SOME GUY
Wolfram and Hart isn't the only evil and eternal lawfirm and/or
establishment that tricks people into signing contracts, thereby
signing their deaths over to a backdrop dimension.
(a beat)
I probably could have shortened that sentence somehow.
MELODY
I wasn't going to say anything about it.
The elevator stops very suddenly. The doors open.
INT. WOLFRAM AND HART CELLAR
Melody walks through and down the cement stairs toward Angel, the guy not far behind her.MELODY (cont'd)
Um, Angel… I'm really sorry to bother you again, but this guy
threatened to kill me if I didn't bring him to you, and what with me
being human and all, I got too scared to say no anymore. But I really
did try!
SOME GUY
She really did try, Liam. Give the girl some props.
Angel slowly raises his head. He regards the man in front of him with anger and—could it be?—a little bit of fear. The expression on his face is sincerely different than it had been when he was moping about Connor.
SOME GUY (cont'd)
What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see your old cousin Seamus?
INT. DARK CELLAR
Alexa and Anya are revelling in the silence following another Wesley/Gunn laughing fit about the chicken who was now on the other side of the road. The basement door opens again. Bright lights. It closes of its own accord.VOICE
Sun's almost up.
ANYA
We noticed.
VOICE
Angel has to come soon, you know. If he waits any longer, he'll be
ashes in seconds. Just ashes. But that's no problem for me. It's just a
problem for you.
ANYA
Yeah, yeah. We know. He doesn't show, we get axed. Hey, what's your name?
This question apparently catches the voice off guard. There is no answer for a long time.
VOICE
I thought I said no questions.
ANYA
This isn't a question about your operation. This is a question about you. I'm just wondering what your name is.
VOICE
Marcie.
ANYA
Marcie. Nice name. Where are you from?
MARCIE
No more questions!
ANYA
Because I'm just recalling this government organization called… the Initiative. Have you heard of that at all?
MARCIE
Shut up.
ANYA
Because I lived near it for years. Well, one year, before it was filled
in with cement. Or possibly relocated. Anyway, my ex-fiancé's friend's
old groin buddy Spike once told me aaaaall about this one room made
completely of glass with outdoors simulated on one of the walls. He
said something about books in this room with words like "assassination"
and "infiltration" in them having their pages turned of their own
accord. That wouldn't happened to have been you and your friends, would
it?
MARCIE
Shut uuuuuuuup!
ANYA
Now, the same friend that was having sex with Spike was having sex with
a guy who worked in the Initiative at that point. He told us plenty
about the Initiative, too, but it always struck me as really weird that
such an extensive organization would just… dissolve. I was always left
to think that maybe it was just moved to another dimension or someth—
Anya feels a blade against her throat. Her words dissolve into a sort of strangled cry. Alexa shifts behind her.
MARCIE
Look, okay? I don't care about your friends or your friend's friends or
whatever. I don't care about your theories. I don't think you should
care, either. I think you should care about your imminent death.
Doesn't that seem like a good thing to care about?
Anya decides not to respond. The blade stays at her throat for another few seconds before clanging to the floor. Very quiet claps on the pavement prove that Marcie is indeed wearing shoes, and that she is leaving the room.
MARCIE (cont'd)
You have one hour. You'd better hope your friend Angel shows up.
ANYA
(exhaling)
Anything?
ALEXA
No. She's invisible, you know? It's not just her body, but her soul's
missing too… all that's left is the mind, and that's not as easy to
read as it sounds. She's very calm, in any case. Her homicidal
tendencies are very controlled. She has no patience, but no panic. I
don't think I could pull the cobwebs out of her mind if I tried.
Wesley snorts heavily. Alexa jumps ever so slightly and notices out of her periphery that he's asleep. A similar glance at Gunn reveals the same thing from him.
ALEXA (cont'd)
Well, that's a relief, anyway.
ANYA
What exactly are you? I mean, you're immortal with no strength, can read minds, blahdeeblahblahblah, but… what are you?
I don't know. It's never been explained to me.
ANYA
What do you mean?
ALEXA
I was just created a couple months ago.
ANYA
You're kidding.
ALEXA
Not really. I was just suddenly… at Wolfram and Hart, being the main
lab lady. That's the first thing I knew. It didn't take me long to
figure out that I wanted to do more, though. Being on this excursion
might cause my death more promptly than I might like, but… I'm not
stuck in the lab running tests. I'm out in the field. And it's… great.
This is what I want to do.
ANYA
Your first time out of Wolfram and Hart and you've been promised death
by way of being killed by crazy people if you're not saved by a mostly
insane vampire in the next hour and this is your idea of hi-jinks?
ALEXA
It's fantastic. You try living your entire life in the lab.
ANYA
I see your point.
(a beat)
Is this you, now? Are you impersonating anyone?
ALEXA
I think I'm me. I'm told I tend to be a humble person, who stumbles a lot.
ANYA
It's very endearing.
ALEXA
I'm also told that.
Wesley snorts himself awake. He shakes his head dully and runs his hands over his face before putting them back behind him.
ANYA
…Wait a second… how did you do that?
WESLEY
Do what?
ANYA
You had use of your hands.
WESLEY
No I didn't. They're tied to a pillar. Don't be silly.
ALEXA
No, Wes, I saw it too.
WESLEY
Well, clearly you were both dreaming.
Alexa cranes her neck to regard the pole she's leaning against. She then glances at the ropes holding Wesley's hands together and to the post.
ALEXA
The pillar, the ropes… they're not there. They're all figments of our imaginations.
END OF ACT ONE
