All or Nothing

Chapter Sixteen

…..

"How bad is it?"

Elsa really didn't need to ask, she could tell exactly how bad it was. The water had soaked the carpet through and was now trickling out into the hall. Everything in the room they were standing in front of was dripping, from the bed to the wardrobe to the low couch. It smelled wet.

But she thought she should ask anyway, for the sake of authenticity.

"It's completely destroyed, your highness," the maid told her with an air of regret. "Everything, I'm afraid."

"Is there any chance we can get this cleaned up before she comes back?" Elsa asked.

"I...I don't think so, your highness. It'll take two days at least to air out the fixtures..."

Elsa feigned a groan and rubbed her temples.

"She's going to be furious," she said, while also wondering if she was laying it on too thick. "She keeps everything she owns in there."

This was true, but when they made the plan (between hurried kisses stolen in Elsa's office) Merida had been warned to move anything she desperately wanted to keep somewhere else. Apparently this had not included any of her clothes, which was just as well for making their little ruse look realistic.

"Well, maybe we can do something before she gets back, and we should hurry because..."

"What's going on?"

Elsa and the maid turned sharply, guiltily. Merida was making her way down the hall towards them, blithely smiling at them.

"Ah..." Elsa began.

"My lady, I'm afraid I have some bad news..." the maid said.

Merida's face dropped.

"What did I do now?" she asked, frowning.

"Oh, it's nothing you did..." Elsa said.

"There's been a..." the maid trailed off, unable to find the word.

"...an incident," Elsa continued for her. "Well, an accident really..."

Merida strolled past her and peered into her room, and her horrified look was so convincing that Elsa wondered if she'd forgotten their plan.

"One of the pipes above this room burst," Elsa told her. "The water...well, it got everywhere. We're going to move you to one of the empty rooms downstairs..."

"All my stuff..." Merida mumbled.

"Yes, I'm afraid almost everything was damaged...we'll send out for replacements...again, I'm very sorry..."

The maid was standing to one side, scarlet, twisting her hands in her apron. She winced as Merida walked right in on the sodden carpet, ruining her shoes, and started ranting angrily in Gaelic.

"...In ainm t-ádh! Cád é an seafóid anois? Búiochas le..."

"You should go," Elsa leaned in to whisper to the maid. "Get the head steward, have him look over the dressmaker's logs..."

"...niór aon sibh agam, agus mo chuid éadaí uile? Úfasach!"

...have the bed made in the last room on the west wing, and light a fire in there. I'll talk to her."

The maid gratefully nodded and scurried away. Elsa stepped into the ruins of the bedroom, trying to ignore the water soaking through her shoes, to where Merida was muttering darkly to herself.

"You do remember we planned it this way, don't you?" she asked.

"Yes," Merida answered, suddenly switching to a much brighter demeanour. "Was that a bit much?"

"Very convincing," Elsa sighed with relief. "You even had me fooled."

It was an easy task, to freeze the water in the pipe and then release it suddenly causing the burst, but she was almost surprised that it had worked so well. Daring, now that they were alone, she pulled Merida's hair to the side and pressed a kiss to her neck, relishing her shiver and smile in response.

"My feet are soaked," Merida mumbled. "Can we get out of here?"

"Of course."

Elsa lead her to her new chamber. In front of the staff, who clearly felt bad for her, Merida was sullen and frowning. As soon as the door was closed, her smile was back on.

"It looks bigger," she mused, poking at the bed in the middle of the room.

"I assure you it's about the same size," Elsa told her. "But more importantly..."

The wall was covered with slats, and Elsa knocked on one nondescript set of lines to the left of the fireplace, opening the latch and revealing the entrance to the sally port.

"...it has this."

Merida peered into the dank little passageway. There was a set of circular stone steps just about visible in the dim light.

"Don't forget to bring a lamp," Elsa mumbled.

"So I won't be spending much time here at night, then?" Merida laughed.

She said it so flippantly that Elsa was taken aback. She felt the blush rise furiously up her neck and spread across her cheeks. Merida was so busy squinting into the sally port that she didn't notice.

"Well, I must be off," she muttered, trying to diffuse the blush. "The steward will be by to see about replacing your clothes so..."

"I'll see you later then," Merida said. She looked up and the smile she gave Elsa could only be described as saucy.

On the way to her office the maid stopped her and asked if she was feeling unwell as her colour was so high.

…..

When they were together, everything was so shockingly easy it almost frightened Elsa.

Since Merida moved to the room with the sally port, every night she slipped into Elsa's bedroom for an hour or two, and they had progressed from light kissing and stroking to something altogether more intimate. They kissed so much and so deeply that Elsa felt an ache in her jaw for hours afterwards and a rawness on her lips. Merida had to push Elsa's head towards her collarbone away from her neck, because Elsa got so carried away with her mouth on Merida's skin that she sucked deep purple bruises into her flesh that were impossible to cover up.

During the day, happy as she was, Elsa was distracted. Being the queen was never harder, work was never more tedious, even meals were a chore to sit through. She lived for those stolen moments, every hour that ticked by was an hour closer to when they could be together again.

And yet...

And yet she still wished she knew what Merida was thinking. She seemed happy enough, and eager at times, but it was possible she just enjoyed what they did together. She'd not grown up with the same hesitations that Elsa had, who could say she wouldn't have been just as happy to let Anna be so intimate with her?

But if she thought about it too hard, or worse still voiced these concerns, she ran the risk of losing Merida altogether and even considering this filled her with terror. No, best to keep it to herself. For the time being, at least.

Who would want to think of such things anyway, when being together was so sweet? When Merida didn't slap Elsa's hand away when it pushed at her skirt, or traced the edge of her bloomers, or slipped under the band of her stocking to stroke the skin underneath, to press her fingerprints into the flesh so she'd know where she'd been? In the best moments Merida would moan and push back against her hands, freeing herself up for more access.

The first time Merida dared to touch her back, Elsa scarcely noticed. Her left hand was full of those delightfully soft curls and her right was tracing a circle across her bare thigh. Her mouth was on Merida's, massaging her tongue with her own. She didn't realize until she felt Merida's fingers gently stroking the back of her knee.

She startled and shied away, crawling back towards the edge of the bed. Merida sat up, and Elsa noted with a flush that her clothes were so utterly askew that anyone walking in right then would have known exactly what they were doing.

"What? What is it?" Merida grumbled, fixing her bodice in place.

"Nothing, I just...you startled me, that's all."

"You don't want me to touch you?" Merida asked. Her nose wrinkled with confusion.

"It's not that..." Elsa began, but didn't know how to continue.

Merida groaned and stretched across the bed on her stomach. Elsa noted dimly that at some point she'd lost her stockings. Her bare legs swung back and forth in the air, Elsa tracked the movements.

"Talk to me, then," she drawled lazily. "Tell me what you want."

How can I tell you when I don't know myself?

"I'm not very good at this," Elsa mumbled, settling against the bedpost. "I've never done this before."

"Do you think I have?"

It would have made sense, Merida seemed much more comfortable than Elsa with all of this, but she hadn't wanted to think about it.

"Well, have you?" Elsa asked.

Merida frowned at her, only half-serious.

"No," she said with a chuckle. "Closest I ever got was this game we used to play when we were little. The boys chasing the girls, said the first one you landed a kiss on was the one you got to marry. Some of the girls chased the other girls too. They chased me a lot, but I was always faster. So I don't think that counts."

Her gaze darkened then, for a moment.

"And my wedding night, but that doesn't count either," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry," Elsa said, feeling awful for bringing it up.

Merida shrugged. "Not your doing," she said.

"There was someone once," Elsa began, wanting desperately to find some common ground. "A housemaid, when I was a girl."

"You had a fling with a housemaid?" Merida grinned, surprised.

"Not a fling by anyone's standards," Elsa told her. "I was ten. She was very...careless with her clothing. She knew I was watching her, she did it on purpose."

"That's not right," Merida cut in. "Where were the other children?"

"No other children, just me. I lived most of my life in one room. I didn't see many people. Anna had separate nurses, governesses, maids, everything."

Merida was staring at her gravely, such a serious look did not sit right on her face.

"There was a governess too, I was quite infatuated with her," Elsa continued. "I got to touch her once. I stroked her hand. She put a stop to that, then. That's it for my romantic life, I'm afraid."

Merida didn't say anything, but she sat up and pulled Elsa into her arms. They lay across the bed, Elsa's head pillowed on Merida's stomach as she rubbed soothing circles on her back. For once, Elsa let her own hands go limp and let herself be touched.

…..

An understanding was reached, though an unspoken one. Merida did not touch Elsa unless Elsa brought Merida's hands to her skin herself, while Elsa was free to let her hands wander as long as Merida didn't protest. They continued their liaisons happily until they hit another bump.

It was quite by accident, as far as Elsa was concerned, or at least she wasn't fully aware of what she was doing. She was so swept up in touch and taste that she didn't notice anything strange until suddenly Merida froze underneath her. She went from warm and pliant to rigid as a block of wood in less than a second.

Elsa pulled away, breathing heavily. Merida's face was white, her eyes wide and terrified. Elsa had never seen her like this.

What could have...oh!

She realized with a start that at some point her hand had wandered and now was holding Merida's left breast. She removed it quickly as though it had burned her.

"I'm sorry...I didn't...sorry..."

She couldn't even be sure that Merida heard her. It was clear her mind was somewhere far away, reliving something desperately awful. Elsa dimly recalled how Merida had told her in plain but blunt detail exactly how she'd drugged the man she married to get away from him, and how he hadn't made it a pleasant experience for her.

"We should stop," Elsa mumbled, pulling away. Merida merely nodded, and pulled her clothes more firmly around herself.

Elsa walked her to the sally port, didn't even attempt to kiss her goodnight. She flopped across the bed with an uncomfortable groan. Once upon a time she'd thought that things would be easy once she'd confessed, but clearly they both had a lot of work to do.