One week and a few hours later, Kevin and Michael were sitting on the couch in Michael's lounge, Kevin in his red pyjama bottoms and Michael in his green pyjama bottoms. As the closing credits of Day of the Dead began to roll up the screen, Michael reached for the remote control.
'Did you enjoy that, Kev?' said Michael.
'Yeah, I did,' said Kevin. 'It's not nearly so good as Night and Dawn, and it's very disappointing that none of the actual characters turn into zombies, but it definitely deserves its place as one of the truly classic zombie flicks, along with the other two Romero Dead movies.'
'There was too much talk for my liking,' said Michael. 'Plus some of the actual dialogue was ropey as shit. I enjoyed the end part, though; all those guys getting their guts ripped out and stuff, that was great!'
'Don't you think it was a little overdone?' said Kevin.
'No,' said Michael, 'I thought it was just what the movie needed to liven it up.'
'I have to admit, that huge section of talk in the middle probably does go on too long,' said Kevin, 'but then any ideas you see in later zombie films about the main problem being the inability of people to cooperate and communicate can be traced back to Day of the Dead.'
'Yeah, I guess that is a pretty popular idea in the genre nowadays,' said Michael. 'Of course, you know what the real problem was for those soldiers, don't you?'
'No,' Kevin said with a grin. 'Go ahead and enlighten me, Mike.'
'The rest of them were jealous of that one soldier who was screwing the only woman,' said Michael. 'That's what really drives us guys, you know – the desire to get our rocks off. Well, I don't need to tell you that, do I? Mr Ten-Year-Old Jizz Machine!'
Kevin burst out laughing and said, 'I was never exactly a machine, Mike.'
'I guess us guys can do some pretty stupid things because of our sexual urges, huh?' said Michael. 'I guess we might end up accidentally hurting someone we really care about because we couldn't wait to get in there for some action.'
'Are we talking about anyone in particular here, Mike?'
'Yes, Kev. Me and Ella had sex last Friday. We did it right here on the couch, where you and me are sitting now. Or, to be more accurate, I did it! Ella said she didn't feel like she really did anything, and now I can see exactly what she meant. I had no idea what the hell I was doing! I... I basically just jacked off using Ella instead of my hand, Kev. And she's barely spoken to me since!'
'Oh, Mike,' said Kevin, giving him a sympathetic squeeze on the shoulder.
'I have to face the truth, Kev,' Michael sighed. 'I'm just a jerk and I'll never be anything else!'
'Mike, you're not a jerk,' Kevin said firmly. 'Do I strike you as the kind of person who'd be really close friends with a jerk?'
'No, Kev, you don't.'
'In that case, you can't be a jerk... because I feel like you and I have become really close friends over the past couple of years, Mike.'
Michael smiled and clapped Kevin on the upper arm.
'I wish I could be more like you, Kev,' he said. 'You'd never do that to a girl, would you? What I did to Ella, I mean.'
'Um... to be honest with you, Mike, I really don't think I would. But we all make mistakes, you know, and there are things we can do to fix them.'
'My heart feels like it'll never be fixed, Kev,' said Michael. 'I used to think "heartbroken" was just a silly, meaningless expression that girls use, but it's real – it literally feels like my heart has been smashed to pieces! Kev, you know that wonderful feeling, don't you? The one that's like a kind of tugging at your heart when you think about the person you're in love with.'
'Um... yeah, I do,' said Kevin. 'Is that what that feeling means, then? You're definitely in love with the person who's tugging at your heart... like, romantically?'
'Yeah,' said Michael, 'I'm sure that's exactly what it means. And I've always had that feeling for Ella, ever since the last few weeks of fifth grade... and now I know how much I've hurt her and it's absolutely killing me! I wish I knew what she's feeling about me right now... but I don't think it can be anything good!'
Ella knocked on the half-open door of her sister's room and shuffled a little way inside.
'Tara, can I get your help with something?' she said.
'Does it have to be right now?' said Tara, barely glancing up from her desk. 'I need to get this math homework finished.'
'No,' said Ella, 'I guess it doesn't have to be right now. It's okay, Tara; just forget all about it.'
As Ella slunk away, Tara looked up and frowned. She put down her pen, jumped to her feet and ran out into the hallway.
'This is something important, isn't it?' Tara said to Ella's back.
'It could be,' said Ella, coming to a stop but not turning around. 'But don't worry about it; it's not your problem.'
'Don't be silly,' said Tara. 'Tell me all about it and I promise I'll help you if I can.'
Ella turned and smiled at her sister, then she nodded towards her own bedroom. Tara followed her inside and closed the door behind them.
'What is it?' said Tara.
'I... I shouldn't tell you,' said Ella. 'You're too young and I shouldn't be burdening you with stuff like this.'
'You just have to tell me now!'
'Michael and I had sex last Friday.'
'Wow, you did?'
'Yeah. But the thing is, now I really wish we hadn't! It was all my fault, Tara – I ignored my secret heart and gave in to my overexcited head, then I regretted it straight afterward!'
'Why?' said Tara. 'Didn't you enjoy it?'
'No, I didn't,' said Ella. 'I mean, it wasn't actually unpleasant or anything, but I just kept waiting and waiting for it to become fun, like it's supposed to be, and it absolutely did not happen!'
'Maybe you guys weren't doing it right,' Tara suggested.
'Yeah, I think that's exactly the problem,' Ella sighed. 'The thing is, Tara, I really feel like Michael did all the work and he just kind of used me to... well, to get himself off.'
'Oh my God,' Tara gasped, 'are you saying he raped you? If you didn't specifically tell him that you wanted to do it, that's rape, Ella!'
'Oh, no,' said Ella, 'Mike would never do anything like that to me... or to anyone, I'm sure. I told him he could do it... I mean, I wanted to do it, just like he did, and I told him so... but I guess I was hoping that he'd include me in the whole experience, and he didn't. I'm starting to wonder whether he really loves me, Tara, or if he just wants me for sex.'
'Wow,' said Tara, 'that feeling must suck.'
'It does,' said Ella, 'but that may not even be the worst of it. You see, I'm... well, I'm a few days late, Tara.'
'You mean... oh my God!' said Tara. 'You're worried you might be pregnant, aren't you?'
'Yeah, I am. We never even thought about using any kind of protection – we just went ahead and did it!'
'That's Michael's fault – if he was planning to get you over to his place and do it with you, he should've gotten hold of a condom first!'
'It doesn't matter whose fault it is,' said Ella. 'The fact is that it's happened and we have to deal with it.'
'Ella, are you sure he actually... well, you know... inside of you?' Tara asked.
'Yes,' said Ella, 'he definitely did that. Tara, how do you know so much about this stuff?'
'I've seen a ton of videos in human development class,' Tara said proudly.
'Oh yeah, right,' said Ella, 'I remember those. Anyway, what I actually wanted you to help me with... or what I wanted you to do for me, really... was this.'
Ella opened her bedside cabinet and took out a yoghurt pot and a small rectangular box.
'Is that a pot of your pee?' said Tara.
'Yeah, it is,' said Ella. 'And this is a home pregnancy testing kit; it's one of those ones where you take the stick and dip it in the pee. I was planning to do the test myself, but I... I... well, I got to thinking about what might happen if it came up positive, like what Mom and Dad and Michael and everyone else would say, and I... I just couldn't do it, Tara.'
'Don't worry about it, Ella,' said Tara. 'I'll do it for you. You just hand everything over to me and try to relax... not that you probably can right now, but still...'
Tara took the pot of urine and the pregnancy testing kit and placed them onto Ella's desk. She took out the kit's instructions and read them carefully, then she unwrapped the stick and dipped it into Ella's sample.
'Oh my God,' Ella breathed, 'what if it's positive?'
'We only need to worry about that if it's not negative,' said Tara.
'How long do we have to wait before we find out?' Ella asked.
'Um... up to four minutes,' said Tara, consulting the instructions again.
'Jesus,' said Ella.
'Listen, Mike,' said Kevin, 'I know you really love Ella and I know you're not just a jerk, otherwise you wouldn't care about her feelings! You'd be sitting here bragging to me about your conquest, not beating yourself up about it; it would be your balls that were aching for her instead of your heart! It's an indisputable fact – you love Ella and she loves you. You just need to remind her of that in a thoughtful and meaningful way.'
'You think that'll work, Kev?' Michael said doubtfully.
'Of course it will, Mike,' said Kevin, 'so long as you're honest with her. Like my Uncle Eduardo says, chicks dig honesty, dude!'
'Yeah, I guess so. Tell me what I need to say to her, Kev.'
'I'm afraid I can't do that, Mike. Whatever you say to her, it has to be from the heart.'
'But I've never been any good at talking about my feelings.'
'You've just done it with me – and I'm really glad that you did – so I bet you can do it with Ella if you put your mind to it!'
'I guess I'll have to give the whole thing some serious thought, huh?'
'Yeah, I guess you will. How about we have a little fight in the meantime? It'll cheer you up!'
'I'm not sure it will, Kev,' said Michael.
'Of course it will,' said Kevin. 'Aren't you feeling inspired by those zombies? I sure am! I'll try to rip your guts out and you try to stop me, okay?'
Kevin lunged, and dug his fingers into Michael's abdomen. Michael groaned and then laughed.
'Don't you think we should just practise a couple of those karate moves of yours?' he said.
'I'm not in the mood for karate right now,' said Kevin. 'I need something more... more primal!'
'Well, okay then,' said Michael. 'But for God's sake, watch out for the walls!'
Kevin jumped to his feet and grinned at Michael.
'We'll make sure to stay in the middle of the room,' he said. 'Ooh, here's an idea! Pretend I'm you, Mike.'
'Say what, Kev?'
'Tell me how you feel about the situation with Ella, and work out some of your negative emotions,' Kevin elaborated. 'I'll give you ten free shots.'
Kevin raised his arms and put his hands behind his head, then he nodded to Michael. Michael nodded back, frowned, leapt to his feet and slammed both his fists into Kevin's stomach.
'Why didn't you consider her feelings more, you IDIOT?' Michael yelled. 'Ella's the best thing that's ever happened to you! You say you love her but you used her like a disposable sex toy! You don't deserve her, you fucking jerk-off! If you lose her because of this then it'll serve you right!'
Michael punched Kevin in the gut eight more times, then he followed up with a few more for good measure. When Michael finally drew back, panting and sweating heavily, Kevin bent double and let out a long and heartfelt groan.
'Oh! I'm sorry, Kev,' said Michael, 'did I go too far?'
'It's okay, Mike – I can take it,' said Kevin, looking up and fixing Michael with a grin. 'Now let's see if you can take this!'
Kevin leapt at Michael and knocked him off his feet. The sounds of battle ensued.
'It's changing colour!' Tara exclaimed. 'Yes, it is, it's definitely changing colour!'
'Oh my God,' Ella wept, 'I just know it's gonna come up positive. Mom and Dad will be so disappointed in me... I'm so disappointed in me! Okay, I'm ready to hear the worst, Tara – it's positive, isn't it?'
'No, it's negative!' said Tara, then she took another look at the instruction leaflet. 'Yes... yes, it's definitely negative.'
Ella let out a cry of joy and relief and ran to fling her arms around her sister, tears running freely down her cheeks.
'Hey, watch out,' Tara laughed, 'you almost spilled your pee all over your desk!'
'Oh my God, Tara, I've never been so relieved in my life!' said Ella. 'Of course, this still doesn't solve the problem of what I'm going to do about Michael.'
'No, it doesn't,' said Tara. 'I guess you have three options, really – dump him and try to avoid him for the rest of your life, talk to him about your feelings and see how his response makes you feel, or forgive him straight off and forget all about it.'
'I can see a ton of pros and cons for all three,' Ella sighed. 'Tell me what to do, Tara.'
'I can't, Ella. That's between you and your secret heart.'
'Yeah, I guess it is. Tara?'
'Yeah?'
'Thanks.'
'No problem,' said Tara.
Kevin and Michael were lying at right-angles to each other in the middle of the living room floor, both breathing heavily.
'Jesus, my back hurts,' said Michael.
'I think some of my ribs are bruised,' said Kevin. 'So, did it help?'
'Yeah, I think it did actually. I've had an idea, Kev.'
'Tell me all about it, Mike.'
'You said I have to prove myself to Ella in a thoughtful and meaningful way, right?'
'I think that would be a very good idea, yeah.'
'Ella used to collect Pokémon trading cards,' said Michael. 'She was desperate to have a full set of the original hundred and fifty-one Pokémon, but she never managed to get hold of Mewtwo. Stay with me here, Kev, 'cause this will make sense in just a second. There's a comic book and trading card convention running all weekend in the church hall behind the supermarket where my mom works. I have a few old comic books that I could take along there; maybe I could trade some or all of them for an original Mewtwo card.'
'Mike, that's a wonderful idea,' said Kevin. 'It's both thoughtful and meaningful! Now, I'm having an idea myself... I have a ton of old comic books stashed in the attic; we could take those along to the church hall too! If Mewtwo's quite rare, we may have to do a few different trades around the convention before we can actually get hold of him, so the more comics we have to trade with, the better!'
'But... but why would you want to donate your comics to help me get Ella back, Kev?'
'That's a stupid question, Mike. Because you're my friend and I care about you! I care about Ella too, and I want you both to be happy... and I know neither of you will ever be happy if you're not a couple!'
'What comic books do you have?'
'Oh, loads of different kinds. There's some Superman and some Batman and some Incredible Hulk, and I think there's some X-Men in there somewhere. Most of them used to belong to my Uncle Eduardo.'
'Are you sure he won't mind us giving them away?'
'Perfectly sure – he said I can do whatever I want with them.'
'Well... let's go ahead and do it, then,' said Michael. 'Thanks, Kev. Thanks a lot!'
'No problem, Mike,' said Kevin. 'I think what we should do is take your comics along to my house tomorrow morning – after your mom comes home and we've said hi and told her what we're planning to do, of course – and then shove them into a couple of cardboard boxes along with my comics, then I'll get my mom to drop us off at the convention when she takes the car out to do her weekly grocery shop.'
'Are you sure your mom will be okay with that?'
'Yeah, she'll be totally cool about it. But Mike, you know a Mewtwo card isn't gonna magically fix the situation all by itself, don't you? Yes, it's a thoughtful and meaningful gift for Ella, but you'll still need to tell her how you feel about what happened, and be prepared to listen to how shefeels.'
'I do know that, Kev,' said Michael, 'and I'm totally ready to do it.'
'Sorry if I'm coming across as a little preachy here,' said Kevin. 'I'm not really a world authority on this stuff – I just tell it how I see it.'
'You're not preachy, Kev,' said Michael. 'You're a genuinely caring person.'
'I truly believe that if you're as honest with Ella as you've been with me, and as you were with yourself when I was pretending to be you,' said Kevin, 'everything will work out okay. Not that I'm saying you should punch Ella repeatedly in the gut of course, but... well, you know what I mean.'
Michael nodded, smiled and then held out his right hand to Kevin. Kevin grasped it in an upright grip, and smiled back at Michael.
'Kev, I... I have to tell you something,' said Michael.
'Go ahead, Mike,' said Kevin.
'I'm worried it's gonna sound stupid when I say it.'
'No need for that, Mike – there's only the two of us here and I promise I won't laugh at you.'
'Yeah, I know you won't,' said Michael. 'The thing is, Kev, you're absolutely right about the two of us becoming really close friends over the past couple of years, and you've been so cool to me and we've had so much fun together and I just have to tell you that I... I... I hope you realise that I... I really appreciate your friendship.'
Kevin's smile widened and he said, 'You have it for life, Mike, if you want it.'
'I do want it, Kev,' said Michael. 'And you have mine for life, no question... if you want it.'
'I want it more than you can imagine, Mike,' said Kevin.
'That's okay, then,' said Michael. 'Do you think we should get ready for bed now?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin, 'I think we probably should.'
Beth's car pulled up outside the church hall, and Michael and Kevin jumped out of the back. While Michael went to the boot to retrieve one box of comics, Kevin opened the front passenger door to retrieve the other.
'I'll be in the supermarket parking lot when you're done,' Beth said to Kevin. 'I expect I'll be back at the car before you, but don't worry about keeping me waiting – I've brought some sewing to do.'
'Thanks a lot, Mom,' Kevin beamed at her, as he picked up the cardboard box from the passenger seat. 'I'm sure we won't be too long.'
'Okay, honey,' said Beth. 'You boys have fun now, won't you? See you soon.'
Kevin slammed the door and Beth drove off. With the overflowing cardboard boxes in their arms, Kevin and Michael entered the convention venue.
A little later, at the mall, Oscar and Ella were tuning their guitars while Danny and Tim were each enjoying a milkshake in the front window of the nearby Burger King.
'Oscar, do you mind if I run something by you?' said Ella.
'Not at all, Ella,' said Oscar. 'Is it to do with the band?'
'No, it's personal,' said Ella. 'Would you prefer it if I didn't say anything, knowing that?'
'No way,' Oscar laughed. 'Go ahead and tell me what's on your mind.'
'Well, the thing is, I've come to a very important decision,' said Ella. 'I'm going to dump Michael and ask out Kevin.'
'You... you are?'
'Yes, I am... unless you convince me that it's a totally stupid idea.'
'Well, Ella, I... I think I need a little more information before I can make an informed decision.'
'Michael only wants me for sex, Oscar! It's an unpleasant truth, but I've finally come to terms with it. I know for sure that Kevin likes me – or at least he used to – 'cause he gave me his jacket on the first day of seventh grade when I was gonna get dress-coded.'
'That might not mean he has the hots for you,' said Oscar. 'Maybe it's just that Kevin's a great guy. I mean, he is a great guy, and that sounds like the kind of thing he'd have done for anyone in that situation.'
'How about that Valentine he made for me, then?' said Ella.
'Was it one of those dog ones?' said Oscar.
'Yeah,' said Ella.
'He made those for loads of people, Ella,' Oscar pointed out. 'I still have mine hanging on my wall.'
'But the message he wrote for me!' said Ella. 'Eternal Love, Luxuriant Angel – I think that makes it pretty clear that he does likes me in a romantic and maybe sexual way.'
'Yeah... yeah, maybe,' said Oscar. 'Or maybe there was more to the whole situation than you know.'
'I'll let you in on a secret,' said Ella. 'When I found that Valentine in my locker, I had every intention of dumping Michael – who hadn't given me a Valentine, by the way – and going off with Kevin. I was going to march right up to him in afternoon homeroom – to Kevin, I mean – and kiss him on the lips, while sitting on his lap if possible, but then Michael gave me a really thoughtful Pokémon Valentine and I changed my mind at the last second.'
'Wow,' said Oscar. 'That's really... wow.'
'I was planning to slip Kevin the tongue as well,' Ella grinned, 'assuming he kissed me back, which I think he would've done.'
'Yeah... yeah, I guess maybe he would've,' said Oscar. 'But it's probably better that you didn't go through with it, don't you think? I mean, the situation could've gotten really... explosive. Because of Michael, I mean.'
'I know,' said Ella, smiling slightly, 'but now I wish I had gone off with Kevin... and I wish I still had him to this day! Okay, so his nose isn't quite as nice as Michael's, but I really don't see that as an issue. I've always found him really sexy, you know. Kevin, I mean.'
'Isn't Michael sexy too?'
'Yeah, he is. But Kevin is and always has been a little bigger and a lot nicer than Michael, so he's clearly the better choice for a boyfriend. Kevin is, I mean.'
'But you love Michael, don't you?' Oscar pointed out. 'And he loves you.'
'I just don't know anymore, Oscar!' Ella wailed. 'Okay, yeah, I've been completely in love with Michael since the last few weeks of fifth grade, but how can he possibly love me when he... when he... I mean, I'm sure Kevin knows how to make love to a girl! I bet he'd be powerful but tender.'
'Mmm,' said Oscar, his expression glassing over slightly, 'I bet he would be.'
Ella cast Oscar a look and said, 'Do you think I'd be treading on anyone's toes if I asked Kevin out?'
Oscar hastily snapped out of his reverie and said, 'I wouldn't know.'
'Come on,' Ella said coaxingly, 'you guys share all your deepest feelings and darkest secrets, don't you?'
'Well... yeah, we do,' said Oscar, 'but we've never exactly broached the subject of... you know, Ella, I think Michael does love you, with all his surprisingly tender heart, and I'm pretty sure he'll find a way to dispel your doubts about that in the near future.'
'You really think?' Ella asked, with wide, hopeful eyes.
'I really think,' said Oscar. 'Let's just hope we don't reach the stage where Kevin and Michael end up killing each other in an incredibly violent fist-fight! Michael has tried to his prove his love for you in that way before.'
'Yeah, I know he has,' Ella sighed, then she allowed herself a small smile. 'It'd be pretty hot if they did fight it out over me! All that muscle and sweat and grunting and violence and brute strength... ooh, the thought of it is really doing things to me! But it's only a fantasy, of course – I wouldn't actually want them to hurt each other. Besides, they're really good friends now – I don't believe they'd ever get into a real fight.'
'Maybe now's the perfect time to find out,' said Oscar. 'Kevin and Michael have just walked through the main doors together, and they're headed this way. Why don't you go and throw yourself at Kevin and see what happens?'
'Oh, don't be silly,' Ella giggled. 'They've obviously come to hear us play, and that's really cool and supportive of them... both of them. Oscar, I really want to thank you for talking with me about this stuff. You're very easy to talk to, just like you're one of the girls. Oh, not that I'm saying you're girly in any way, but...'
'Relax, Ella,' Oscar laughed. 'I take it as the highest compliment, and you're very welcome.'
As Ella finished fastening her guitar case, Michael came up to her.
'Hi, Ella,' he said.
'Hi, Mike,' said Ella.
'You were really great up there,' said Michael.
'Thanks,' said Ella.
'Here, I got you something,' said Michael.
Michael pulled a plastic-wrapped Pokémon card from his pocket. Ella took hold of it and her mouth dropped open.
'It's Mewtwo!' she exclaimed.
'Yeah, it is,' said Michael.
'How did you get this?' said Ella. 'They're like gold dust nowadays!'
'Oh, you know,' Michael shrugged. 'I knew you wanted it, so I got it for you because I love you.'
'Oh, Mikey,' said Ella, fixing him with an adoring look.
'Ella, I don't want sex,' said Michael. 'I want you.'
Ella's face split into a huge smile. She carefully slid the Mewtwo card into her back pocket and then threw her arms around Michael. Michael hugged her in return, looking infinitely happy and extremely relieved. Meanwhile, Kevin had moved to stand next to Oscar.
'Great gig, man,' said Kevin.
'Thanks, dude,' said Oscar.
'It looks Michael and Ella are gonna be okay now,' Kevin remarked.
'Yeah, it does,' said Oscar. 'Thank God for that!'
'Yeah, thank God,' said Kevin.
They continued to watch as Ella said something to Michael that caused him to wander off towards the main exit. Ella then came across to Oscar and gave him a quick hug.
'You were right all along, dude,' she said to him. 'When it comes right down to it, I love the great big putz and that's all there is to it. And he loves me too – there's no doubt about it. We're going to get a McDonalds now. I'll see you for rehearsal tomorrow morning, okay? Hiya, Kev; thanks for coming.'
With that, Ella turned tail and ran after Michael's retreating form. Kevin fixed Oscar with a wry smile.
'Maybe you had more to do with it than God did, huh?' said Kevin.
'Yeah, maybe I did,' said Oscar. 'And maybe you had at least as much to do with it as I did, huh?'
'Yeah, could be,' Kevin grinned. 'Do you want to go get a milkshake from Burger King?'
'Sure,' said Oscar.
It was Monday evening. Kevin heard the doorbell, dragged himself off the couch and went to open the front door. His face lit up when he saw Lucy standing on the other side.
'Hiya, Luce,' he said.
'Hi, Kev,' said Lucy. 'I thought you might be lonely.'
'Yeah, I am a bit,' said Kevin. 'Come on in. Can I offer you some Sunny D?'
A short time later, Kevin and Lucy were sitting side by side on the couch, each sipping at a glass of Sunny Delight.
'So, I noticed that Michael and Ella are full of the joys of spring again,' said Lucy, 'and thinking about how you stayed the night with Michael on Friday, I can't help thinking that you probably had something to do with it.'
'Well... maybe I did play a small part in the whole sequence of events, yeah,' Kevin admitted.
'I knew it!' Lucy laughed. 'You're a saint on Earth, Kev. You know, I'm absolutely certain that Ella has the raging hots for you. Why didn't you sweep in and take her for yourself, huh?'
'For two very good reasons, actually,' said Kevin. 'Firstly, I don't have the raging hots for Ella, and secondly, I could never do that to Mike.'
'Yeah, I thought it'd be something like that,' said Lucy. 'Oh Kev, you really are something special.'
'It would never work between me and Ella anyway,' said Kevin. 'Even if she does find me attractive, she's in love with Mike and she always be, and he's in love with her and he always will be. They're for keeps, Luce, despite the occasional stumbling block.'
'No regrets about that on your part, Kev?' Lucy said with a grin. 'You're sure you haven't secretly been yearning for Ella all this time?'
'Yes, I'm absolutely certain about that,' Kevin assured her.
'So I wonder who you are secretly yearning for,' said Lucy. 'You're always helping Michael out with his love life, but when's it gonna be your turn?'
'Who says I want a turn?' Kevin asked airily.
'I do!' said Lucy. 'At the right time, and with the right person, I say you do want a turn!'
'Yeah, well... when's it gonna be your turn, Luce?'
'Who says I want one, Kev?'
'I don't know,' Kevin laughed. 'Maybe you don't, for all I know.'
'You really like Michael now, don't you?' said Lucy.
'Yeah, I do,' said Kevin. 'You like him too, right? He certainly likes you.'
'Sure, I like him,' said Lucy. 'I don't think I'd want to go so far as to stay the night with him, though, even if I was a boy.'
'Well, I enjoy his company enormously,' said Kevin, 'both before and after dark.'
'Just as I thought,' said Lucy. 'It's funny how things work out sometimes, wouldn't you say?'
'Without a doubt,' said Kevin. 'Anyways, should I get the chess out?'
'Good God, no!' said Lucy. 'I absolutely cannot stand chess! No, I know something much more fun we can do together.'
Beth moved closer to the edge of the bed as Carl wormed his way between the sheets beside her.
'I walked in on Kevin and that Asian girl on the couch together earlier,' Carl remarked.
'You mean Lucy,' said Beth.
'Yeah, Lucy,' said Carl. 'Do you know what the two of them were doing, Beth?'
'No,' said Beth, 'but I think I can say with certainty what they weren't doing: anything remotely sexual, right?'
'Right!' said Carl. 'They both had Post-It notes stuck to their foreheads and they were asking each other questions about who the Post-It said they were!'
'Oh yes, I know that game,' said Beth. 'Who were they supposed to be?'
'Kevin's Post-It said he was Abraham Lincoln and Lucy's said she was Sarah Michelle Gellar. But that's not really the point, Beth.'
'Were they having a good time?'
'They were shouting and laughing and collapsing all over each other with hilarity, if that's what you mean.'
'Well, that's certainly what I suspected they'd have been doing. I guess you'd have preferred them to be having a different kind of good time, huh?'
'Yeah, kinda,' Carl shrugged.
'Carl, you do not want to walk in on Kevin having sex on the couch, be it with a girl or a boy or a farmyard animal or whatever,' said Beth. 'You'll just have to trust me on that one, honey.'
'I didn't exactly want to walk in on them having sex,' said Carl, 'but seeing as the two of them were there, all alone in the house together... Beth, tell me the truth: Kevin's gay, isn't he?'
'I really don't know, Carl,' said Beth. 'I do know that Lucy's one of his very best friends and they absolutely do not have that kind of a relationship, but there could be another girl that Kevin's planning to bang on the couch at some point, for all I know.'
'Yeah,' said Carl, sounding a little happier. 'Yeah, I guess there could be. Hey, maybe it's that blond girl with the rack! You know, the one who's always showing off her midriff.'
'You mean Ella,' said Beth. 'I really don't think so, honey. But one thing I do know about Kevin is that he's a really great kid and his friends really love him and I'm incredibly proud of him, and so should you be!'
'I am proud of him!' said Carl. 'I just wish I understood him better, that's all.'
'If you could just understand that he's a very nice boy and that's all there is to it, that might be a good start,' said Beth, smiling slightly. 'Think what he could be doing at his age, Carl. He could be going out stealing and drinking and drug-taking and knocking up girls and God knows what else!'
'I think I'd understand him a lot better if he did do that kind of thing!' said Carl. 'Not that I'd approve of it, of course, but at least I'd be able to understand it.'
'I'm sure you'll understand one day, hon,' Beth sighed. 'I'm sure we both will. Now, let's turn off the light and try to get some sleep, shall we?'
'Yeah, okay,' said Carl. 'Goodnight, honey.'
'Goodnight, Carl.'
