And if we dream - Draco Malfoy/ OC

Chapter 38- I wouldn't do it.

Summary: Like some magnetic force, like some unbreakable bond she was drawn back to him again and again. And now, staying away was an inconceivable notion. "Always." she murmured, one hand finding his, the other tangling into his platinum hair, "Always."

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. Sorry….

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"That cannot be me." Avery mumbled the next morning as she studied herself in the mirror of Draco's bathroom. Up until now she hadn't really done so, Draco always seemed to be awake before her, everything that she needed for the day conjured and ready for her and the only time she came in here was to relieve herself when she moved quickly, afraid to be caught in a vulnerable position if someone were to just burst in again like they had the night before.

Today though Draco still slept soundly in the bed and Avery wasn't sure if she had woken early or he was sleeping late.

The girl reflected before her no longer looked like the her she remembered, gaunt, thin and paler than she had ever been her once bright eyes were sunken into her face and ringed with greyish circles, she could see her clavicle protruding from thin skin and dreaded to think what the rest of her body looked like. A thin white line dissected the right hand side of her bottom lip, a small wound Draco had been unable to fix or maybe had missed amongst the canvas of other wounds, whatever the case it would be a permanent reminder if she were ever to make it past this time in her life. She splashed cold water over her pallid face and ran a hand through her hair attempting to untangle it.

Her hair once red and then changed to a luscious brown by Ginny was limp and messy though mercifully clean since she had been out of the dungeons, it hung longer than usual, her red roots growing through a little and bleeding into the fake brown color. She wished that she could have Ginny fix it, that Hermione could tell her how silly she was for allowing Bellatrix's words to get to her, she wished she were still in Hogwarts and none of this had ever happened.

Only, no, she didn't wish that, she glanced away from the almost stranger in the mirror and through the door to where Draco still slumbered. If she were still in Hogwarts, if none of this had happened that boy in there, that man who like her had had to grow up so quickly would still be her nemesis. They would still be fighting and arguing over the petty things and she wouldn't have him to hold and kiss and care about. It made her selfish she knew but she didn't think she would be able to give him up now even if it meant she could reverse all of the bad things that had happened to everyone else.

Harry could, she knew, if it came down to saving everyone Harry could give up anything, Harry was unselfish and caring and that's why he was the hero. Even if he hadn't been the boy who lived he would still be a hero, he would still save people, Merlin he would probably still defeat Voldemort even if the curse belonged to another. That is what made Harry a hero and Avery the discarded would be deatheater, discarded by her mother and the hero. Draco was all she had right now. She didn't know where in the world Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna and her friends were or even if they were still alive. She didn't know if Fred and George were still causing mischief somewhere she could only dream that they were, that even if they were in hiding somewhere they were still driving Arthur and Molly around the twist. It didn't do her any good to dwell on those thoughts though so she focused again on the blonde in the bed, she wasn't surprised he was still asleep. She could feel herself wanting to close her eyes again even as she watched him but she knew it was futile, she would only be plagued with more nightmares and memories. Once they had finally settled after her ill fated and frankly stupid attempt at seduction they had lain awake for hours as time slowly it could have been hours or even minutes later when Draco spoke again: "I meant what I said- that wasn't rejection."

"I know." She had replied.

"I want it to be special, somewhere that isn't here, somewhere safe and comfortable."

"You've thought about it?" Avery asked.

"Of course I have Red, I'm a teenage boy, you're beautiful and when this is over we're going to do this properly."

"When this is over." Avery had repeated, knowing full well that when this was all over there would not be a chance for any of that, if Harry won then Draco was on the losing side and would be killed or imprisoned, though at least in that scenario Avery could do all in her power to fix it and get him back, if Voldemort won though she would be here forever or killed. Being killed sounded preferable to living in a world ruled by that monster where all her friends and loved ones were dead or imprisoned.

She thought this, but she didn't say it, Draco wasn't stupid and was well aware of how this might end, instead she said, "It would have been rubbish anyway."

"Why?" he laughed.

"I don't exactly have a lot of experience, I mean- any- I haven't exactly had a normal upbringing and most of my teenage years were spent fighting for my life so"

"Red- you're babbling."

"Don't laugh! I'm just saying you've probably got loads of experience and"-

"No, none."

"Really?"

Draco chuckled again and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, "Really. Now shut up I'm exhausted."

Avery laughed too and buried her face into his chest, too tired to even point out that he was the one who had started this conversation again before sleep took her. Which led her to this point here, staring at him as he slept, ridiculously aware of how awful she looked.

He stirred a short while later and she smiled as she perched on the edge of the bed waiting for him to wake up fully, "Morning." She whispered.

"Morning Red."

It was gone dinner time when Draco was summoned away again, although she hated to be left alone and wandless she would not argue him leaving for fear of repercussions. She sat herself on the bed and forced her breathing to come steady, in and out, in and out, slowly and calmly.

"Mopsey?" she tried, wondering if the little house elf she had grown so fond of would respond to her voice. Mere seconds later a small pop answered her question, "Mistress Avery?" the elf asked, "Do you need something?"

"No. I mean yes, not something physical. You, I mean if you're not busy maybe you could stay and talk to me?"

Mopsey seemed to consider this, her little face scrunching up in thought before she happily agreed, bouncing up on to Dracos bed with, to Avery's surprise, very little prompting. Avery swore if they ever got out of this she was taking Mopsey with her and she was going to do all she could do to help Hermione continue on with S.P.E.W.

"What's it like working here Mopsey?"

"It isn't so bad Mistress."

"I'm not one of them Mopsey , you can tell me."

"Honestly Mistress Avery, it isn't so bad, most of them are nice enough."

"Good I'm glad!"

"Master Draco looks after Mopsey and the other elves, he always has."

"He's a good man isn't he Mopsey, it took me a long time to see that but I bet you've known all along have you?"

"Mopsey knows Mistress."

Avery laughed.

"Mistress, if you don't mind me saying you look a lot like Mistress Mary." Mopsey spoke , suddenly sounding fearful.

"Does Mary hurt you Mopsey?"

"Mopsey stays away from Mistress Mary."

"Mary is my mother, though until I was brought here I hadn't seen her for a long time, she had always been a Deatheater you see, and when I was sorted into Gryffindor in school and befriended Harry Potter she wasn't too happy, then when I actively fought against them she basically disowned me." Avery explained, "Best thing that could have happened to me, see I was mostly raised by nannies when I was younger anyway, Mary didn't have much time for me even before I was a disappointment to her and I never knew my father, Matilda was the last nanny, she took me to Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley, she taught me to fly my first practice broom, got all my supplies for school with me, she was the mother I wish I had been born to. I lived with her, She's somewhere safe now I hope."

"She sounds wonderful Mistress."

"She is, I know they're looking for her, she's the first person Mary would look for, a half blood and I love her, I just hope she stays safe."

Mopsey opened her mouth to reply but vanished with a startled squeak when the door burst open, Avery jumped to her feet ready to defend herself by any means necessary but soon relaxed when she realized it was only Draco. Draco who looked wan and pale and was visibly shaking.

"Draco what happened?" she asked, rushing to him, checking him over for injuries and thankfully finding none, "Are you okay?"

Draco just shook his head and pulled away as she tried to pull him in and comfort him.

"Draco?" she asked confused, "What's wrong? What did they do?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He mumbled climbing on to the bed and lying with his back to her. He never wanted to talk about what happened when he was summoned away without her but this was a new level. She hadn't seen him in this state since the last night at Hogwarts. She climbed onto the bed behind him, ignoring the flicker of hurt she felt when he flinched away from her touch.

"Did they hurt you?" she whispered only to receive a shake of the head in return. She pillowed her head next to his and held him.

"How can you want to touch me?" he spat

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just as bad as them, I'm the same as them and you're still here with me."

"Where else would I go?" she asked and immediately realized that was the wrong thing to say, "That came out wrong." She said, too late as he was already pulling away and storming into the bathroom, she knew the door was locked the minute it closed behind him but tried the door anyway. She wasn't completely oblivious she had heard the disgust in his voice. Exhausted all over again she slid down to the floor, back against the wooden door separating them. "I don't know what they did or what they made you do." She spoke quietly, confident he would hear her, "I don't know anything in this place other than this room and Mopsey. I love that damn elf by the way, I'm adopting her." She hoped that would at least bring a smile to his face but turned serious once more, "I don't know why you're hurting but I don't blame you, I'm not disgusted by you I don't even class you as anything like any of them out there, the tattoo means nothing. You saved me Draco, in so many ways. Not just from that dungeon. You're good, and kind and strong and I never knew that in school but I do now. I understand you. We're the same you and me, we've had the same life, I was just lucky enough to be able to get away from mine. Whatever happened, whatever they made you do I get it, I understand and I'm still here, even if I could leave I wouldn't."

She sighed and leaned her head back against the door, "We're in this together Draco Malfoy whether you like it or not, so I'm just going to sit here on this uncomfortable floor and wait until you want to come out and talk. Or not talk. Whichever you prefer."

Silence was the only response for a while and she decided to speak again, "Do you remember forth year?" she asked, smiling fondly, "It was during the Triwizard tournament and you had made those stupid Potter Stinks pin badges? Do you remember that one that exploded in your face over breakfast? That was me. I was practicing for a class, offensive spells on a small target. I would have used Goyles brain if I could have gotten to it but I obviously couldn't do that so I aimed for your badge instead. It was brilliant. Your face!" she laughed, "Blaze told me after dinner that you had spent over an hour checking over your charms to see if the mistake was yours. Sorry about that."

For a while she regaled him with stories from Hogwarts, some he knew some he didn't.

"- So Ron and Seamus spent hours trying to get up the stairs to the girls dormitory because they were certain we had it but we had hidden it under the sofa by the fire, they didn't even think to use a locator spell- guess that's why they aren't in Ravenclaw-

-Dean spilled his drink over everything- everything! Including Hermione's charms homework, she was not happy but ironically it only took a couple of simple charms to fix it and clean everything up. That would have been it but Ron opened his stupid mouth and told her it was extra practice and she went mad again-

-When you sent me that Herbology for dummies book and that correction on my DADA essay I was so shocked and suspicious that I spent an extra hour in the library the next day researching to see if you were trying to trick me, then when I realized you weren't I asked around to see if you had been jinxed or something cause there was no way you would willingly help me-

-I don't think I hated Herbology as much as I thought I did, it was lovely seeing Neville in his element-

-think Lexi has a crush on you even before the Mistletoe incident she always frowned when you called me Red- speaking of I hated that at first, but now I like it. It's a you thing-

-sometimes when – "

"I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't hurt you." Draco's voice interrupted her rambling through the door so suddenly that she jumped a foot in the air and head-butted the door. "Ooow." She groaned, "What are you talking about Draco?"

"It was just a meeting, nothing happened but the things they were saying and implying about me and you, it was disgusting, I wouldn't hurt you, not even if they ordered me to. I'd die first."

Avery frowned, "And what would that achieve? You'd die or you would be alive but you would have undone all of your work, everything you'd done to stay alive. No Draco, I would make sure you did it." She replied firmly.

A pause, then, "Why?"

Avery sighed, and leaned back against the door again, "Because- I need to know that one of us comes out of this alive Draco and I'm not naïve enough to think that will be me."

She received only silence again and realizing he still wasn't going to open the barrier between them she closed her eyes and pictured Hogwarts and began to speak again, if he wasn't going to speak then he could listen instead.

She woke sometime later to darkness and a comforting warmth behind her, at some point Draco had obviously managed to get out of the bathroom and get her to the bed without waking her, she highly doubted he had carried her though he had a wand and had probably gracelessly levitated her there, either way she had not even stirred, so what had woken her now.

A bang against the door, followed by more in rapid succession, "Draco" she hissed, now recognizing Snape's distinct voice accompanying the wake up call. The Slytherin came back to consciousness quickly and was out of bed and opening the door before she even realized he had moved. "What is it?" he urgently asked his Godfather.

"You need to come with me." The former professors eyes flicked to where Avery was now standing, thankfully still clothed, he looked off, like something was bothering him, a look she hadn't seen on him before, "Both of you."

"What is going on?" Draco asked again though he got no answer, instead Snape just turned away and strode down the hall.

Avery gulped and stepped forward taking Draco's hand, "Come on." She whispered, bracing herself for whatever was to come.

They moved quickly down the hall and entered the main room where everyone was gathered unencumbered, in fact they seemed to part for them. Avery's heart began to beat frantically in her chest, why were they all gathered here? What was happening?

"Nice of you to join us." Voldemorts voice cut through the dim murmur of voices. "I have a gift for you Avery."

Avery gasped, No no no no no no no no no no

"Matilda?"

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Please do let me know what you think so I know what to work on etc!