Chapter 2: Taking the Plunge
'I always thought I'd have to handle everything alone.'
Natsuki felt that she should've enjoyed the warmth she received from her friends. Here they were, comforting her after the painful reminder of what had happened to her the night before. Yuri didn't slap her nearly as hard as her father did, yet the pain was just as excruciating. She didn't have to feel guilty for someone else's actions.
But she did.
She smiled at their compassion, yes, but she still felt guilty. The lump in her throat rose again. Her face didn't show it, but she still felt guilty. Everything inside her told her to be happy, but she still felt guilty. Yes, she still felt guilty after Sayori told her she didn't care that she said horrible things; she still deserved comfort.
"Sorry... I told her what happened, what you said-"
"It's okay," Natsuki cut her off. "Sayori has a right to know. She's vice president after all,"
"I'm really sorry, Natsuki. I should've stopped it before it got out of hand."
"You tried, Monika. We were the ones who told you to butt out, remember?"
The emerald-eyed girl stared into her pink eyes with bewilderment. Natsuki was acting uncharacteristically humble.
'What happened must have really affected her...'
"Next time I won't spend so much time by the vending machine," said Sayori with a light chuckle, hoping to ease some of the tension. It worked, to some extent, since the other two girls allowed themselves to chuckle along with her.
"I think it's safe to say that this club meeting is over. I'll get Yuri's things and-"
"No!" cried the pink-haired girl. She covered her mouth with one hand, realising that she spoke much louder than intended.
"I'll do it,"
"Natsuki, are you sure you're up to it?" asked Monika.
"Yes, I'm sure. This is something I have to do,"
"We can always come with you, if you want,"
"Thanks for the offer, Sayori, but this is something I have to do on my own,"
"Natsuki, you don't have to-"
The short girl cut the president off once more.
"What the hell don't you understand!"
Monika's subtle retreat at Natsuki's outburst did not go unnoticed.
"Sorry, here I am again, lashing out when all you want to do is help,"
"It's okay-"
"No it's not, Monika! I don't deserve this comfort! All I'm doing is shoving people away, like I always do! Just look what I did to Yuri..."
The mere mention of the tall girl's name brought fresh tears to her dry eyes. Her voice cracked out in more sobs. This time, the president threw her arms around the hot-headed club member, but she broke out of it and ran away. Monika reached out for her, but Sayori held her back.
"I think she needs some alone time right now,"
Although she was disappointed, Monika understood. If she forced her help, she would likely only make the situation worse than it already was.
"Where would this club be without you, Sayori?"
The girl in question simply offered a smile which cast away the doubt in the president's heart.
"Let's go wait by the stairs, I'm sure she doesn't wanna see anyone right now."
Sayori nodded in response, and the two of them walked over to their destination, taking a seat on the bottom step. They sat in silence for a few moments before Natsuki stormed down the hall. It didn't matter where they waited, for the short girl was staring at the floor ahead of her. Monika's breath hitched as she watched her fellow club member exit the school building.
'What kind of useless president am I?'
As if she heard the question, Sayori put an arm around her superior.
"You've done all you can, Monika. She'll be okay, just give her some time,"
A moment passed.
"How do you always know what to do when it comes to people?"
Sayori stared ahead of her before letting out a half-suppressed laugh.
"I don't."
At that, the long-haired girl allowed a lone tear to flow down the left side of her face as she laughed along with her friend.
Simultaneously, a certain girl carrying two rather heavy bags hastily wiped her own tears away.
'Why do I always do this? Why do I always shove people away?'
Natsuki thought of what had happened a mere five minutes prior. She had shown her friends how vulnerable she really was. She had opened up in a way she had never done before, yet she felt even more shut in than before.
'I shouldn't have done that. I should've kept my feelings to myself like I always do. Now I've gone ahead and ruined everything.'
As she straightened her pink locks with her free hand, she felt resentment fill her entire being. Why the hell was she feeling guilty about what happened? It's not like she was the one who told Yuri to slap her. Who did Monika think she was, telling Sayori about what happened? Vice president or not, she didn't have to know. And Sayori, always giving out her stupid hugs with those fake smiles of hers.
The frown on Natsuki's face suddenly changed to a neutral expression, and her pace slowed.
'What am I doing?'
She remembered the bonding session the club had had the week before. Everyone opened up about some of their most well kept secrets. She wasn't really shocked when Yuri told everyone that she had a habit of cutting herself, contrary to the reactions of the other two members; she had always had a suspicion. Monika's issue with self confidence was rather alarming, and to say Sayori's depression came as a surprise was the understatement of the year. And here she was, judging the happy girl for trying to do what she did best: cheer people up.
'What a terrible friend I am.'
Natsuki reached her house sooner than expected. She glanced at the driveway and saw that her dad wasn't home. A sigh of relief escaped through her lips. Her train of thought went back to her other club members while she went inside and got changed. She remembered everyone's concerned expression when she opened up about her abusive father. She remembered her inability to go into detail; she was too weak. She remembered seeing Yuri's soft expression while Sayori embraced her.
She paused midway through putting on her other shoes. It was inexplicably difficult for her to open up about such a personal issue, and yet she basically ridiculed Yuri about her self-harm earlier. For a girl with her level of social anxiety, it must have taken every ounce of strength to admit that to other people. How could she take that strength, that courage, and throw it back in her face over some stupid argument?
'What a terrible friend I am.'
No matter, she would make right by Yuri. She was going to go over to her house, give her bag back and apologise.
'Then everything will be okay!'
For Natsuki, the idea of apologising to anyone other than her father was a foreign one. Still, she was the one who messed up, so she was going to-
"Ow," she whispered. She had accidentally grazed the right side of her abdomen on her bedside table as she stood up. The same side where he... Where he...
'No. There's no time to think about that.'
She closed her eyes in contemplation.
'If that's how he was this morning, I don't even wanna imagine what he'd be like if he were to come home now.'
She lifted her head and opened her eyes; pink eyes filled with resolve. The short girl quickly made her way to her father's room. After opening the closet, she then took the chair by his desk and positioned it so that she would be able to reach the top shelf. She felt around the pile of old clothes before discovering a stash of cash.
'I can't believe he thought I wouldn't check here 'cause I'm short... The nerve!'
She took out a few notes and carefully repositioned everything she moved so that she would go unnoticed. With the money in hand and one final quick inspection later, Natsuki swiftly walked to the bathroom and grabbed all her toiletries before making her way back to her room and packing them in her bag. In went clean school clothes and the money she...took.
'Is it really stealing if this is the money that's supposed to go to getting food for your own daughter?'
She didn't spare 2 seconds for that thought before moving on. The pink-haired girl glanced at herself in the mirror and noticed that her eyes were still red and puffy. She didn't have time to make sure she looked 'normal', so she just splashed her face with cold water and hoped that nobody would ask questions. It was going to be a fairly long walk, after all.
Pink eyes set their sights on two bags barely visible through the doorway. The short-haired girl hesitated for a moment, then grabbed the bags and made her way outside. She decided to text Sayori to ask Monika for Yuri's address because she felt too guilty to ask the latter two directly. Plus, the bundle of sunshine was the only one she didn't attack.
Hey Sayori, can you please ask Monika to get Yuri's address for me?
She sighed.
And can you ask her if I can take her up on that offer?
She sent the message and shoved her phone back into her pocket. The hot-headed girl hated having to rely on other people like this, but she had no choice. As she exited the door, she glanced up at the sky. The sun would set in about an hour, which meant that her father would return home at any minute, so she had to be quick. She walked with a brisk pace to the nearby coffee shop; another one of her few safe spaces.
'Dad wouldn't be caught dead in a place that sells his most hated beverage.'
Soon, all of her internal stress was displaced by the fresh scent of coffee. She stopped for a moment to take in the atmosphere before walking inside to order a cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. She turned and leaned slightly on the counter, admiring the first few orange rays of the setting sun through the big glass windows.
'That's one sight that never gets old.'
Natsuki smiled. A minute passed and her order was ready. She thanked the barista and headed over to her usual spot in the corner; hidden fairly well behind the wall, yet still allowing her to enjoy the view. The pink-haired girl closed her eyes as she consumed the slightly bitter beverage. She didn't like to put sugar in her cappuccino, or any coffee for that matter – that's what the muffin's for. It wasn't much in terms of food, but after her rather difficult day, she wasn't really hungry either way.
As always, her time in the coffee shop came to an end far too quickly for her liking. Almost as if it was on cue, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She was rather surprised to see two notifications.
Sayori: Hey Natsuki, here's Yuri's address as promised~! And try not to think too much about today, we all make mistakes~
Monika: Hey Natsuki, of course you can stay over! Don't worry about this afternoon. I understand it must have been difficult for you, so no hard feelings :)
Her breath hitched. She had to close her eyes to keep herself from shedding more tears. Just the idea that her friends could be so kind to her after what she'd said was simply astonishing.
'I really need to make it up to you guys.'
The pit in her stomach grew as she mentally prepared herself for seeing Yuri. After a moment of contemplation, Natsuki realised that she would have trouble swallowing her pride and outright saying sorry. She sighed.
'What am I going to do?'
Her eyes moved around the café in search of answers. Suddenly, her gaze fell upon the cupcakes on display. She took out the money she had left over. It was meant to buy her a couple days' worth of food since she didn't exactly plan on going home anytime soon, and the cupcakes at this place were really expensive.
'If only I had time to bake my own. It would've made my little apology more meaningful, too. Oh well...'
She picked up the two bags and moved to the counter. Yuri's tastes weren't well known by Natsuki, but she had a feeling she'd like chocolate, so she bought that flavour for her. The sun was nearly below the horizon by the time she left, cupcake package in hand. She checked Sayori's message again and realised that she recognised the street name. Luckily the tall girl's residence wasn't very far from the café, so she would've gotten there before it got too dark. Her mind wandered back to the Literature Club's bonding session while she made her way to her destination.
"If you need a place to stay for a couple of days, my house is always open!"
The pit in her stomach expanded further as she thought back to what she said to her only two hours earlier.
'Monika, I hope you stay true to your word, even if I don't really deserve it.'
She didn't have enough money to spare on another cupcake for Monika. Perhaps she'll have an easier time apologising to her since she's taking up the president's offer, so she'll have to humble herself in any case. Bah, she'll figure it out when she gets there.
The pit in her stomach began to overwhelm the few contents of her stomach as she thought back to the terrible things she said to her friends. There was no reason for her to take out her negative emotions on Yuri, and Monika was only trying to help, yet she lashed out at both of them.
'Shut up...'
She attempted to put an end to her repetitive thoughts, but it was to no avail.
'What a terrible friend I am.'
She came to a sudden halt to avoid bumping into a mailbox that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. She didn't even realise that she'd been looking down.
'Where am I now?'
The pink-haired girl looked at the number of the house in front of her.
'25... Yuri's house is at number 11.'
Natsuki's thoughts carried her all the way to the end of the street without her even realising it. She swiftly turned around and paid close attention to the houses around her. Soon, she came across a large, but modest house. One of the two windows on the second floor was completely covered by the curtains, save for a razor sharp opening in the centre. She glanced at the number she saw just above the front door.
'11... So it must be Yuri up there.'
As she dawdled to the front door, she began to realise just how heavy the bags were. Either way, she didn't really care; the pain in her shoulders was nothing compared to what she had felt that morning. She raised her free hand to knock on the door, but hesitated.
'Ugh, now is not the time to be chickening out.'
She forced herself to knock on the door, which resulted in a much harder knock than she originally intended. Her knuckles were visibly red, seemingly glowing through even the brightest orange rays of the sun behind her. Natsuki ran her fingers through her pink locks before her hand idly caressed the right side of her face. The pain had faded hours ago, but somehow it still felt tender. She stood outside, waiting patiently.
'Maybe she didn't hear..?'
She knocked again, this time putting her ear to the door for any sign of Yuri. The sound of feet rushing down the stairs greeted her, and she swiftly moved slightly away from the door. Slowly, the doorknob turned.
'This is it...'
Slowly, the door opened slightly before stopping completely.
'This could be worse than I thought...'
Slowly, the door opened the rest of the way, and Natsuki looked up at the tall girl bathed in orange light. Yuri's eyes were fixated on the floor as she held out her hand.
'Scratch that, this is definitely worse than I thought.'
The pink-haired girl took her friend's bag off her shoulder and gently placed the strap in Yuri's outstretched hand.
"Thank you," she uttered. Her shyness frustrated the proud girl.
'I can't just let this go...'
"So are you gonna look at me or what?"
The purple-haired girl looked up at her. To say that she was shocked was an understatement.
"N-Natsuki?!"
Her frown dissipated immediately when she saw Yuri's horrified expression.
"I'm sorry..." whispered the tall girl. She immediately retreated into her house and slammed the door in her friend's face.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one! It was quite interesting to write out Natsuki's perspective, so lemme know what you think! As you've noticed, this chapter was quite longer than the last. Judging from my current progress, the next chapter will likely be about 1.5x or maybe even twice as long as this one, so look forward to seeing it next week!
