Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: Thank you SO MUCH for all of the feedback, follows, favorites, etc.! It means the world to me that you are (hopefully) enjoying the story, even if it is a bit depressing right now. This chapter is all Nathan and Haley and continues from the previous chapter, only the first part is from Haley's POV of their initial conversation. I'm glad some of you are enjoying this dark portrayal of Haley. It's definitely more difficult to write for me but I think it's a characterization we don't see often, for whatever reason. Dark!Depressing!Nathan is much easier for me to write because he's my One True Character from OTH, but I am enjoying the challenge of exploring a darker Haley. They won't be so doom-and-gloom forever, but before the lighter stuff, we have the pain and angst to deal with. Enough rambling. I hope you enjoy the chapter.


"Fine, walk away. See if I care," Haley muttered to herself as Chase headed to the stockroom. "I didn't ask for your opinion anyway."

She played with the glass sitting on top of the bar, circling the rim with her finger. Staring at the clear liquid, Haley idly wondered what Brooke was doing right now. If she was still upset with Haley…

Of course she is, the voice inside her head taunted. You've done nothing but hurt her for the last six months. I'm surprised she hasn't completely abandoned you. Like Chris did, like your mom.

"Shut up," Haley mumbled, unaware she was speaking aloud. She took another sip of her drink, hoping to drown out that voice. That was her only goal: to silence the voice; the voice that whispered the truth to her all the time. The truth no one else would dare admit: that Haley wasn't worth loving, that it was her fault that Chris betrayed her, that if it hadn't been for Haley, her mom wouldn't have left…

You know it's true. You are the reason everyone has left you. It's only a matter of time before Chase and Brooke leave you too.

Haley took a large swallow of her drink, the icy bite at once soothing and painful. Over the last six months, it had become a familiar sensation. She had never been the wild child—as the youngest of seven kids, one of whom was the infamous Taylor James, there wasn't much Haley could do that would have shocked her parents. In high school, she was rather straitlaced and boring, a fact that led to relentless teasing from Taylor. After meeting Brooke in college, Haley loosened up and soon learned to enjoy the occasional party or two. Even then, though, she wasn't a big drinker. She didn't like the out of control feeling alcohol gave her. Being a Type A personality, Haley liked being in control. She also never understood the need people had to use alcohol as an escape from their own pain.

Until six months ago, and then Haley understood with perfect clarity how alcohol could make even the worst pain disappear.

The voice inside her head was slowly fading with each sip, and Haley smiled once it completely disappeared. She knew it would be back (it always came back), but in the meantime, she would do everything she could to keep it away as long as possible.

A voice a few bar stools down interrupted her musings.

"Probably in the stock room," she said in response to the man's question about where Chase disappeared.

As they continued their idle chitchat about Chase, Haley continued to sip her drink. When the man hesitated over getting another drink while Chase was gone, Haley rolled her eyes and reached over the bar to grab one of the several bottles he kept under the counter.

"See? Not so hard," Haley said as she poured herself another drink before sliding the bottle down to the only other person in the bar.

After he poured another drink, he raised his glass in a mock toast. "Here's to assholes who think they have all the answers."

Intrigued, Haley raised her glass before taking a healthy swallow. Looked like she wasn't the only screwed up one drowning their sorrows. After all, drinking alone in a bar in the middle of the afternoon wasn't usually an indicator of normalcy.

"Friend?" she questioned.

"Brother. He's the reason I'm here," the man replied.

"Bad fight?"

"You could say that," he said before swallowing nearly half of his drink.

Haley nodded in understanding. Her fight with Brooke earlier this morning was fresh in her mind, the hurt expression on her best friend's face as Haley refused to talk to her yet again haunting her.

She's getting tired of you, Haley. Tired of your whiny, mopey bullshit. Soon she's just going to stop asking and then where will you be?

The voice was back and Haley quickly brought the glass to her lips. Wincing slightly as the alcohol burned her throat, she quickly took another sip in an attempt to ignore the voice inside her head. Deciding to try another tactic, she tried to engage her drinking companion in conversation.

"I have one of those, too," Haley said.

"Huh?" the man asked, clearly not paying attention.

Haley was undeterred. "Reason to be here," she explained as she raised her glass. "Mine's not a sibling but a best friend. We had a fight earlier today about… well, about this, I guess, and I just had to get away, you know?"

"Uh yeah."

The man was not the best conversationalist but Haley didn't care. She certainly wasn't going to talk about her issues, but that didn't mean she couldn't talk about someone else's, right? Haley continued her questioning.

"So was it a bad one?"

The man turned to her—probably to tell her to shut up, Haley thought to herself—but didn't say anything, just stared at her. As Haley got her first full look at the man sitting one bar stool away, every thought flew from her head except one.

Sitting next to her, in a bar in the middle of the afternoon, was the most handsome man she had ever seen. Full dark hair that her hands nearly itched to run through, pouty lips that begged to be kissed, and his eyes… His eyes were crystal blue and drew her like a moth to a flame. She had never really believed that eyes were "windows to the soul" but as she gazed into his eyes, that phrase suddenly became very real and true. Haley did not know anything about the man in front of her, hell, she didn't even know his name. Yet, looking into his eyes, she felt as she could see everything he ever wanted or hoped to be and, even more surprising, she felt as if he knew her. For the last six months, she had been lost and hurting, adrift in her own pain. For the first time since everything happened, she believed that someone could understand her, could even help her heal. She felt something shift inside her, a peace come over as she wondered if maybe everything she had been looking for could be found in those bright blue eyes.

It was a terrifying thought.

She had purposefully suppressed any type of emotion over the last six months with the help of her old friends, vodka and whiskey. At the first sight of any real feelings, she turned to her trusted companion that offered no judgment, only oblivion. Alcohol helped her forget, for a little while at least, that her life wasn't a complete fucking train wreck. It was the only true thing she had left in her life.

And yet, staring at the man in front of her, eyes locked on his, she felt that perhaps there was something more out there for her. Something that could save her from the nightmare her life had spiraled into.

Or someone.

Shaking her head, Haley wondered where that thought had come from. She chalked the recent flight of fancy up to the alcohol. She knew she had fallen too far to ever be saved. Thinking anything else was just wishful thinking, a dream the old Haley would have indulged. It had to be the alcohol talking, right?

Any other explanation was just too much to hope for, something the new Haley wouldn't allow herself to do.

Falling into old habits, Haley decided to ignore….whatever it was going on with her. Instead, she figured that if the man wasn't going to talk, she'd fill in the silence.

"So, I guess you're not talking. I get that. I mean, look where we are. It's not like either one of us came here to talk. Or maybe you did, but you just don't want to talk to me, which I can underst—" She rambled before he interrupted.

"No, no, it's not that," he said.

"Oh," Haley replied, a small smile crossing her lips. Maybe she would get him talking after all. "I'm Haley," she continued, her hand extended.

When the man took her hand, Haley felt an unexpected rush, like a charge of electricity dancing across her skin as he touched her. She had never felt anything like it before, but her mind shied from any further examination.

"Nathan," he said as he let go of her hand. "You, uh, come here often?"

Haley's cheeks turned light pink as she nodded slowly. Was he hitting on her? No, that couldn't be it. No way could this gorgeous stranger be interested in her. He was probably just looking for a drinking buddy. After all, they were both pathetic drunks, evidenced by the fact they were both drinking alone in the middle of the day.

"Yeah. I, uhm, my friend Brooke and I are friends with Chase." At Nathan's quizzical expression she clarified. "You know, the bartender here earlier?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, I've known Chase since I moved to Tree Hill. When we moved here, Brooke and I were looking for a place where we could hang out and found Tric. There aren't too many places in Tree Hill like this, so Brooke and I found ourselves here more often than not. And we just started talking to Chase one day and clicked," Haley said before taking a sip of her drink. "You come here a lot?"

Nathan nodded. "Uh yeah," he said. "My brother and I grew up in Tree Hill so we've been coming to Tric since it opened while we were in high school. My mom, uhm, well, my mom and Luke's mom used to own the bar and the café downstairs."

"That's cool. I bet the free alcohol came in handy during high school," Haley laughed.

"Nah," he grinned and Haley swore her heart skipped a beat at the sight. Yep, the vodka was clearly screwing with her now. "Karen would have killed us. Well, mainly Luke since he's her son, but she would have strangled me as well," Nathan continued as shook his head in amusement.

"Your mom wouldn't have cared?"

At Nathan's pause Haley wondered if she had stuck her nose where it didn't belong. Inquisitive (or "nosy" as her siblings deemed it) by nature, she was constantly asking one question too many. "Terminal foot in mouth disease," her mom used to joke.

Haley took another sip as she willed herself to ignore the throb of pain in her heart at the thought of her mom. Before she could apologize for the question, Nathan began talking about his mom and her frequent absences during his childhood. Haley felt an even sharper ache in her heart as she listened to this stranger open about a clearly painful topic. It was evident in Nathan's tone and slumped body language just how much his mother's behavior affected him growing up. For the first time in months, her own pain was completely forgotten as she watched in the man before her lay himself open to a complete stranger.

Not knowing what to say when he finished, Haley said the only thing she could. "I'm sorry, Nathan." Her voice was soft, yet the words rang with an honest truth and sincerity. Her own turmoil faded away as she longed to comfort Nathan and ease his obvious hurt.

Without a second thought, she slid her hand along the counter to take his hand in hers, offering a gentle squeeze. What surprised her was not the action itself (she was sure it was the alcohol), but just how right it felt to hold Nathan's hand. She looked at her small hand wrapped around his much larger one and couldn't stop a small smile at the sight. It just looked…perfect. Like how it should be. Raising her head, she caught the look of surprise on Nathan's face, but she also saw her own thought of how incredibly right this seemed reflected in his brilliant blue eyes.

She had a sudden urge to tell Nathan everything she had been feeling and dealing with the last six months. All the pain and heartache and betrayal and anger and hopelessness gone as she confessed her sins and found peace and forgiveness in the man before her.

It was all too much, too many feelings long suppressed rising to the surface, and Haley couldn't handle it. She let go of his hand and muttered a quick "I'm sorry" before reaching for her glass. This was how she eased her pain, not in the eyes of a stranger, no matter how tempting he was. He would only hurt her, or leave her, like everyone else. Or worse, she would hurt him. Haley didn't even know Nathan but her heart clenched at the thought of causing him pain.

She couldn't allow herself to feel; she couldn't let someone close. Shutting her mind (and more importantly, her heart) to any thought beyond the drink in front of her, Haley watched as Nathan seemed to have an internal struggle. The last thing she needed was someone as screwed up as her. Even if it was someone who made her feel more alive than she had in months with just a simple touch, or a single glance into his eyes.

You're a mess, Haley. What person would ever want to be with you? You drove Chris away, your mom left. Why would Nathan be any different?

The voice was back. Haley sighed as she reached for the bottle to refill her glass. This was the only solace she needed.


He was in trouble. Oh god, was he in trouble. After telling Haley things about his mom he had never told anyone before, not even Lucas, he waited for judgment or a mumbled goodbye before she took her leave. Instead, he was surprised at her reaction. When Haley reached for his hand, her slender fingers curling around his clenched fist, he felt a sense of peace wash over him. Something he hadn't felt in months, if not years.

She obviously didn't feel the same, quickly releasing his hand and muttering an apology. His heart clenched at the loss of her touch. Shaking his head, he wondered if alcohol could go bad. That was the only explanation for his thoughts.

Right?

"So you had a fight with your friend?" he asked, as a way to focus on anything but his current thoughts. Maybe he could get her talking, those pouty, kissable lips moving as she-

Shit. He was in so much goddamn trouble.

"Yeah," Haley said, as Nathan forced himself to stare at the bridge of her nose so as not to be distracted by her beautiful eyes or full lips…

"What happened?"

Haley sighed, and in that simple action, Nathan imagined he could feel the weight of her pain. He felt a powerful urge to ease that pain, to make things easier for her.

She waved her hand to indicate the drink in front of her and then the bar. "This, I guess. My life isn't what you could call 'great' right now and Brooke worries about me. She pushes me to talk about what's wrong and gets mad when I don't want to."

Nathan nodded. "Luke is the same way. He bitches constantly but half the time, I don't pay any attention."

"She just doesn't understand that I don't want to talk about it. It's easier if I don't."

"I know what you mean. Talking about it makes it more… real, I guess," he shrugged as he took another drink. Nathan glanced at Haley, who was nodding in agreement. God, she was beautiful.

"That's what I tell Brooke. It's just easier to not talk about it."

It's easier to drink it away, Nathan thought.

They fell into a long silence, but Nathan couldn't help but notice how comfortable it was. Usually when he was with a woman and there was silence, it was uncomfortable and weighty. With Haley, there was no heavy tension, rather an easiness that belied the fact that they had only just met.

"It hurts, you know? I don't like to think about them, much less talk about them." Haley interrupted the silence.

Nathan turned to face Haley, noting her hand was tightly gripping her glass. "And Brooke doesn't understand?"

Haley shrugged. "Not really. I don't know. She's never really lost someone before. I mean, sure, her parents are never around but they never were when she was growing up. Can't miss something you never had, right? So she's never dealt with the pain that comes when you lose someone you love."

Ahh, it was starting to become clear. She had lost someone who was obviously close to her. Nathan ignored the pang in his heart at the thought that it was a boyfriend or spouse.

"I'm sorry," he said and was surprised at how much he meant it.

Haley looked at him, and from the look on her face, he could tell that she was shocked at what she had revealed. He rushed to reassure her.

"I won't tell anyone. I know you probably didn't come here today looking for someone to talk to, but if you want…," he trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"To talk?"

He nodded. "Sure. I mean, if you want?"

Haley was silent for awhile, and Nathan thought maybe that was his signal to leave. After all, he was just some drunk in a bar in the middle of the afternoon. What kind of comfort could he offer?

As he moved to slide to a few stools down to give her space, she suddenly spoke, her voice quiet and shaky. "O-okay."

Rather than move further away, he scooted closer, sliding into the stool next to her. "You sure?"

Haley nodded. "His name is Chris. He was my first real relationship. We were together two years, even talking about moving in together. I loved him, you know?"

Nathan grimaced at the confirmation she had been involved with someone. He wasn't normally one to get jealous, but the thought of Haley with someone else had him grinding his teeth. The ridiculousness of the notion that he was jealous of the past relationship of a woman he had just met and knew nothing about other than her name didn't faze him one bit. Since he got his first good look at Haley, his world had gone topsy-turvy.

He listened as she continued to talk about Chris and their relationship, his jealousy turning to anger when Haley began to explain that after awhile, Chris began to lose interest. What kind of asshole didn't realize the appeal of a woman like Haley? What jackass could lose interest in her?

"Brooke kept telling me to talk to Chris about it, to confront him, but I didn't listen. Looking back, I guess I knew the truth but didn't want to really believe it," she continued, her voice catching with emotion. "I couldn't ignore it anymore though, when I walked in on him and some girl in bed together."

Nathan shook his head angrily and couldn't prevent his next words. "Asshole! Hales, you don't deserve a jerk like that." The nickname felt natural, like something he had been calling her for years.

Shrugging, Haley took another sip. "You don't know me, Nathan. You don't know what I deserve." The words were spoken with a sad resignation.

The pain in her voice as she spoke nearly took his breath away. She seemed so sure, so definite that she deserved to be treated like shit by an asshole who clearly didn't respect her or their relationship. He wondered what else had happened to her to leave her so broken.


Like I said, I'm not a huge fan of this chapter as it feels a bit clunky to me but I wanted to have Haley's POV for part of their first interaction. Next chapter will be more conversation at the bar, more personal revelations from Nathan and Haley, and possibly some interaction with Brooke and Lucas. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!