Wow, almost six months between updates. Hoooooooly smokes. I never intended to go this long between updates but life got crazy. Several cases at work didn't settle as I had anticipated so I've been swamped with trial prep and trials. I've worked on this chapter off and on and finally had time to dedicate to completing it. I greatly appreciate all of the reviews, follows, and favorites this story has received. If this story still has readers, well, I'll be amazed since it's been forever since the last update.

This chapter involves more introspection from both characters, mostly Haley. Haley's portion involves a flashback that further details her free fall into destruction. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel for her, and next chapter will have actual, honest-to-God Naley interaction. Shocking, I know.

I hope you enjoy this chapter!


After her emotional talk with Brooke, Haley pleaded exhaustion and begged off Brooke's plans for a girlie day together. Sensing she had pushed Haley far enough for the moment, Brooke merely nodded, told Haley she loved her and left, leaving Haley alone in her room with only her thoughts.

She sat back against the headboard of her bed and reflected on Brooke's speech. Haley knew her best friend believed what she had said, that her mom's death was a horrible accident, and that the last thing Lydia would want was her youngest child blaming herself for it. But for Haley, the months of guilt and self-recrimination left her wary of allowing herself to truly believe Brooke's words. She had fallen so far, done so many things she wasn't proud of over the last several months that it was second nature now to believe the worst of herself.

As Haley thought back on her behavior for the last six months, the guilt and shame grew. She distanced herself from her family, and she had spent months ignoring her best friend, drowning herself in alcohol and self-loathing. She had lost her boyfriend, and she had been fired from her teaching job—the last bit of normalcy in her life. Her life had spiraled out of control, and all she could do was watch everything she held dear burn to ashes.

She was so far from who she had been she wasn't sure if she would ever get back. When she looked in the mirror she could no longer recognize the woman looking back at her. No longer did she see Haley James: daughter, sister, friend, and teacher; instead, she saw someone lost and broken. Gone was the light-hearted, bright, happy, compassionate soul she had once been, and in its place was a bitter, empty shell of who she had been.

It had been an especially rough day.

It started with waking at 3am in a cold sweat, a scream trapped in her throat as the nightmarish screech of tires on wet pavement echoed in her mind. She shut her eyes tightly in a weak attempt to stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks as images from that night flashed before her. Crumpled metal twisted at unnatural angles. Broken glass scattered over the road, shining like diamonds in the glare of the streetlights. Splashes of crimson covering every surface like some horrible Pollack. The lights of the emergency response vehicles circling in a continuous rhythm like the world's saddest carousel. The police officer as he approached, the reality of the situation etched on his face mirroring her own devastation.

Her ragged breathing broke the quiet stillness of the room, and Haley sat up, heart racing as the images slowly faded, leaving her dazed and trembling. She wiped a hand across her sweat-drenched brow, and she noticed her hand was shaking slightly. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down and slowly rose from the bed, walking to the bathroom to turn on the faucet. Grabbing a nearby washcloth, she wet it and wrung it out before using it to wipe her face. The refreshing coolness revived her and helped settle her racing thoughts.

Haley glanced at herself in the mirror and was shocked at what she saw. Limp hair framed dull eyes. Her once peaches and cream complexion was now sallow and wan. Her full lips were drawn tight, emphasizing her haggard and gaunt expression. The happiness that once shone from her face like a beacon was gone, replaced by a haunted, distant gaze.

"You're pathetic," she muttered to herself as she stared at her reflection. "You're just…." She sighed and lowered her gaze from the mirror, unable to continue looking at herself. It hurt too much. Reminded her of how different she was, of how far she had fallen.

Knowing sleep was no longer possible, she left the bathroom and headed downstairs to the kitchen, focused on one goal. Walking into the kitchen, she reached for an empty glass on the counter before turning to the freezer and grabbing her trusty bottle of vodka. She sat at the small, scarred table and idly thought about how the table barely fit her and Brooke. Nothing like the large table her family once had, her siblings and parents crammed around it as they shared the trials and tribulations of life. Wincing at the sudden pain in her heart at the thought of her family, she opened the bottle and poured a healthy amount in the glass. She raised the glass and stared at the clear liquid, but before she could question the decision to drink at three o'clock in the morning, she threw the drink back, wincing as the alcohol burned her throat.

Haley spent the rest of the night in the kitchen, drinking until her mind was blank and she was drifting in the hazy nothingness that marked so many of her waking hours. She finished the bottle of vodka, making a mental note to pick up more after work, and, glancing at the clock, stumbled from the table to make a pot of coffee before walking upstairs to get ready for the day. She managed to get dressed, narrowly avoided poking her eye out while putting on her mascara, and staggered down the stairs. Haley walked into the kitchen again to fix her travel mug of coffee for work. Having completed that task, she spent long minutes looking for her keys, ultimately finding them under the coffee table.

Once she got to the car, Haley rolled down the windows to help sober her up on the way to the school. The coffee helped slightly, but when she pulled into the parking lot, she could still feel the effects of the vodka. Popping a breath mint to cover the smell of alcohol on her breath, she made her way to her classroom, managing to avoid any of her co-workers. The kids already in the classroom greeted with smiles and a cheery "Good morning, Ms. James," which Haley returned with a barely contained grimace. The bell rang, Haley groaning inwardly as it echoed the pounding in her head, and the remaining students made their way into the room before settling into their seats.

"Ms. James, are you okay?" The sweet voice of a student focused Haley.

'Uhm, what?" She asked as she sat at her desk. Her hands shook as she took out her lesson plan, the tremors barely noticeable to the students, and Haley clenched her fists to stop the shaking. God, she knew she shouldn't have finished that bottle of vodka…

"You just look… not well," Allison, one of her prize pupils, said.

"Yeah, you look like you're about to throw up," another voice said from the back of the room. "Another free day?"

Haley shook her head. "Kids, I'm fine, just didn't sleep well last night. And no, Justin, we're not having a free day." She managed a grin at Justin's groan of disappointment. "Now, who remembers where we left off in To Kill a Mockingbird?"

The hour quickly flew by and Haley began to feel better. As the third period ended, she was feeling almost normal. Sitting at the desk as she waited for the next class of students to enter, she was jotting down some notes when two girls walked in, their excited voices ringing with the thrill of gossip.

"Did you hear about Mr. Keller?" One asked as they walked to their desks.

Hearing the name, Haley couldn't help but eavesdrop. Since Chris had left her, she had studiously avoided him at the school. With Chris being a fellow teacher it was hard, but with the music room on the other side of the school from the English department it was manageable. The break room was the hardest, but Haley chose to spend lunch and her free period in the classroom. Being in the same work environment was difficult but with careful work, Haley had managed to steer clear of any sight or mention of Chris. It helped that they had kept their relationship relatively secret so not many of her coworkers knew they had dated.

She couldn't deny that she was curious about the latest news on Chris. It was masochistic she knew, but she was intrigued. Telling herself to not listen, to make an excuse to step away, she found herself listening.

"No, what?" The other girl asked.

"Well, my cousin has a friend whose sister has been dating Mr. Keller. Apparently he had another girlfriend and one night, she walked in Mr. Keller and the other woman… you know. My cousin's friend's sister said the girlfriend went crazy. Yelling and throwing things, threatening to kill Mr. Keller."

"Oh my god!"

"I know, right?"

Haley felt her face flush with embarrassment as the girls continued to unknowingly gossip about her. Like all gossip, there were elements of truth but the majority of it was false. She did walk in on Chris but there had been no yelling, no threats of violence. Haley had been too numb, too shattered to do anything more than walk out and call her mom. She didn't correct the girls; in fact, she had no desire to. All she could think about was that horrible night, and how everything had irrevocably changed.

Haley felt herself grow faint. She heard the blood rushing in her ears and sweat broke out along her brow. Her heart raced. So lost in her remembrances of that night, Haley didn't realize the bell had rung and students were pouring into the room. A student dropped his books onto his desk, and the sound broke Haley from her thoughts.

"Okay, class, we're going to have a free class today. Read ahead, do other homework, talk with your friends, I don't care," Haley said as she looked at her students.

She saw several of the kids glance at each other. Before her life changed, she had never been a teacher who employed free periods. She believed that teachers had an obligation to educate students, not allow them to coast. She prided herself on her dedication to her students and worked hard to ensure that not only did they learn, they had fun doing so. But since that night, that dedication had disappeared and free days were becoming more and more frequent.

As the kids turned their attention elsewhere, Haley reached into her bottom desk drawer behind the hanging folders, the clink of glass signaling she found her prize. Pulling one of the mini bottles of vodka from the drawer, she turned her chair towards the chalkboard, her back to the class, and opened the bottle. She took a long sip, nearly draining the bottle, the warmth of the alcohol settling in her stomach and numbing her frazzled nerves. She finished the bottle and turned back to the students, ignoring their shocked looks and whispered murmurings.

"Did Ms. James just—"

"Oh my god, did she really…"

"Holy shit, is she drinking in class?"

Haley tuned out the buzzing and laid her head on the desk. She wanted to disappear, just fade away into the nothingness that marked her life. She didn't care about anything. Twenty minutes ago she had been feeling almost normal, like her life wasn't in ruins, but the mention of Chris, and the memories that conjured, sent her reeling. The only way she knew how to deal with the pain was alcohol. There was no thought of how wrong it was to drink in class; the only thought was to ease the pain.

The next thing Haley knew the bell was ringing and the kids rushed out of class. She remained at her desk, her empty gaze focusing on nothing. She blindly reached into the bottom drawer to retrieve another bottle, but a deliberate cough at the door caused her to freeze. She glanced up into the face of Mr. Collins.

The principal of Tree Hill High School.

Her boss.

She gulped, not too far gone enough to realize she was in trouble.

Her boss's normally warm brown eyes were cold, the disappointment in her actions coming through. He walked briskly over to her desk, pulling open the bottom drawer. He glanced at its contents before meeting her gaze.

"My office, Ms. James," he said, his voice dripping with contempt.

Meekly, Haley nodded and stood, catching herself as she stumbled. Mr. Collins closed his eyes and sighed before striding out of her classroom and down the hall. Haley followed, eyes focused on the floor like a chastened child. She ignored the whispers of students and stares of her coworkers. Knowing how teenagers gossiped, she was sure everyone knew that Ms. James had been drinking in class. Three weeks ago she would have been mortified, but now she no longer cared.

"Sit down, Ms. James," Mr. Collins said as they entered his office.

Haley sat, crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for the reprimand she knew was coming.

"Ms. James, one of the students from your fourth period came to me, worried that you were drinking in class. I would like to believe that she was mistaken, but after seeing what was in the drawer in your desk—"

"It's true," she interrupted, eyes focused on her lap. "I was drinking in class."

She felt the heavy weight of his gaze and shifted uncomfortably. Hiring her shortly after she graduated, Mr. Collins was one of the few people at the high school who believed such a young teacher could be effective in a classroom of students not much younger. He had stood up for her when older teachers questioned her ability, and Haley had always appreciated how much faith he had shown her. The disappointment radiating from him made her feel like she was sitting before her father.

"Ms. James—Haley… I know you've had a difficult few months, and we all sympathize with you for your mother's passing. I know you've been grieving, and I can't imagine how painful it must have been to lose her in such a terrible tragedy," he said. "But this isn't the first complaint I've had from your students, and while I might be able to justify your lack of lesson plans for the last few weeks, I absolutely cannot allow this type of behavior in school," he continued, his voice heavy with regret.

Haley nodded, unable to defend her actions. She knew her job, her career was on the line, yet she remained silent. There was no justification for her behavior. And, if she were honest with herself, she deserved his judgment. She had ruined every other part of her life, why not her career?

As Mr. Collins continued to lecture Haley about how irresponsible she had been, how she had failed not only her students but herself, how disappointed he was in her choices because she had so much potential, she sat there like a stone, taking his condemnation.

Finally, Mr. Collins said the words Haley was waiting for—"I'm sorry, Ms. James, but I cannot allow this behavior at school. I'm afraid I have to let you go. You may clean out your desk, and I will arrange for your classes to be covered for the remainder of the day."

Nodding, Haley rose from the chair and walked to the door. Before leaving his office, she turned to face the man she respected so much and whispered, "I'm sorry."

As she left, she heard him say, "I'm sorry, too."

Walking to her class, she was thankful this was her lunch period so she could gather her things in solitude. Mechanically, she emptied her drawers, grabbing the remaining small bottles of liquor and slipping them in her purse. She knew she would need a drink soon. She exited the room, box of belongings clutched tightly in her arms, and walked down the hall to the side door, her heels echoing in the now quiet hallway.

As she left the building, her dream of teaching gone, she felt the last bit of normalcy in her life shatter like broken glass, leaving her broken and bleeding.

After leaving the school, she headed straight for Tric, only taking time to finish the mini bottles of liquor she had taken from her drawer. She remained at Tric for the rest of the afternoon and early evening, nursing her emotional wounds. By the time Chase began his shift, Haley was beyond drunk. He immediately called Brooke, who rushed to the bar. Brooke and Chase nearly had to wrestle Haley away from the bar. Hurling invectives at her friends as they helped her to Brooke's car, the ride home had been filled with even harsher words as Haley railed against Brooke, Chris, Chase, and every other person she felt caused her life to fall apart. Brooke sat there, silently taking the abuse from her best friend, until they arrived at Brooke's apartment. After struggling to get Haley inside and upstairs to Brooke's bedroom, Brooke's work was rewarded with her shoes being covered in vomit, a passed out Haley snoring lightly on her bed. The next morning, after Brooke spent a restless night checking on Haley often to make sure she was still breathing, Haley woke up and left without a word.

Weeks later, thinking back on that day filled Haley with shame. Her best friend had been by her side throughout the worst months of her life, and when she had helped Haley through a particularly rough time, Haley rewarded her friend's dedication with anger and zero appreciation. At this point, Haley was stunned Brooke still bothered with her. Haley had either ignored her best friend or treated her with derision and contempt whenever Brooke showed concern over Haley's behavior.

Guilt over her recent behavior towards Brooke drove her from the bed to the kitchen. Knowing Brooke would have searched the cabinets for any alcohol and dumped it before coming to the bathroom, Haley didn't let that stop her. Crouching near the cabinet under the kitchen sink, she rooted around the various unused cleaning supplies until her hand gripped the long neck of an old friend. Pulling the quarter filled bottle from its hiding spot, Haley didn't bother with a glass. Instead, she sat on the floor, her back against the cabinets, and opened the bottle. She took a long gulp, welcoming the oblivion she knew was soon coming.

Before she knew it, the bottle was empty. A quick search of her other hiding spots revealed nothing. The rest of the day stretched before her, and Haley was terrified of what it held. It had been so long since she faced a day without the comfort of alcohol, and she decided today wasn't the day to find out. Not with the images from her nightmare still burned into her brain. Not with the guilt and sadness and heartache drowning her.

"Alright, girl, get yourself together," Haley said as she pulled herself up from the floor. She went upstairs, threw on the first clothes she found, not caring if they were clean or not, and headed downstairs to grab her purse and keys.

When she opened the front door, the heat of the morning sun nearly took her breath. It was like stepping into an oven. Inside her car was burning hot, and she spent several minutes with the air conditioning running to cool off the interior. As she waited for the car to cool, she noticed a young boy riding his tricycle near her car. He looked to be about four years old, and she assumed his mom was nearby.

The interior now comfortable, Haley threw the car into reverse, not bothering to check her rearview mirror. As she backed up, going faster than she should, she heard a piercing scream. Instinctively, she slammed on the brakes and glanced in the rearview mirror. She saw a woman rushing toward the back of her car, her face a picture of distress. The young woman bent down, and when she stood up, Haley felt like she was going to be sick. The woman clutched the boy Haley had noticed a few moments ago, and for a horrible moment, Haley thought she had hit him. Quickly turning the ignition off, Haley left the car and ran to where the woman was holding her son.

"Oh my god, is he okay? Did I hit him?" She exclaimed, her heart in her throat as her eyes ran over the bawling young boy, searching for any sign of injury. She glanced toward the pavement, expecting to see the tricycle a crumpled mess but it didn't appear to have a scratch on it.

Allowing herself to breathe, she asked again if the boy was okay, the sobs of the mother drowning out her question.

"What is wrong with you?" the woman cried as she held her son. "Did you even bother to check behind you?"

"I—I…I didn't see him," Haley choked out. "Is… is he okay?"

The woman nodded, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Yes, he's just frightened. You have to watch out, there are young children that live here!"

"I know, I know," Haley nodded. "I'm so sorry, I just… I'm so sorry."

The woman finally calmed down, but her son still cried, his terrified sobs breaking Haley's heart. "You almost hit him. You didn't even look!"

"I'm sorry; I can't tell you how sorry I am. Are you sure he's okay?"

The mother nodded, her hands brushing over her son's dark hair in an attempt to soothe him. "You have to be more careful. There are always children playing in the parking lot."

"I know, I promise I will be more careful in the future. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Shaking her head, the woman shifted her son to one side before bending down to pick up the tricycle by a handlebar. Haley moved to grab the tricycle from her but the woman shook her off.

"I can handle it. I think you've done enough," she bit off before walking away.

Haley stood there a moment, watching the mother and son walk toward their apartment. She closed her eyes as she pictured a different outcome and let out a shuddered breath as images of broken bones, bent wheels flashed before her. She imagined the mother weeping over the damaged form of her son, knowing that her tears couldn't heal his broken bones.

She could have hurt, or even killed, a child because she was in a rush to secure more alcohol. She could have shattered a family, left them a grieving, ruined mess, all because she needed to numb her pain. She could have destroyed a family like hers had been, as they dealt with the nightmare of losing a loved one to a drunk driver.

The reality of what she had almost done, of what her life had turned into, slammed into her with a breathtaking force. Crumpling to the pavement, she welcomed the hot asphalt burning through her clothes, as if the pain was a cleansing fire. She broke into sobs, knowing that she had reached her breaking point.

Haley James had finally hit rock bottom.


The brothers sat in silence, Lucas checking email on his phone while Nathan contemplated on how, and where, to begin. He had kept things bottled up for so long that he wasn't sure where to start. He had allowed himself to open up to Haley that night, but doing so with his brother was an entirely different situation. Lucas had seen Nathan at the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but for as much Lucas would confide in him, Nathan could never reciprocate.

Though both raised by Dan Scott, Nathan was the one to bear the burden of their father's failed dreams. Dan merely viewed Nathan as a second chance to achieve what had been denied him. Nathan was not his own person, with his own hopes and dreams; instead, he was Dan Scott reborn. So Dan bullied and pressured, he demanded and lectured, he mocked and antagonize until Nathan was an empty shell whose sole focus was basketball. Emotions were forbidden, those were for "losers and weaklings" according to Dan, and over the years, Nathan learned to build a wall so no one could see the real him.

He thought about the first time it was drilled into him that emotions were a weakness. He was at the age where he still enjoyed playing the game for fun. He knew he had talent and could beat most boys his age when they played a game during recess. Except one – Billy Andrews. Billy was tall for his age, taller than Nathan, and he was faster than Nathan. More importantly, Billy was really, really good at basketball.

One day after school Nathan and his friends were playing a pickup game when Billy joined. They were having fun, each team keeping it a close score, until Dan arrived to pick up Nathan. When he saw the group of boys playing and joking around, and Nathan committing the ultimate sin of playing just for kicks, he yanked Nathan from the court and lectured him on never showing mercy to an opponent and if didn't take the game seriously, he would never succeed. He yelled at Nathan in front of his friends, mocking him when Nathan fought back tears of humiliation.

Nathan was nine years old.

So was it any wonder he was a hardened shell who relied on no one but himself and thought of emotions as a four-letter word?

Then he met a girl who managed to turn his entire worldview upside down in a few short hours.

For the first time, Nathan was beginning to realize that his life wasn't going to change unless he did something about it. That maybe life was more than basketball. That the walls he had so carefully built around his heart weren't necessary. That maybe there was hope for him after all.

His encounter with Haley showed him that it was possible to open up to someone and he wouldn't be treated with scorn or mocked needlessly. Logically he knew brother would never treat him like Dan, Lucas was a far better man than Dan could ever hope to be, but nearly twenty years of living under Dan's thumb left its scars.

But what was life without risk? He knew first-hand. So taking a deep breath, he decided to take a chance.

"I…I met someone," Nathan said. He bit back a laugh at how quickly Lucas jerked his head in his direction, mouth opened in shock.

"Wh-what? Wait, what? Who? When? What?" Lucas questioned, disbelief clear in his voice.

Nathan shrugged, wanting to tell Lucas about Haley but still hesitant. "Just someone I met at Tric about a week ago. It's no big deal."

Lucas stared, not believing that it was "no big deal." With how close-mouthed Nathan had been his entire life, and especially since his injury, the fact that his brother was telling him anything was a sign that it was, indeed, a very big deal.

"Sure, whatever you say, man. But seriously, Nate, who is it?"

Nathan bit his lip, wondering what to say. I've met the woman of my dreams? She's changed my life in just a few hours? "Her name's Haley. She's…. nice."

"Is she the reason you've been such a dick the past few days?"

"Shut up, Pucas," Nathan growled, and Lucas threw his hands up in mock surrender.

"Sorry, but c'mon man, you've been drinking a lot more and Drunk Nathan isn't the most pleasant guy to be around," Lucas said.

Nathan nodded, recognizing the truth in Lucas's words. "I know, I know. I've been an ass to you for the last several months—"

"Damn straight," Lucas muttered and Nathan punched him in the bicep.

"Alright, it's established that I'm an ass. But maybe I'm starting to realize that things need to change, that I need to change," Nathan admitted.

"And this Haley is the reason for your epiphany?" Lucas asked, curious about the mysterious woman who threw Nathan for such a loop.

Nathan Scott was never thrown, never frazzled by anyone other than their father. To a stranger, Nathan appeared calm, disinterested even, but to Lucas, who knew his brother as well as anyone could, he was a bundle of nervous energy.

Shrugging again, Nathan remained silent. Finally, he spoke, words tumbling out in a rush. "I don't know. Maybe. Yes. I just… she threw me for a loop, Luke. That night, I told her things I've never told anyone, not even you. And it felt… good. It was just a few hours, but she made me feel… alive, for the first time ever, maybe. I wasn't Nathan Scott, NBA player. Or Nathan Scott, eternal fuck-up. I was just Nathan. I'm not sure I've ever felt that before."

Lucas was silent, trying to process Nathan's confession. "So, uh, Haley, this woman you met, in a bar I might add, has what? Changed your life? Made you want to be better?" The words had a slight teasing quality, as if Lucas didn't quite believe him.

Narrowing his eyes at his brother's tone, Nathan scowled. "Fuck off, Luke, if all you're going to do is make fun of me. You harass me for months to talk to you, to 'open up,' and when I do, you mock me." He wasn't in the mood to put up with any of this shit.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry, man," Lucas said. "Really, I am. You're right. I'm glad you're talking to me, honestly. And if this girl is the reason, then I'm happy for you. Truly."

"Thanks. I don't really understand it, but talking to her felt good. I could forget, for just a while, that I've completely screwed up my life. Well, not forget exactly, but being around her, it didn't matter as much. Like my life wasn't over," Nathan said.

"Wow," Lucas said, stunned at the sincerity in Nathan's voice.

"Yeah, wow," Nathan echoed.

"So, did you get her number? Have you talked to her since that night? Did she blow you off and that's why you've been such a pain?"

Laughing, Nathan said, "Good lord, Luke, when did you turn into a gossipy old woman? Christ."

"Shut up, Nate. Just answer the questions."

Nathan shook his head. "No, I didn't get her number. Hell, I don't even know her last name. She ran off before I could get it."

He still didn't understand what he had said to upset Haley that night. He thought they had been having a great time together, but then the next thing he knew, she was running for the door. He spent the last week running the situation over and over again in his mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. But it was still as much a mystery as it was that night.

"That's it? You met a girl and she's gone and you just sit around and mope?" Lucas asked.

"I don't know, Luke. I can't forget how she made me feel, no matter how much I might want to, but she's gone."

"So what are you going to do?"

Nathan thought for several minutes, debating several courses of action. The easiest would be to just forget Haley, to chalk up their encounter to the alcohol and move on. His life, while fucked up beyond belief, was easy. Drinking, not caring about anything… it all was so very simple. It wouldn't cost him a thing to fall back to his old habits. It was expected of him, probably.

But something was pulling at him to make the effort to find Haley because somehow he knew—with a bone-deep certainty—that she would change his life. That she was brought into his path for a reason, and knowing her would be worth any pain and heartache.

"What are you going to do, Nate?" Lucas asked again.

"I'm going to find her."

To be continued…