Your eyes do not deceive you. Yes, this is an update to In Your Eyes. Yes, almost four years (!) later. Yes, I will finish this story. You can thank missmelsie for the encouragement to actually sit down and write. You know how you can thank her? By going to read her story The Lights That Guide You Home. It is perfection.
This chapter is... well, it is what it is. I hope you enjoy.
As Lucas sped over to his girlfriend's house, his mind was in overdrive as he recounted past conversations with Nathan about the girl at the bar—this Haley—who his brother thought was his apparent savior. Surely this woman was not his girlfriend's broken best friend. Surely Nathan wouldn't have fallen for someone as damaged, if not more so, as himself? Nathan's newfound sobriety was so fragile, Lucas feared even one tiny misstep would send his brother reeling, and getting involved with a woman who, by all counts, was a walking time bomb of destruction was not the path he wanted for Nathan. He loved his brother far too much to let such wreckage consume him once more.
He had to talk to Brooke. He had to find out if Nathan's Haley and Brooke's Haley were one in the same. And then Lucas could figure out how to keep his brother out of harm's way…
As she stared into Nathan's piercing blue eyes, Haley couldn't help but marvel that the person who had invaded her thoughts over the last two weeks, the man she secretly hoped she would run into again at Tric, was now standing in front of her.
Nerves jangling, she reached up a hand to brush her bangs out of her eyes and nearly jumped out of her skin when Nathan beat her to it, his fingers just barely grazing her temple.
"Hi," she repeated softly, unable to tear her gaze from his.
"Hi," Nathan echoed.
Haley fell silent, unsure of what to do, what to say. Did he even remember her? Oh god, he probably forgot and was probably wondering what this woman was doing, gawking at him and—
"It's good to see you, Haley," he said, interrupting her internal rant.
"He remembers, he remembers me," Haley's inner voice cheered.
Realizing she was still staring at him, Haley managed to tear her gaze away, only to swallow hard when it landed on the t-shirt he was wearing. The snug t-shirt that was practically molded to his chest…
"Wha—what are you doing here?" He asked and Haley heard a note of nervousness in his tone. Maybe she wasn't the only one feeling anxious.
Haley swallowed hard and forced herself to step back.
"Oh, you know, just making an afternoon run," she said, inwardly cursing herself for making it sound like she was here once again to get drunk. Haley glanced down, embarrassed at the thought that he might believe it. "Actually, I'm here to talk to Chase, or at least try to."
"Chase?"
"The bartender. Well, bar manager actually."
Nathan snapped his fingers. "That's right. I didn't remember his name because…" He trailed off, Haley mentally filling in the blanks. Because you were drunk. We were both drunk.
They fell into awkward silence, the memories of the last time they were together hanging heavy. Haley didn't know what to do. Half of her wanted to throw her arms around him and hold tight, the other half wanted to run far away because she was too fragile to deal with all the emotions simply being around Nathan brought forward. Right now she craved a drink, the sharp bite of vodka would help her ignore the tension building between the two. She glanced over at the bar, the various bottles of alcohol glittering in the neon lights. Her hands fairly itched to grab one in the familiar dance of the last six months. It would be so easy, so simple to lose herself again at the bottom of a glass…
No, she told herself. You don't need alcohol. You can handle this.
But could she?
Frustrated over his conversation with the bartender, Nathan stalked over to the door, unprepared for it to open and for a woman to walk right into him, nearly stumbling at the impact. He grabbed her arm to keep her from falling and shivered at the nearly electric current that ran through him when he touched her. What is happening? he wondered to himself, only to have every thought fly from his mind when he saw the woman was Haley.
Haley.
The woman who had been a constant presence in this thoughts during the last two weeks.
The woman who inspired him to clean up his act, as best he could.
And now here she was, standing in front of him, hair falling into her eyes. When Haley moved to brush her bangs from her eyes, without a second thought he reached his hand to do it for her, biting back a gasp when his fingers lightly touched her skin.
What the hell was happening to him?
For two weeks, Haley had been on his mind, although he tried to tell himself not to get too optimistic that he would actually find her again. He tried to tell himself that he built their interaction into something more than it was, that when he looked into her eyes and believed he could find what he was searching for right there it was simply the alcohol talking. He tried to tell himself that the walls he felt crumbling at the sight of her smile that night were standing just as strong and sturdy as ever.
But looking into her eyes now he knew what he had tried to convince himself of was nothing but lies.
"Hi," she said again.
"Hi," he repeated, unsure of what to say, how to act. Did he ask her how she's been? Tell her he missed her, that she had been in his thoughts ever since they met? Did he swoop her up in his arms and run away from all of their problems?
Nathan decided to take the easy way out. "It's good to see you, Haley."
There, that was simple and casual. Not too forward. Better than blurting out, "Hey, I think I might kinda be infatuated with you? Maybe?" His nerves jangled like out of tune piano wire. He didn't want to be too forward, but he also couldn't risk letting her slip away again.
Realizing she hadn't spoken, he decided to try again. "Wha-what are you doing here?" Which was a rather obvious question to ask at a bar in the middle of the afternoon but he was too frazzled by her nearness to even attempt the typical "Nathan Scott charm."
"Oh, you know, just making an afternoon run," she quipped before glancing down. "Actually, I'm here to talk to Chase, or at least try to."
"Chase?"
"The bartender. Well, bar manager actually."
Nathan snapped his fingers. "That's right. I didn't remember his name because…" He trailed off, embarrassed by the reason he didn't remember. Because I was drunk.
An awkward silence enveloped them as they stared at one another. Nathan didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to pull Haley into his arms and lose himself in her, but another part wanted to run away because the feelings she invoked him were so strong, so terrifyingly real. It would be so easy to get a drink, let the alcohol ease the tension that hung in the air…
"So, how have you been?"
How has she been?
She almost hit a little boy in her car, an incident that filled her with shame every time she thought about it.
She contemplated drinking every day, sometimes every hour, and she had to fight the urge to lose herself in alcohol yet again.
She spent the last two weeks examining the wreckage she made of her life.
How has she been? She had seen better days.
"I've been… better," she admitted with a shrug.
Nathan gave her a small, soft smile. "Yeah, me too."
A heavy silence fell between them again, the awkward tension nearly palpable. Haley glanced over to the bar and saw Chase standing behind it, arms crossed over his chest as he stared at them. She needed to go talk to her friend but, even with the uneasy silence between her and Nathan, she didn't want to leave him. Something was compelling her to stay…
"Haley—"
"Nathan—"
They both chuckled as they spoke over one another.
"Would you want to grab a coffee and talk?" Nathan asked as he rubbed his hands nervously on his jeans.
Blushing, Haley took a moment to respond. She needed to speak with Chase and apologize for the way she had treated him the last several months, but she also wanted to go with Nathan. He had been a near constant presence in her thoughts the last two weeks, and she wanted to recapture the feelings she had that night they talked, even if only for a short while.
"Sure, but I need to do something first if that's okay?"
Nathan's grin was all the answer she needed.
"Brooke! Brooke, are you here?" Lucas bellowed as he unlocked the front door of her apartment. Stepping inside, he glanced in the living room and when he didn't see Brooke, he turned to head down the hallway to her bedroom, before running into said girlfriend.
"Luke, what are you doing here?" Brooke asked as she rubbed her sleep-swollen eyes. Trust her boyfriend to come barging into her apartment so early in the morning…
"Has Haley mentioned anything about meeting anyone new?"
"What? Haley meet-what? Luke, what are you talking about?"
"Brooke, please. I need to know if Haley has mentioned meeting someone at Tric within the last couple of weeks," Lucas said, the urgency clear in his voice.
Shaking her head, Brooke studied the man before her. He was clearly agitated, and worry shone from his eyes.
"Luke, come sit down," Brooke said as she guided him to her couch. "What's wrong? You look freaked out. And what's this about Haley meeting someone?"
Lucas allowed her to lead him to the couch. He sat down and waited while Brooke made herself comfortable next to him. He had to found out if the Haley Nathan talked about was Brooke's Haley. He didn't know what he would do if they were one and the same, but he figured he would cross that bridge when he came to it.
"Lucas, what's going on? What's this about Haley?"
Lucas stared at his girlfriend. Knowing how protective she was of her best friend, he knew this would not be an easy conversation. But to protect his brother, it was one he had to have.
"You mentioned Haley started to improve a while ago, right? Did she say what trigged that?" Lucas asked.
Studying the man before her, Brooke was unsure how to answer. Brooke had confided in Lucas about Haley but there were certain things she hadn't shared to respect her friend's privacy. She had told Lucas that Haley seemed to be improving—Haley appeared sober every time they were together, she was taking care of herself and eating better, and even though she appeared to ignore the pamphlets Brooke would leave about Alcoholics Anonymous, Brooke did take comfort in the fact that that Haley was reaching out to her more frequently. However, Brooke had not told Lucas the catalyst for this change, she felt like it was Haley's business on who to tell and when.
"Not really," Brooke hedged, uncomfortable with lying to Lucas but wanting to protect her friend. "I think she just finally hit her rock bottom and knew she had to make changes."
Lucas nodded, lost in thought. Brooke had confided in him about Haley and her issues, and while the recent news about her was more positive, he could only focus on the past horror stories. Brooke had told him how Haley had once been a happy, caring person who saw the best in every situation and loved her family, friends, and job fiercely, but since she started drinking, she had turned into an angry, bitter shell of the person she once had been. Lucas knew that Nathan was too fragile, just starting out on his own recovery journey, to become involved with someone who was struggling just as much, if not more so, than Nathan.
"Has—has she mentioned meeting anyone new?"
Brooke shook her head. "No, why? Lucas, seriously, what is going on? Why are you so interested in Haley and if she met someone?"
"Are you sure she hasn't met anyone?" He pressed.
Brooke didn't know why Lucas was pestering her about Haley but it was starting to annoy her. "Lucas, you're starting to piss me off. I don't know what your deal is but no, Haley hasn't met anyone. Why do you care?"
"Because I don't want her to screw up Nathan's life even more!" The words, softly yet firmly expressed, exploded in the room like a bomb.
"Nathan? What? Luke, Haley doesn't even know Nathan?" Brooke questioned, confused by what Lucas was saying.
Shaking his head, Lucas explained. "I think they met a couple of weeks ago at Tric. Nathan mentioned meeting a girl but didn't give any specifics, like her name. Meeting her seemed to… motivate him to change, I guess, so I didn't think much of it because I was focused on Nathan getting better. But today, today he said her name—Haley—and it, I don't know, clicked for me."
"And what, it's somehow a bad thing if he met Haley? And what do you mean, screw up Nathan's life even more?" Brooke was getting heated. No one talked about her best friend that way. "Because Nathan is Mr. Perfect, is that it? I remember numerous times you complained about Nathan passing out or not going to physical therapy or a million other ways he's screwed up."
"What? God, Brooke, no! I just meant if Nathan's Haley is your friend, then, I don't know... maybe it's not a good thing if they're hanging out or whatever. They're both vulnerable right now and maybe adding into the mix someone who has the same issues isn't what they need," Lucas attempted to explain. He could tell that Brooke was angry with him, and an angry Brooke was never an easy person to deal with.
Brooke threw her hands up in the air. "You don't even know if this Haley girl Nathan met is my Haley! So why are you freaking out about it? And even if it is, that's not necessarily a bad thing."
"Is it, Brooke? So you're telling me, you wouldn't have any worries about your best friend—who up until two weeks ago was getting shitfaced every second and who made you cry constantly—hanging out with my brother, who has so many problems, I can barely keep them straight," Lucas shouted, standing up and beginning to pace in the small room. "You're totally cool with two drunks who have screwed up their lives and are maybe starting to think about putting it right being friends? That doesn't worry you in the slightest?"
Brooke saw red. Logically, she knew that Lucas had a valid point, but all she heard was her boyfriend insulting her best friend. "Back off, mister! You don't even know the half of what Haley has been through! Has she dealt with it in the best way? No. But fuck you, Lucas, for judging her when you don't even know her!"
Knowing he was probably taking his life in his hands but unwilling to budge when it came to protecting his brother, Lucas fought back. "Brooke, how many times have you come crying to me about how Haley has treated you, or how you found her drunk or passed out and didn't know how much more you could take? How often does Haley end the night, blitzed out of her mind, huh? Haley is an alcoholic and, to be honest, she has been a shitty friend to you. So excuse me for wanting to protect my brother."
"Oh, protect the man who gets drunk every day, the brother who treats you like shit?"
"Goddamnit, Brooke, I never said Nathan wasn't a screwup but right now, my first concern has to be him," Lucas yelled.
"By dictating who he can be friends with? That's your answer?" Brooke rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"When it comes to my brother's sobriety, yes," he stated.
Brooke scoffed. "Get real, Lucas. First, you don't even know if it even is my Haley that he met. Second, say it is the same Haley. Did it ever occur to you that maybe they might be good for one another? They've both been through some pretty life-changing events and haven't dealt with it in the best way. So maybe they could be a sounding board for each other, or at least be someone who can understand what they're each dealing with."
Lucas let out a deep breath. They both needed to calm down and not lash out at one another. "Okay, okay. I'm not saying you're right, but maybe I'm overreaching. We don't even know if it's the same Haley. But if it is, can you understand my concern?" He moved to sit back on the couch and reached for her hand.
Brooke softened at his conciliatory tone. "I do. And don't think that I don't share it but maybe we should just wait and see? We don't even know it's the same person, Luke."
Nodding his head, Lucas said, "I know, but Nathan has been doing really well these past couple of weeks and I don't want to see him fall back into old habits. You don't know what it's been like to watch him self-destruct."
"I do know, Luke, because I've watched Haley do the same thing," Brooke said as she squeezed his hand.
"So are we okay?" Lucas asked.
Brooke smiled. "Of course. We're both looking out for someone we care about and things got a little heated. Let's not rush to judgment, okay? We'll find out if Nathan's Haley is my Haley and we'll go from there."
Lucas nodded in agreement but couldn't quell the niggling fear inside him that things were going to blow up sooner rather than later.
Haley approached the bar, nerves jangling. She was terrified to talk to Chase after the way she had treated him the last couple of months, but she knew she needed to make things right with him. Or at least attempt to, she thought to herself when he glared at her as she stepped up to the counter.
"Hi," she said softly, resting her hands on the counter. There was an abandoned drink only a few inches from her hand and she had to clench her fists to keep from grabbing it. Her mind was nearly screaming for alcohol, something, anything, to soothe her frayed nerves.
"Haley," Chase said, his tone flat.
"So… how's it going?"
"That's what you're leading with?" Chase scoffed, grabbing a dish towel and beginning to clear the bar.
Haley shrugged, unable to rebut his mocking tone. She had no idea how to start a conversation with him anymore, not after how she had mistreated their friendship over the last several months. She and Chase used to be able to talk about anything, to laugh and joke with one another. But now, now there was a tension between them that threatened to suffocate her.
"I'm sorry, Chase. I've been a horrible friend to you lately. I was so focused on feeling sorry for myself that I ignored everything and everyone else. I allowed alcohol to turn me into someone else and—"
"That's not an excuse, Haley," Chase said as he grabbed glasses left on the bar, the glasses clinking angrily against each other in his haste, his eyes studiously avoiding hers.
Haley nodded. She deserved his anger. "I know, Chase, and I'm not making excuses. Everything I did was a conscious choice. I chose to lose myself in alcohol, I chose to be a bitch to you and let our friendship fall by the wayside, I chose—"
"Really not helping here, Haley."
Haley pushed on. She needed to apologize to Chase, even if he didn't or couldn't accept her apology. She had to try to make things right with her friend.
"Chase, please. Let me say this and then you can never talk to me again if that's what you want. But I need to apologize. The last six months of my life have been… a nightmare would be putting it mildly. Some of it was outside circumstances, but I chose the way I reacted to them. I've been an awful friend to you and to Brooke. The alcohol isn't an excuse for my behavior, it just allowed me to… not care, I guess. And avoid dealing with everything. It was not the reason for my behavior, it just enabled it."
Haley took a deep breath and stared at Chase, willing him to meet her gaze. After a tension-filled minute, he put down the glass he was cleaning and looked at her.
"Chase," Haley said, "There is no excuse for the way I've treated you. You have been nothing but a great friend to me, and in return, I treated you like our friendship meant nothing to me, that you were nothing more than an avenue to alcohol. I'm sorry for the way I have acted, and for taking advantage of our friendship. I know my apology doesn't undo the past months of my behavior, but I hope that you'll let me show you that those days are behind me and how much your friendship does mean to me."
Chase didn't say anything to her impassioned speech, he just stood there, studying her. Haley began to feel like a bug under a microscope. She knew mending her friendship with Chase wouldn't be easy, and she expected the cold shoulder. That didn't make it any easier to bear, however.
Chase continued to remain silent, so Haley offered a weak smile. "I don't want to keep you from your job so I guess I'll be heading out." When he still didn't say anything, Haley nodded and turned to leave.
As she was making her way to the door, Chase's voice rang out, causing her to turn around. "Haley, be careful, okay? With Nathan, I mean."
Smiling at the crack in her friend's icy (yet understandable) behavior towards her, Haley nodded. "I will."
Maybe she hadn't completely destroyed her friendship with Chase…
Exiting Tric, Haley squinted against the bright sunlight and raised a hand to shield her eyes.
"Haley, over here," she heard a voice to her left and she turned to see Nathan leaning against a car a short distance away. She made her way over to him, butterflies swirling in her stomach as she approached the man who consumed so many of her thoughts the last two weeks.
"Hi," she said when she drew close.
"Hi."
An awkward silence settled between the two. Haley stared at the man in front of her. Her memories simply did not do him justice. He was achingly handsome – strong jawline that just begged for her hands to cup it, full lips that had Haley dreaming of passion-filled nights, and eyes that seemed to look straight into her soul.
Little did she know that Nathan was experiencing similar thoughts. For two weeks images of Haley had been dancing in his mind, but seeing her once again, those images could not even compare to the beautiful woman standing before him. His lips nearly ached to kiss her plump lips, and her eyes burned so brightly, he felt like all his sins could be washed away with just a glance.
What is happening to me? they both wondered.
Clearing his throat to break the silence and to curb his wandering thoughts, Nathan stepped away from his car to move right in front of Haley. She craned her neck to glance up at him and Nathan swallowed harshly at the sight of the creamy skin of her throat.
"Uh, do you want to get that cup of coffee now?" He asked. He felt like a schoolboy asking his crush on a date. He fought the urge to wipe his now-sweaty palms on his jeans.
Haley nodded. "That would be… good. I know a place close to the River Walk, if you don't mind walking?"
Nathan shook his head. He would take any way he could spend time with Haley. "Not at all. I'll let you lead the way."
The duo started walking in silence. Haley wasn't sure what to say, her nerves still fraught after so-called conversation with Chase and hyper aware of the man standing next to her and all that entailed, and Nathan was lost in thoughts about the woman beside him. He didn't think he would find her so easily, but now that he had, he realized he hadn't thought about what exactly to say to her. He didn't think blurting out, "So I'm pretty sure I'm infatuated by you and I'm also pretty sure you saved my life" was the best icebreaker.
"So," he began before trailing off helplessly.
Haley glanced at him and smiled, glad to see that she wasn't the only one nervous. "So."
Silence settled among them once again. They strolled through the parking lot towards the coffee shop Haley mentioned, both taking turns to look at the other before hurriedly glancing away.
Finally, the silence grew to be too much and Nathan decided to risk it.
"Did this seem easier when we were drinking?" He grinned to show he was joking.
The statement broke the self-conscious tension between them. Laughing at the blunt honesty of his words, Haley smiled. "Maybe so." She fell silent for a moment before adding softly, "A whole lot of stuff was easier then."
Nathan nodded at her words, struck by the poignancy of her statement. Drinking had screwed up his life, but in many ways, it made things much simpler too. He didn't have to care when he was drunk, he didn't have to worry about all the ways he messed up his life. He could just… be. From her words, Nathan imagined Haley understood that feeling.
"How was your conversation with Chase?" Nathan asked as they continued to walk.
Haley shrugged. It had gone better than she anticipated, but she would be lying if she said she hadn't hoped for a different outcome. She didn't deserve his forgiveness, but part of her hoped that he would have been more open. But after the way she treated him the last several months, she knew it would be an uphill battle to get back what the close friendship they once had.
"It was… On one hand, I know I don't deserve immediate forgiveness, not after that way I've acted lately, so I wasn't surprised he was cool towards me, but… I don't know, I still hoped that it would be easier. But it's on me to repair our friendship, and I fully accept that. I just… I want my friend back but it's not going to be that easy," she confessed.
Nathan stopped and turned to face Haley. "Haley, we both have made a lot of mistakes the last several months and hurt people we care about. But I'm sure that in time you and Chase will have the friendship you once had. You can't force it, you just have to let it happen naturally. But it will happen for you."
Her heart thumped at the confident tone of his words. Somehow she believed him when he said that she and Chase would be friends again. "Sounds you're like speaking from experience," Haley said as they neared the small coffee shop.
Shrugging, Nathan opened the door, allowing Haley to enter before him. "Let's just say that I'm in the same boat," he replied, thinking of his relationship with Lucas. "It's not easy but it can happen."
After stepping to the counter and placing their orders, the two waited for a few minutes while the drinks were being prepared. Once they had their drinks, the duo left the coffee shop and headed toward the River Walk.
Settling at a table overlooking the river, they sipped their drinks in silence, but this time, the silence was a comfortable one.
"Haley, can I ask you a question?" Nathan said before taking a sip of his coffee.
Haley nodded. "Of course."
"Why did you leave so suddenly that night?"
At the question, Haley froze. They had been having a good time at dinner, teasing and laughing with one another. As serious as their conversation had been at Tric, it was the exact opposite at dinner. Haley hadn't felt so carefree and free of the crushing weight of the past six months in as long as she could remember.
And then Nathan asked a casual question about her mom and she shut down.
She couldn't tell him. Not yet. Not ever.
Shrugging, Haley picked up her drink to buy some time. She took a sip, contemplating how she should answer.
"Hales?" He asked when she didn't respond. "I thought there was something between us that night and then you just disappeared. What happened?"
"I…," she trailed off. She wanted to deny the truth of his words, but she couldn't. There had been something between them that night. It was something she had never felt before. It was something that circled around and around in her thoughts for the last two weeks and made her believe that she could find herself again with Nathan.
She couldn't tell Nathan the truth about the reason she ran that night, but she could at least reassure him that what he felt was not one-sided.
"You weren't wrong, Nathan. There was something there that night. I guess it scared me because for so long, I haven't felt anything but shame over my drinking, the way I've treated people, and so on. But that night, you made me feel… like the old me, I guess. The one who wasn't a colossal fuck up, the Haley who hadn't lost herself in the bottle. And I got scared. You scare me, Nathan," she confessed quietly. "Not in a bad way, or maybe it is, I don't know, but you make me feel like the girl I once was. The girl I'm afraid I'll never be again. And I don't know if I'm ready to face that. So I ran."
It wasn't the full truth but it certainly was part of the truth. Nathan terrified and excited her in equal measures that night, because that night, she could see her future in his eyes. Part of her, a large part of her, wanted to hold on to the feelings being with Nathan two weeks ago evoked in her. And yet another part wanted to run and hide.
The question was, which part would win?
Reaching across the table and grabbing her hand, Nathan closed his eyes briefly at the near electric shock when he touched her. It was the exact same every time they touched. This woman was such a mystery to him but he wanted to figure her out. Something inside told him that this woman was going to change his life. He just had to make the leap.
The question was, would she make it with him?
"Haley, you scare me too. You terrify me, actually. Because you make me feel like I can be the man I once was. Hell, a better man than I once was. And I'm not sure I can do it, but I want to try. Can we try together?"
