Hey guys! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all of your reviews and follows and favourites - they really mean the world to me! I'm so happy people are still interested in this story :) Anyway, I'm going away for 2 weeks from tomorrow so I'd tried really hard to get this chapter out this week - so if it sucks I apologize haha Anywho, I do hope you like what you read :)
Alas, I do not own Arrow.
Everywhere he looked there were teenagers. Like, literally everywhere. He couldn't even go to any one of the restrooms because there was a queue the length of the hallways. Oliver ran a club, he was used to parties, but it was definitely disconcerting to be the only person over the legal drinking age in his house. If anything, it made him feel old.
For what felt like the fiftieth time since 7 o'clock rolled around, he questioned his whole reasoning when he found himself awkwardly ambling around the kids, picking up things and moving them to other places in the mansion just so that it looked like he was busy, noting how he probably looked like a disgruntled parent watching and waiting for something to happen so he could pounce.
But seeing Thea so relaxed, so light-hearted, in what felt like forever made it all worthwhile. She was smiling - really smiling, gossiping and laughing and singing along to the music and just being a teenage girl hanging out with her friends. For the night she was a girl celebrating a birthday; she wasn't Thea Queen whose father had died in a boating accident, or whose brother had spent five years on an island and came back as a haunted killer, or whose mother who had abetted a murderer in destroying half the city.
She was just Thea.
And if all it took for her to smile so freely was throwing a party and inviting practically all of her class over, Oliver would have done it sooner despite how much it irked him to be so out of place. He'd do anything to help Thea. Though he couldn't always be the person she needed him to be, he always made sure to try to show and tell her how important she was in his life. She was with him every day on the island; memories of them playing hide-and-seek and having tea parties and just hanging out were frequent visitors at night when the earth was as silent as it could be and he was left alone to trudge the wasteland of forgotten scenes and fleeting instances of pure happiness. It was interesting that amid the horrors he faced while there, snapshots of home were never far out of his periphery; lingering at the edges of his consciousness, ready to plucked from the slightest ruffles of familiarity.
There was a tree that he passed every day when all that remained was him after…everything, and it had this distinct rugged bark and shape of leaf that made it different from others. It wasn't very tall and it didn't grow fruit or anything edible so essentially it was useless to him, but it resembled a tree that he and Thea spent hours climbing when they spent summers at the Queen lodge. Whenever he crossed its path, Oliver would gently brush his fingers along the stump, hoping that the slightest of touches would somehow close the distance between them, letting Thea know that he was still alive, still breathing, still fighting.
He treated it like a link between his world and hers.
"Ollie?"
Oliver spun around to his sister, clicking back into mode, mentally heaving all of the island stuff to the side. "Hey," he said, grin sliding into place.
The girl eyed him sceptically. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, of course. Why?"
"It's just you look like you're in pain or something."
Yep, he was definitely fitting in to this party…
"I guess it's been a while since I've been to a party where I'm…not the centre of attention," he quipped. "Takes some getting used to." Thea rolled her eyes, crossing her arms as her smile widened. "But more importantly," Oliver continued, "are you having a good time?"
She took some time pondering over the question, her head bobbing around to each sector of the commotion. "Yeah, I am," she answered definitively. For someone who was turning sixteen, his sister had a way of sounding much older than her years. He assumed it was to do with how hectic her life had been since she was just a child, forced into a life where the pleasures of being a kid were a lost dream. A pang of guilt shot through him. "I gotta be honest I wasn't really in the mood for seeing a lot of people but…I'm happy they're all here. I guess I don't feel so alone, you know?"
A quick breath left his lips and before she could even react, he wrapped her up in his arms, letting a hand cup the back of her head as her words echoed around his mind. "You're never alone, Speedy. Always know that."
"God Ollie you can get so dramatic at times," she remarked wistfully but still hugged him tighter. "I know that."
They stayed that way until some song came on and the whole place howled in what he was pretty sure was collective delight. Breaking apart, he scrunched his face, listening to the lyrics and having absolutely no idea who or what it was. Thea, upon seeing his bemused look, scoffed playfully. "Seriously, you need to start listening to music that's been released since you came home. Being out of the pop culture circuit is so not going to help your club business. I'm amazed it's still open."
"The club is doing just fine," he defended immediately.
His sister laughed, tucking hair behind her ears. "I'm sure it is, big brother."
"Whatever," he grumbled with a smirk.
"So…are there any people your age showing up to this? No offense, but it's kind of sad to see a grown man look so…" she waved her hands out in front of her, as if the action alone could magically conjure up the word she was looking for, "…lonely. I think you're kind of bringing down the mood."
Oliver jerked upright as if stung. "I am not bringing down the mood." The look she flung his way levelled him and he cleared his throat. "Felicity's coming tonight. I think," he said, training his eyes on a couple of teenage boys who appeared to be walking the fine line between spirited and rowdy. He made a note to keep an eye on them throughout the night.
Wow, he really was bringing down the mood.
"Seriously?" Thea's face instantly lit up. "Oh my gosh that's awesome!" She nudged him with her elbow. "I bet you can't wait to see her."
"She's coming for you; not me."
"Oh no doubt – she always liked me best anyway," she joked. "But really, Ollie, you gotta start doing something about this."
"What are you talking about?"
The girl absentmindedly bopped along to the beat. "I'm talking about how lovesick you're acting. Your dream girl – the girl you were all mushy and gooey over for years? – is back and you haven't made a move yet. Don't tell me you haven't seen her; you guys work in the same building and you're out late all of the time-"
"Speedy, there's nothing going on-"
"Oh I know," she interjected pointedly. His eyebrows hiked and she carried on, "If you guys were back together you'd be bouncing off the walls like some hyped-up kid. I'm just saying if you keep pushing her away or avoiding your feelings or whatever it is that you're particularly good at, you're gonna lose your chance with her. Not many people get second chances like this so stop screwing around, and embrace it."
Oliver coughed an incredulous laugh. Who'd have thought that his baby sister would be the one dishing out advice to him? "Thea Queen: Relationship Expert. Who knew?" he said, draping an arm around her and pulling her to him so that he could kiss the top of her head.
"Ollie," she groaned, "you're embarrassing me at my own party!"
"Is that not my job?" he posed innocently.
She ducked out of his hold, smirking as she twisted around so she could stand in facing him. "I'm going back to play hostess now; at least try to look like you're having a good time until Felicity gets here, 'kay?"
He sighed in reply and watched as she seamlessly slot back into the activity, immediately conversing with five girls as if she had been there the whole time. All those Queen family parties must have been rubbing off oh her.
Thumping his fists together just for something to do, Oliver craned his neck in the hope that Felicity was already there, somehow waiting in the wings to rescue him from, well, himself. Any time a flash of blonde hair cracked into his eyeline, he consciously moved toward it, only to then be verily disappointed when it turned out to be yet another over-exuberant teenage girl who was more occupied with being in the Queen home than with Thea.
The stomach-lurching swoop every time he was wrong was beginning to take its toll on him and instead of prolonging the frustration, Oliver took to the kitchen and planted himself down at the island, hands tossing his phone around in deliberation. Should he call her? Was that too desperate? Maybe so. And when did he get so pathetic?
God, he was hopeless.
Perhaps it was stupid on every single level, but what Thea said made sense. To a degree. Obviously his little sister didn't know about what he did at night or the nightmares that still plagued him or the sheer fear he had that he'd hurt her even worse than the last time, but she did know him - the Oliver that existed beneath the weight of the past, and she knew he had reservations and doubts but thathe still loved Felicity. After everything, maybe she could still see that guy.
After everything, maybe he could be that guy…
"Wow you've really lost your party touch."
Oliver flinched at the sudden sound, spinning the chair around toward her. "Felicity," he said breathlessly. She smiled shyly under his gaze. "Uh, yeah apparently I have. Thea already pointed that out to me earlier. Turns out I'm bringing down the mood." He rose, eyes soft. "You came."
Felicity fixed her eyes on the comings and goings of people who were more than happy to open up cabinets and take out food and just generally make a mess as if it were their own house. He tried not to let it get to him. "I did. I mean, I said I would and I'm a woman of my word so here I am – and I didn't need to say any of that but for some reason I couldn't help myself…"
He chuckled lightly. "Well I'm glad you're here."
"Really?"
He cocked his head to the side inquisitively. "Of course I am. I'm always happy to see you."
The comment was not lost on her but she shrugged it off, pursing her lips. "Great party," she mentioned by way of subject change and that coy grin he sported couldn't be tamed. "Looks a lot like the parties you used to throw when we were their age."
"You just indirectly called us old you know," he muttered sardonically. "And technically Tommy was the party-thrower; I just tagged along for support. And a good time I guess."
The blonde's eyes went dark, her whole demeanour changing in a second. The air fell strangely thick with grief, an unspoken waft of nostalgia drifting around intrudingly. "Well he would definitely approve of this. He taught you well."
It only hit him then that that was the first time either of them had spoken about Tommy with each other. "I don't know. You know what he was like; he practically bled charisma – I, on the other hand, do not. And according to my little sister, my acting skills aren't exactly up to scratch."
"Well we all know you're not a good liar," she offered in amusement – before cutting her giggle short as she rolled in her lips. "I didn't mean to imply that you lie or anything by the way…I was just trying to break the ice, I guess, which didn't really have the desired effect…like most of my attempts. So, uh, is Thea around? This," she waved the box she was holding, "isn't much but I hate going to parties without a present and getting a small gift is not as bad as not bringing a gift at all so I went out earlier and tried to remember a single thing that Thea likes – which was way harder than what it should have been – and ended up running all over Starling and then when inspiration finally hit me, I was halfway across town from where I needed to be and-" Felicity stopped herself, punting the air with the box as if she was physically trying to put an end to the verbal spaz. "Sorry," she said meekly, looking at him from under her eyelashes.
Oliver leaned back on the island, arms folded over his chest. "Don't be; I love it when you ramble," he replied wistfully. "Let's me know what you're thinking. Nowadays, people tend to filter what they're going to say to me before they say it and I kind of hate that." He shrugged. "I was always used to you telling me like it was."
The blonde tapped her fingers on the present, biting her lip as she shimmied out of the way of oncoming traffic. To think that the kids had complete disregard for the only two adults in the house only served to heighten his contempt. They could have at least excused themselves as they passed.
Okay now he was turning into his father.
"So…Thea?" she deflected, spying one kid who was concocting some weird food mix in a bowl over by the sink. Her head shook in confusion then turned back in his direction.
"Oh, she's around here somewhere-"
"Felicity?!" The voice rang through the air over the noise; a warning for her arrival. Both of them stilled in anticipation, awaiting the moment her youthful energy would bound around the corner, and as soon as Thea appeared, she practically pounced on the blonde, arms engulfing her frame, their bodies swaying dangerously from side to side as the momentum almost toppled them onto the ground. Oliver watched on with a content smile on his face. Granted, it was a little odd to see a much older version of his sister hugging Felicity, but at the same time, the scene was awash with an innate familiarity that he couldn't deny.
"I thought I heard you but then I couldn't be sure, but then you started babbling on and I just knew it was you!" Thea exclaimed, pulling her in for another quick embrace.
Felicity laughed, the sound so musical it felt out-of-place against the drone around them. She looked completely at ease, any tension in her shoulders dissolving the minute the brunette showed up. Her eyes scanned her, head tilted to the side as she said, "I cannot believe how grown up you are!"
"You sound like my mom!" The girl rolled her eyes. "I am turning sixteen you know."
"So I heard," Felicity replied happily, her hand absently running through the ends of his sister's hair. "I just can't believe it considering the last time I saw you, you were about four inches shorter and had your hair in pigtails and you carried Mr Bubbles with you pretty much everywhere you went-"
"Felicity," Thea shushed, slashing her hand through the air in an effort to stop her. "Don't bring up Mr Bubbles here," she murmured through gritted teeth, anxiously inspecting beside her to make sure no one heard.
Oliver swallowed a chortle, almost choking with the influx of air. He did little to ignore the glare she emitted his way, instead choosing to indulge in her embarrassment.
The blonde bit back a grin and took the opportunity to present her gift with only minimal trepidation. "This is for you," she began. Thea accepted it, raising it to the side of her head and shaking it just enough so that whatever inside moved. Typical Thea. "It's not much," Felicity carried on, unable to help herself, "but after a lot of thought this came to mind and…well, it just seemed to fit. I hope you like it."
There was an undercurrent of fondness in the way she spoke that piqued his interest and, probably not all that subtly, Oliver grasped the edges of the island with his hands, his torso leaned forward so that he could have a better view.
"You didn't have to buy me anything."
"Yes I did," she answered knowingly. This time Oliver did scoff. If there was one thing his sister loved, it was receiving presents.
"Well if you insist," she drawled, features alight in excitement as she lifted the lid of the box open. "Oh my gosh, 'Licity this – this is…" she removed the object, staring at it with awe before locking gazes with the blonde, "amazing," she breathed.
Oliver couldn't keep his curiosity at bay any longer, moving over so that he was directly behind the brunette. Once he saw what had her so caught off guard, his breath hitched. It wasn't flashy or pricey. It wasn't overly complicated or something that needed explanation. It was the simplest of heartfelt gifts and that made it all the more special – especially to him.
Thea took the photo frame in her hands, discarding the pink box to the side. "This was taken…"
"The day before you went to that summer camp," Felicity filled in. "You didn't want to go and insisted that we have a tea party with you so that it'd, and I quote, 'Take your mind off the whole thing'." She beamed whimsically then. "You were a pretty dramatic seven-year-old."
"See? I told you you were always a drama queen," Oliver teased, taking the picture from her hands.
"Shut up, Ollie."
"Never." He winked at her.
Examining the photo as if it were from another lifetime, his lips twitched, a lightness in his chest making itself known. All that it displayed was a smiling Oliver with an equally elated Thea on his lap at her state-of-the-art tea party table – nothing complex about the scene at all. In fact, there were probably hundreds of pictures just like that locked in a rusty trunk somewhere in the mansion, but there was something so considerate about someone outside of the immediate family handing them a memory.
His face hurt from smiling so much.
The spoon rattled around the teacup noisily, the impression of stirring not lost on his baby sister. Thea, dressed in one of her too-big princess gowns that she insisted on wearing over her regular clothes, sighed heavily in disapproval and shook her head aggressively. "No Ollie!" she scorned. "A gentleman never stirs his tea like that! Right, 'Licity?"
Oliver glanced over at Felicity who was sitting beside him and quietly sipping away at the imaginary drink, eyes dancing in amusement. He shrugged. She licked her lips and placed down the cup with delicate assurance, then folded her hands onto her laps. "Right," she agreed earnestly.
"Tell him the proper way to do it! He listens to youuuuu," she half-yelled, a giggle bubbling out of her.
He smiled goofily, raising his eyebrows at her, gesturing to the teacup. "Yeah, Felicity. Tell me."
The blonde accepted the challenge, determination in the form of her creased brow unmistakable. "Okay then." Her hands came over to each one of his shoulders, pushing them back forcefully so that he had to sit up straight and it came as such a surprise to Oliver that he almost flew backward, only catching himself at the last second before he took the whole neatly set-up table with him. Thea tried and failed to stop herself from falling into convulsion, her little frame shaking with laughter. Felicity suppressed her own smirk, her features slipping back into her serious state after a moment. "Always sit up straight," she informed coolly as though she was a teacher talking to a student. "Shoulders back, head high."
He did what he was told, adding a little playful flair while doing so. A jerk of the head signalled for her to continue, the pampered rich boy act on display.
"Now…" Felicity handed him the cup and spoon, maintaining eye contact the whole time. If he wasn't trying so hard to be a perfect gentleman for his little sister, he would have happily let himself fall under the spell of her blues; a habit he never wanted to break. Sometimes it'd be minutes before he'd snap out of his daze, so indulgently lost by how the light flickered through them, how the colour deepened and darkened and transformed into liquid whenever she was upset, how they widened when he said or did something that surprised her… "Stir it counter-clockwise in smooth circles."
A scoff tripped off his tongue at how ridiculous the order sounded but he did what he was told because he really didn't want to see her stern glare or hear her loud voice – he knew they'd be on the horizon were he not to listen. The size of the cup when compared with his hand was comical and he momentarily wondered how bad his reputation would dive if anyone from school would have seen him in that moment.
"Make sure to take small sips – oh, and no slurping," she warned, leaning closer so as to drop her voice. "It's not really a hit with the ladies."
"Oh yeah, sure. I can't be driving the women away, right Speedy?"
Thea beamed, exposing her missing front teeth, and fixed a saucer in front of her. "It's okay, Ollie. You already have Felicity; you don't need anybody else."
Funnily, and somewhat embarrassingly, enough, Oliver was the one to blush at the words, the heat rising to his cheeks in record time. He cleared his throat, placing his full attention on Mr Bubbles who was sitting opposite him, his beady eyes appearing mischievous in the light. Mr Bubbles was a polar bear, who wore a tie and glasses, that Oliver had bought for her for her third birthday and was Thea's favourite toy. Despite her room being filled to the brim with as many toys as humanly possible, everywhere she went, he went too.
Pulling himself together, he exhaled deeply and nodded. "You're right." He looked over at Felicity who was studying his every move with intensity. "I don't."
Saying that the little squeak that erupted from her didn't fill him with a sense of elated ego would be lying. How he could still have that effect on her after all that time amazed him, and feeling the way he did, and being able to say things like that to her without a hint of hesitation or doubt, was incredibly easy. Easier than it ever should have been.
"Oh!" Thea gasped suddenly, hands covering her mouth.
"What's wrong?" he asked her, concern colouring his tone.
She was so cute with her little scrunched up nose and wide eyes; a picture of innocence in a tiara and gown. "I forgot Jessie!"
Oliver opened his mouth to speak, but shut it promptly when he realized he had nothing to say. He had absolutely no idea who Jessie was and why her absence was so shocking – but Thea was practically beside herself at the mere thought of it. Felicity, though too looking confused, nudged his knee with hers, and jumped in, "Who?"
Somehow the seven-year-old had perfected the unimpressed stare Moira Queen so often used to great effect, her steely eyes putting the blonde in her place. "Mr Bubbles' girlfriend!" she exclaimed with added vigour as though the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "She's supposed to be here."
"I can't believe she's standing him up," Oliver chimed in with mock disgust, playing along.
Felicity, her whole body vibrating with silent laughter, pushed up her glasses and leaned over the table, making the princess to move forward too. "Well we can't let Mr Bubbles find out; do you know where Jessie is?" she whispered, hand cupped around her mouth away from the bear.
Thea nodded profusely. "I'll go get her!"
"Good. Oliver and I will keep him distracted. Be quick!"
The girl scrambled to her feet immediately, yanking up the ends of her dress, and scampered out of the room, her tiara cascading to the side in all her determination.
He twisted his head toward her, eyebrow kinked. "Did you just get rid of my kid sister so you could have me all to yourself?" he suggested, dropping a kiss to the corner of her mouth.
She pushed him away with a gentle titter. "You wish."
"Oh I do," he proffered teasingly.
The teacup still in hand, Oliver began to toss it from one hand to the other, making the lobs a tad more difficult as he went, and at one point chucking it over his girlfriend's head and reaching around her to catch it before it fell to the floor. She seemed impressed with his display. He always did have pretty good reflexes.
"So I had a meeting with the school guidance counsellor today," she announced out of nowhere, making sure to keep her focus on the flying cup.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she affirmed. "She told me about this scholarship opportunity with MIT that might be of interest to me."
He pitched the cup behind him and jerked his shoulder to the side so he could angle his other arm back to catch it. "What kind of opportunity?"
"It's done through the board at MIT. It gives students the chance to study abroad for part of their degree. She thinks I should apply for it, you know, just in case, because I'm eligible and my grades are good enough right now and I'm not useless when it comes to writing personal essays – so I may, possibly, have a shot…"
Oliver finally met her stare, the object spilling out of his grip and onto the floor with a wisp of a thud. "Wow, uh…that sounds like too good an opportunity to miss." The comment was off-hand, bordering on detached. He didn't plan for it to come out that way, not really; but though her remark was casual and nervy, the plunge of distant fear struck him immediately, the mere thought of Felicity leaving the country for college already unsettling him. "You should apply."
"I probably won't get it," the blonde rushed in. "I mean I'm nearly positive that I won't. Actually I'd bet a lot of money on it – if I had a lot of money that is. But you have a lot of money so…wait, I didn't mean…" She clenched her fists, resting them on her lap. "Thousands apply – people with better grades and extra-curricular activities and you know, verbal coherency, and one blonde girl from Starling City isn't going to even to cross their minds. As long as I get into MIT, that's all that matters."
"Felicity you're a shoe-in for MIT," he said warmly, smile widening. It was no secret that her dream was to study there and for her to think that she wasn't going to get in was absurd. They'd be idiots not to let someone like her in. "There's no way they're passing up on you."
"You think? I know it's early – God, it's so early – but I've been working to this for as long as I can remember and every time I think about it, I get stressed and then I go through an entire pint of mint chip and feel terrible afterwards-"
He cut off her ramble with a chaste kiss, hoping the gesture would swallow up her insecurities and set them free because if there was one thing Oliver knew, it was that Felicity was destined to do great things in her life.
"Thanks," she breathed when he pulled back, her hand brushing the bottom of his chin affectionately.
"Anytime," he sighed dreamily.
The patter of intrepid footsteps echoed from down the hall signalling Thea's prompt return, and Oliver resumed his position, the cup now collected off the ground and between his fingers as though it was a priceless artefact. Hands full with what must have been Jessie (apparently she was a rather ugly octopus, who knew), Thea tumbled into the room in all her enthusiasm, tripping over her dress and splaying out onto the carpet. A second of shock followed with all three of them holding their breath.
Eventually, the girl started to move, her little body grappling to push itself upright. She didn't cry, and Oliver seriously couldn't have been more thankful for that, but he scooted over to her side right away and gathered her into his arms, amazed at how light she was, and fixed her onto his lap. Her eyes were red, ready to let the tears flow if they felt the need to but Thea Queen was defiant and refused to let them have their day.
"You okay?" he asked.
She sniffed, nodding, bottom lip jutting out. "Yep," she said in a watery voice, popping the 'p'.
"Well do you know what will make you feel better?"
Her head shook, finally discarding itself of the tiara as it toppled out of her curls and dove away from them.
"This!" Oliver began tickling her to no end, knowing exactly where she was ticklish. She squirmed, trying to slip away from him, squealing whenever he launched a new wave of attack, her cheeks bright red as she struggled to contain her fits of giggles. Her laughter contagious, he soon joined in, unable to hide his enjoyment for much longer as he tricked her on numerous occasions, it becoming a quick game of who could out-smart the other.
They kept that way for a while until a flash startled them both.
"Did you just take a picture?" Oliver questioned, catching his breath.
Thea collapsed into his chest, exhausted from the activity and visibly happy for the breather. His arms curled around her frame instinctively.
"You guys looked so happy I couldn't help myself," Felicity said, shrugging her shoulders.
His brow wrinkled. "And you just happened to have a camera on you?"
"Well you never know when you're going to need one."
"Can we see, 'Licity?" Thea pleaded in that adorable voice that had Oliver wrapped around her little finger. "Pleeeeeaaaassssseeeee?"
The blonde shook her head, ponytail swishing behind her. "We can't keep Mr Bubbles waiting now can we? Not when his girlfriend has finally arrived."
Thea jumped out of his arms straight away, her mind already on something else. "No, no no we can't!"
The three of them – along with Mr Bubbles and, apparently, the future Mrs Bubbles – went back to their tea party, with Oliver assuming the role of a perfect gentleman rather seamlessly.
Felicity didn't bring college up again until months later.
They wandered out of the house to the balcony that overlooked the pool and the rest of the mansion's grounds, leaving the rambunctious teens to do their thing. Booming bass pulsated through the ground making it nearly impossible not to move in time with the music, the hum flowing out into the open air.
The sky was a rich navy, the stars twinkling against the vast canvass providing the perfect accompaniment.
They hadn't really spoken about much during the time she had been at the house; comments on the food or the music or the guests in general were the main topics of conversation but even still, there wasn't a compulsion to cut away the small talk and hit at the deeper stuff. Both were content with just being around one another, enjoying the company and taking a break from whatever plagued their thoughts. It just was.
But standing out there and gazing over his whole world, he felt the shift in the air. It was subtle; like the brush of a feather against the skin or a light breeze on a warm day.
"It really is a great party, Oliver. Thea's having a great time."
"Yeah," he agreed fondly. "It's kind of nice to see the mansion alive again."
"Turns out all you needed were a bunch of teenagers with low inhibitions," she joked, a light laugh escaping out.
As much as the idea somewhat irritated him, he nodded easily. When he tilted his head toward her expecting to see her smiling, he noticed the crease in between her eyebrows – a sure sign she was seriously contemplating something. "You okay?"
Felicity rose her chin slowly, eyes sad. "Earlier…when I brought up Tommy," she winced at the mention of his name, "I didn't mean to just shrug it off or, you know, not talk about him. I know that we haven't spoken about him since I've been back and…" Her words died; she herself at a loss for what to say.
Oliver leaned his back against the stone wall, shoulders facing the double doors that led out to the balcony. "Felicity," he'd never grow weary of saying her name; he loved how it slipped out so naturally, "it's okay. Don't worry about it."
"You miss him," she said simply, standing next to him.
This time he searched her expression, ocean eyes watching for the minutest of changes. "So do you."
"I think about him every day," she confessed, throwing her head back, mapping the stars. "I don't know if you know this or not but…we kept in contact while you were gone. Not daily contact, but we'd email and phone every now and again. I think it was easier for him to have someone to talk to; he was pretty lost that first year. I guess we all were."
"He never told me that."
The blonde raised her shoulders. "Maybe it was just never the right time."
"Yeah. Maybe."
Talking about Tommy was always so difficult; like breathing while being pinned down by a heavy object. No room to manoeuvre. No way of lightening the load. Nobody understood the loss like he did; nobody knew him like he did. Laurel grieved over him too, but it was different. Both of them carried guilt over how circumstances ended between the three of them, leaving this sour tang in the air whenever they were around one another. It never seemed to be getting easier. But talking about him with Felicity? Maybe, just maybe, the heaviness would diminish.
Oliver just wished he could say he was sorry and that he missed him. At night he would send that prayer up hoping that through whatever greater force was out there, Tommy would know how he felt. That was all he wanted.
"I planned to go to the funeral," she remarked, the comment drifting over to the door. "I was all set, I was packed and then…" she huffed, "…my jerk of a boss told me he'd fire me if I left. I told him I'd make up the time, that I'd put the hours in but it was stay or leave – there was no third option. I needed the money for my rent and…God, I hated myself for it. And I hated my boss. And my job. That's when I started looking for a new one." An aggressive hand came up to rub across her cheek, a few tears leaking. "As soon as I got settled here, I went to visit his grave to say goodbye." She chuckled humourlessly. "It all seemed so redundant, you know? Go to a stone in the ground and talk to it."
His jaw clenched, emotion rising within him. "Sometimes it helps. Not always." She reached over to squeeze his hands that were clenched so tight that his knuckles were white and the gesture was so sweet and caring that he immediately felt calmer. It made no sense but, at the same time, it did. "Maybe we could…go together one day?"
"I'd like that," she smiled, a watery curl of lips.
A comfortable silence fell upon them, the throes of the party providing enough sound to attract their interest. The soft breeze ruffled a few wayward leaves around them, the swooping and crashing of them so abstractly soothing. Little things like that Oliver seemed to notice more since he had returned home; what would usually be mundane and trivial, was now of curiosity, piquing his interest in ways he could never fully comprehend.
Yet he was the first to speak again.
"That was a great present," he murmured loud enough to be heard over the steady noise. "What you got Thea."
Her shoulder rubbed against his as she swirled around to look out over the garden and planted her hands out wide on the stone wall. "I was amazed I still had it. But I've always loved that picture; you looked so…happy."
"I was - not as happy as Mr Bubbles was when Jessie finally showed up for their date but close enough," he jested.
The temperature dropping by the minute, Felicity wrapped her arms around herself to keep the chill out. Oliver wished he had a coat so he could have offered it to her, blissfully ignoring how cliché it would have been. He was all about the clichés when it came to a certain blonde.
"You remember that day?"
He contemplated for a minute, bypassing the obvious uncomplicated answer. Whatever it was about that moment, it was as though the barriers that were usually set so high had significantly lowered, allowing him the chance to drop his own walls and let Felicity have a glimpse in. "I had a lot of time to think on the island," he started, angling his body sideways so that one elbow rested on the stone. "Sometimes, out of nowhere, memories would just flood into my brain, you know? Images, snippets of conversations, entire scenes…they could get pretty overwhelming at times. It was kind of like watching TV but the screen keeps cutting out and by the time the picture comes back you're onto an entirely different part of the show." His thumb began to rub off his fingers, his agitation over his past needing an outlet. "After a while, I started to, I don't know, catalogue them I guess. Put them in order. So…I remember a lot of things. It's a gift – and a curse."
She sighed; a sad sound that juxtaposed with the euphoria seeping out of the house. "Oliver…" she paused to think over her words, "…Ar- are you happy now?" It seemed like a simple enough question, something a lot of people would ask without waiting for a loaded answer. A redundant question really. Something you laugh off or make a joke about.
But not this time.
Time passed before he replied, how long he didn't know, but a part of him waited because he expected her to take it back or babble her way over it yet the silence lengthened to a point where he wondered whether she had actually asked it or not.
He could, maybe should, have lied. But then he understood that that wasn't an option. What was the point? What had he to gain by denying how he felt, by telling her some half-truth crap that he knew he'd be shovelling out for years to come? Felicity wasn't some random girl; she wasn't someone he could walk away from and never think about again.
"I don't…I don't know if I'll ever be happy again. Content? Hopefully. But I-I don't think I deserve to be happy, Felicity. Not after everything that I went through. Someone who has seen the things that I've seen, who has done the things I've done – I feel like they don't get to feel that kind of emotion."
Felicity snapped sideways, her eyes hard. "No, I don't accept that. You can't just accept things, Oliver." Her words were forceful and assured, and he swallowed under her stare. "What happened to you was cruel and horrible beyond words but it's doesn't define you. You define you. You choose who you're going to be. We're not assigned roles in life; we forge our own paths, we make our own way." With only a second of reticence, the blonde's hand cupped his cheek, thumb trailing through the scruff. "I don't know everything that happened to you, Oliver, but I do know that you deserve to be happy. You do. Believe that. You just gotta figure out how."
He covered her hand hastily, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could rein them in, "And what if I said I'm looking at it right now? What if I said you make me happy?" Her eyes widened under the certainty in his tone. "I came home a broken man," he said quietly. "I was angry and vengeful and so full of darkness that I couldn't see anything. All I saw was destruction everywhere I went. A life that didn't belong to me. You don't even want to know what I saw when I looked in the mirror." Tears pooled in his eyes, making his vision blurring. Her hand tensed on his face. "All I've been trying to do since I came back is find a way to live again; to give myself purpose and to tell myself that there had to be a reason why I survived while others…" he trailed off, throat tight. "I wanted to find home – that feeling that you get when you're where you're supposed to be. A place to belong. I didn't feel it when I came back." Azure eyes bore into him, so many things floating through them. "I'm just trying to get home, Felicity. I didn't know how to do it, I didn't know how it would happen or if it would happen but when I saw you – the exact moment you walked back in my life – I felt it. I was home. Really home. You are what makes me happy."
She gulped, on the brink of crying. "Oliver…"
"Look I'm not stupid," he interjected, needing to make her see. "I know there are so many things to say and work out. I know it's not simple between us, and I know we're not the same people – that I'm not the same person - but I don't want to fight this anymore. I'm sick of fighting my feelings. And I understand if you don't feel the same way anymore but I can't go around pretending like every time I see you I don't want to kiss you. I want to be with you, Felicity. You are my home." Taking a chance, he leaned in closer and pressed his forehead against hers, drinking in her presence and finding rest in the fact that she didn't pull away. "There are a lot of reasons why we can't be together, more than we know, but I can think of one good reason why we should be..." the blonde's breath hitched. "I love you, Felicity Smoak. I don't care who knows it and I don't care how messed up our lives are – I love you and that's all there is to it. That's it for me."
Her eyelids fluttered closed, her breath deepening under the weight of the declaration.
He couldn't wait any longer. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted it up so that their lips could meet, too much time already wasting by talking. The moment they collided, the world stilled; everything that had been out of shape, that didn't make sense, that was broken, was restored to the way it should be. Everything was so right that he questioned how something could ever be wrong when they were together. They moved in unison: his hands landed on her hips, pulling her flush to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers scraping through the ends of his hair, mouth opening so he could deepen the kiss.
He could have kissed her forever.
And he wanted to.
But the sound of Oliver's phone ringing crashed them back to reality. Reluctantly, they parted, and Felicity disentangled herself from him sheepishly, taking a step back, cheeks flushed. He wanted to grab her and never let her go again, to just have her in his arms a little longer. The heat from her touch still burned through his clothes.
"Diggle," he greeted, taking a deep breath, eyes trained on the blonde who was looking anywhere else but at him.
"Oliver, something's wrong – I don't…I'm not…"
"What is it? What's wrong?" he interrogated, filling up with concern at his friend's strained voice. He sounded…in pain?
"I'm not sure…but I can't…"
"Diggle!"
The line went dead.
Oliver stared at the blank screen.
"Oliver? What's wrong – is Mr Diggle okay?"
He looked at her. "I don't know," he replied evenly, mind ruminating. "I have to go." He stalked over to the door, stopped abruptly and twisted back around toward her. "I'm sorry, I just…I have to-"
"Go, Oliver," she ordered, motioning with her hand. "It's okay."
He allowed himself one last look at her standing there on the balcony, lips swollen from their exchange, and then ducked back into the house, on his way to help his friend.
So I have the plans set for the next few chapters and (hopefully) some major things plot-wise will all click into place nice and smoothly. I've debated about whether to do a whole chapter through flashbacks because I feel like there's a lot of story to unfold through them; I think that may happen soon - probably within the next 3 chapters or so! So yeah I'll be away for 2 weeks and I have no idea if I'll have time to do much writing so the next update could be a few weeks away - sorry about that! I really hope you guys liked the chapter though and please, please, please drop me a review and let me know what you thought! :)
