Chapter 4 - He should have had my heart

Claire woke confused that morning and it took her a couple of seconds before she remembered where she was. In Tess's bedroom.
She looked around to find her sister but it looked like she was alone. She pulled herself up, hoping that yesterday had been a horrible nightmare but it was as real as anything. A sting to her heart hit her as soon as she thought about everything that had happened. Tears was starting to fill her eyes but she refused to cry - Her eyes was hurting from all the crying and she couldn't do it anymore. She shook her head, shaking off the thoughts and then she got out of bed. She stepped out of the room, not quite sure what to do with herself. She didn't quite feel like seeing anyone but she knew she had to, at one point.
She walked the few meters from Tess's bedroom to her own but the minute she opened the door, she got hit by all the memories her and Peter had shared. They were so happy, and they had all these plans for their future life together. As much as she wanted not to cry, she couldn't help it - everything was too overwhelming. She quickly shot the door to her room and dried away the tears. She took a moment to gather herself, before she walked down the stairs.
She could hear the others talking as she got closer to the kitchen, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. They were talking with low voices and that could only mean they were talking about everything that happened yesterday. She couldn't blame them, everything was messed up after all. She stood a couple of seconds at the half closed door before she walked in, gathering enough strength to see them.
The girls went quiet as soon as they saw her - They wanted to ask if she was okay, how she was feeling but none of them dared to, all afraid to cause more damage than good.
"Claire! Come sit" Meg said quickly after the silence had hit. She guided Claire to the empty chair and poured her a cup of coffee. "You want some breaky?" She asked, ready to find her a plate. Claire shook her head. She wasn't feeling hungry.
"You should eat something" Tess said worried. Claire looked at her with the eyes only she could pull off, letting Tess know not to overstep the line of caring.
Claire took a sip of her coffee and looked around the table. No one was talking but it was clear they wanted to say something to make her feel better. After a good 10 minutes of silence Claire had had enough and she finally cleared her throat. "You know .. " she said but stopped. It was harder to get the words out than she thought. "You can say something" she continued and hoped just one of them would say something. As much as she didn't wanted to talk about everything with Peter, the silence was worse and everything became too awkward.
"So, how are you feeling?" Jodi asked but Meg was quick to jump in. "I don't think Claire meant to talk about that"
"It's okay" Claire said and moved around on the chair. "I'm feeling …" she stopped mid sentence to think about how to answer that question. "Sad" She said and played with her thumbs under the table. She had barely said a word and she already felt her eyes get watery. She didn't feel like crying in front of them, but she wasn't sure she could keep the tears in. Why did she tell them they could talk? She cleared her throat and took another sip of her coffee, trying everything in her power not to cry.
Meg saw Claire struggling to keep the tears away, so she put a comforting hand on her arm. She meant it in a good way, as to say she didn't have to tell them anymore, that they understood and everything was going to be fine - but her gentle touch only made Claire break down in tears, unable to control all the feelings that came to the surface.
"Oh Claire, I didn't mean to - I just. I'm sorry" Meg said, knowing she caused her tears this time around. Claire shook her head and tried to dry away the tears. "It's okay" she said snivelledly "I just need some time alone" she continued and got up from the chair.
As she made her way through the kitchen and out back to the veranda she heard the phone ring.
"Is it him again?" Tess asked with a low voice, hoping Claire wouldn't hear her. "He's called 4 times already - He's gonna come by soon if he doesn't get to talk to Claire" Meg said with a worried voice. She wasn't sure it was a good idea for Claire and Peter to meet this soon. Sure they had to talk, but they both had things to sort out before they did.
Claire stopped her walking as she realised it was Peter they was talking about. She felt the broken pieces of her heart, break into even more - Which she didn't think was possible. She didn't think it was possible to hurt even more than she did but this just proved her wrong. She covered her mouth to keep any sound from her crying inside, afraid that one of the girls would hear her and know she'd been in the other room this entire time. It felt like she was suffocating in all these emotion and she had to get out of there and clear her thoughts.

She walked across the court and about halfway, Roy, her best buddy came running towards her with a friendly bark. She kneeled down beside him and gave him a couple of good head scratches, thankful to know that he, out of everyone else, wouldn't judge her for what she had done. "Come on boy" she said and got back on her feet again to continue her walk. She wasn't sure where to go, anywhere but here. So she picked a direction and started to walk.
She found herself in the paddock with Blaze, who, just as Roy, came running happily as soon as she saw her. She smiled at the golden beauty as she took down the pace, and started to trot the last distance towards Claire. She got met by a couple of snorts as Blaze got close enough for Claire to stroke her mane. She carefully studied her, running her hands over her body and smiled as she realised how big Blaze was getting. "Only 3 more months" She said and gave her a gentle clap on the side of her pregnant belly before Blaze ran off again. Claire kept still for awhile, looking at Blaze until she couldn't see her anymore. For a brief moment she had managed to forget all about yesterday, and it felt more relieving than she could have hoped it would be - but as fast as she had managed to forget about the horrible nightmare, just as fast the reality hit her again.
What was she going to do? It was still a question she kept asking herself. She couldn't be with Peter. She could never trust him again but the heartache of losing him felt like it would kill her. She stopped, going over her last thought. Was it losing him or losing the idea of a future together, that really caused the heartache?
A single tear fell to her cheek. Whatever it was, she knew she had to deal with him and the sooner she did that, the sooner she could get on with her life and forget he ever existed - That was what she hoped for, at least.
She signaled Roy to her side and started to walk back to the house, she couldn't keep running away - She had to deal with her feelings, even though she usually did the complete opposite. All the way back she kept thinking about what to do, to make herself feel better. She knew she had to talk to Peter but she was still debating whether or not it would make her feel worse to see him again already. As she kept going through things in her head, Alex kept popping up. He had made her feel better and the more she thought about that, the more she wanted to call him, talk with him but she couldn't bother him with this - She knew how he felt about her, about the whole relationship with Peter. She sighed. If only Alex had done something months ago, she wouldn't be here.
She shook her head. No - She couldn't blame Alex for any of this. She should have told him. Told him that she heard him and Nick talk that night, talk about how Alex loved her and her being with Peter was the greatest mistake ever. She should have told him that she loved him too and now it was too late, and instead she now had to pick of the pieces of a broken heart, that could have belonged to someone else.