Chapter 9 - I Need You
Claire woke that morning, head pounding and confused. She squeezed her eyes together and quickly established she wasn't in her own hotel bed. A bit of panic started to rush through her, as she couldn't remember anything. Her eyes browsed one half of the room and she saw her shirt on the floor, next to what looked like … Alex's pants.
She looked under the cover and realised she was naked, as in really naked. Slowly memories of yesterday came to her and she turned her head to see Alex asleep next to her. She froze, trying to understand what had happened between them and exclaimed in a silent shit.
"Alex" She said and pushed to his shoulder. He made a mmh sound and continued to sleep. "Alex!" she said again, this time more determined.
"Claire ... " he said with half open eyes. "What are you doing in my bed?" he asked, confused and with no remembrance about what had happened. "Are you? .. " he stopped and blinked a couple more times, making sure he was seeing what he thought he was. "Naked under the sheets? yeah" Claire said annoyed. How could they have allowed this to happen?
"Wait. Did we …" was all he got to ask before the first memory of last night appeared in his mind. Claire looked at him with a face that asked what he thought himself.
It took him a moment to realise that they had actually spent the night together and suddenly he remembered everything. How he had spilled that drink and wanted to help, but then he saw what that was under the shirt and he couldn't help himself.
"Shit" he said and looked at the clothes that was spread around the floor. "Shit indeed. How could we let this happen?!" Claire asked and punched him on the shoulder. She sighed and took her head between her hands.
"Okay, this is what we are gonna do" she said and looked up. "I'm gonna go get dressed in the bathroom and then I'm gonna walk back to my own room, pick up my things and we are driving home, okay?" he looked confused at her, still trying to grasp everything. "Yeah but, what about the presentation later today?" Alex asked. "Do I look like someone who wants to be at a presentation later? We slept together, Alex. You do realise how stupid that was, right?" she asked and looked at him. He kept quiet - It couldn't be that stupid, when he actually felt a bit wholesome from being with her. Not that it was the right thing to do, or the right way to do it but he couldn't help the feeling. He knew it was wrong, but she was all he wanted really - and even though Claire obviously didn't feel the same towards this mess they somehow had ended up in, he secretly wished that she did and that it had happened a different way.
"Your, uh .. bra is over here" he said discreetly and threw it her way, careful not to make her regret last night even more than she already did.
They both got in the car without having said anything else to each other since Claire left his room. He was about to start the car when he realised, that this actually hurt him more than he would have thought so.
"Claire, we need to talk about this" he said and looked at her but she kept looking out of the window. "No, what we need to do is forget this ever happened" she said and moved her back even more to his side. He shook his head and felt a sting to his heart - He just wanted to talk, but she had already made up her mind about everything it seemed. He started the car and drove off, without saying one more word to her the entire drive home.
As they reached Drovers, Claire quickly jumped out of the car and reached for her bag, Alex held out to her. "We do have to talk about this, whether or not you want to" Alex whispered to her from the car. She looked around and made sure none of the girls was in sight and then she looked back at Alex and a sigh escaped her lungs. "Just pretend it didn't happen" she said and slammed the car door and walked away from him. It was easier said than done to pretend it never had happened, she knew that but what else could they do?
It was a mistake and the whole reason why she even slept with him was because she had seen Peter at the hotel. She shook her head of anger in herself - Alex had been nothing but helpful to her, and doing something like this wasn't fair - to any of them.
She hated herself more than she thought was possible right now and she felt so stupid. Friends didn't sleep with each other but who knew if they could even be friends after this? She stopped her walking, realising what she could have thrown away by doing this.
"Why are you home already?" a voice asked, pulling her out of her own thoughts. She turned around and saw Tess with a sweaty shirt in her hand.
"Oh .. " Claire stopped. She wasn't the best liar and Tess always knew when something was up. "We skipped the last presentation and decided to come home early" she continued but Tess kept looking doubtful at her. "You know, lot of work to do here" Claire said and quickly put up her walk towards the house again.
She placed the bag on the bed and placed herself on the edge of it. She still couldn't grasp her head around what they had done. It was things like this that could mess up a perfectly good friendship. She sighed and let herself fall to the back, as she started to go through the night in her head.
A small part of her wanted to be back there and hear all the sweet things he was saying. Cause even though he was drunk, she was pretty sure he meant every word of it.
No, that was so wrong to think. She couldn't take advantages of him like that, she knew what she meant to him and she only jumped in bed with him cause of Peter. What a absolute shitty friend she was. Alex was right, they had to talk things over. She had to apologise for putting them in a situation like that, but not now - She needed time to process it all, understand what really happened.
She got up from the bed and walked to her closet to find some new clothes, so she could get out there and help the others - Anything to keep her mind busy. She grabbed the first and the best and started to undress herself. Her shirt was still sticky from the drink Alex spilled on her last night and at once, she remembered all of the gentle touches from him. The warmth off his skin, and the soft lips of his.
She shook her head and closed the closet door and turned around to put on her clothes, but she saw her own reflection in the mirror as she did. She looked at herself and felt utterly disgusted by what she had done to Alex - He hadn't desvered this. She was a mess and she couldn't give him what he wanted. She didn't even know what he wanted, if he wanted anything but she just knew she couldn't. She was still in a position where she alternately missed Peter and hated him to death.
But if she had to be just a tiny bit true to herself, being with Alex wasn't all that bad as she made it out to be. She felt safe with him, and everything was just a little better in his company - and that was why, that sleeping together was the biggest disaster that could ever happen, because she needed him.
