Chapter 13 - Sinking Heart

She woke to a light snoring and a arm tightened its grip around her. She opened her eyes and stared at Alex's arm and then at the ceiling. What time was it? It was already quite bright outside. She rolled over and took a look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 6.30 AM. "Shit" She exclaimed and took another look at the time. How could she sleep through her alarm? She never did that. Alex rolled to his back in his sleep, which made her change her focus to him. No, no, no she thought to herself. Why was he still here? This was bad, really bad.
"Alex!" She pushed to him with a firm hand. "Get up!" she said firmly and started to think about how he could sneak out of there without the others seeing him.
"Can I get 5 more minutes?" he asked sleepy without looking at her. "No you can't, you need to get up right now!" Claire said and started to panic. "What time is it?" Alex asked and started to open his eyes.
"It's 6.30" was all she said. She wasn't in the mood for small talking at the moment, she just needed him to get out of there without any of the girls seeing him. "Oh" it took him a moment to understand what she just said. "Oh!" he exclaimed, realising the problem now. "Ugh, I'm sorry Claire. I must have fallen asleep!" he said and sat up. "Did you turn off my alarm?" Claire asked with an annoyed look on her face. "I .. I don't know, maybe" Alex said apologetic, knowing it was quite possible he had been the one to turn it off.
A small knock on the door sounded, stirred both their direction that way. "Claire?" Tess asked from the other side of the closed door. Alex and Claire shared the same desperate look. But she didn't answer her sister, she kept looking at Alex, hoping he had a way out of this. "Are you dressed? I'm coming in" Tess said and slowly the door knob started to turn.
"Quick, get under the covers!" Claire said and lifted the sheet. "Are you serious?" Alex asked. They weren't 15 years old anymore. "Just do it!" Claire said and threw the sheet over him. She barely got him covered with the sheet and pillows, before the door opened.
"Hi!" She said cheerful, perhaps too cheerful. "Is … everything okay?" Tess asked and looked around the room. "Yup! Everything's fine. I'm coming down in a minute"
"Are you sure? It's almost 7." Tess asked worried. She couldn't help but shake the feeling something was up.
"Oh yeah. Silly me, I turned the alarm off in my sleep" Claire said and gave her a uncomfortable smile. Tess frowned, why was she acting so weird?
"I'll be down now. Just need to get dressed" Claire said, trying to get Tess out of the way. "Okay, I'll just meet you down there then" Tess said and started to walk out of the door. "Oh, why is Alex's car still here?" she suddenly asked and turned around. Claire froze. He had to be kidding her, the car?!
"What?" Claire asked, trying to sound like she had no clue about what she was on about. "Oh, he's probably already here. We have a lot to go over today"
"No, I'm pretty sure I never saw him leave last night" Tess said and looked at Claire and the bed doubtful. "He left, yeah - Right about 10 I think"
A very suspicious hmm sound was all Claire got from her sister, before she walked out of the door and closed it behind her.
"The car?!" Claire said and pulled the covers off him. Alex looked at her with a 'I'm sorry'-look but that didn't do much. "Okay, this is what we gonna do" Claire said and got out of the bed. "I go down stairs, and as soon as I have everybody out doing the chores, I come back for you"
"Come on Claire, is that really necessary?" Alex asked and got out of bed. "We are adults, we can do what we want to do - So what if they see us?" he asked and started to walk towards her. "Do I have to remind you about our agreement?" Claire asked and looked at him with a firm look. He sighed. This, thing, they were doing was actually starting to be pretty tough on him. He said yes to the whole thing, hoping Claire would see that she could be happy with him, that he was there for her and he wouldn't do the same thing Peter did to her. But now, 4 months in, things hadn't changed a bit.
"Would it be so bad if they saw us?" He asked and placed his hands on her shoulders. She looked at him, knowing they couldn't have this talk. They agreed on one thing and they should stick to that. "Alex .." she said with a low voice but she didn't get to say anything before he opened his mouth again.
"No. We have been doing this for 4 months now Claire. Would it be so bad to move on things?" he asked, hoping she would she the logic. He knew she liked him, why would she sleep with him if she didn't? Claire wasn't that type of woman.
"Move on what? We agreed this was just sex" Claire said and looked questionable at him. She feared this would happen - She might even knew it would, at some point. She wished she could just be with him, she really did but she was scared. She couldn't end up in that hole again, she wouldn't allow herself to get to that state, ever again.
"What if it's not just sex anymore?" Alex asked with a gentle whisper. "What if it's more? I know you feel it" he continued, making her bend her head. She made a light shook on her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes. She did feel it, very much indeed - just as much as him but that didn't change the fact she couldn't be feeling it. "Alex, we can't" she said trying her best to keep the tears inside. "Why not? Give me one reason why this can't be more than sex!" he said, feeling slightly irritated by the constant wall around her. She looked to the floor and sighed. "We just can't, okay?" she said with a more firm voice, too afraid to tell him the truth. Alex shook his head, as much as it pained him to say what he was about to say, being in this, pained him more. He loved her so much and he wanted everything with her, not just a tiny part of something.
"If you can't, we need to stop this" he said and made her look at him. "I can't do this anymore, Claire." his word caused a great deal of pain to her, he could see it in her eyes and he hated that, but he had to look out for himself as well. This was painful for him to stay in - He couldn't go everyday wishing to get the full package when he wouldn't.
He turned around and started to get dressed. It took him a few moment to find every piece of clothes and while he did that, Claire remained silent and frozen in place. She felt her heart sink. It felt like she had lost everything important too her, which was the exact feeling she wanted to avoid. "Wait, you can't go down there" Claire said as he passed him. "I'm not staying up here as some kinda secret, Claire. I'm going - Tell them whatever you need to tell them but it's just too much" he said and walked out the door, making it slam shut behind him. She kept looking at the door, wondering where everything went wrong and why she couldn't just tell him that she was scared, that she wanted this, him - but she just couldn't. A light stream of tears started to fall to her cheeks and her heart just kept sinking more and more.