A/N: Hey my people! Hope you're doing alright, because I'm not so good, hence the chapter is been posted a bit before its time. And I'm warning you before hand, it's shorter than usual and I'm not happy about it. But I need to figure some things out about my life, and it will take me around two weeks. In the mean time, I didn't want to keep you waiting so here you have the one I've been trying to make longer.. It's been waiting for days, and just when I get inspired, all my life collapsed on me, so.. See you soon, (hope sooner than I've planned!)
In the mean time, please enjoy this, and your lives.
Thank you for the reviews, promise I'll reply to each and everyone of you.
Sorry again.
.oOo.
Cold. Shivering cold and quiet. So quiet that you can hear your own heartbeats. The way your chest goes up and down as you breathe. The way your clothes swhish at your slightest movement. Total darkness, except for a couple of blinking street lights way ahead of you. Your sight is narrow, it's impossible to see what's further. You take a step, in doubts of whether you moved any further for your senses are blinded by darkness.
You have this feeling of being followed by someone. You quicken your steps. It's as if you're standing still and the darkness moves around you. The street lights have gotten a little bit closer as you moved, yet they are not providing enough light for you to see where you're going. You hear nothing. You see nothing. Even so your suspicion grows stronger, someone is definitely after you.
You feel paranoid.
The ground slips beneath your feet as if you were on a treadmill. You are sure that the bridge in front of you wasn't there a nanosecond ago, and how is that even possible? You consider why you were fond of bridges before, for the one lies in front of you now looks creepy as fuck. You wonder if that's the Golden Gate, as you gaze upon it's ginger pillars rising above you. You feel restless.
The bridge is slightly illuminated with street lights that spread a raw, yellow light. Normally the yellow light soothes you. You find something warm, something calming about it. Not this time though, no. It washes everything with a worrisome atmosphere. Suddenly, you feel the urge to run. As the soles of your feet beat the ground one after another, everything gets worse. The wind drills your ears and it feels like you are running towards your worst fear. You don't know what awaits, yet, the feeling is consuming you.
Nowhere is safe. If you go back you'll run towards who follows you. If you keep running, there awaits your personal hell. So you stop right there, wishing that your stalker would stop as well. The warmth coating your arm alarms you, when you touch it your hand gets wet with blood. You curse through the dark.
When you hear the footsteps, you are halfway through the bridge. There is no point in running from it anymore, so you give up even though you are not ready to face what comes after you. As the footsteps come closer you see a silhouette walking towards you. It's a woman about your height. Her hand squeezes her upper arm, her face still out of your sight.
Does the light shines upon her golden hair?
You gulp, but at the same time you feel the anger building up inside you. For some reason, you are inflamed. She keeps walking towards you without a rush, but there is something sinister about the way she looks. When she lifts her head, you see the evil gleam in her light grey eyes.
No, it can not be.
She stops walking when the distance between you two lets you see her face completely. Her serpentine smile startles something within you, is it possible to be freaked out and be mad as hell at the same time?
She looks just like you.
She is you.
You open your mouth to scream but your voice is out of your reach. She start running towards you. Her arms reached forward to catch you. You are like a statue of yourself, quiet and motionless. The blood in your veins cascades underneath your skin, yet you are as cold as marble. The gap between you shrinks rapidly, you still can't scream.
She screams instead of you. Laughs hysterically, locks her hands on your upper arms. Her nails sink deep into your skin. You look at her face, your face actually, and it looks creepy. You never thought that you could look like that. The features of her (-your) face looks rough and devilish. She still screams in your face and starts to push you, forcing you to walk backwards. You feel the cold of the metal barriers pushing against the middle of your back.
That's it, you think.
And she makes sure that is really it, and with one last push, your feet leaves the ground. You roll on your back and within a second, you are floating in the air.
Her laughter dies down as you keep falling, you feel enraged. You have promised yourself before, for thousand times really, that you would never let her kill you again.
Here you are though, falling free at full speed.
You try to prepare yourself for the collision, the waves of the ocean are pretty audible now.
Then-
It hits you as hard as concrete.
.oOo.
When Fai's sharp gasp pierced the air, she instantly covered her mouth with her own hand. She was short on breath, but not terrified for it was not the first time she had seen that nightmare. She stood still for a minute to figure out if her gasp had awoken anyone. There was nothing other than the snorings, so it was all fine. Dammit, Fai thought, feeling just as angry as she was in the dream. I have travelled through universes, and this dream keeps hunting me.
Fortunately, her muscles had gotten enough strength to carry her around. Fai slowly gathered herself up from the pile of hay she had been buried into. For someone in her condition, she was pretty good at skipping through the field of sleeping Dwarrows. If it was still dark, she definitely would stepped on someone's feet or something, but the dawn was about to break and the room was illuminated in various tones of blue. She took a little break by the bed of one certain Dwarf, and looked at him all she wanted, for there was no one to see her. He was lying on his back and at one stage of the night, he had kicked his cloak off of him. It was the first time in a while that Fai saw his features being this soft. The wrinkle in between his brows had disappeared and the corners of his lips were surprisingly curled upwards. He was unarmed. There weren't any belts, knives, swords attached to him, and he wasn't wearing his coat. With only his blue robe on, Fai could see the real shape of his body.
Remembering the time they had shared a cloak back in the mountainside, she blushed. They had lied so close together, their bodies standing flush against each other. I really need to stop doing this, Fai thought, and moved away immediately. Without stopping one more time, she made it to the door and tried her best to open it without making any noise.
The fresh air brushing her face was feeling like heaven and she took a deep breath, enjoying every molecule. By the cold blue tone of the sky, she could tell that the sun was about to rise. It always surprised her how one can differentiate between the dawn and the afternoon. The tones coloring the sky right before the sun was born and died were so similar to each other, but somehow you always knew. Fai liked the dawn and she had seen many, for sleep was something she wasn't very fond of back on Earth. She remembered all the nights she went through, with countless songs, books and fanfictions. Her favorite thing was to embrace the sunset with one last cigarette, then eventually, to go to sleep. She would every night, open the window and lean out halfway through before lighting the cigarette. The cold breeze caressing her face as she inhaled the poisonous smoke was carved in her mind, and she could remember perfectly how she had watched the sun come up.
The moment reminded her of that nights. Except, this time she was out in the nature with 13 Dwarrows, a Hobbit, and a Wizard. She was in the story that had accompanied her every night till she finally fell asleep.
As Fai walked forward, the tiny silhouette of Bilbo caught her attention. He was sitting on a rock and gazing upon the horizon as the sky started to embrace the many tones of crimson.
"I didn't know you take watches."
Bilbo startled at her sudden call, but collected himself pretty quick. "Well, I don't, actually. I lost sleep over my thoughts and decided to keep Nori company. After a while we figured this place is safe enough, and I sent him off to sleep for an hour."
The way he held onto his sword made clear that he stayed on alert for any little glowing that'd tell him there were Orcs nearby. A little Hobbit with a little sword. Fai smiled at the courage Bilbo slowly gaining. So she sat by his side on the rock, and fixated her eyes upon the horizon just like him.
"You should be well aware of the fact that resting is crucial for you, just like Oin said."
"Well, you tell that to my wicked mind then."
Both of them sighed, as Bilbo shook his head in understanding. Considering how long he was going to live, he wasn't really old back then but worry made him look older than he was. He was terrified over the incident of the Goblin Tunnels. Seeing the aftermath of the torture had hit Bilbo. He hadn't seen Fai and Ori's situation first hand, but it all was there. It was one of the many articles of the contract he had signed under, and witnessing as they came true made everything more real than it already was. He tried to shoo the thoughts away, and turned to the young woman sitting right beside her.
"If we were back in Shire, I could make some chamomile tea, then we both'd be sleeping like Dwarflings."
Fai chuckled at his words and wondered what would it be like to live in the Shire. The green fields and happy faces of the place came before her eyes. "If we were back in Shire.." she mumbled. "It all feels so far away, as if it's been ages."
There wasn't a single soul on Arda that could understand better what she meant. Thinking about his books, his armchair, his pantry, and his garden, Bilbo slowly nodded. As if it never happened. He had never missed anything more. He had actually, never missed anything before. The comfort of his home and a couple of fellows he could put up with were always haunting him. He had never regretted the journey, no, he wasn't sorry. He was just afraid that he might never find peace again.
"I always thought of Arda as a safe place, you know." he remarked. "Or rather, I have never thought about it at all. Arda as I know was consisted of Shire. I have never bothered myself with further. And when I did, I couldn't imagine any of the dangers we have encountered so far. Now that I know there's much more to it, I'm afraid I would never be as peaceful as I was before this journey."
Fai spoke without breaking her gaze on the horizon. "I think none of us will be the same, we all change day by day." Her voice was tinted in pain.
With all the cuts and bruises on her, she looked like someone new. Bilbo remembered how timid she looked back in Bag End, when Gandalf had first brought her. No one could ever guessed that she would fight with Wargs and Trolls or endure the torture. The Hobbit then felt closer to her as his compassion grew stronger, both being outsiders of the company. He pulled his pipe out of his pocket and lit it.
The sun made an appearance, brightening the palette of all the tones of red and crimson. Without a word, Bilbo passed the pipe onto Fai and she couldn't be happier. Being on Middle-Earth, there was no way she could find a Camel Soft and it had been annoying her for days. Feeling a tad dizzy by the first draw on an empty stomach, she smiled. As she exhaled, Bilbo by her side started humming a song, his eyes admiring the sunrise.
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
.oOo.
"I wish we still had the ponies.." Bombur complained as he shouldered his pack of food and pots. It had been an hour since the sunset and since they had spent the entire day in the old barn, Thorin decided that it was time to move even if the darkness was dawned upon them. He wasn't patient enough to wait another night.
Their day had been rather uneventful. Oin had treated Ori and Fai's muscle pain with heated rocks. It would speed up their blood flow, he had claimed, and it would make the burning vanish quicker. A few hours later, Fai had happily realized that Oin was right and the pain had definitely boiled down to a more sufferable degree. She had even gotten to exercise a bit, just enough to remain capable of using her knives. Even though her sword had been given back to her by Dwalin, who had made sure of retrieving every weapon from the filthy Goblin Tunnels, it was still too early to use that.
They all nodded and hummed again on Bombur's notion and wended their way. Fai was walking with Fili and Kili, who were really grumpy about their uncle's impatient decision. An hour later the moon took its place on the night sky, lightening their path. Even though it helped a lot, remaining on the right track in the night was harder than Fai had thought. The majority of the company was not happy and some cranky complaints was windind up among them.
"Clam your gobs," Thorin ordered, when he had finally fed up with their snarls. "And keep walking. The Durin's Crown is shining upon us!"
"The Durin's Crown?" Bilbo and Fai whispered in unison, they looked at the sky, thinking if he meant the moon itself even though there was anything about it that looks like a crown.
"A constellation," Fili answered, being the best student of Balin. "Look, it's right there."
He pointed to it and drew an imaginary path between the stars to make Bilbo and Fai understand better. "Wonderful." Fai smiled, the pieces of the constellation were really arranged in the shape of a crown. The idea of having a crown upon them caught her immediately, it was so meaningful.
Having a clear view of the Durin's Crown seemed to soothe the Dwarrows as they didn't grumble any further. Pricking up their ears for any sign of danger, they kept walking quietly after Thorin. Gandalf's staff were competing against the moonlight as it lightened their path more. He wasn't looking happy.
A chapstick was the number-one item of Fai's wishlist. Dried up and covered in cracks, she was sick of her lips bleeding when she utters a word that would stretch them. Her blood had been the base element of her diet as she sucked on her lips for the 5th time that day. Keeping up among others, she sulked but let no complaints out.
Fai didn't know when Kili and her started to walk side by side, for he was on the other side of Fili before. She looked around and saw Fili then, walking with Dwalin ahead of them, seemingly discussing something important. When the hell did he flee? As they paced together, Kili asked a question out of the blue that made her stop for a moment in surprisal.
"Do you remember anything?"
Of all the times he could ask this question, why now, Fai thought. Why in the awkwardest phase between us, when we can't even chitchat. Also, it was the first time that day he formed a sentence containing more than two words. He had kind of ignored her the whole day. She frowned and held his gaze, making his cheeks redden a bit.
"Sorry, I have cut to the chase pretty quickly now, haven't I?"
Wow, even more words, Fai thought. My death might be around the corner, oh boy, why else would you suddenly be talking to me? Realizing that her silence was making the situation more awkward, she tried to buy herself some time.
"Yeah, I think... Not that it's unexpected of you. You're the impatient one, aren't you?"
His remark made Kili smile, even though he hadn't forget about his question. "I really am, yeah. Fili is annoyingly patient that he could make a sloth jealous, even."
Do sloths really exist on Middle-Earth? Well, apparently pugs do, so why not..
"I'm just curious, you know. Don't you remember anything about your life after all these time? Even a tiny fracture of it?" Kili wanted her to talk. To open up, like she did to Ori. He wanted to talk to her, something they couldn't really accomplish to this day. He was trying his best to not freak out over her bloody lips and bruised body, so she should at least give him something in return. Or so he thought.
"Uhm, not really, no." she mumbled. The timing couldn't be worse! How could she talk to her about it, when they are surrounded with the company. Maybe she could talk to him without actually revealing anything, like she did with Ori, but that wasn't possible. She didn't want anyone to hear, for there would only be more questions. And to be honest, she didn't know how would Gandalf react to her giving the slightest information about herself.
There was one more thing though. She couldn't handle it if Kili categorized himself as family. Not that she knew what a family really is, although she was a hundred percent sure that her feelings towards him could not be considered sisterly. Besides her formal, yet ignorant crush on him back on Earth, she had lately begun to develop a brand new thing for him. It was proceeding in a slower phase, but by all means it was something else, something real. He was standing right in front of her with all of his flaws and quirks, and the better she got to know him, even more panickier she became.
Such thing could get you killed in Middle-Earth. Such distraction, such a strong crush.
Even though she tried to deny it, it was becoming something more than just a crush.
On the other hand, Kili looked hurt. Because he was, really, he was hurt that she lied. Haven't he heard what she had said the other night? Hadn't she revealed some things about her, in the dead of night? So why wasn't she now? He couldn't find enough strength in him to snap, he couldn't even act all bad-tempered like he always did. He just nodded quietly, then mumbled.
"Oh. It's alright then..."
And no more words came out.
Fai definitely knew she did something wrong, and it was the first time she saw him react in such strange way. He never looked this gloomy before. Her heart sinking, she tried to engage in some small talk with him. But only to be shut down by him giving couple of disinterested mumbles as answers. She shook her head in confusion and said no more. It wasn't the time or place to push him and she honestly didn't want to. Most of the time, it was impossible to read him. A twinge coiled itself up in the bottom of her stomach, denying that it was about him, Fai kept on walking.
.oOo.
E/N: Hope this actually is better than I think. I like the nightmare part best.
