Chapter 15 - It's a mess
"I'm gonna head back to Killarney, it will get too hot to keep building after lunch" Alex said dripping in sweat form the bathing sun. "Yeah, you are starting to smell" Claire said and gave him a joking smile. "Well someone has to do the work" Alex said cheekly and took off the tool belt. Claire shook her head with a smile, he was so full of himself sometimes.
"Same time tomorrow?" he asked and walked to her. She nodded with a smile and took the tool belt from his hands.
"Alright, see you tomorrow then" he said and smiled at her a bit longer than needed. "Yeah" Claire said and gave him a smile before turning around to gather the rest of the tools. A couple of weeks had passed since they ended things. It was awkward and weird at first, but then they talked - not about what happened that morning in the bedroom that was. None of them felt like ripping that wound open again, so instead they just promised each other to make it work - They had a business running after all. It took them a bit of time to get back to where they were before everything happened, but they meant too much for each other not to make an effort, so they did. And now they talked and joked like they always had - They even got their first horse to train in a couple of days. Sure the same feeling found them now and then, both ignoring it, too afraid to open up for something too painful. "Okay, I'm gonna go now" Alex said and pulled himself away from the moment, knowing what damage it had caused last time around. "Righto" Claire said with a smile over her shoulder and moved her focus back to the tools on the ground. She purposely waited long enough at the new horse ring they were building, for his car to take off, before she made it back to the stables. She still hated seeing him leave, so if she never actually saw him take off, it didn't affect her as much.
"Claaaire, lunch is ready" Meg called out from across the court. "Alright, coming" Claire called back and hang the tool belt back on its place. She wasn't really feeling like eating, hadn't been for some days but she was always hungry. She was also constantly tired to a point where she found herself take a nap the other day - She never napped but she brushed it off and blamed it on the heat, it was in the middle of summer after all.
"Where the others?" Claire asked as she got back to the kitchen, seeing only Meg there. "Oh, Beck and Jodi is out in Little Regret and Tess should be here any minute" she replied and reached out a plate for her. Claire took it, even though she was fairly sure the sight of the food would make her stomach twist and turn. And it did. She kept looking at the sandwich in front of her, feeling disgusted by every piece of meat and green in it.
"What's wrong?" Meg asked, noticing that Claire yet again didn't eat. "Nothing" Claire said with a smile and took a bite off the sandwich - She was perfectly fine, even though a part of her knew something wasn't feeling normal. Meg kept studying her, she clearly struggled with keeping just one bite in and she wasn't a fool - she had been there herself. And it would make sense with the whole mess with Alex, it wasn't impossible her lack of eating and feeling tired all the time, was caused from something else than the heat.
"You're not hungry?" Meg asked, trying to lead the conversation to where she wanted. Claire looked up for her plate, still chewing on the same mouthful. "Or you just don't like it? I can make you a new one" she continued and got up from the chair. "Oh no, this is fine" Claire said fast, afraid another plate of food would tip her over the edge. "I just need some water, that's all" Claire said and tried to smile as she walked to the sink. She downed a glass of water quickly to get the taste out of her mouth but it lingered on.
"You know what Claire?" Meg asked and started to rummage through one of the cabinets. She pulled out a pack of crackers and placed a couple of them on a new plate. She placed it on the table and guided Claire back to the table.
"What?" She asked and took a seat again. She kept looking at the crackers in front of her and weirdly she didn't feel as disgusted by them as she had with the sandwich Meg had prepared.
"I think you are pregnant" Meg's words felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown right in her face. "What?!" Claire asked surprised, like she couldn't believe what she was hearing but actually she could. It woke the deep feeling she had inside of her of something not being right. "Your off your food, you napped the other day and no - that wasn't cause of the heat. I know that and you know that deep down" Meg said kindly and moved the plate of crackers closer to her. "And these … Doesn't make you feel just as sick, do they?"
Claire shook her head, unable to speak - realising in that moment, that the feeling she had been having was that all along. "I thought so" Meg said with a smile and placed her hand on top of hers. "You should eat some of them. It helps when you can't eat anything" She said and kept looking at Claire as she sat down across her.
"You really think I'm …" Claire stopped, she couldn't get the word out of her mouth. "Pregnant? Yeah" Meg answered and saw how Claire's eyes got big. "I can't know for sure of course but I think a test would be a good idea" Meg said and gave Claire a gentle smile. "But, how" Claire asked openly making Meg let out a small laugh. "I think you know how"
"Yeah but .. " She stopped. Was she really going to talk about this with Meg?
"But what?" Meg asked. Claire sighed - Why not, she had practically functioned as a mother for her through the years. "We were always careful" Claire almost whispered, afraid some of the others would walk in. Meg smiled and leaned her over the tabled. "Is it possible that you and Alex wasn't always .. careful?"
Claire's eyes got big again as she remembered one time in particular, where the heat of the moment got a bit too much. "Shit" she exclaimed rather loud and looked at Meg. "I need a test" Claire stated, knowing there was a great possibility she could be pregnant.
"What test?" Tess asked and took a place at the table. "Oh, nothing" Claire quickly said. She wouldn't say anything to the others, not even Tess, before she was absolutely sure. Meg looked doubting at her, she wasn't sure if keeping Tess out of it was a good idea but she couldn't tell Claire how to go around it.
"Hey, you are going into town later, right?" Claire asked. "Yeah, right after lunch. Wanna come?" Tess answered, busy eating her sandwich. Claire frowned at the sight of it. "Yeah .. Can you just find me when you are done?" Claire said and got on her feet quickly. "I'll be at the stables"
"What's up with her?" Tess asked and looked the way Claire had disappeared. Meg didn't say anything, she just smiled and started to wash up a couple of knives, too afraid she would say something she shouldn't.
"You got everything you need?" Tess asked as they met up at the ute again. "Yup" Claire said quickly and tightened the grip on the small plastic bag she was holding in her hand.
"What was so important that you couldn't wait until I was finished with the groceries?" Tess asked with a cheeky smile. "Oh, it was nothing. Just had to buy some aspirins and stuff like that before I forgot"
"Stuff like that, huh?" Tess replied doubtfully. "They have aspirins at the store, Claire" she continued and looked at Claire and the bag in her hand. Claire desperately tried to figure out what to say but she couldn't think of anything. "Let's go!" She happily said, too eager to get out of there and away from the conversation.
"So, are you going to tell me what's really in the bag?" Tess asked 30 minutes into the drive back. "I did. It's aspirins" Claire said and tried her best to seem collected. "Claire, I'm your sister. I know when you lie" Tess said, not believing a word of what her sister was telling her. "I'm not lying Tess" Claire said and cleared her throat. She had bought aspirins and a little more, but she was just not telling her about everything in the bag. It wasn't lying, it was leaving out some stuff.
"Yeah you are. You get that weird line in your forehead!"
"What line?" Claire asked confused and looked her briefly. "That line right there!" Tess said and looked at Claire and then at the bag, debating with herself whether or not she should just open it. Claire sighed, she could might as well just come clean to her, knowing she would have Tess on her back all the way home. Beside, it would probably not hurt to share it with someone. "Okay fine." Claire said and pulled over. She turned to face Tess, who was sitting patiently, waiting on what Claire had to tell.
"I think .. " She stopped. The word was not easy to get across her lips. "I think I might be pregnant" she tried again and noticed Tess's jaw drop. "Pregnant?!" She repeated. Claire nodded and leaned herself back in the seat. "As in pregnant, for real?" She asked again. Tess was thrown back by the bomb Claire just dropped, she hadn't expected it to be this when she pushed for an answer. "How can you be fake pregnant?" Claire frowned and looked at her sister again. "Are we seriously going to have a baby?" Tess asked all excited, ignoring her sisters comment. She knew what she meant.
"Yeah relax over there, will ya? We don't know anything yet, okay?" Claire said. She couldn't be happy or sad for a baby she wasn't even sure existed yet. Right now, all she could think about was, that if she was pregnant it would be a crazy mess, and she wasn't sure how Alex would react when he found out - It just shouldn't have happened.
"Well what are we sitting here for? Drive, so we can get back and take the test!" Tess said eagerly. Claire shook her head and tiny grin appeared - Why did her sister have to be so cheerful when she tried not to be, it made it quite hard.
"It has two lines" Tess said and looked over Claire's shoulder. "Does this mean that you are …"
"Yup" Claire said and cut her off. "Pregnant" - this time the word came more easy to her, it was like seeing the result on the stick made her realise it was real and there was no hiding from it anymore. "This is huge, Claire!" Tess said and followed her back into her bedroom. "No, it's a mess -that's what it is" Claire said with a firm voice and placed herself on the edge of the bed, still holding the pregnancy test in her hand. "A baby is not a mess, Claire - It's a gift" Tess stated and took a seat next to her. Claire sighed and shook her head. "That might be the case when you are still with the father of the baby"
"Oh, right" Tess said and instantly felt bad for being so hyped about the pregnancy. "What are you gonna do Claire?" she asked and made sure to tone her excitement down.
"The only thing I can do - I have to talk to Alex" Claire said and looked at Tess. Her eyes was a mix of fear and hurt but she couldn't make out which took up most of the space at this point, so she gave Claire a comforting smile and placed her head on her shoulder. "What about after you've talked?" She asked and felt Claire breathe out heavily. "I don't know Tess, I really don't know. Right now I just know that he needs to be told" Claire said and rested her head on Tess's. She wasn't sure how Alex would react, if he even wanted kids - but there was that time where one of his ex's placed her baby at his doorstep, saying it was his. Turns out it wasn't. He looked so hurt when he found out he wasn't the dad after all, which made her think he wanted kids but he had never talked about it, not with her anyway.
