.
Ricky was not a happy man. They had been lost in the woods for two fucking days, and it was all Bubble's fault. If he had just gone on the dope raid like a good friend, they wouldn't be in this mess, but no, he had to be a fucking pussy about it and back out.
Now they were stuck in these fucking woods, looking for him. Julian wasn't any help, all he did was bitch about his rum being gone.
"Julian, shut the fuck up about your fucking rum!" he yelled. Julian glared at him as a squirrel family chattered in the tree nearby.
"This is your fault as much as mine Ricky!" Julian yelled back. "You are the one who called him a pussy and made him fucking cry." Ricky gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the fucking squirrels.
"I was being honest, he was being a pussy, backing out of our dope raid, Cirus has fucked us up for the last fucking time!" Ricky bellowed. "That's it you fucking .squirrels, prepare to die you fuck's!" He aimed his gun at the tree and began to shoot, the shots echoing through the woods.
"Ricky, stop, you are going to run out of fucking bullets if you do shit like that," Julian said. "Stop wasting time and help me find Bubbles."
Ricky scowled and stomped after him, gazing at the endless woods.
They walked on for a couple of hours in silence, gazing at the endless trees around them. Julian stopped, gazed around, and spoke.
"You know what Ricky, let's go back to the trailer park, maybe he went back."
Ricky nodded, walking after him. He was ready for some dope and cigarettes. If he coudl get some pepperoni, that would be a fucking bonus.
They walked through the woods some more, hopeful that Bubbles would be waiting for them at the trailer park.
After another hour of this, Ricky was growing impatient. He wanted his dope, and the trailer park was not getting any closer.
The sun began beating down on their necks, causing his shirt to stick to him.
"I need a fucking drink Julian, can we stop?"
"Yeah, we can stop, I need a drink myself, I think that there is a stream nearby, I can hear water."
"I want liquor, not fucking water,' Ricky snarled.
"Well Ricky, what the fuck can I do about that, I'm out of fucking rum," Julian snapped. "Water is all we have, so fucking deal with it."
"Oh fuck off!" Ricky yelled. "This coming from the guy wining about the lack of fucking rum!" He took a deep breath.
"If I dont get dope soon, I'll fucking loose it."
"Just get a drink so we can fucking go," Julian snapped, dipping his face in the water. Ricky sighed and did the same.
Once they got their fill they moved on, neither of them noticing the gray clad figure on their trail.
They walked for another three hours, the thought of seeing Bubbles again keeping them going.
The only thing in sight was woods as far as the eye could see, but they were hopeful. The woods had to end at some point after all.
"We need to stop Ricky," said Julian. "The sun is setting and I am fucking exhausted."
"We should keep going," Ricky argued. "The trailer park shouldn't be far." Julian glared at his friend.
'Wake the fuck up Ricky," he growled. "There is not a fucking trailer! I don't know what the fuck is going on, but we are lost, and getting low on food. All we have is some cheese crackers and beef jerky." There was Kraft Dinner, but Julian wanted to save that for when they really needed it.
"Fine," Ricky replied. His head was pounding,and he was too tired to put up an argument.
Sighing, he followed Julian to a nearby tree.
"You get some sleep Ricky, I will keep watch for bears and shit like that. Just think buddy, we'll be back in Sunnyvale by tomorrow."
"All right Julian, wake me up whenever you get sleepy."
Julian sighed, gazing at the endless line of trees. They seemed to go on for kilometres. A fox darted past as a figure appeared in the distance. He tensed, hand going to his gun.
His hand relaxed when an old man appeared in front of him.
"May I join you and your friend for the night?" he asked. Julian stared at his strange hat and wooden stick. Was he cold in that robe type thing?
"Why do you want to join us? We are trying to get back to Sunnyvale." The man stared at him as he sat down.
"I believe that you are lost. I have been following your trail for the past day, wondering if you are spies for Sauruman," he said. What the fuck is he talkign about? Julian thought to himself. 'I can see by your face that you do not know who I am speaking of. I suggest that you and your friend join me in the morning. I can take you to a safe place. I do not know what Sunnycale is, but you are close to fangorn forrest."
"What the fuck are you talkign about?" Julian said, trying hard not to yell, fighting down his panic. "This is supposed to be Canada, not a fucking Fangorn, whatever the fuck that means." The man sighed, running a hand through his beard.
"I am afraid I do not know what this Canada is, you are more lost than you think. I am called Gandalf. We shall be meeting some friends of mine in three days, trouble is brewing, and we must make haste to stop it." Julian frowned in thought. It would be nice to have some guides to help them through this strange fucking place, but he did not want to be in a kidnaping situation.
"I am not goign to harm you and your companion," Gandalf said. "You shall be safer if you travel with us until you find your way back to your home." Julian nodded.
"All right Gandalf, I am Julian. Ricky, my friend over there and I will go with you, we better not fucking regret it you hear me?" Gandalf nodded.
"Be at peace Master Julian, no harm shall come to you and Ricky." I'll believe it when I see it, Julian thought, scowliung at the man.
He did not trust him, but what fucking choice did they have? If anything got fucky, they could steal his shit and be on their way. He blinked again at the exhaustion that crept over him. He did not want to fall asleep.
He might be becoming as paranoyed as Lahey, but nobody would harm Ricky. Julian had his gun. What did the old man have? A fucking staff type thing. There was a sword as well, but he was skeptical that he knew how to use it, he and Ricky might have stumbled into some medieval actor nerd fest.
Gandalf had said that he would not harm them, but Julian could see the mistrust in his gray eyes. He had bushie eyebrows , and the hat was straight out of some medieval story.
He could be lieing however, Julian thought, gazing at the forrest around him. He might want to harm them at the right moment in time.
He was second guessing wether going with him was a good idea, but they were lost, that was the point he kept going back to.
Julian gazed into his empty rum glass, wishing it had some magical answer, but none came of fucking course. He had a strong urge to throw it against a tree, but he didn't want to break it, he might be able to refill it soon.
He missed the clink of ice as it knocked against the sides of the glass as he sipped, it was music to his ears.
He blinked once more, determened to stay awake. Anger at Bubbles rushed through him like a waterfall. If he hadn't been such a pussy and had gone with them, they would all be safe in Canada, together, but no, Bubbles had to chicken out. He had been doing this the past three dope rades they had been on.
Was it some mid-life crisis? If so, Bubbles would need to snap out of it, and fast. Julian and Ricky were getting tired of his shit. A small part of him knew that he was being an asshole, but he didn't give a fuck. Retirement was so fucking close, and Bubbles had to fucking fuck it up by getting lost.
"Well fuck you Bubbles, see if I help you with your dream of being a fucking rock star," Julian whispered. He kicked at a rock, wincing at the pain in his foot.
Ricky stirred at the noise. Julian froze, cursing his bout of anger. Ricky could be an ass if he was woke up suddenly, Julian was relieved that he rolled over, muttering something about Pepperoni and Lucy.
Julian's eyes grew heavy with sleep. He knew that they would have to wake up early to continue, so he decided to give in. If the old man harmed either of them in the middle of the night, he would regret it.
Julian placed his hand on his gun as he fell asleep.
Ricky woke to find one of the oldest dudes he had ever seen gazing at him in annoyance. Ricky's irritation rose. Who the fuck was this dude, and who was he to think he was so high and mighty? He scowled as he got up to take a piss.
"Who the fuck is this Julian?" he growled as he returned.
"Some dude named Gandalf," Julian replied, ignoring Ricky's irritation. "He said he would help us."
"Why in the fuck would anybody name their kid Gandalf?" Ricky asked. "Pretty stupid fucking name I think." Gandalf's glare intensified.
"Shut the fuck up Ricky, he's our only ticket out of this shitty forrest," Julian snarled as Ricky scrambled to pack their stuff. "Don't you dare forget Bubble's guitar, he will loose it if that goes missing."
"I got the fucking guitar Julian, leave me the fuck alone, fuck!" Ricky yelled, nearing the end of his patience from the lack of dope and alcohol.
A squerelle in a nearby tree caused him to snap.
"That's it you furry cock sucker!" Ricky bellowed, shooting the creature in two shots. "Die you son of a whore, you cock sucking bastard!"
"Be silent," Gandalf snapped. "Less you wish for all the orcs of Sauruman to fall on our heads."
"Fuck off Gandalf," Ricky snapped back, ignoring Julian's pull on his shirt. "Acting all high and mighty."
"I was merely following the councel of your friend, he wished for you to sleep for five more minutes, which are gone. We must make haste," Gandalf replied, eyebrows brissling in his anger. "Or I shall leave you and your friend behind."
"Don't be a dick and leave us here," said Ricky, putting the strap of Bubble's guitar over his shoulder. "Excuse me for getting my friend's guitar, who is fucking lost by the way."
"Hold your tongue and follow me if you will," Gandalf said, giving Ricky a final glare.
"Have you lost your mind Ricky?" Julian hissed, keeping up with Gandalf's quick stride. "You can't fuck with this man, or he just might fuck us up in return." Ricky glared at Julian as he huffed along behind them.
"I need dope Julian, my thinks and thoughts aren't talking to me. I'll be nice if he will." Julian nodded, patting his pockets. His secret stash of dope was there, Ricky didn't need to know, or he would want it for himself, and that wouldn't do, then Julian would have less, and he didn't want that, so he would have to keep it as secret as he could. Ricky began complaining about his sore and tired feet at around noon.
Julian tried to ignore it, but he wouldn't shut up.
"I'm sore and tired too Ricky, but do you see me bitching? Fuck no. The sooner we leave this forrest, the sooner we can reach Sunnyvale."
"I can complain if I fucking want to Julian, what are you? The Don't complain police guy?" Gandalf looked like he had a headache, Julian rolled his eyes at Ricky's dramatics.
It was nothing but trees as far as the eye could see. Julian was beginning to think that Gandalf was fucking with them, there was no sign of any other people except for themselves.
Ricky seemed to be growing more pissed off by the second, his boots crunched through the grass as he swore in increasing volume, his feet getting caught on tree roots and branches in the path.
Julian wished he would shut the fuck up, he was afraid that bears or wolves would go after them. Did wolves hunt during the day? He wasn't sure, but he didn't want to stick around and find out.
"Ricky, shut the fuck up," he hissed, not liking the increasing ire of the old man who was their guide.
"No, I won't shut the fuck up Julian, I need dope, right now, and pepperoni. I want to get drunk and high as fuck tonight, if I don't, I'll loose my fucking mind. that's it you fucking squirrel!" Julian snatched the gun from Ricky's hand before he could shoot.
"Are you out of your fucking mind Ricky? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"My thinks and thoughts and brain departments aren't working without my dope, chill down, don't make a mole hill out of a fucking mountain." Julian sighed. He wasn't bgoing to bother pointing out the correct saying of that particular phrase.
"I'm out of rum, but you don't see me complaining do you?" Julian hissed, shoving Ricky who shoved back, raising his fist.
"Don't fucking start with me Julian, I'm not in the mood," he growled.
"Do you think I'm in the mood for your shit Ricky?" Julian nearly yelled.
"Silence!" Gandalf boomed. "Your foolish bickering shall get us discovered by orcs, I shall leave you behind if this arguing does not end." He looked so forbidding at that moment, that even Ricky saw his error, backing down with a muttered appology, which Julian reluctantly returned. Ricky was itching to fight still, Julian could see it in his eyes. He hoped Ricky wouldn't fuck things up for them.
Gandalf lead them to a river for their lunch. Julian and Ricky ate the last bits of beef jerky, both of them hoping they wouldn't regret the action later.
They hoped that whereever Bubbles was, he was all right, they hoped like hell that he wasn't hurt, trapped in some other forrest without food or water. Ricky passed his guitar to Julian, he was tired of carrying the thing.
Randy and Sarah were looking after The Pur Monster along with the other cats, so there was no worrys about that for the time being. Julian flashed Ricky an annoyed look, but excepted the instrument. Gandalf motioned them to follow as he lead them deeper into the trees. Who were his friends? Julian had no idea, he bet that the man had made them up to make them come along, there was nobody in sight but the three of them and a bunch of animals. A pair of foxes darted past, on the hunt for food no doubt.
A tiny part of him hoped that they would have to crawl back into their fucking dins empty handed, see how they liked being lost and hungry in the middle of fucking no where.
"All right Gandalf you dick weed, I want some fucking food and fucking dope, and I want it now!" Ricky yelled before turning on Julian. "Nice job fuck face, why did you think it was a good idea to hook up with this dick head? We are more lost now."
"We had no fucking choice Ricky," Julian yelled back, at the end of his rope with the hole thing. "We are lost, and we need fucking help out of this fucking forrest." Ricky shoved Julian.
"Oh yeah, does it look like he has taken us to the end?" Julian shoved back.
"It will be soon so fuck off, unless you have a brilliant plan of your own."
"I do have a brilliant plan, I want to get drunk and high as fuck tonight." Julian glared at Ricky.
'I told you, I don't have any dope or alcohol." Ricky looked skeptical while Gandalf looked furious.
"What did I just tell you?" he asked, glaring at them. "I shall leave you in this forrest, do not test me, it shall be unwise to do so."
"Listen here Gandalf you dick weed, if that is your fucking name," Ricky yelled. Julian sighed. He had allready said that. "A rather fucked up name if you ask me, you have fucked up parents, we don't need your so called help, so fuck off, we are still in the forrest, we want out of the forrest so we can go home and get drunk and high as fuck!" Ricky walked up to the old man, but Julian pushed him back.
"Put that fucking gun away Ricky," Julian snarled. "Do you want to go to jail?"
"I wouldn't mind going to jail," Ricky replied, tightening his hold on his gun. "It would be better than walking through this fucking forrest with all these fucking cock sucking squirrels, shut up!" he shot a pair of squirrels in the tree in front of him.
"Give me the gun Ricky, your out of control," Julian growled.
"Fuck off Julian, you have your own gun," said Ricky.
"We shall make camp here this night," Gandalf said. "If you do not remain silent, I shall leave you. I have more important things to do than dealing with you people. I suggest you use your brain Ricky, listen to your friend and hold your tongue."
"Did you just call me stupid you old fuck?" Ricky snarled, leaping at Gandalf. Julian stared as Ricky seemed to freeze. He watched as he tried to take a step, but he remained stuck, like he was glued to the forrest floor.
"This is bullshit, why can't I fucking move? The lack of dope is fucking up my brain compartments and departments."
"There is not a thing wrong with your brain," Gandalf replied. "You shall remain as you are until you hold your tongue."
"Don't tell me what to do you fucked up freak."
'Let him go right now," Julian growled, stepping towards Gandalf. "If you fuck with Ricky, you get burned."
"Do you wish to be like your friend?" Gandalf asked. "If not, I suggest you be silent. He shall remain in this state until morning, it shall teach him to be silent I deam."
"No it won't Gandalf, I don't know who the fuck you are, or what is goign on, but your being a dick, you can't just put some mind control thing on my friend. We don't need a guide who can fuck with people's minds, release him, and go back where you came from," Julian said, glowering at Gandalf.
"I am afraid that we are stuck with one another for the time being, it is but a day more of travel until we reach the end, then we shall part ways, I have friends of my own I am in search of, and time is of the essence," said Gandalf.
"Look at you and your fancy book learning words," Ricky snarled. Gandalf sighed.
"I meant that I must make haste and find my friends," Gandalf replied.
"Fine, you lead us through these woods, and we can leave you alone," Julian replied. "Just let Ricky go."
"I cannot do that," Gandalf replied. "We cannot afford him acting foolish, this shall be a lesson for him as I said." Julian shook his head. Ricky was only able to deal with one thing at a time, he looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown with the lack of dope and alcohol. He hoped that Ricky wouldn't do anything stupid.
Julian wouldn't blame him if he did, having your mind fucked up would make anyone snap. He wasn't looking forward to the fall out if it happened.
"Stop fucking with my mind you fucking… Fuck my thinks and thoughts are fucked! WHat if they remain fucked." Ricky was truely looking scared now.
"I can't deal with this horse shit Julian, not tonight, I just need one joint to refuckulate my thinks and thoughts man, come on, give over." Julian shook his head. He felt horrible for RIcky in his current situation, but he needed to keep his stash safe.
"No Ricky, it's just for one night, you'll be fine, just tryand relax buddy," he replied.
"Fuck you then Julian, you and your dope!" Ricky yelled. "I don't need it or you, you selfish cock sucking jack ass.
You can take your dope and fuck off!"
