A/N: Oops, accidentally uploaded my unedited version of this chapter. My bad. SORRY! Can't believe some of you are actually reading this crap lol
I grunted. Something really heavy was sitting on my chest. I heaved, trying to push the thing off. It didn't budge. Great, my cat probably fell asleep on top of me after eating the turkey again. I wheezed and tried again. Argh! When did my cat get so fat? And why was was he so hard and cold? Jeesh, no catnip for little furball today! Nu-uh. I tried again but to no avail. It was like trying to push... a boulder...
...
...
...
Hold on a sec...
Something nagged at the back of my head. I carefully reached up and felt the thing on my chest. My fingers wandered over the cold, rough grooves of - "oh my"- the rock sitting idly on top of me. I exhaled slowly, trying not to panic. This wasn't normal. Well, for me, anyway.
Wait.
"Where am I again?"
I blinked my eyes and looked around. It was really dark in here, but not as dark as that other place-
My heart seemed to just stop. Memories of the super hot guy, the ugly rabbit thing, and the conversation we had came flooding back. My head reeled as I processed all the information.
"The Naruto universe, huh? Oh." Dread sank into bones. "I'm so dead. Again. For the second time." I shook my head, feeling my hair brush against my cheeks. Nope. There is no way I am going to die again. I already died once, no need to do it again. Who's to say I'd get a third chance because getting a second chance was already pushing it. "I need to focus! First thing first: where the hell am I?"
With renewed conviction, I tried to get a better understanding of my situation.
"Okay, I can do this! It's um dark...and dirty and uh very um well, I can't breathe very good." The air was stale and warm. It was getting difficult to breathe and the million ton rock weighing down on me wasn't helping anybody, especially not me. Perfect, I'm probably going to die of monoxide poisoning this time around.
Seriously though, I had to get out of here. There was hardly any air and the rock felt like it was getting heavier. Or maybe my senses were just starting to wake up?
Something like a crack resounded in the area I was in and the boulder sank downward. I gasped and kicked my legs weakly. No, no the rock was definitely moving and from the feel of it I probably come out with some bruised ribs. If I came out at all, that is. I took in a measured breath and tried to get a feel for my surroundings.
I could feel rocks and little pieces of debris under so that meant I must be outside, somewhere near a landslide or something like that. I sighed. Figures that the handsome jerk would send me into a body that was half-dead. Probably laughing his ass off and eating popcorn from some divine movie theater.
This could end two ways: in a Shawshank worthy escapade or in excruciating pain.
I placed my hand on the rock above me and pushed again. Nothing. I tried again, my muscles straining under the unbearable weight. My chest was really starting to hurt. I sucked in a quick breath and pushed. The rock moved a little, but my arms gave out and the thing slipped from my grip.
CRACK!
I screeched in pain and dug my nails into the dirt. I gasped silently in pain, willing the hot flash to go away. I lay there for some time- writhing and whimpering in agony. The pain slowly subsided as my oxygen-needy brain decided it had bigger shit to deal with. Like getting out of here in one piece, for starters. Or at least alive.
My mind cleared a bit and I was able to coherently form thoughts again instead of screaming mindlessly, "FOR THE LOVE OF FUNNEL CAKES! THAT FUCKING HUUUURT! GAH! ShIT" Although, my new thought process wasn't much different than what I'd been thinking moments before- just with less cursing. I bit my lip, my breaths coming in short, quick takes. I guess this is how astronauts felt like in those movies when they're running low on oxygen but with less pain and more epic floating.
"N-Need air." I thought, gathering all my strength into pushing the boulder off me once again. "I will not die in this miserable cave thingy! One," the jagged edges of the rock bit into my palms, "Two," my arms trembled violently, "THREE!"
The fact that the rock actually moved this time did surprise me. But what surprised me more was the freaking glowing light coming from my hands as I sent the boulder and some rubble flying through the air. I heard a whistle as the pile of debris sailed through the air and the ginormous crash it made once it reunited with the Earth.
I blinked owlishly, "Wow, now that's what I call inner strength! Was that ...my chakra?"
I sat up slowly. A sharp pain erupted from my chest as I took in a few breaths of fresh, carbon-dioxide-free air. I placed my hand where it hurt and winced. I definitely broke something in there. My hands roamed my torso, all my medical training coming back, as I checked for injuries. I frowned, feeling a dented chest plate. I looked down and stared. I squinted my eyes. Was I in the dark for so long that it affected my eyesight or...?
I gulped, but it felt like something was lodged in my throat.
Something wasn't right. Sure, my secret admirer had said that I wouldn't appear back in my old body but still; there was something, I don't know, off with my new body.
My eyes widened. "Oh no. No no no no!" My hands were a blur as I stripped off the heavy chest plate and my shirt.
I could only gaze down in horror. My mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Finally, after an eternity of war against my vocal chords, a strangled cry escaped my lips.
"Where are they?! They were just here, I swear- oh god no. I-I can't do this." I patted my flat chest repeatedly. Tears streamed down my face. They were gone. Forever. Never to be seen again. A choked sob racked my body.
Where the hell were my boobs! "Okay, take in a deep breathe. Yeah, that's it. Hold it and exhale slowly, Jennie. There is no need to panic because my TITS ARE FUCKING MISSING ASDFGHJKL!"
I clamped my hands over my mouth despite having shouted mentally. What was wrong with me? I've never gotten so worked up before. Sure, the moment certainly could excuse my vulgar mental exclamations but that's not how I usually worked. Usually, I just lie down and cry. I don't hissy fit or swear like a raging soccer mom who's son just lost a practice game and was now planning legislative warfare against the whole country.
I closed my eyes. I needed to clear my head and calm down before an anxiety attack overtook me. Not that it wouldn't be warranted. This whole thing was going to give me an aneurysm and a second early death. Besides my freaking out was normal for having to deal with the stress of dying and being revived in the body of some random Joe. Yup. A bad case of universe homesickness and gender dysphoria.
I hiccuped and continued with my check up once I felt saner. I probed my body and discovered I had four cracked ribs among some other minor injuries. My eyes widened with fear but I quickly forced it down. I couldn't panic now. First thing first was to patch me up as best as I could so I didn't die of an infection. Then I could freak out about all this crazy voodoo shit later.
I grunted and shakily looked around. It was freezing out here. Oh well. At least the air smelt nice. Kind of salty and with a hint of freshly upturned dirt.
I turned my head from side to side. Wherever I was the place was an utter disaster zone. Buildings and homes had been laying demolished and overgrown with vegetation. Looked like a serious battle had occurred here; I could see some rusted weapons lying around. Most of them were broken or corroded beyond all use.
Holding my aching abdomen, I began slowly trekking forward. There was a partial building still standing proud and defiantly among its fallen brethren. I was panting now, the pain in my chest worsening. I could feel all kinds of wounds all over my beaten body reopening. I sighed in relief when I made it under the roof of the small property. I don't think my body could have handled much more. I dropped onto my bottom and looked down at myself again. A strangled whine escaped my throat upon seeing my flat chest. Why on earth was I inside a guy's body of all things!? I would have been perfectly content inside a baby or even a mouse just as long as it was female.
I groaned. So far my second chance sucked. I was inside the body of a boy (man, I corrected myself because these abs were mighty fine. Damn son!), in a foreign land- universe-, and no way of surviving whatsoever. My survival instincts were mostly made up of my leftover paranoia when I went through this phase where I believed that the tooth fairy was some psycho bitch who was just waiting to yank off and harvest my teeth with a set of rusty pliers. And steal my piggy bank, while she was at it. Another thing, my body didn't look like it would last much longer. There were several deep gashes and dark, ugly bruises all over me. So, yeah, this really sucked balls.
Hesitantly, I began rifling through the pouches attached to my waist. I found a dozen kunai knives, one shuriken, a roll of ninja wire, a scroll, and some bandages. The weapons I could maybe use later. Just in case the need ever arises and I have to fend off a rabid squirrel. Anything bigger than my head would probably kill me out of pity. Hopefully, that would never happen because I don't handle the whole kill-or-be-killed thing very well. Besides, how much damage could an inexperienced twenty-two-year-old female stuck inside a dude's body could do? Not much.
The scroll was off limits. I don't have the slightest clue what could spring out of there and I don't know how to summon my chakra all that well yet. The other incident was a complete fluke and probably caused by my desperation to survive! The bandages were the only useful thing at the moment.
I raised my head in the direction of my discarded clothing I had left behind in my rush of...discovery. I would pick it up later after I rested. I didn't feel like face-planting just for modesty's sake.
I tore a strip of clothing off my tattered black pants and used it to wipe away the grime and dirt off my wounds. Wincing and muttering hushed curses under my breath, I wrapped the roll of bandages around my mid-section. Tomorrow I would search for a river or something to wash my body off because, to be frank, I stink. Also, I don't really fancy getting an infection out in the middle of nowhere.
I leaned back and rested my head on a patch of grass growing through a crack in the floor. My eyes closed but just before they slid shut I caught a glimpse of a round swirl-shaped emblem carved into a protruding piece of rubble. I smiled. What were the odds of that, huh? Seeing the Uzumaki symbol in a bunch of ruins. Weird. I thought nothing more of it as I fell asleep, weary from the day's shocking discoveries.
~XoXoXoXoXoXoXo~
I awoke the next day to the sound of birds cawing and little critters scurrying through the wreckage. I yawned loudly and stretched. My back and neck ached from sleeping on the floor, but besides that I felt...fine. Good, actually. Maybe a little hungry.
I hummed quietly and stood up. I was expecting pain but was pleasantly relieved when I felt none. My torso and limbs were sore but that was it. Curious, I pried loose my bandages and felt my jaw drop to the floor. Where there had been oozing blood and dark angry bruises there was now only a handful of scabs and the bruising had gone down to a light blue. I checked my arms and found only healed skin. I blinked and blamed it on the strangeness of the Naruto universe. Yup, had to be that. A breeze made shiver.
A breeze made shiver. Right, almost forgot about the rest of my clothes
"Time to get my stuff." I walked over to the pile of rocks where I had first awoken. There was dried blood on the ground and my abandoned clothing, but nothing else from what I could see.
I put back on the red shirt and the dented armor for both protection and because I was used to the sensation of something pressing against my chest, like my bra. I sighed happily once I was fully dressed. I felt naked and exposed just walking around in my pants and sandals. Sure, I was now a guy and didn't need to cover up but old habits die hard I guess Besides, the body I was in was strangely feminine despite not being female. My frame was lean yet strong and my hips were almost girlish. I feel bad for the poor guy and all the teasing he must have endured. Hopefully, he was in a better place and wouldn't hate me for taking over his body for a bit.
Just then something shiny caught my eyes. "Huh?" I bent over and brushed aside some pebbles and leaves. I reached forward and grabbed the red cloth laying beneath the dirt. I dusted it off and felt my eyes widened. It was a ninja headband with a single spiral swirl. The metal plat glinted faintly under the light layer of rust. Something overcame me, a sense of pride mixed in with anguish, and I gripped it tightly. There was something about the headband… like it was mine but at the same time, it wasn't mine. Hesitantly I reached up and tied it against my forehead. It felt right. My tense shoulders relaxed.
I sighed and looked down. There was something else in the broken earth. I reached down again and pulled.
"NO!" I gasped in horror and let go. "Bunny-chan!?" I found my gentle yet baritone voice exclaim in surprise. I yelped, grabbing my throat. It was that same voice from before! The one I heard in that dark place. I took another deep breath to soothe my racing heart and picked up the rabbit again. It was filthy and fucking hideous as ever yet it felt soft and soothing beneath my calloused fingertips. Quickly, looking around for any onlookers, I stuffed the toy in one of my empty pouches. It's head and ears hung limply outside the pocket as if admiring the view. I shook my head. What was I thinking? Deciding to carry around that thing? What if someone saw it? I made to grab it and chuck it away into the foliage...but...I just couldn't.
I jumped in suprise as heard my new voice for the first time. It was a soft baritone.
"W-What!?" I yelped, grabbing my throat. It was that same voice from before! The one I heard in that dark place. I took another deep breath to soothe my racing heart and picked up the rabbit again. It was as filthy and fucking hideous as ever, yet it felt soft and soothing beneath my calloused fingertips. Quickly, looking around for any onlookers, I stuffed the toy in one of my empty pouches. Its head and ears hung limply outside the pocket as if admiring the view.
I shook my head. What was I thinking? Deciding to carry around that thing? What if someone saw it? I made to grab it and chuck it away into the foliage...but...I just couldn't.
I bit my lip. Well, I couldn't just leave it here to rot, could I? That would be needlessly cruel and if Toy Story taught me anything was that toys were no laughing matter. Besides the bunny was cute in a weird, totally insane nostalgic kind of way.
Shaking my head for the umpteenth time I began walking, deciding to just keep the thing. The sound of rushing water egged me on and I soon found myself at the bank of a small river. I bent down and dunked my head into the fresh water, greedily lapping up the cool liquid into my sore throat. It was so dry. My body probably hasn't had anything to drink or eat in ages. It was a miracle this body was still functional and not a pile of decomposing mush. I guess the air-tight mini cave I was in had something to do with that. Probably preserved my body or something like a mummy.
I leaned away from the water and glanced at my reflection. I gasped, inhaling some water, and started coughing. After I learned how to breathe like a proper human again I looked back at my relfection. My hair was an alarming shade of red, it was long, almost to my waist. I fingered the spiked bangs framing my petite face. The way they were styled made my blue eyes look even bigger and anime-ish.
But what really threw me off were the thin, whisker-like scars on my cheeks. I traced the red lines with my hand. It was rough compared to my otherwise smooth complexion. They were most likely caused when the boulders had collapsed on top of my body's original owner. There were four on each side and they were rather short which, again, made me look in a Naruto-esque way.
With my looks, I could pass off as Kushina's younger sister, er, brother. Hehe, sorry. I keep forgetting I have a penis.
I blushed and shook my head. "Thanks for the reminder, brain." I groaned inwardly. "Good timing."
It was going to be sooo awkward when I eventually I have to pee.
After washing myself off, which was ultra embarrassing, I headed back to the ruins of Uzushiogakure. Because what else could the place be? Some destroyed red light district that some rowdy monks had laid siege to? No, I think not. My knowledge of the Narutoverse was pretty solid in most instances and I remembered hearing something about Uzu being destroyed during the First or Second Shinobi World War. I shrugged. Some details were fuzzy but I knew that much.
Okay, now back to the matter at hand. There was no way I could stay here. I don't know the first thing about living in the wilderness and I don't think my body's shinobi instincts were going to cut it, especially if I didn't know how to use them. So my first action was going to be: A) find a map and B) locate Fire country. There was a good chance I have some pure Uzumaki blood flowing through my veins because if waking up in Uzu, my red hair, and that Whirlpool headband wasn't enough proof then I don't know what is. Anyways, from what I could recall Fire country, therefore Konoha, had a strong alliance with Whirlpool country before it was leveled to the ground. I figured Konoha was my safest bet and they owe Uzu, like, a lot. That, and it was the only familiar thing I had.
There was no way I was going to affect the timeline. Right? Because what could flustered, clumsy, little 'ol me ever do? And even if I did manage to change something it would probably be minuscule.
...Yeah...
Anyways, that was my overall plan: get my ass over to Konoha and hope no one notices me. Although there is a huge chance that I'll be caught by Konoha Shinobi at the gates. I mean I might be just some normal civilian chick but even I could sense the advanced chakra network of a shinobi circulating through my body. But still, Konoha was my best bet. Suna was way too hot for a California girl and I love water. Amegakure was way too wet, even for me, and Iwa was a nope. The land of Mist was also a big no-no. So Konoha was safe, in my mind.
That is if the Third, Tsunade, or even Kakashi (who knows how far along or back I am in the timeline) is still running things because if Danzo's in charge well...let's just say I was better off dead.
After getting to Konoha I could finally take some time to get used to the idea of my new life without the threat of death. Maybe I could accomplish all the things I missed out on in my past life. Like go rollerskating or catch me a decent boyfriend. That second goal was going to be weird. Since, you know, I'm a boy too now. But a girlfriend didn't sound too bad, either. Lord know I'd be the most syaphtic male on this planet. But yeah! I'm going to get me a love life! Or hire a bunch of strippers if all else fails.
Maybe I'll even become a shinobi! I flexed my arms. My body felt like it could handle it and I had enough experience working in the ghetto's hospitals. I'd probably seen enough blood, death, and human atrocities to qualify as a ninja. I'm still queasy about killing people, but Naruto seemed to get by just fine. Maybe I could do too, but if not I knew some part of me wanted to get back at the evil people in the world. There was this one time, in the ER, some kid came in with his ear ripped off. The mother had looked pissed and explained it was just an accident; that she hadn't meant to tug so hard. Yeah right, that nasty despicable women deserved way more than the slap on the wrist the cosial services gave her.
However, if by some chance I get mixed in with the main characters...well... I'll just think of something if and when that happens. I just hope I don't cry or go into fangirl mode because that would go so over well.
._. Yeah...
I made myself busy shifting through the ruins. It was depressing seeing the total destruction of what had once been such a strong village. A pang of sorrow echoed in my rib cage as I picked up a dirty bunny backpack. Probably belonged to a child who had been killed in the invasion. The dried blood on the straps spoke of that much. I cleaned it up and put it on. It'd be useful for carrying anything else I find. My pouches were already full and I would need the extra room. I nearly jumped for joy when I spotted a map. It was yellowed and faded but the distinct land formations and trails were still visible. Hopefully, the thing wasn't too outdated. I tucked the map away in my backpack and settled down for the night. Tomorrow would mark a new day in my hopefully longer new life. Maybe I'll find some food tomorrow. I closed my eyes, unconsciously drooling as I dreamt of burgers and spaghetti.
