A/N: Chapter warning for suicidal thoughts, negativity, and general depression talk. (As though that's not the common theme in the whole story lol.) More notes at the end.


Marinette threw her pencil down in frustration, gaining little satisfaction at the sound of the lead breaking.

Fucking useless woman. Can't even design a skirt.

"Mari? Is everything alright?"

She turned to Freddie. "Sorry. I'm just having an off day." Like every day isn't an "off day" anymore. Why are you even trying?

He frowned, unable to read her expression. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Yeah, for sure." She gave an unconvincing smile.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Marinette nodded. "Yeah. Like I said, just having an off day."

"Okay. If you're sure." Freddie patted her shoulder and walked away, leaving Marinette to her work.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You should've said something. Well, it's not like you can just say, "Yeah, I'm fine. By the way, I want to kill myself." She shook her head, sharpening her pencil. What the hell's the point, anyway? The only point in my life is on this pencil. Adrien would be proud of that. Or maybe not; I don't know anymore.

She sighed and turned to a blank page in her sketchbook. The calendar caught her eye (it had black cats all through it; a "congrats on the internship" gift from Adrien), and she stared at the boxes for a good thirty seconds.

She put the pencil down and reached for the calendar, browsing the dates until she found one she liked.

That's the day I should kill myself.

She looked around, afraid someone might've heard her thoughts. When nobody looked her way, she returned to the calendar and counted backwards.

Fourteen weeks. Fourteen weeks until I kill myself.

Marinette moved forward in the calendar again and drew a tiny "X" in the corner of her chosen date. Right, as if I'd forget that. I'll forget everything else, but I doubt I can forget that.

A reminder on her phone buzzed.

Lunch with Adrien 3

Marinette sighed; Adrien had sensed she wasn't doing well and insisted on it the day before.

Ellie walked up to Marinette's desk and tapped on her desk for her attention. "Hey, Adrien's here for lunch with you. Freddie said you could leave early if you wanted to."

Marinette looked up at her. "Oh, thank you. I'll try and get this done before I leave tonight, okay?"

"No problem. Go enjoy your lunch." Ellie smiled and walked off, leaving Marinette to collect her things.

Marinette joined Adrien outside her office a few minutes later with a weak smile. "Hey."

"Hey, pretty lady. Ready for some pasta?"

"As long as you're buying," she teased.

They walked to their third favorite lunch spot, and Marinette let Adrien fill the conversation before they ordered.

They were silent for a minute before Adrien spoke up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, why?" Liar.

"You seem off today is all. Like there's something you wanted to say but you don't think you should."

Marinette opened and closed her mouth a few times. "Um...I'm just distracted. Trying to work on a mini collection and I'm having problems figuring it out. Guess I'm still trying to figure it out." You fucking liar. You know you're distracted because you're counting how many more lunches you can have with him before you kill yourself.

Adrien frowned, unsure if he should press the issue further than what she was comfortable with. "Are you sure?"

She pressed her lips together and nodded. "I'm sure." Adrien knows your tells, dumbass.

He took a deep breath. "Okay. Well, don't think about it too hard. Just be in the moment with me, okay? Work can wait until later." He gave a soft smile, reaching across the little table to squeeze her hand. "I'm sorry it's stressing you out so much."

"Me, too." She weakly grasped his hand. You have no fucking idea.

"What do you usually do for stress management?"

Marinette froze, trying to hide that she did almost nothing. "I...uh…"

"Marinette, what do you do?"

She bit her lip. "I bake a little sometimes. I talk it out with Tikki occasionally."

Adrien paused, collecting his thoughts. "Nettie, honey, that's not enough."

Guilt washed over her. This is why you picked a suicide date, stupid. Because you can't do anything right. "Yeah, I know."

"Do you want help with it?"

"I-I mean, if you want to, I wouldn't turn it down, I guess." Yeah, because you can follow through with that.

Adrien patted her hand. "We can do that. Oh, look what's coming." He gestured behind her. "Pasta's almost here."

Marinette thanked their server, retreating back into her own thoughts. Enjoy your pasta, Marinette. It might be the last one you ever have.


A/N: Well...hi. It's been a while.

Firstly, I'd like to remind you of the promise I made when I first started this fic last year: Marinette's not going to kill herself (spoilers, I know). That being said, we have a long road before we get there.

Secondly, how am I? Well...too much has happened in the last few months. There have been a lot of ups and downs (but it feels like mostly downs lately), but I think things will improve soon. I hope so, anyway...it's been a rough year so far.

If you have questions, feel free to ask them. Comment/review, or find me on tumblr (miraculousbuttercup is my ML blog and bumfuzzled-buttercup is my main). General comments or whatever are also accepted :)

Lastly, if you or a loved one is dealing with suicidal thoughts, please seek help. Just google "suicide prevention resources" (and add your specific area if you want to) and you'll get lots of stuff that should help. Please, please do so.

all my love, -wwot