A/N: I just wanted to say that I wrote this whole fic when I was going through puberty and my super-squealy-fangirl phase. Yeah...
The whole bandit confrontation had me edge on the whole time. Wouldn't everybody be a little shaky after almost getting robbed blind? I thought so and found it completely explainable as to why I am currently stuck in a tree…ten feet off the ground.
But let's rewind, shall we?
I had decided that it would be a wise idea to scout the area ahead for any signs of trouble. So I had shimmied up the side of the tree in all my infinite wisdom and was looking for thugs, bandits, missing-nin, rabid animals, or just any kind of trouble up ahead.
I squinted my eyes. I could barely make out something big in the distance. I leaned forward to get a better look. A large grin spread itself on my lips.
"Hey, I can see Konoha! At least I think it is." I said out loud to myself. I was still trying to get used to my new voice and the language that came out of it. It was weird going from English to Japanese without even realizing you're doing it.
Seeing nothing else, I sighed contently and brought down my arm.
Something tickled my hand.
Looking down, I spotted the biggest, most repulsive (not as ugly as Bunny-chan, rest assured.) spider I have ever seen outside of my bedroom. My room is, was, a mess. It was not uncommon to find cobwebs and other creepy crawlies scurrying around. I normally have nothing against insects in general. I live in harmony with my small, exo-skeletal cousins. We had a I-don't-squash-you-into-tomorrow-morning's-jam-and-you-don't-give-me-itchy-bumps kind of contract. Anyways, so it scared the living daylights out of me when the spider reared its little head back and sank its fangs into my hand. I screamed so high and loud that it could have passed off as a dog whistle. I let go of the branch I was holding onto and rapidly shook my hand.
"OH MY GOD! GET IT OFF ME! SHIT, IT HURTS! I'M GOING TO DIE IN A TREE LIKE A MONKEY!" I hollered, waving my hands like a downed bird. My eyes widened as the branch I was standing on cracked. I screamed again as the branch snapped beneath me and sent me hurtling head-first through every single branch on this tree.
I swear.
Every. Single. Branch.
Twigs snapped and raked at my face as I crashed down. I tried to grabbing hold of something, anything, in my panic but the wood only sliced my hands. I felt my pouches rip open as my waist smacked into another branch. Kunai rained down around me. I raised my arms to shield my face from the blades. Several slashed my arms and one managed to cut a chunk of my awesome red hair. Bunny-chan sailed by my head, looking almost like some retarded Dumbo with its large ears. My ninja wire slipped out and wound itself around my leg. I shrieked in pain as the other end of the cable enwrapped itself on a tree branch and nearly yanked my limb out of its socket. I groaned and my body rapidly spun around. I finally settled down along with my stomach. So here I was. Dangling from a tree and looking like the Akatsuki after a round with Naruto. I moaned. I could feel all the blood rushing to my face. Any longer and I'd look like a bloated tomato.
"Someone, anyone, just get me down." I muttered, blood seeping out of my mouth. I watched it drop and stared in alarm at the puddle of blood gathering below me. Scratch that last thought. Any longer and I was going to look like a dead bloated tomato.
"Huh? What's that?" I craned my neck. The action made me woozy but I forced my head to stay still. My eyes must have been the size of saucers now.
I felt a whine leave my mouth. I was going to die. Again. My single shuriken was slowly slipping out of my weapons pouch and heading straight for the ninja wire. If that one star fell my head would crash right into the hard, dirt floor below.
I was dead either way. My body was too weak from all the blood I have already lost and I would probably die strung up in a tree because of blood loss and my previous paranoia. But, if I didn't die immediately of blood loss then my face-plant from ten feet in the air would do nicely. I sighed sadly, thinking of the poor sap who would find my squashed-in-face by the side of the road. Wait road? That's right! I was right next to the road.
Thought, I was too far away to yell for Izumo and Kotetsu, but if someone happened to be traveling by then maybe they would hear me.
"HELP ME! ANYBODY WILL DO! UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE IF YOU ARE YOU CAN JUST GO SCREW YOURSELF! SEXY GOD DUDE, YOU SAID YOU WOULD WATCH OVER MEEEE!" I hollered, my face red from all the stress and blood. "Can…anyone hear me? Please help…me." Sorrow and self-pity reared it's ugly head. I was going to die. Alone and from a pathetic accident. This was probably similar to the first time I died. Tears slid down my cheeks as the shuriken finally dropped, the metal glinting in the sunlight ominously. I heard the slicing of the wire and felt my body free-falling again. The wind rushed past me as I stared up at the cloudless sky. Back dots clouded my vision.
"I don't want to die again." I whispered, the world around me was fading fast. My body collided with something hard yet warm.
Probably just the ground covered in my fresh blood.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
"Yo, you awake?" Something warm tapped my shoulder. A fresh wave of pain came over me. I flinched.
A different person spoke now, a girl this time. "-Sensei, you don't think she's too injured?" I felt my cheek twitch in irritation. Okay, I look like a girl. I get it!
"Mah, don't worry. I might not be a medic-nin but she'll be fine." A rustle of clothing and I heard someone snort. "Besides, her armor may not look it but its actually pretty tough." The man who had spoken said.
I cracked open my eyes. I half expected to be floating in a endless void of blackness or resting peacefully on a cloud. Lo and behold my surprise when my blue orbs were met with a pair of identical ones. So much for avoiding the main cast.
"Gah! She's alive, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted jumping back and landing on his bottom. A normal person would have fainted upon seeing their favorite anime characters or screamed maybe in panic. I am, however, not normal.
My hand shot out of its own accord and pinched the boy's whiskered cheek.
"Hey! What's the big idea, lady?" Naruto yelled. I could feel the vein on my cheek about to pop from all the anger flowing through me.
"Do I look dead to you?!" I yelled, my voice loud and strong and totally blowing away the idea of some half dead damsel in distress.
Sakura openly gaped and Kakashi's only visible eye widened slightly. Sasuke remained motionless, leaning against a tree.
I yanked the blonde's cheek once and let go upon hearing his pained cry. He rubbed his cheeks and glared at me.
"Jeesh, what was that for, lady?" Naruto mumbled. "I'm still sore from that fight with Haku." I huffed, my anger dissipating and crossed my arms over my shielded chest.
Wait, Haku?
I looked up and took in their slightly scuffed appearances.
"So the mission to Wave has already happened." I thought. This would place me at the beginning of Naruto Jump. I would probably panic later when I was all alone. But right now…
I winced and looked down at my bandaged body. My ribs were hurting again. I placed my hand over them.
"I think I fractured my ribs again." I groaned, my voice having returned to its normal volume. Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
"I didn't see any visible bleeding anywhere near your chest so I didn't, um, look." I could have sworn I saw a blush on the famed Copy Ninja's face when he was talking.
Naruto crossed his arms and squinted up at the jounin. "Kakashi-sensei, you pervert."
I felt my face heat up. Hey, I'm still a girl in the inside! I uncrossed my bandaged arms and bowed my head.
"Ah, t-thank you for helping me." I said quietly, looking each of them in the eyes. Naruto beamed and puffed up his chest.
"You're welcome, lady!" He said proudly. Sakura frowned and punched her teammate's head.
"You didn't even do anything, baka!" She yelled, flexing her fingers. Naruto whined again and rubbed the bump on his head.
"Sakura-chan! That hurt!" He looked away and mumbled. "Sasuke-teme didn't do anything either."
Sasuke rolled his eyes but said nothing.
I giggled and looked at Kakashi. I could sense him analyzing me despite his laid back attitude. I frowned. My weapon pouches felt really light. I checked my belt and sighed when I saw that almost all of my pouches were destroyed in the, er, incident. I reached up and felt for my forehead protector. It was gone.
"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked, his eyes zoning in on my shredded utility belt and then head. Whoever said Kakashi was lazy was so wrong. And probably dead to have underestimated such a powerful character.
I could hear the gears churning in his head as he studied my facial expressions.
"Um, all my stuff is gone." I shakily stood up. My legs wobbled like a newborn foal's. "I-I have t get my-" My words came short when my legs buckled. Kakashi quickly caught me. I groaned and coughed, blood splattering my armor. My medical training came to mind and I realized my ribs must have broken this time around and punctured something. I was slowly bleeding out from the inside.
Sakura gasped and Kakashi held me steady as he positioned me on his back. I would have blushed if all my blood wasn't being directed elsewhere.
"Sasuke, Naruto," the two boys visibly straightened, "Go and fetch kunoichi-chan's things. I'm heading to village. Sakura-chan," I could imagine him eye smiling as his voice became lighter and less commanding, "Make sure those two don't kill each other." And just like we were flying. Okay, not really flying. More like taking chakra-infused leaps through the trees. But it felt like we were flying.
"Feels like we're flying." I muttered against his back, breathing in the scent of pine and sweat on his flak jacket. Kakashi chuckled. Probably thought I was a weirdo.
"Rest now, kunoichi-chan. I've got you." He said with a smile in his voice. I nodded and closed my eyes again.
