Chapter 7 – Making decisions

January 1976

"Ah, feels good to be back again, doesn't it?" Andromeda remarked as she approvingly punched the familiar pillows on her bed.

"Yes, this is what it means to come home," Narcissa smiled.

They had just arrived from the Hogwarts express and were busy packing up. It was difficult since they had brought twice as many things with them back as they had when they left for the holiday. Being a wealthy family, the Blacks were always generous with Christmas presents.

"Why don't we leave the bags for later," Andromeda said and shoved a stack of clothes down from her bed. "I am hungry and it must be time for dinner."

"Yes, I suppose so," said Narcissa unsurely. "But what about..."

She left the sentence unfinished. Bellatrix had stomped into the bathroom as soon as they arrived and she had not come out. Andromeda and Narcissa exchanged a troubled look. During the last weeks, they had learned that it could be unsafe to approach Bellatrix when she expected to be left alone.

Narcissa braced herself and carefully knocked the door. No reply. She pulled a deep breath and knocked again and a little louder. Bellatrix's annoyed voice snapped: "What?"

"Andromeda and I are going to dinner," said Narcissa carefully. "Would you care to join us?"

"I am not hungry."

"Come on, Bella," Andromeda interjected. "You didn't eat anything on the train either. You won't make anything better by starving yourself."

"And nothing worse either," spat Bellatrix. "Leave me alone and join the other little children."

"We don't want to leave you here," Narcissa protested.

"Actually I think you do. Now GO!"

Narcissa flinched, but Andromeda placed a hand on her arm. "Let's go. There is no use talking to her."

Narcissa sighed, but agreed. Together they started walking towards the dining hall. "When do you think she is going to stop behaving like this?" asked Narcissa.

"Whenever she feels that she has put the rest of us through enough torment I suppose," said Andromeda acidly. "It better be soon if she is going to be living in the same room as me this semester, or a serious accident might occur."

Neither of them would ever forget the dreadful day when Bellatrix came back from her meeting with Lucius Malfoy. The whole family had expected to meet her with a fancy ring on her finger and a wide smile on her lips. Instead, she strode past them all into her room and slammed the door behind her. She had refused to speak to their parents and it had taken several days before Narcissa and Andromeda had finally been able to wring the truth out of her.

"So I wasn't good enough for him," she had finally spat, after she had told them about the humiliation she had suffered at the Leaking Kettle. "I am not pure enough. I guess you are happy to know that."

Narcissa and Andromeda had stared at her, stunned and embarrassed and full of pity at the same time. "I... I didn't know that you... that you weren't..." Narcissa had stuttered unsurely. She was surprised to say the least, since the sisters usually kept nothing from each other. She didn't understand how Bellatrix had managed to hide something so important.

"I did my best to forget about it," said Bellatrix, cringing bitterly. "I even thought I had succeeded. But it seems like that ghost came back just to bite me in my bum."

"Who was it?" Andromeda had mumbled.

"What does it matter?" Bellatrix made a face of disgust. "It was during a weekend at Hogsmeade last autumn. I had gotten too much to drink and so had he. He pulled me into an alley and there... well, it was anything but romantic."

"He didn't force you, did he?" asked Narcissa, appalled.

"No for Merlin's sake! I am telling you, we were both drunk. I hardly even remember his face. I made a mistake and it seems I must pay dearly for it."

"That bastard," muttered Andromeda. "We should put a curse on him."

"Well, it might be difficult since I don't think I ever caught his name."

"Not him," said Andromeda in annoyance. "Lucius bloody Malfoy. What kind of right does he have to treat you like that? Why should he care if you have slept with half of Hogwarts? That's your business, not his."

Bellatrix pursed her mouth. "Well, you know the way it goes. He claimed that he wouldn't be able to trust me. He said that he could never feel certain that his children were not fathered by some mudblood scum."

"We are both really sorry..." Narcissa started.

"No, we are not," Andromeda had said angrily. "He is a git and you are better off without him. Find someone else. I am sure anyone would be..."

"Spare me your sisterly encouragement," snapped Bellatrix. "I am not interested."

What confused her two sisters was that Bellatrix did not seem even remotely saddened about what had happened. More than anything else, she seemed angry. Even the tears she had shed were of anger, not grief. She had been throwing tantrums and hurled insults at anyone who didn't keep at distance, but there was only fury in her voice.

Andromeda could only guess that her sister's feelings for Malfoy had never been very strong. Narcissa was the romantic type, not Bellatrix. Bellatrix was calculating and the task of finding a husband had been like choosing a new broomstick. If someone had asked her if she loved Lucius she would probably have shrugged and said that he suited her well.

In that respect, Andromeda was probably more like Bellatrix, she supposed. After all, she had never been in love either or felt romantic feelings for any particular boy. She found it difficult to believe that it would ever happen. She thought it best to keep such feelings at distance, especially considering the turbulence in her sisters' lives.

On their way to the dining room, Narcissa and Andromeda bumped into a black-haired boy. As always, he was alone. Narcissa brightened into a smile. "Severus!" she said cheerfully. Andromeda cringed, but managed a polite smile, even though she knew that Snape would probably not say a word to her.

He did not seem inclined to talk at all. He kept his head down when he greeted them and when Narcissa asked him if he wanted to come with them to dinner, he just shook his head.

Narcissa looked troubled. "Is something wrong?" she asked him with concern.

"Not really," he mumbled, keeping his face turned away from her. When Andromeda looked closer, she swore that she could see a bruise over his cheek. "Perhaps we could talk privately..."

"Well, hallo girls!"

Andromeda and Narcissa were whirled around by two strong hands. Sirius had snuck up behind them and his eyes were sparkling with laughter. "Feels good to be back, doesn't it?"

Narcissa's eyes lit up, like stars in the sky. She flung her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Oh, I missed you so much," she said. "I didn't see you at the train."

"Oh, well I was busy," said Sirius, somewhat uncomfortable.

Severus Snape had silently snuck off when Sirius ad joined them. Sirius frowned as he watched the greasy-haired boy walking away along the corridor. "What were you doing with old Snivelus?" he asked with equal parts confusion and distaste.

Narcissa glanced after her friend and for a moment, there was a look of guilt on her face. But it passed as she turned her eyes back to Sirius. "We just said hello," she said quickly. "Andromeda and I were going to dinner. Won't you join us?"

"How could I resist?"

"Good. Andromeda? Are you coming?"

Frowning, Andromeda turned her head to her sister and nodded. But somehow, she suddenly felt very uncomfortable. As much as she disliked Severus Snape she couldn't help feeling a stab of pity as she saw him walking off alone. And Narcissa's smile as she grabbed Sirius' hand somehow only made it worse. And whose fault was it really?

"So, Andromeda," Sirius said with his mouth full of potato salad. "The film group is meeting next Tuesday and I am going there with my friends. Will you stay true to your word or do you intend to be a coward?"

Andromeda glared at him. She was hoping he would have forgotten her promise. She was well aware that muggle films were not something her family would consider a suitable kind of recreational pursuit. But being called a coward was worse than anything else. "I'll come," she said reluctantly. "But how does it work? We don't have any kind of... Oh, what do the muggles call it? Electricity, is it?"

"That's right," Sirius nodded. "But one of the lads from Ravenclaw has worked out a spell to play the films without it. It's almost like a muggle cinema.

"But I thought you said you were going to help me with my Wizard history work," Narcissa complained.

"Oh, damn, I forgot. But I suppose I could help you on Monday instead. It doesn't matter, does it?"

Narcissa had a small wrinkle between her eyes and her mouth had formed into a pout. "I thought you would rather be with me," she said quietly and gave Andromeda a dark look.

Sirius looked taken aback. "I would," he assured her, not really convincingly. "But I am a member of the film group after all. And you always thought it was a silly thing, didn't you."

"I did," she answered. "But it would be nice if you had at least asked me."

Sirius stared at her in bewilderment. Then he laughed slightly to improve the atmosphere. "Fine. I'll ask you then. Do you want to come?"

"I'll think about it." Narcissa got to her feet and left the table. Andromeda couldn't help noticing the way her sister held her head and her tense spine.

"What on earth is the matter with her?" Sirius asked her in confusion.

"It's your fault," Andromeda said darkly.

"Mine! What are you babbling about?"

Andromeda sighed. "I did as you wanted and tried to have a talk to her about your... relationship or whatever it is."

"And?" he asked her, looking anxious.

She shook her head grimly. "I don't know why I bothered. The whole thing backfired completely. Now, she seems to think I am jealous of the two of you and that I would try to steal you if I got the chance."

Sirius looked astonished. Then he threw his head back and laughed hysterically, making everyone in the hall turn in their direction. "Oh, this dear, lovely family and our simple and uncomplicated relations," he snorted, ignoring Andromeda's irritated glare. "Aren't you girls going to fight a duel about me with your wands? Oh, I am such a trophy, aren't I?"

"I am glad someone is enjoying this," snapped Andromeda. "I am not. This has gone too far, Sirius."

"He stopped laughing. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. I am beginning to think that Bellatrix was right all along. You are just playing with Narcissa's feelings until you have tired of her."

"That's not true."

"Oh?" Andromeda gave him a challenging look. "Then tell me this: Have you told any of your friends that you are seeing her?"

He squirmed uncomfortably. "They know I am with her sometimes. I just haven't told them about..."

"The betrothal?" guessed Andromeda.

Sirius sighed deeply. "I know I am a git," he said honestly. "But if I tell them... well, it just seems like I have to accept that she really will be my..." he made a helpless gesture.

"I feel sorry for you," said Andromeda sharply. "But she is my sister. I will not stand by and watch you break her heart."

"You won't have to," said Sirius. He raised his eyes to her in resignation. "Hurting Narcissa is the last thing I want. Even black sheep have a duty to their families. Narcissa is a sweet girl. I could certainly imagine worse prospects than being her husband. She is too good for me, but I suppose I must try to make her happy. She deserves it."

Andromeda was surprised. "Do you really mean that?"

He shrugged sarcastically. "Arranged marriages have been done before, haven't they? Although it is a little incestuous. I mean, we are first cousins after all."

"So are your parents."

"Exactly my point."

"Well, it's nothing unusual in our family," Andromeda reminded him gently. "Don't you remember the story of Lady Cruella Black? She married her own full-brother to keep the bloodline pure."

"She was a fanatic," said Sirius, making a face. "Besides, no one can be sure that he was really the father of her brats. After what I have heard, she took a new lover for breakfast every day."

"I just mean that you don't have to feel ashamed."

Sirius sighed. "I am not ashamed. I guess I am finally doing something right."

-

Bellatrix stepped out of the bathroom. She was glad the room was empty and that her sisters were gone. She ignored her unpacked bags and stretched out on her bed. As always when she closed her eyes, she could see Lucius' eyes in front of her, slightly regretful but also relieved.

"I am sorry we must part on these terms Bellatrix. But I am sure you know me well enough to understand my reasons."

And she did. That was the worst of all. She knew better than anyone what it meant to be a child of a pureblood wizard family. It was a life of high demands, both from yourself and from others. If you failed to live up to people's expectations, you were out of the game. She had never thought otherwise.

The worst part was that he had showed so little emotion at all. Had it really been so easy for him to erase her from his list of potential wives? The thought irritated her immensely. Was it something more than just her loss of her virginity? Perhaps she had been too straightforward, too open, too immodest...

It was humiliating to think of. She had always considered herself fit and perfect for her role. That any man would consider her beneath him made her furious. She was a Black! She was beneath no one!

"Oh, so I wasn't good enough for you, was I?" she muttered furiously. "Well, I'll make you reconsider that!"

She had been angry with herself for too long. She had made a mistake and she had to accept it. Her life was not over. She was young and beautiful and her life was open before her. Her future was hers to claim and she knew what she had to do.

She had to find another man. In that respect, Andromeda had been right. She could find someone else. She believed Lucius would probably be courteous enough not to let it slip what he knew about her. And if no one knew, she was still an attractive prey. Her name and looks could get her practically any man she wanted.

The only problem was that she didn't just want any man. She sighed. Lucius Malfoy had been so perfect, a man who was truly worthy of her. He had everything. Could she really find anyone who was his equal? Would she have to settle with less?

She grabbed the latest issue of Witch Weekly and lay down on the bed. With practised hands she flipped through the pages until she had reached the gossip sections. It was covered by a great article offering: The hundred hottest bachelors in the wizard world. Thoughtfully, she started reading through the names, carefully considering what she knew about the men.

Only purebloods were worth a closer look of course. But that did not necessarily mean that all purebloods were to be considered possible husbands. No matter if he was a pureblood or not, she would never even touch that vile James Potter. He was a disgrace to their race, just like that Weasley clan and their likes. Blood traitors all of them.

And the Weasleys were not only blood traitors; they were penniless blood traitors at that. She wanted a man who could match her wealth and give her the kind of life she deserved. What did the Weasleys have to offer? A dump on some backyard or a cottage in the forest? She snorted.

The Parkinson brothers had money and they were purebloods, but that didn't change the fact that they were nothing but upstarts. Their fortune was no more than a generation old and they had made it by producing magic iron for kettles. Before they had made their money, they had probably been on the same level as the Weasleys. They were no match for a Black.

When Bellatrix had covered the whole list, she had crossed off so many names that her hand holding the quill had grown tired. In the end, there were only two names left and Bellatrix frowned sharply as she quietly read them to herself.

"Rudolphus and Rabastan Lestrange..."

-

Andromeda was walking along the bank by the lake. It was an early Saturday morning and the sun was shining brightly, making the stacks of snow in the garden melt into watery messes. The reason Andromeda was up early was because she needed to study. There was a nice place, just by the reed where you could quietly sit down and read.

She knew that she needed to concentrate if she would get a good result on the GET- tests by the end of the semester. And she really wanted to show her worth, both to herself and her family. Especially if her dream of being a healer would ever come true. Somehow, she knew that she was not made to live the same sort of life as her sisters. She wanted more than a fine marriage.

Andromeda was a good student, but she was not a natural talent in the arts of magic. Her good grades were a result of hard work. It was unfair when you thought about it. Her cousin Sirius was lazy and only studied when he had to. When Andromeda was hanging intensely with her nose over her books, he just shrugged and went to catch some sun instead. And yet, he managed to score as great as she did on the tests. He seemed to be born with the talent for spells.

The thought made her frown in irritation. She kicked a stone out of her way as she continued along the bank. It was annoying that some people didn't have to lift a finger to get what they wanted. On the other hand, she knew that she was extremely privileged. She was a Black after all; born to wealth and respect. Her father's money could get her anywhere, if she only decided to use them. But the problem was that she didn't want them. She wanted to make her own living...

"Well, hello!"

The unexpected voice made Andromeda flinch. As she spun, she managed to put one foot into the lake. The ice had not vanished completely, but it was not even thick enough to keep a mouse on it and she burst through. Stumbling, she fell back on her bottom in the icy water. She gasped as the water ran trough the material of her pants.

"Oh, Merlin," the voice said in horror. "I am so sorry. Let me help you."

A hand was reached out and Andromeda took it instinctively. With surprising strength, she was pulled out of the water and up on the bank. She felt terribly stupid. No wonder she had never really learned to dance; she had the smoothness of a hippogriff. Quickly, she pulled out her wand. "Dry," she said and the water quickly ran out of her clothes. Only then, Andromeda was able to look up on her saviour.

It was a boy of her own age who was looking extremely embarrassed. He was quite tall, but not slender like Sirius or Lucius Malfoy. He was rather on the stocky side with broad, muscular shoulders. His hair reached almost down to his shoulders and was coloured somewhere between brown and blond. His skin was light and his eyes blue and greenish.

"I am sorry," he repeated, looking like he would like to make himself invisible. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Forget it," mumbled Andromeda, her cheeks flushing in red. She felt like an idiot. "I didn't see where I was putting my feet, that's all."

"I see." He tried to laugh, but failed miserably to sound natural. "Well, I just wanted to talk to you... You are Sirius Black's cousin, aren't you?"

"That's right," she nodded. "Andromeda." She watched him closer and realized that he looked familiar. "Aren't you one of the Ravenclaw prefects?"

"I am. And you are from..."

"Slytherin," she said, indicating the badge on her cloak.

The boy looked taken aback. "Oh," he said. "Well... Your cousin wanted me to talk to you. I understand you wanted to become a member of our film club."

"That's what Sirius wants at least. Are you a part of the group?"

He nodded. "We always welcome new members. It's just that... Well, we have never had anyone from Slytherin with us before." He watched her doubtfully. "I trust you know... what we do?"

"Yes, of course," said Andromeda puzzled. "You are watching muggle films and so on right?"

The boy looked slightly awkward. "Yes, but there are...other things as well. I guess Sirius will explain that to you. Perhaps you would like to bring your sisters as well?"

Andromeda cringed. "My younger sister might come. But my older sister would probably rather visit a pit full of young dragons, I am afraid."

"Oh." The boy laughed, this time in a more natural and good-natured way. Andromeda was surprised at how much she liked it. "Well, you are very welcome next Tuesday. We are showing an old classic. Casablanca. I hope you'll like it."

"That sounds good," said Andromeda, smiling back. "How much does it cost?"

"Two galleons," the boy answered. "You can pay it to me whenever you feel like it." Andromeda nodded and he smiled quickly. "Well, I guess I shouldn't bother you any longer, but I'll see you."

Andromeda nodded. Suddenly, she cursed herself for being quiet. She wanted to say something nice and witty, but she couldn't think of anything. He smiled at her and turned when she was suddenly seized by an insane impulse.

"Hey!" she shouted. He stopped and turned back at her in confusion. Andromeda blushed like a tomato, but managed to ask: "What is your name?"

"Oh." The boy looked surprised, but laughed in embarrassment when he realized that he had failed to introduce himself. "Ted," he answered. "Ted Tonks."