Romania's P.O.W.
This is weird. I haven't slept so bad for years. Nightmares looked so...real, and still flashing in my eyes. Thank god that I've woken up. But I...don't feel myself as I used to be. I simply lost my joy, my happiness for no reason. But the worst part is that tears are starting to fall onto my cheeks. Why? Just...I don't understand what's happening to me: these nightmares flashing in my eyes, feeling depressed and crying, all for NO reason. Maybe I should ignore this. Probably because of the stress that's been put on my shoulders. Recently, I've been called at numerous meetings, along with the critics that I received. So, it's like in the school: be perfect!. But I feel that this day is going to be different in some ways.
Suddenly my thoughts stopped as someone was knocking at my door. ''Who could that be'' I asked myself. it's quite a surprise, since nobody visites me. I slowly open the door, my heart beating like a rabbit's, without the knowledge of a kind person.
"Hallo, Romania! How are you?" Belgium asked me, with her cute, optimistic voice.
"Uuuhh...Okay. Why? Did someone sent you here to announce me about an important meeting?" I answered to her.
"No, why? I wanted to spend time with you, since you're kinda quiet at the meeting from some time. Is everything okay?"
"Da, why? Just because you saw me crying at the yesterday's meeting and my aggressive behavior? I told her, hoping that she won't going to forcé me to say what happened to me.
"Romania... Just tell me already. You aren't the guy I used to know. Please, just tell me what happened. Maybe we can find a solution," said Belgium. It looks like she knows me quite well. Too well. I don't want to tell her all my feelings but I don't want to lie to her. It looks like I don't have a choice.
"Belgia, I...I'm not fine. I started to feel depressed thanks to the stress that most of the EU members are putting on my shoulders, countries bullying me, being compared to others, and things are getting worse as the days go by. Yesterday, France and Germany scolded me harshly and I was beaten by Russia and his gang. And this morning I started to cry, thanks to what happened! Are you happy?" I told her with rage and sadness consuming my spirit. This feels better, now that I told to someone my feelings. În sfârșit mi-a sărit o piatră de pe inimă.
"Romania, I wasn't criticising you, I wasn't disappointed of you. I'm so sorry that I made you think this. Why didn't you told me?" I don't want to answer this question. It still doesn't have an answer and I'm not in the mood to tell her more.
"Maybe you should go to a psychologist and take a mental exam. You may know what's happening to you and even to get better from your depressed mood," Belgium advised me. She isn't like any other rich EU member, she's actually kind and caring. And she's right. I have to go to take a psychological test.
After 3 weeks, I'm still looking forward to the results. It wasn't that bad. There were questions that asked an answer from your heart, saying how did you felt on that period,what makes you happy, sad, angry etc. I had a very depressive mood last days, but I still think that I'm normal and is just from the stress.
"Mr. Romania? Please come with me," said the psychologist, finally arriving to tell me the results. I'm so nervous that I want to squeeze my hand to the point when it starts bleeding. I quietly enter in the office, sitting in a chair and massaging my hands nervously.
"OK, before showing you the results, you need to re-answer some questions. Did you slept well?" asked the psychologist.
"No, last night I had a realistic nightmare."
"How often do you stay in your house?"
"All the time if there aren't meetings or other important events"
"How many times you feel that you need to cry?"
"All the time."
"Do you often feel inferior to others?"
"Yes, all the time."
"Last question: do you have thought of suicide or self-harm?"
"Yes, I have"
"Well, the results of your test are...worse than I ever imagined. I never thought that you're so unstable.
"And what does that mean?" I asked quietly, but scared.
"Mr. Romania, I'm afraid that I have to diagnose you with depression, schizophrenia and anxiety." said the psychologist.
This is a hard strike. How? Why? What have I done to deserve this? Maybe it's just a nightmare. But it isn't.
"Madam, is this a mistake?" I asked scared, begging to just be an error.
"No. It's your own test. It has your name on it. I'm sorry about this."
"Can you at least lower these symptoms?"
"Only with anti-depressants, in rest you have to go to the pshychologist. There are no cases when patients cure from anti-depressants. If you need something, call me immediatly. I'll write your prescription." the psychologist told me
"Mulțumesc oricum." I told her, before coming out from her office.
Belgium sits on a bench close to the building. She seems to be quite worried. I don't want to tell her that I was diagnosed with depression, schizophrenia and anxiety. I think it will be better if I tell her that I'm not mentally ill.
"Well, how are the results?" she asked with an optimistic tone.
"Average. I was just stressed," I told her in my usual happy tone, knowing that I'm actually mentally ill. This hurts me, not because I lie, because I suffer in silence.
"Are you sure?"
"Da. Let's go to the park. I know a good one."
We go to the park because I need to calm myself. This doesn't have any sense. First I'm scolded harshly for my mistakes, bullied, then this. This is too much for this period.
"Romania, why don't you want to go to a club? You're in your teenage years," asked Belgium.
"Because I'm not that type to go on partying all night. I'm more the quiet artist. I love art because it's the only way I can express. Plus if we go to a club it will be closed." I told her.
"Well, I like people who express differently. And you're one of those people."
Suddenly, I have the feeling that we're observed by someone. And that person is Hungary. She goes closer to us and she starts to hit me harder and harder. I can feel the pain made by her stupid frying pan. What did I do wrong? I want to stop her but she's stronger than I thought and starts to strangle me.
"TE ROG! ÎNCETEAZĂ! I told her. Hungary stops hurting me and she disappears in the crowd. We were never Friends and every time we're close to each other we start to fight. I never thought that she'll strangle me to the point when I pass out.
"Romania are you okay?" asked Belgium.
"Yes why? Wasn't Hungary here? I asked her.
"No, I think you're hallucinating."
"Ce? But she was here. I felt her!"
"Romania, I think we should go to our homes. You should stay home and rest for a while, to escape the stress."
"Nu, I don't need rest. Tell me about future events."
"Okay."
"Belgium, have you ever felt that you're not accepted in EU?"
"No, at times, due to my overkindness. Please, don't destroy yourself just for being accepted. And I really like you exactly how you are inside."
Belgium is right. I need rest to calm my mind. But I don't want to. I just want to be accepted by the countries. After arriving home, I'm making my supper: a sándwich and nutella. I take what I need and the knife to cut the bread. But I accidentally cut myself. Surprisingly, this makes me feel better and I start to cut my fingers and my hand. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I love it. It takes my pain away. But I realise it's insane when I see how far I went in playing with my hand. I go to the bathroom to take some bandage.
After the supper, I change to my pajamas, take my anti-depressants and go to sleep. I can't believe how far I went today: yelling at Belgium, imagining Hungary and then cutting myself. And the worst part is when I was diagnosed. I don't think I can handle much longer, but I still want to try, try to be like anybody else, try to be accepted.
Hallo - Hello in Flemish. It's an oficial language in Belgium.
Belgia - Belgium in Romanian
În sfârșit mi-a sărit o piatră de pe inimă: Finally, a stone from my heart jumped - a Romanian saying, meaning that they are no longer stressed about something scary.
TE ROG! ÎNCETEAZĂ - Please, stop in Romanian
Ce - what in Romanian
Nu - No in Romanian
